New traditions for the holidays not going well

Don't let your family guilt-trip you.

You aren't ruining christmas for your dad, your dad can make the best of it or can sit and play the victim...ultimately, he's choosing to "ruin" his own christmas.... Do what makes you happy... You're not responsibly for anyone elses' happiness but your own!

Don't let them guilt trip you. I understand the feeling of upsetting the family's comfort zone around Christmas after starting a new family, but now it's all about the little one and creating time to make traditions your child will carry with them all through their life.

Holiday scheduling is a nightmare for me. We usually have 5-6 family dinners to attend, along with work parties and other social obligations. Throw in a complicated work schedule for my husband and it turns into a headache.

My family recognizes that it's not about the actual day of the celebrations, just that we spend time together. So, my dad & step-mom always plan their dinner a week before or after Christmas. I made a rule that we don't travel on Christmas Day. That's time for my husband, daughter and I to spend together. Grandparents are welcome to stop by and visit. Then, I give my inlaws a list of dates we are available and they try to schedule around that (the dates usually include Christmas Eve and/or the day after, along with weekends before and after). My husband's grandmothers still like for everyone to get together - which is becoming more and more difficult as his cousins and siblings are all adults with their own families. It's hard getting 10 different households together at the same time. And if one person can't make it, grandma feels slighted or feels the need to find another date that does work. I've suggested that next year, we have it earlier in the month because it's too hard to plan right around the holiday.

You need to have a conversation with your dad. Ask him about your family Christmases when you were little. Ask him about how it felt to watch you open your presents and spend time together on holidays. Appeal to his sentimental side and tell him you want that for your own child. Then, work with him to plan something special the day before or after the holidays. Try to give your family their own celebration. I'm guessing that's what's bothering your dad the most - that you are combining with your inlaws. Give him his own day/time and it should help smooth things out.

So your brother told you your dad is unhappy with this. This is not your brothers place to be coming to you with this. They all need to grow up. You came up with a great compromise and now you are being given a guilt trip about it. I would refuse to change plans. Your father is an adult and needs to deal with this himself. If it is such a big deal he needs to come up with a better compromise and if he can't he needs to man up some.

Sorry if this is a bit blunt but I would have been even blunter to your brother!

Now that you have a child, it needs to be about him. I understand that it is sad to stop 1 tradition and start a new one, but believe it or not, the family will eventually understand.

When my 2 oldest were young, we told our families that we would not spend the day running from place to place all day long. We wanted the children to have time to relax and enjoy Santa's fare. So for my family we hosted breakfast (we invited the in-laws, but they didn't come), and they came over early enough to see the kids open their gifts and stockings and then we had a lovely time.

We would then go to my in-laws in the late afternoon/evening for dinner and do gifts with them. It worked really well, and we didn't spend the entire day travelling from place to place. It was 1 drive (for us it was only 10 minutes), and the kids really enjoyed it, as did our families after a time.

Maybe this would be a good way for you ALL to bend a bit.... just a thought.

Holidays shouldn't be about guilt trips. We ask people to come to us because we are tight on money right now, and we also have a toddler. Packing kids up and traveling is far less easier than people want to make it sound.

You aren't ruining christmas for your dad, your dad can make the best of it or can sit and play the victim...ultimately, he's choosing to "ruin" his own christmas...

This totally. My best friend's father-in-law is the same way and it really angers me that he's so selfish. Juggling kids is a LOT of work, and people without young children should be either willing to travel to you, or accept not spending the holiday together, guilt free.

Your family sounds very selfish. They should understand the stress of traveling with a small child and the cost of gas, etc. Stick to your guns and either they see it from your view, or they continue to exist in their own selfish world where everyone else has to cater to their needs.

My brother is an *kitten*, but that’s not new to me. But the fact that I’m ruining xmas for my dad breaks my heart.
How does everyone else deal with too many family obligations over the holidays? And still have a xmas for their kids? My poor husband will be driving 6hours in a 24 hour period on his first day off in 15days to make everyone happy. I don’t want my kid to think the holidays are about a quick stop in at family’s houses to get presents then off to the next place.

Have you talked to your dad?? Or do you just have what your brother said to go on...seems to me you should talk to Dad directly..could be brother is overexaggerating. Just a thought, since that tends to be what happens in my family. I now host because I have children and after the first year my parents couldn't be happier to have the craziness and mess at my place instead of theirs. Good Luck!

Spend xmas at your's you should not have to travel to your parents every single xmas just to make them happy.
This xmas is my first xmas with my boyfriend and without my dad. i was worried but thankfully my mother decided to go to my brothers, his gfs and the kids for xmas so im stealing my bf from his parents and spending it together.neither are upset about it but its not up them them its up to us.

Meaning do what you want and what makes YOU happy. They will soon realise its not such a big deal.

We chose to put our kids first and develop our own traditions for Christmas Day. We do the great family trek between Christmas and New Year as the parents live a long way from us and from each other. My in-laws don't celebrate Christmas (different religion), so they aren't bothered, and often don't know which day of the holidays is Christmas Day. My parents are happy to see us any time. When the children were small, my mum used to do a second Christmas dinner for when we came(none of us go overboard on the catering, so it's just another roast dinner but without having to decide what to cook), so the children always saw that day's visit as Christmas Day part 2. Now the children are much older, my eldest has opted out of seeing her grandparents as she lives in another part of the country, but the other two just come along with us to enjoy spending time with our wider family. Christmas is about so much more than where people chose to spend that one day.

My only comment is: what is Christmas all about and why does it bring the worst out in some people? Follow the spirit of Christmas and all will be well in your house. We are a couple in our 50's now so traveling isn't a big deal now but when we lived 13 hours from family we traveled every year with 3 children to be with family. To me Christmas is the time to love our family specially and being inconvenienced might go along with it. Hope you have a peaceful season to celebrate His birth:))