Christmas family terror

I know how annoying family can be... I had it in reverse. "Should you be eating that?" "Your pants are starting to look too tight.. maybe you should cut back on your eating." But the truth of it is, they love you and are very concerned for your well being. They would only blame themselves if something happened to you.

Have you tried showing them this website and the support system you have made here? Show them your calorie intake and your goals and if they still worry, go to a doctor and get their opinion on what you are doing.

Edited to add that you are awesome for beating your ED and I hope your holidays go well

This is ringing alarm bells for me, too. I'm not you, so I don't know what you're thinking. I also don't know what you weigh, and how bad your eating disorder has been/is. But anyone who's on the forums asking how to appear heavier to deceive their family probably hasn't gotten over an eating disorder, regardless of what they're trying to convince themselves. You get uncomfortable when you can't work out and when you can't weigh all of your food? Perhaps you should go seek some help.

I'm honestly not trying to be mean. It sounds like you should go to therapy.

'Mortuseon', I have been in the situation where everyone assumes that I've been participating in extreme dieting, because I've lost a lot of weight, when actually I've been doing it healthily. I guess I can see where my friends and family are coming from because they're scared that I've relapsed into anorexia & bulimia, however it just stresses me out so much that they frown upon me for trying to do it healthily.

If I was in your position, I'd explain to them before that you go down there that you've been watching your meals and planning them so that they're healthy, and perhaps say its part of your progress&recovery? Also if you try to relax a little this christmas, and show them that you're eating, they might feel happier and understand more.

Congrats on the hard work, I appreciate how hard recovery can be x

Say to them straight out that you don't really trust yourself to perceive food accurately, that is why you keep a diary and weight it all so that you know you eat enough. Also mention that your are doing planing your food with your doctor (since you have agreed to go ahead with whatever treatment they say, that is the truth) and that you are still seeing a psych. If they still complain about it, suggest that they shut up, in whatever way is appropriate.

Be honest with them.

I think you should allow your family to see you and if they conclude you need more therapy there is no guilt in accepting it since you are on a path of recovery for your ED and at any stage the therapy will be helpful whether you are fully recovered or almost there.

I think you should dress for your size as that will call the least attention to your size and also will let them see your actual size and if it's healthy as you feel it is, they can be aware of that. If they catch you dressing in anyway to camouflage your size that may be bringing attention to a problem which may not be there and may make you seem more thin than you actually are just because the seeing will be preceded with concern.

Finally, they are family and they love and deserve to see you happy and healthy or not. Please go with an open heart and mind and give yourself the healing and hope that family can provide. :flowerforyou:

I would tell them BEFORE you go home that all the dissecting of your eating habits make it worse on you. State specifically in a text, email or whathaveyou, " my Physician told me to tell YOU not bring up the subject as it makes me worse and I'm in my happy place now. If you bring it up, I will go back to University earlier."

Tell your mother to butt out. If you have someone in your corner at all? Then clue them in too so they can be on your side.

If your clothes are baggy on you, get better fit. Baggy clothes looks deceptively worse on people, imho.

If it is all too much for you, go back to University earlier. Knowing you do need a much needed school break, sometimes its best to get away from stressful family. You don't need to be 53 to get clarity and realize this to act on it. Acting on it now at your age will set precedent. You just have to be firm in your decision and don't waver.

btw: I think your food diary rocks!:drinker:

I am mom, I have a kid who has lost weight and not on purpose. She gets anxiety and when stressed doesn't eat. I can completely understand the worry about the weight loss. I am looking at what you said and here is my complete opinion.

1- tell them are seeing a psych
2- Let them know that measuring your food and having control helps with the stress and worry that you might not eat enough.
3- Show them the food diary again explaining that by tracking you are ensuring healthy diet as well as making sure your calorie intake is high enough.
4- Explain that in balancing your food your body has changed, but you are supported to being healthy forever
5- Tell them you are getting blood work done to check that you are eating a balanced diet

As for the control and need to weigh your food and track your exercise, that is definitely a way to control your environment and the sign of a larger issue. I am not saying eating disorder, I am saying that somehow you feel that you don't have control over your life and by controlling your diet you are gaining control over one aspect of your life. Even if you don't see a psychiatrist, see a counselor or a psychologist to have someone to talk to. FYI, the Anxiety is a symptom of feeling out of control as well.
Also the fact that getting away from home has helped, shows that you needed to find control over your environment without someone else looking over your shoulder.

So my own experience has been the opposite. You going to eat that? My dad was a dress manufacturer for Large size dresses. Now we are talking 12 and up, but his size 12 was equal to a size 14 in most stores. So I spent my life being told "you don't want to look like that" the best was that when my dad was sick (he is gone now) he was always cold. He came for the holiday and said to me its cold in here and I said put on a sweater because I am hot and he said "you wouldn't be hot if you weren't so fat". The woman working for him went into shock and I just ignored it. By this time those things didn't even phase me.
On top of that my parents eat horribly, my mom taught me how to sneak food at an early age, by example. We rarely had veggies with our meal or very few from a can. She tries to tell me to eat like nothing. Her dieting actually caused her to lose her hair at one time (no fat)

So as you can see it would be easy to slip into bad habits. Instead of praising my daughter for being thin, I always emphasized healthy eating, even when kids her own age were asking how do I lose weight, I emphasized to her to eat healthy and stay active. I never forced her to eat or criticized when she wasn't hungry. Food is the one thing we can always have control over. My husband is very skinny and his mother always tried to make him gain. This had the exact opposite reaction, he wouldn't eat or he ate only junk, she cooked with more oil, but because of that he ate less because it would upset his stomach.

Tell your family you are taking control of your life and this one way you are doing it. If you slack then you feel out of control and you may fall back in to bad habits. So they need to let you live and keep control of your own life instead of living to their ideal.

I honestly wouldn`t worry to much about it, I mean if you are eating right then its really not an issue. I would just explain to them that you are healthy and you want to continue to be and you are at a good mental state with your health. Honesty is the best Policy so just be true to them.