A Quandary

My Dear Fitness Pals,

With luck, I will be facing a difficult quandary by the end of January: I will weigh less than my darling wife. Since I have 10 inches on her, it's quite a difference.

My wife has been my biggest cheerleader and a true inspiration. She makes sure there are healthy choices for meals and snacks and really appreciates my new look. We are both private people and I hesitate to really disccuss the ongoing effort with others.

She has also struggled with weight since she was quite young. She is a lifetime member of Weight Watchers. In the past, she lost more than 80 pounds on the WW program. Lately, it's not working for her though.

How can I continue to stay motivated and enjoy my success, without making her feel like a failure? Obviously, there's no question of me going back....

Thanks for your kind words,


  • cartow
    cartow Posts: 54 Member
    Wow--this is a quandary. I think that we have to each come to our weight-loss decisions on our own, and while we can encourage our significant others, we can't compel (or even propel) them toward change. I would suggest talking to her about how good you feel, what you like about being thinner, and leave it at that. Enjoy your success and model behaviors she might choose to follow. Beyond that, really, it's not your issue--it's hers. Does that sound too harsh? I just would hate to see you undermining your own success just so she won't feel bad.
  • PaulFields56
    PaulFields56 Posts: 108 Member
  • Whyareyoumad
    Whyareyoumad Posts: 268 Member
    I am almost in the same boat, will be taking it day by day. The hard part is she is asking me to help motivate her. I am not sure how to do that, I can be her cheerleader, but ultimately, its up to her to make it a success. I am afraid I will just end up making her mad by trying to motivate her.
  • All the other responses are great, but I just wanted to say it's not all that uncommon really! Up until recently I always weighed more than my husband. And even now that I'm at my lowest weight ever we'd still only weigh the same if he hadn't coniously been trying to gain weight and muscle! Let's face it, most guys who have a low body fat percentage (unless the have a lot of muscle mass) don't have much on the average-overweight woman! We got hips and boobs and what not.

    Although it's somewhat a novelty to be lighter than my husband it hasn't significantly changed things between us, I wouldn't say that I thought too much about it before.

    As for her potential weightloss journey, she'll have her lightbulb moment and when she does you'll be right there ready to help! The best thing you can do is keep looking after yourself!
  • PaulFields56
    PaulFields56 Posts: 108 Member
  • Whyareyoumad
    Whyareyoumad Posts: 268 Member
    I would like to add something if I may. Continue doing what you are doing and reach your goals. However, dont brag about how much weight you have lost, or tell her things like how much better you feel, look in your clothes, etc. She can see that therefore there is no need to tell her. Just be yourself and help her when she asks for it, otherwise, do your thing. I hope that made sense. Just some observations of a couple of things that I have observed with my wife, it seems to help.
  • rezn8
    rezn8 Posts: 263 Member
    I know almost exactly what you are going through. My better half struggles the same way. She had lost 50 lbs. with WW and then went up approx. 30. I kind of waited for her before, then thought we were doing it together and she stopped while I continued. I can't go back and have been working out 6-7 days a week since June 2012. I encourage and offer but also know to leave her do what she wants. I try to prepare more healthy meals than ever before.