Diet Dilemma

ShannK210 · December 2013

Hey! Just joined the site! I have a dilemma that I was hoping I could get advice on.

First, some background: I'm 21, go to a community college, and live at home with my mom. My goals right now are to build muscle and tone up. I just started lifting weights about 2 times a week and doing some cardio about 3 days a week for 30 minutes. My height is 5'6", and my weight is about 130 pounds, so I would like to maintain it. Here's my routine: 10 reps and 3 sets for each exercise; chest press, fly, shoulder press, tricep extension, bicep curl, rope curl, abdominal machine, hip adductors and abductors, calf extension, oblique crunch, back extension, lat pulldown, rope extension, leg press, lateral lift, and row. I've seen a little bit of definition in my arms and legs, but not much in my abs. My body fat is about 25%, but I'd like to get defined abs; as you can see, I'm not fat, but I have some fat on me that I'd like to lose to see my abs.

Here's my dilemma: My mom and I go out to eat everyday for lunch and dinner. If we ever eat at home, it's only about 2 times a month. Our usual meals involve our local grocery store's cafeteria, McDonald's, Noodles and Company, Chipotle, Arby's, a local Mexican restaurant, and a local Italian restaurant. I'd like to start eating healthy, but my mom doesn't seem to want to. She doesn't exercise or eat healthy; I've tried to get her to go on walks with me, but she says she doesn't want to lose weight, which she's about 123 pounds with 26% body fat. I've expressed my desire to eat healthy, but she just says I don't eat that bad. I do try to drink enough water and eat the required servings of fruits and vegetables. My mom and I are very close, and I don't want this to cause a rift between us. I also worry that she will get annoyed with me if I keep telling her I want to eat healthier. I don't have a job right now, so it's not easy for me to just move out.

I really need advice on this. Thanks!

Project_Jodie · December 2013

Wow. I don't know how you stay a healthy weight eating out all the time! I know I definately couldnt. Plus the cost of eating out all the time must be huge! Can you maybe ask that instead of paying for you to eat out that she gives you the money as a food allowance so that you can buy and make your own food at home and limit eating out to only once or twice a week?

Can you get some part time work to assis, so you don't have to soley rely on your Mumt? I think being honest with your mum is a necessity, perhaps if you ask her to do exercise with you so you can spend some time with her without it being about losing weight?

I'm assuming your from the USA, I'm not sure exactly what things are like over there but here in Australia, I had to move out of home at 18 as my Mum moved to the country and I was studying in the city. I had to work part time while I was at university to pay for my rent, food etc. I'm sure you can work someething out.

Good Luck x

ShannK210 · December 2013

Thanks for your input, Jodie! Perhaps I should be a little more specific: We live in the USA. My mom and I split stuff most of the time when we go out to eat, and we don't hardly eat a lot of junk food for snacks, so that's probably why we can maintain our weights. I love to cook, but my mom hates to cook, and she hates for me to cook, too. Right now I am looking for an internship and even a part time job that could count as an internship. I know that I should sit her down and be honest. Would do you think I should say talking to my mom?

JJJJ25 · December 2013

I'm guessing your mom sees meals out as your way of spending time together. You can't make her want to make the same changes you are - including eating at home. But you do have the right to start cooking for yourself. That is a life skill! So perhaps say,

"Mom, I love hanging out with you. Right now it's really important to me to try and improve my cooking, so I will be eating at home from now on. If you ever want me to cook for you too, let me know and I'll make enough for two. But let's find other things we can do together."

So maybe that's a daily walk or tv show date or take a class together. And maybe you can commit to eating out 1x/week instead of twice daily.

You're an adult. You have the right to establish some boundaries with your mother.

Project_Jodie · December 2013

What JJJ said!

Well said

I'm guessing your mom sees meals out as your way of spending time together. You can't make her want to make the same changes you are - including eating at home. But you do have the right to start cooking for yourself. That is a life skill! So perhaps say,

"Mom, I love hanging out with you. Right now it's really important to me to try and improve my cooking, so I will be eating at home from now on. If you ever want me to cook for you too, let me know and I'll make enough for two. But let's find other things we can do together."

So maybe that's a daily walk or tv show date or take a class together. And maybe you can commit to eating out 1x/week instead of twice daily.

You're an adult. You have the right to establish some boundaries with your mother.

Francl27 · December 2013

Your diet won't really make a difference if you're trying to bulk.

JesterMFP · December 2013

Why does she hate for you to cook? I would have thought that if you like cooking, and you want to change what you're eating, then you cooking for the both of you would be ideal. There's nothing wrong with eating at restaurants, and I'm sure a lot of people do it and manage to meet their nutritional goals. I personally would find it a lot more difficult to do that than by cooking for myself.

Ultimately, you're an adult and you choose what you eat. Sit down with your mom and have a proper discussion. Give her some options - eg. you continue to go out to eat, but choose places that serve food you're happier with. You start cooking for the both of you at home and have more control over what you eat. You start cooking more for yourself at home, and let her go out to eat alone. Or some form of compromise where you keep doing what you do now some of the time, and do something different the rest of the time. If your mom refuses any of the options, then you have to make a decision. Keep doing as you're doing, or accept that you have to do you own thing even if she's not happy with it. It can be hard when you're in the habit of doing something together, and you don't want to hurt their feelings, but if you're really as close as you say then you will hopefully be able to have a frank discussion with her and let her know how important this is to you. You're 21; it's ok to start living your life the way you choose.

Project_Jodie · December 2013

Also, I spent 5 weeks in the US about 3 years ago and put on 6 kilos! Americans sure know how to serve bg meals!

Thank god we discovered wholefoods about halfway through

Project_Jodie · December 2013

This is silly - diet always makes a difference

Your diet won't really make a difference if you're trying to bulk.

tigersword · December 2013

Define "eat healthier." You're at a healthy weight, you seem fairly active. Are you getting enough protein, fat, and getting enough vitamins and minerals? As long as those are met, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your diet.

JesterMFP · December 2013

Define "eat healthier." You're at a healthy weight, you seem fairly active. Are you getting enough protein, fat, and getting enough vitamins and minerals? As long as those are met, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your diet.

^I agree with this. I still think it's a good idea to start eating the food you actually want to eat though, rather than what your mom wants you to eat.

Ejourneys · December 2013

OP, the good news is that you and your mom go to fast food joints, where informality rules.

I avoid fast food meals but my partner eats them. When we go out, I pack a small cooler with my food -- usually canned chicken, crispbread, and fruit.

At the fast food joint I'll order coffee. I haven't received any complaints about bringing my own food in -- my partner eats a full meal there and I order a beverage. (I don't do this in more formal restaurants.)

Mr_Knight · December 2013

If you aren't gaining weight on your current eating-out habit, you don't have to worry about it too much. Usain Bolt claims to have eaten 1000 chicken Mcnuggets in the weeks before he won the 100m gold medal in Beijing.

Just go out and start hammering the workouts.

laserturkey · December 2013

Have you tried getting a salad or a burrito bowl at Chipotle? You might want to check out their online nutrition info to see what you can come up with that fits your calorie and macro goals. We get carry out from there pretty often and it hasn't interfered at all with meeting my calorie goals and losing weight.

ShannK210 · December 2013

Thanks, everyone. It's true that we're at a healthy weight, and it's been a while since we've both been to the Dr., but last time we were there, we didn't have any health problems. Maybe we should both go to the Dr. and get checkups. I do, however, sometimes worry I'm not getting enough protein, vitamins, and minerals. That's why I try to eat healthy for snacks. I just want to eat a healthy diet so I can get great results from weight lifting and cardio and be able to get a toned, defined body, especially my abs.

Diet Dilemma

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