Just a question for all of you out there with big weight los

Christie,

I have been doing some soul searching myself to figure out where things went wrong in my life and caused me to gain 100 lbs. I'm guessing that it has to do with stress and aggravation, but to pinpoint an exact cause I can't do it yet. I like the idea of this thread. I am going to continue my searching and when I find an answer I will let you know.

Several things: #1 no vision. I lost sight of my goals; #2 I didn't have all the tools I needed; and last I tend to get involved in one project at a time and it gets all my attention. I'm fighting that these days. I feel I have all the tools I need and I can vision my goals.

This may not even answer the question. But for me I started gaining weight right after high school. Then when I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) I got lazy. When I was bored I would eat. My husband has issues with weight and has a hard time keeping it off. When he would eat I would eat. We just got big together. I did WW years ago and did lose weight. My biggest was 230 lbs. and I had lost down to 175 lbs. Then I don't know why I just quit. And the next thing I knew I was big again. I started dieting (shouldn't call it that), change that I wanted a life style change this year and started changing my eating habits this year. It was my New Years promise to myself. Now I am 174 and 45.5 pounds lighter for all of my hard work. Am I done? No. I want to see a size 6. Havn't been there since school. Do I want to ever go back? No. This site has changed me. I started here in August and I will be here for ever if need be. I don't ever want to be large again. Sorry so long. To whoever reads this I want to wish them luck. You are worth it and can do it.

I think when I gained weight I felt relatively the same, I felt I looked the same and convinced myself no one could tell I had gained. That in turn made me comfortable. It won't hurt to have one cookie, I don't need to exercise today, etc... And it seems like you blink your eyes and all of a sudden you are months or years down the road and lots of pounds heavier. All of a sudden I felt uncomfortable again when I saw a picture of myself at my mother's 75th birthday party the end of last year and seriously couldn't believe it was me. I don't look like that! but it was me and I have kicked my butt in gear and have been losing ever since. This has been hard work and I don't want to ever let myself get comfortable again.

I think the walker on the treadmill next to you might have been more focused on his/her own "weight loss goals" rather than on a "journey."

For me, I just allowed life to get in the way of being healthy. As I have aged, my body has changed. The way I metabolized the food that I did consume changed. In addition, I thought to myself (really did think it), "hey you have been thin all of your life - eating and drinking whatever you want is not going to have that kind of an impact on you. You won't gain weight." Well, I was totally wrong. Once I started down that path, of course, the food and alcohol I was consuming took it's toll on my body. I became lethargic, unmotivated, and lazy. I stopped being healthy in essence. All my choice. I did have life events that happened, which I know contributed to the endocrine imbalances, etc. But I am a well educated person, and I really should have known that as I aged, began menopause, endured the stress of life, I would eventually have to eat healthier and exercise more to maintain my thin appearance. Unfortunately, I DIDN'T realize all of that until I was at 200 lbs (actually weighed in on june 25, 2010 at 199 - so was probably over 200 at some point before that weigh in). When I saw photos of myself at my adopted dad's funeral and the 6th birthday party of my youngest grandson, I could no longer deny that I was in actuality now "obese." I had been lying to myself still thinking I "wasn't that person." Well, I was wrong. Once I realized that, I also had to really take a good hard look at my entire way of living. I had to recognize my areas in need of improvement - be brutally honest with myself - not allow myself any slack at all - and then I had to take action. Since I am a relatively linear thinker, I decided I needed a plan. I adopted my chow, Willow, knowing that having her to walk every day would definitely be a motivating factor for me. She needed to be healthy and I needed to get healthy, so it seemed like the place to begin. I adopted her on June 25th and we started walking the morning of the 26th. At first I was only able to walk around the 1 mile walk path and back and it took me nearly an hour. I did it again that night and really felt the pain in my legs, back, feet, etc. I kept it up though doing it every morning and every night for about 3 weeks. Then my brothers came up from Oklahoma to work on my house for 4 weeks and I found myself walking a lot less frequently. After they left on the July 30th, I went right back to walking again in the morning (very early to avoid the heat) and late at night again. I found that I could do the 2 miles in 40 minutes by that point because I had already reduced my weight by nearly 20 lbs. Then, I found MFP on August 13th and I began to monitor my caloric intake - was horrified when I saw how many calories I was consuming and how bad my food choices were. I immediately cut out most of the really bad foods and increased my exercise. Now, I can walk about 6 miles in about 1 1/2 hours. I can easily do 30 minutes of intense recumbent bike routines. I continue to work towards becoming a healthier and happier me - no more laziness, lack of motivation, denial.

Vickie

First, my biggest weight was 25 pounds more than here, since i lost it about five years ago, I did not include it. At my biggest, I was 255 and 6'0".

What got me there, besides enjoying my own baking, was denial. With struggles at work, growing children, and not paying attention, the weight went on. I could always point at someone that was bigger than me. When I had to buy a pair of jeans size 40, I knew it was time to lose weight. Got down to a 36. This past year, I was needing to buy a pair of 38, and decided it was time to be below obese and try to be in a healthy weight range.

When I lost weight five years ago, I got to my current weight (210) for a brief time before it went up to 225 where it stayed ever since. One day, my young son, said, "Let's run home from school." (about 1/4 mile). I ran with him. When we got home, his eyes were big and said to mom, "Dad ran home." He was shocked. Woke me up that I was overweight if he was amazed to see me run. I hope to get light enough that I can run a 10K or even half marathon. That will take another 20 pounds off the knees.

I can't remember not being "overweight" but after i had my daughter (and weighing 145 the day i left the hospital) her father became abusive. I fell into depression (reason 1) and ended up moving in with my parents to get away from him. My parents didn't make me work (reason 2, laziness) because they had all the bills and such covered. When i did get a job it was at a restaurant where we served burgers, fries, and milkshakes (well, we had more than that, but thats what i ate, reason 3). so, there, 3 reasons worth over 15 pounds each. My starting weight with MFP was 195. I'm free of the abuse and depression (YAY!) and living on my own (so no more laziness), plus i have a job in a restaurant (but as a server now so i'm very active and not eating the food all the time!) hopefully, each of those things will help me get rid of AT LEAST the 50 pounds I have gained over the last 3.5 years!!

It was a defense mechanism.
Here's a blog I wrote about it:
http://www.johnisfit.com/2010/04/02/facing-the-whys-of-what-you-do/

It was written by me as a guest blogger on someone elses blog.

For me, it started when I was pregnant with my first child (I have 3 now) and I started allowing myself to eat ice cream every day, and basically whatever I wanted when I was preggie, because I was ALLOWED to gain weight. I didn't listen to my hubby, to my doctor, who tried to tell me that I might be gaining too much weight (my hubby told me politely, the doctor not so much). Then when I had my baby, I developed post partum depression that turned clinical before I got treatment. I started to lose weight, I got back down within 15 pounds to pre-baby, then the meds helped me gain that weight back. From there, I sort of gave up, and with each baby I put on more weight. By the time I had my youngest, I weighed 275!!! I just remember thinking this is unacceptable. I was eating as much as my husband! My eating was totally out of control. I would eat and hide it, because I didn't want people judging me for how much I ate. One of my coworkers, who was older, decided to try this HcG diet, and I decided against that diet, but I used that to push me to lose weight. Basically I didn't want to be pushing 50 and still overweight! I also didn't want my kids to be ashamed to be seen with me because I was fat! They can be embarrased to be seen with me for other reasons!

I'm now actually thinner than I was before I met my husband, leaner not lighter. I'm still about 20lbs to my goal weight, but I'm not sweating it too much at this point. I am no longer worried I'll pull a Kirstie Alley. You know, lose a ton of weight and within a year, gain it all back. I feel that I wouldn't/couldn't do that to myself again. I'm told I look 10-15 years younger, and I definitely feel younger. I feel that I'm saving my own life by my weight loss, and I would not go back.

My goals/rewards
SW - 275 lb 6/19/09
CW - 144.4 lb. 11/5/10
GW - 125 lb. 12/15/10 - I'm going home for Christmas!


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Frankly, for me it was trying to be TOO thin.

Before I had my children, I lost 56 pounds on Weight Watchers. I became a WW lecturer, and kept the weight off for over a year before I became pregnant with my son. I carefully monitored my weight gain during my pregnancy, allowing myself to gain ONLY the 25 pounds that the doctor said was the minimum I should gain. (Actually, because he felt I was underweight at the beginning of my pregnancy, he wanted me to gain 35.) All my careful calculations told me I should wind up with only 5 or 10 pounds to lose at the end. Well, I wound up losing only 10 pounds giving birth to a child who weighed just under 7 pounds, so I had 15 to go. With breastfeeding, my bra size went from a 32AA before I got pregnant, to a 34D at the height of breastfeeding. Not that I ever admitted it to myself, but those puppies had to weigh SOMETHING!

I was totally unable to shake the last 10 pounds. In retrospect, I was healthier and looked much better with them than without them, but I could not accept anything less than "perfection." I threw in the towel. By the time I got pregnant with my second child, I weighed as much as I had when I first joined WW, and of course I went up from there. My second child is now 26 and says I am the thinnest that she ever remembers seeing me. (Actually, I've been a couple of pounds lighter than this in what should be her memory, but obviously I was there for such a short period of time that she dismissed it from her mind.)

The morale of this story is this: your fit weight is not a number carved in stone. You are not "bad" if you weigh 5 or 10 pounds more than you did in high school. Maybe you are more muscular. Maybe you have just finished developing your adult body. Maybe you were too thin once. The name of this game is to get fit. That means eating right and exercising to a strong, healthy body. You might even decide to stop when you still have a little bit of pudge. That's okay if you are eating right and exercising--as long as it is not putting you in the obese category.

How did it start... well i was always overweight, not much but still. Started with my parents teaching me how bad it was to not eat it all "tomorrow will be rainy if you don't eat" and remember i did not want to be blamed from all the people not liking rain, until a certain age i even believed that rain was caused by not-all-eaters.

But it got worse when my depression started. I stopped to care about myself because in my really down times i did not feel like it does matter how i look nobody liked me anyway. Then there came people who liked me but they did despise how i looked, so there was no need to change anything. On the contrary it got even worse, nobody seemed to mind, plus my ongoing depression and the "not caring for myself" side-effect were still in place.

It was really bad already when i went to a second chance school, i collapsed and got diagnoed diabetes with a weight of about 500lbs. A doctor said if i don't change anything i won't reach my 40th birthday. I got frightened but it was not enough to actually change something i don't know why.

In the last 2 years i gained more weight, my depression got worse until i hit rockbottom. My chair collapsed under me, the first and second time i still pretended that the material just sucked.. but after the 4th i really cried all night i knew it was me. But i didn't change still. Then there was this one evening, i was still in a really low point of my depression, my poor boyfriend had to endure this for over 8 years now and was devastated that he could not help me.

Well i wanted to stand up from my chair and supported myself on a shelf that is next to my desk, as i always do. This time the board collapsed under the weight and all my books and organizers fell out of it. I was crying instantly.. to calm down i wanted to take a shower and got stuck in the doors of it, only with some severe squeezing i got in. When i came out and sat down again, still crying i clenched my fists and said out loud "It's enough, i can't take this anymore."

I told friends about what happened and one of them told me of MFP, that was the evening i joined and the next day started my new life.

chandnikhondji

Thanks for your story. May you find the strength and joy to stay on this path to new life.