Can't Say No

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  • lavendy17
    lavendy17 Posts: 309 Member
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    Having self control = success. Pretty simple. Get some willpower to just don't eat what you don't want to.

    We all have that power. I don't accept people saying that they cannot do it.

    Be careful: willpower is a finite resource. Using it requires a lot of cognitive energy, which ironically makes you look for high-energy foods. There are many studies on this subject.

    You can use willpower to start, but it runs out eventually. I have been keeping my weight down for almost 3 years, and it's not thanks to willpower. Willpower is simply not a sustainable solution. What lasts is forming good habits, building helpful tools, and a true understanding of your motives. I am at a pickle now because I don't understand my behavior. If I could figure out why this happens I can find a solution to overcome it.
  • lyzmorrison
    lyzmorrison Posts: 172 Member
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    OP, do you spend alot of time at the gym? I have found that when I go to the gym I am psyched about my progress and can easily say no. On the days I take off from the gym b/c I have another commitment or whatever, that night and the next day I feel more slack, less pumped up.
  • lavendy17
    lavendy17 Posts: 309 Member
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    Yes I do go to the gym and it helps a little with emotional stability. But my hectic schedule doesn't get me to the gym as much as I'd like. I only get home around 8:30, and if i go to the gym it means I eat dinner at 10:30 (accounting for commuting, showering and preparing food), so I probably only go 2-3 nights in the middle of the week and once more on the weekends.

    However what I am really concerned about is that if I refuse these foods, I am really upset by it, like I just punished myself, or it makes me feel like I will compensate myself later for being good and saying no. This is obviously a distorted way of thinking. I want to break the cycle/.
  • lyzmorrison
    lyzmorrison Posts: 172 Member
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    Well, I think it will resolve itself. Seriously. It's a matter of changing how we think and that's a process. It does suck to pass up those cupcakes or that chili con queso, and sometimes I do feel like I'm missing out, but when I get on the scale and have lost another pound then I find that I feel less like I'm missing out next time. And...when I bought new pants that were a size smaller, well....I am happier to pass up that cupcake! And when you are down a few sizes....you'll never look at a muffin the same again!

    Think of it as choice that you have an OPPORTUNITY to make.....you can miss out on that muffin or you can miss out on those smaller jeans. You can't have both.
  • mama_bear91215
    mama_bear91215 Posts: 39 Member
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    Personally, if I see something I just cannot pass up, I have it..but like a bite of it..so I'm not eating a whole brownie..but mostly I just try and stay away...however, someone brought in baclava yesterday..and I tore up a piece of that! lol
  • arrseegee
    arrseegee Posts: 575 Member
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    I spent 10 loooooooooong years fighting with compulsive behavior like this - ex., telling myself I was going to have a great day, eating well, and then the moment I saw cookies at work left over from a meeting I scarfed about six of them down. Or doing really well on a diet, then going to, say, the local cupcake shop, buying four huge cupcakes, then eating all four of them secretly in my car. That sort of thing. I always felt HORRIBLE afterward. Great while eating everything (for one moment you feel so good and free and happy), but then the shame and guilt returns immediately afterward and it makes you want to binge again later. Of course I would try to resist, but would inevitably fail every single time.

    This behavior is what's known as "compulsive overeating". Two years ago I learned that I was a "compulsive overeater"-type. I'm not saying you are, but you might be as well and it might be worth exploring. Your first and best step will be to admit this to yourself so that you can get to the business of resolving and managing it. The good news is that it is TOTALLY manageable and you CAN live a life free of the BEHAVIOR associated with the temptation to binge and eat compulsively! Even if you are tempted, you CAN live a life free to giving into it. But you have to learn how. You have to learn *why* you do it, and *how* to escape it. You need tools.

    I would like to offer you a great (free) resource to teach you those tools. It may surprise you. It's actually the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book" (see link at the bottom of this email). :) You may not be a bonafide food addict (like me), but this book holds all the answers for people who also just struggle with general compulsion. All you do is read the short book (in the link) and as you read, replace the words "Alcohol" and "Alcoholic" with the words, "Food" and "Compulsive Overeater". You will be floored to discover the similarities between food bingeing and alcohol bingeing. If you learn and work the 12 Steps they suggest in this book, I promise you will find true freedom from this terrible emotional distress.

    I hope I have not offended you or anyone on these boards at all - I only mean to help if I could, because this literature, and the Overeaters Anonymous meetings I've attended, have saved my sanity and quite possibly my life. I am anxious to share it with anyone I see "the signs" in, like I saw in you. Hope it helps. Blessings.

    http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

    Thanks for this post, and your other ones. You are a smart lady!
  • austinartgirl
    austinartgirl Posts: 26 Member
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    Turning my "no's" into "not now's" tends to help me. :)
  • Briargrey
    Briargrey Posts: 498 Member
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    Lots of good answers already - I agree with the fact that it is up to you to change your mindset about 'having' to eat it :) You mentioned too you feel like you have to do this not to hurt their feelings or something.

    Totally get past that. If they are going to feel offended because you don't eat something, that is their problem. They don't have to live in your skin, buy your clothes, deal with your health, etc. If they're super needy sorts feel free to tell them how awesome it all looks if they need that compliment. But otherwise, just say no. I get offered food all the time, and I just say 'no thanks, sounds awesome, but I am just not hungry right now.' There are people who seem to make it their life's work to push food on people who say no -- again, that is THEIR problem. Just keep saying no.
  • Brandolin11
    Brandolin11 Posts: 492 Member
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    I spent 10 loooooooooong years fighting with compulsive behavior like this - ex., telling myself I was going to have a great day, eating well, and then the moment I saw cookies at work left over from a meeting I scarfed about six of them down. Or doing really well on a diet, then going to, say, the local cupcake shop, buying four huge cupcakes, then eating all four of them secretly in my car. That sort of thing. I always felt HORRIBLE afterward. Great while eating everything (for one moment you feel so good and free and happy), but then the shame and guilt returns immediately afterward and it makes you want to binge again later. Of course I would try to resist, but would inevitably fail every single time.

    This behavior is what's known as "compulsive overeating". Two years ago I learned that I was a "compulsive overeater"-type. I'm not saying you are, but you might be as well and it might be worth exploring. Your first and best step will be to admit this to yourself so that you can get to the business of resolving and managing it. The good news is that it is TOTALLY manageable and you CAN live a life free of the BEHAVIOR associated with the temptation to binge and eat compulsively! Even if you are tempted, you CAN live a life free to giving into it. But you have to learn how. You have to learn *why* you do it, and *how* to escape it. You need tools.

    I would like to offer you a great (free) resource to teach you those tools. It may surprise you. It's actually the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book" (see link at the bottom of this email). :) You may not be a bonafide food addict (like me), but this book holds all the answers for people who also just struggle with general compulsion. All you do is read the short book (in the link) and as you read, replace the words "Alcohol" and "Alcoholic" with the words, "Food" and "Compulsive Overeater". You will be floored to discover the similarities between food bingeing and alcohol bingeing. If you learn and work the 12 Steps they suggest in this book, I promise you will find true freedom from this terrible emotional distress.

    I hope I have not offended you or anyone on these boards at all - I only mean to help if I could, because this literature, and the Overeaters Anonymous meetings I've attended, have saved my sanity and quite possibly my life. I am anxious to share it with anyone I see "the signs" in, like I saw in you. Hope it helps. Blessings.

    http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

    Thanks for this post, and your other ones. You are a smart lady!

    Thank you so much!! I truly hope it's helpful to people.
  • Saramelie
    Saramelie Posts: 308 Member
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    I spent 10 loooooooooong years fighting with compulsive behavior like this - ex., telling myself I was going to have a great day, eating well, and then the moment I saw cookies at work left over from a meeting I scarfed about six of them down. Or doing really well on a diet, then going to, say, the local cupcake shop, buying four huge cupcakes, then eating all four of them secretly in my car. That sort of thing. I always felt HORRIBLE afterward. Great while eating everything (for one moment you feel so good and free and happy), but then the shame and guilt returns immediately afterward and it makes you want to binge again later. Of course I would try to resist, but would inevitably fail every single time.

    This behavior is what's known as "compulsive overeating". Two years ago I learned that I was a "compulsive overeater"-type. I'm not saying you are, but you might be as well and it might be worth exploring. Your first and best step will be to admit this to yourself so that you can get to the business of resolving and managing it. The good news is that it is TOTALLY manageable and you CAN live a life free of the BEHAVIOR associated with the temptation to binge and eat compulsively! Even if you are tempted, you CAN live a life free to giving into it. But you have to learn how. You have to learn *why* you do it, and *how* to escape it. You need tools.

    I would like to offer you a great (free) resource to teach you those tools. It may surprise you. It's actually the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book" (see link at the bottom of this email). :) You may not be a bonafide food addict (like me), but this book holds all the answers for people who also just struggle with general compulsion. All you do is read the short book (in the link) and as you read, replace the words "Alcohol" and "Alcoholic" with the words, "Food" and "Compulsive Overeater". You will be floored to discover the similarities between food bingeing and alcohol bingeing. If you learn and work the 12 Steps they suggest in this book, I promise you will find true freedom from this terrible emotional distress.

    I hope I have not offended you or anyone on these boards at all - I only mean to help if I could, because this literature, and the Overeaters Anonymous meetings I've attended, have saved my sanity and quite possibly my life. I am anxious to share it with anyone I see "the signs" in, like I saw in you. Hope it helps. Blessings.

    http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

    The program is called OA , google it if interested.
  • neanderthin
    neanderthin Posts: 10,018 Member
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    Cocaine in the grain supply, everyone knows that.
  • eryquem
    eryquem Posts: 66 Member
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    Having self control = success. Pretty simple. Get some willpower to just don't eat what you don't want to.

    We all have that power. I don't accept people saying that they cannot do it.

    Be careful: willpower is a finite resource. Using it requires a lot of cognitive energy, which ironically makes you look for high-energy foods. There are many studies on this subject.

    You can use willpower to start, but it runs out eventually. I have been keeping my weight down for almost 3 years, and it's not thanks to willpower. Willpower is simply not a sustainable solution. What lasts is forming good habits, building helpful tools, and a true understanding of your motives. I am at a pickle now because I don't understand my behavior. If I could figure out why this happens I can find a solution to overcome it.

    This is an excellent point. While it's true that some people seem to have an iron will and can just live that way indefinitely, most people will eventually cave in if all they do is continue trying to hold their urge at bay.

    On another note, something that has worked really well for me is to get an accurate sense of the cost of some of these snack foods. For example, an oreo has 75 calories. So four of them is the same as a Haagen dazs bar. For me personally, there's no way that I'm going to enjoy 4 little oreos as much as the haagen dazs bar, so I'm just not interested in oreos anymore. That's just one example, but in the big picture, when you're faced with some tempting food, especially one that ultimately doesn't really taste that good to you, try to imagine something that you really do enjoy with roughly the same calorie count that you won't get to eat today if you fall for the temptation.
  • Trimi
    Trimi Posts: 57
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    There are always yummy things but they're not that good? That makes no sense.

    Just say no.

    To yourself.

    Repeatedly.

    Until it sinks in.

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