Food-Policing Boss

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papayawhip0126
papayawhip0126 Posts: 4 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hello, I need some advice from someone older and wiser:

I used to think that there was a certain weight in letting people's stupid comments hang in the air... but then I met my boss.

I work in a small start-up and not a day goes by without her making a very public comment about my diet or my fitness routine.

Last week someone offered me a sandwich and before I could place my order she said "Oh, don't you know she doesn't eat carbs?"

Today a coworker offered me a cupcake, I took it, and she said "Wow, you're breaking her ban on only eating super-healthy food!"

I should say that I never food-police anybody else and with the exception of walking out of the office with my gym bag every day, I don't let on about my exercise regimen. In fact, I always eat my lunch outside of the office, so I have no idea what she thinks I eat.

Sure, I always say no-thank-you when the take-out menu goes around, I never take the box of donuts and when I serve myself a small slice of cake on birthdays. When my colleagues approach me about wanting to eat well and exercise, I encourage them, but I also know it's none of my business.

My boss' comments are more than just annoying, I'm recovering from an eating disorder. It has only been a few months since I started treating my body with kindness and love, and I am very proud of myself for how hard I've worked to get here, but it's a struggle every day. The most important thing for me has been to stop labeling foods as "good" or "bad".

How can I get these triggering comments to stop without being disrespectful? She's very vindictive.

Thanks MyFitnessPalers!
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Replies

  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    ask to talk to her in private, tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable.

    problem solved
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
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    ask to talk to her in private, tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable.

    problem solved

    +1

    Or just tell her that the cupcake makes her *kitten* look big.
  • lyzmorrison
    lyzmorrison Posts: 172 Member
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    Or just tell her that the cupcake makes her *kitten* look big.


    THIS THIS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    hilarious!!!
  • peleroja
    peleroja Posts: 3,979 Member
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    My line at work is "Cupcakes give you muffin tops, you know," delivered totally deadpan. It shuts up anyone dumb enough to comment on what I eat or refuse to eat.
  • Ailorn
    Ailorn Posts: 79 Member
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    To make an assertive responce is 3 parts Facts, Feelings, Fair request.

    Speak to her alone tell her that her comments about how or what you eat make you feel judged and that you dont like it. Please refrain from commenting about my eating habbits.

    Keep it simple. Use your own words (I'm just guessing about what your most important feelings are). Only a few sentences are necessary and dont appologise for how you feel. You aren't wrong for having feelings.

    Edit: If you do this and she still makes a comment, you can say in the moment (infront of others) I've asked before, please dont comment about my eating habits.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    what kind of relationship do you have with her? Can you be open with her maybe share your recovery from ED?

    Otherwise, the only I would probably do is not respond to it, or acknowledge the stupid comment from your boss. Hope she gets the hint that it's not funny to you.
  • feelin_gr_8
    feelin_gr_8 Posts: 308 Member
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    It depends on the company atmosphere and your relationship with your boss. If it's overall a tense place, you could say something to the effect of "I don't think comments on my eating/health habits are appropriate for a professional atmosphere". That would have stopped a previous boss of mine in her tracks because the place was so big on being PC and HR complaints.

    I'm feeling the pain with you on unwanted comments. Twice now a certain family member has mentioned things about me "starving myself". I am not starving myself. MFP calculates 1460 calories a day and I rarely have more than 50 calories left over at the end of the day! I still have over 80 pounds to lose....I just want to say "get off my back and be happy for me!"
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
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    To make an assertive responce is 3 parts Facts, Feelings, Fair request.

    Speak to her alone tell her that her comments about how or what you eat make you feel judged and that you dont like it. Please refrain from commenting about my eating habbits.

    Keep it simple. Use your own words (I'm just guessing about what your most important feelings are). Only a few sentences are necessary and dont appologise for how you feel. You aren't wrong for having feelings.

    Edit: If you do this and she still makes a comment, you can say in the moment (infront of others) I've asked before, please dont comment about my eating habits.

    Go with this. But record what has been said, and write down names of who was present. If she is vindictive, it could get worse and you may need some documentation in case your job is threatened. This is worst case scenario, but it never hurts to cover your own butt.
  • amgreenwell
    amgreenwell Posts: 1,268 Member
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    I have experienced the same thing with co workers (not my boss) commenting on what I eat, how often, how much and how much exercise I do. I NEVER comment on their routines or lack thereof and never would. Either you want this for yourself or you don't.
    If I were you, I would wait until she made a comment again, either in public or private and tell her right then and there how uncomfortable it makes you feel for her to comment on your lifestyle and eating habits.
    She better watch herself b/c harassment lawsuits have been filed for MUCH MUCH less.
  • ElliottTN
    ElliottTN Posts: 1,614 Member
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    Bring in donuts to work every couple of weeks. Non confrontational so no blowback . She'll probably say something te first time or two but it will steal her fire in the end.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
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    Bring in donuts to work every couple of weeks. Non confrontational so no blowback . She'll probably say something te first time or two but it will steal her fire in the end.

    this is probably better than confronting her...

    if she is the kind of boss that takes confrontation to her as an insult (I have had bosses like this) which it sounds like she may ..then you might be setting yourself up to have her trap you into getting fired...just saying...

    You have to be careful with office politics....

    I own a small business owner and would never say anything like that to an employee, because I am in a position of power over them and what are they going to tell me ...F off? They really would have no recourse...

    is she like the big boss (owner) or just mid level manager? if you have an HR person you could go to them..or you could go to the owner...I would want to know if one of my supervisors was making an employee feel uncomfortable...
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
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    ask to talk to her in private, tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable.

    problem solved

    +1

    Or just tell her that the cupcake makes her *kitten* look big.

    Make sure you have another job offer.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
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    I know it's obnoxious when folks talk about what you eat. They shouldn't, and it's rude and unprofessional, etc.

    But if it's a quick comment and stops at one at a time, I say let it go. Don't give AF what her little one-liners consist of, really. Or consider it a difference of opinion or something.

    It sounds like she may be trying to start some drama (at worst), and it's not worth it to let her know it does get to you (that's the drama she wants). If she's not trying to start anything, who cares about a stupid comment here and there? Maybe she'd stop if you talked to her, but it doesn't sound like y'all have that kind of relationship.

    I don't know. The ability to ignore things is often not used, and I don't see why not, I guess. Just mho.
  • 1dce
    1dce Posts: 238 Member
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    I have heard many of these comments myself. I am in no way a light eater lol I eat literally all day long, I just get full quick. Anyway I won't tell you to be confrontational with her since she is your boss, just smile and say something like you know me so well. It doesn't matter what she says or thinks it's how you feel about yourself.
  • papayawhip0126
    papayawhip0126 Posts: 4 Member
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    Thank you all SO MUCH for your thoughtful replies. I am going to have a firm reply prepared next time she says something like that. I will let you know what happens.

    The level of support in this community astounds me every day. You were all part of my recovery!

    Xoxoxox
    b
  • tfleischer
    tfleischer Posts: 199 Member
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    Be careful how you tread because you may be treading out the door.
    You said that she is your boss in a "small start up." Is she the owner? How far up the food chain is she? What is the corporate atmosphere at your company, as in, will anyone really give a damn that she makes snarky remarks about your eating habits.
    Today, there is such a tension among office workers and their bosses because bosses think that their workers are out to get their jobs and workers think that bosses don't care about anything but profits.
  • ElliottTN
    ElliottTN Posts: 1,614 Member
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    Thank you all SO MUCH for your thoughtful replies. I am going to have a firm reply prepared next time she says something like that. I will let you know what happens.

    The level of support in this community astounds me every day. You were all part of my recovery!

    Xoxoxox
    b

    Let us know how the job search goes for ya
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
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    Thank you all SO MUCH for your thoughtful replies. I am going to have a firm reply prepared next time she says something like that. I will let you know what happens.

    The level of support in this community astounds me every day. You were all part of my recovery!

    Xoxoxox
    b

    be careful with that one..and make sure you have a job lined up ...

    if she is the owner, she will more than likely fire you on the spot...

    Owners do not take too well to direct challenges from employees...if one of my employees challenged me to my face I would fire them 99% of the time...
  • Kagami_Taiga
    Kagami_Taiga Posts: 124 Member
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    Unfortunately some people are just like that.

    Some of my relatives are kind of like that. When someone seen my progress picture and commented on it, one of them would interject and tell them it was done on photoshop. Another time, when they were watching an MTV programme about obese teens turning fitter, they would keep on saying little sarcastic comments. Even when I get some results in the gym in the form of thicker muscles in my legs, they would say I've probably got cancer in my legs.

    You can't stop what people do, but you can really annoy them by being better than them.
  • jonmscharff
    jonmscharff Posts: 72 Member
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    Well, here is another thought…

    First, a little background. My wife and I own several Physical, Occupational & Speech Therapy practices. So should we be fit and healthy? Absolutely! However, unfortunately we are probably the most unfit people in our practice. But, we are committed and working on it every day. We have a wonderful respectful employment environment and would never tolerate the kind of comments that your are enduring. I am sorry that you are working in a place like that.

    So, on to your problem…I really don't want to not sound supportive of your situation, however I have to say what I have been thinking so often to myself as I have read posts on many topics. I really just don't understand how everyone seems to be thinking that any comment made by a rude adult/coworker/spouse/friend has to effect us so! We work a lot with seniors with Alzheimer's and dementia and all of you would be shocked at the stuff that they say! Nothing is off limits. Yes, it is easy to say well they have cognitive issues but I have had to council many a staff member not to go home in tears just because a patient said you have a fat *kitten*. When are we going to realize that people like your boss are only showing how uncaring and unkind they are? I for one, am happy when someone like this opens up their mouth and informs me early on that they are not someone I want to befriend. I think we all need to grow up ourselves and realize these are just words and words can only hurt us if we chose to let them. Don't we have enough stress in our lives with all that we are dealing with without letting the immature thoughts into our psyche?

    As far as confronting her…I think there is plenty of advise that could work mentioned above. However, it comes with a risk with this type of person. If she is as you described then who knows how she will treat you after.

    You seem like a strong confident women who has overcome a lot of obstacles in her life. I suggest to continue to take the higher road and turn the other cheek in this instance. This would not be my suggestion if someone was sexually harassing you or physically confronting you. Perhaps we all need a reminder of Eleanor Roosevelt, This Is My Story:

    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

    Jonathan

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