Previously obese: Have your perceptions changed?
JasonAxelrod
Posts: 58 Member
I'm really curious about something.
Before I started caring about my health and realizing that I wanted more out of myself than what I was allowing, I had casually kept up with a few somewhat-prominent-at-the-time health advocates, most of whom had come from morbid obesity or close to it. I noticed that in a lot of the articles they might write, the vlogs they might film, the podcasts they might record—whatever it may have been, they had a hard time acknowledging exactly what it was that was causing them to struggle so much in the past or would generally speak of their past, unhealthy habits and stressors with contempt rather than understanding. I understand not being fond of a period of our lives that brought us a lot of unhappiness and difficulty as well as not wanting to feel like we are enabling that continuance, but I feel like being able to look back at that part of my life from a new perspective allows me a better understanding of myself and what I actually was or was not struggling with at the time, and thus I might have a better understanding of others in a similar situation.
I'm just a little surprised that a lot of people go from struggling through very heavy issues, whether they involve genuine disorders or simple ignorance, to simplifying everything into "excuses" or "laziness" or whatever it may have been as if their past selves should be shamed. I know that most of these people aim to motivate others and a lot of people don't respond well to discussion of things that could be considered negative, but nonetheless it got me thinking about how others' perceptions might have or have not changed about overweight people, obesity, and most importantly, their past selves. I realize that I'm changing significantly, not entirely because of my weight loss, though that is certainly a big part of it, and that my perceptions are also changing in ways I never would have expected. However, I already felt quite enough shame in the past for not knowing how to properly deal with things, and I more empathize with people in similar situations than I do hold contempt for them. That doesn't mean I encourage coddling anyone or that bad behaviors should be waived off and that anyone struggling should be told, "It's okay." It means that I understand and I empathize.
Perhaps they do, too, but because that is not necessarily beneficial to voice to those people, that's why they choose the words they do?
Either way, I was genuinely curious what others' thoughts on this are.
Before I started caring about my health and realizing that I wanted more out of myself than what I was allowing, I had casually kept up with a few somewhat-prominent-at-the-time health advocates, most of whom had come from morbid obesity or close to it. I noticed that in a lot of the articles they might write, the vlogs they might film, the podcasts they might record—whatever it may have been, they had a hard time acknowledging exactly what it was that was causing them to struggle so much in the past or would generally speak of their past, unhealthy habits and stressors with contempt rather than understanding. I understand not being fond of a period of our lives that brought us a lot of unhappiness and difficulty as well as not wanting to feel like we are enabling that continuance, but I feel like being able to look back at that part of my life from a new perspective allows me a better understanding of myself and what I actually was or was not struggling with at the time, and thus I might have a better understanding of others in a similar situation.
I'm just a little surprised that a lot of people go from struggling through very heavy issues, whether they involve genuine disorders or simple ignorance, to simplifying everything into "excuses" or "laziness" or whatever it may have been as if their past selves should be shamed. I know that most of these people aim to motivate others and a lot of people don't respond well to discussion of things that could be considered negative, but nonetheless it got me thinking about how others' perceptions might have or have not changed about overweight people, obesity, and most importantly, their past selves. I realize that I'm changing significantly, not entirely because of my weight loss, though that is certainly a big part of it, and that my perceptions are also changing in ways I never would have expected. However, I already felt quite enough shame in the past for not knowing how to properly deal with things, and I more empathize with people in similar situations than I do hold contempt for them. That doesn't mean I encourage coddling anyone or that bad behaviors should be waived off and that anyone struggling should be told, "It's okay." It means that I understand and I empathize.
Perhaps they do, too, but because that is not necessarily beneficial to voice to those people, that's why they choose the words they do?
Either way, I was genuinely curious what others' thoughts on this are.
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Replies
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Maybe it has do do with that part of human nature where you hate in other people what you despise most about yourself, even if that thing is in your past.
I'm still struggling to lose weight (after having lost 70 pounds, woo), but I have this terrible TERRIBLE voice in my head, and I'm not sure if it got there before or after losing weight. Like, I don't even want to type it, but when very overweight people are in the store where I work getting bread or cookies my head's like "Oh, yeah, like they need THAT.". Then the next thought is "Hell, if it's that easy why aren't YOU skinny yet?" Then I feel bad for being judgey and bad for not being in control of food and then bad for not being in control of my thoughts. Shame spiral!
Probably not the info you were looking for, but those are my thoughts
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No, no, all I was looking for are others' thoughts so I could get an idea of how other people are changing, because there may very well be a time when I realize I'm being silly or perhaps I just can't be bothered to dance back and forth. That's why I decided to make the post in the first place. I'm not here with a confirmation bias, so thank you for sharing. I just figured I'd share my own as well.0
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In general I feel bad for morbidly obese/obese people even though I am obese still. I feel like I know how they feel and wish I could tell them "hey I been there and I made a change and so can you" because losing weight has changed everything about me. I went from severe depression to optimistic (with the occasional day of misery). I went from being a procrastinator to a doer and my goals keep me going each day. The only time I get angry is when I see the people on tv who claim to drink a case of coke a day and eat fast food daily, then the minute they just stop those things the weight melts off. I never did any of that **** and still managed to get to around 400 lbs.
My overall feeling though is I want to put my arm around them and tell them there is hope, it's hard but not impossible and that they are missing out on life the longer they wait. I have days where I am terribly angry at myself for waiting so long to do this.0 -
I'm not following this. I could blame my weight gain on traumatic life events or I could admit that I was lazy. I don't find any shame in either of those reasons. I was fat, I wasn't ashamed of being fat. I think people get far to hung up on the notion of being shamed.I'm just a little surprised that a lot of people go from struggling through very heavy issues, whether they involve genuine disorders or simple ignorance, to simplifying everything into "excuses" or "laziness" or whatever it may have been as if their past selves should be shamed.0 -
I don't think overweight or obese people are generally lazy. When I was that weight, I was known for working my butt off in school/work/etc. I was never a lazy person and actually would walk quite often due to living in the city. The entire factor for me and many others is simply FOOD!
I loved and will always love food. I was never taught healthy eating in my life and just let it spin out of control. The reason I was bigger is because I love unhealthy food (pasta, pizza, chocolate, etc).
How I changed was with educating myself and finding the willpower to stick with the changes. I've lost around 90 lbs this year and became healthy. I don't look down on myself or anyone else who had/has this issue.0 -
I agree with the above poster, about wanting to tell them there is hope. I feel for them, because when I weighed 40 pounds more than now, I know it was because I didn't value myself, I didn't see the point of taking care of myself, and I was stuck in that mindset. And, yes, depressed.
To answer the other question from the original post, I know that why I couldn't lose weight, then did, was tied into a lot of work on my past and facing it and working through it. It was not an easy thing, nor a one-time thing. It's a continuing process to accept that I am worth taking care of and learning how to do that. Everything from better food choices to going to bed earlier (for more sleep) to buying clothes that make me feel good (not just things that fit and then get out of the store!).
When people ask me how I've lost the weight, I'm honest and tell them: writing/journaling, therapy for 3 months, and more writing and self-examination. I'm still doing it. And then I tell them how much better I feel now that I've faced down all the stuff I was hiding from (some of which I didn't even know about consciously until therapy). I would never say "I just counted calories" as the answer, because, for me, it was not. I knew what to do to lose weight as far as the mechanics. It was the emotional side I had to figure out before I could lose the weight.0 -
I see a lot of myself in this. I am still angry at myself about the past and afraid I will lose control with food. For me it was a little bit of laziness, but mostly just a problem with eating too much food. I love food, and I love bored/comfort eating. Still do. Now that I've lost the weight I feel like at any point I could go back to my comfort zone and gain the weight back easily and it's scary. But yes, I feel like I look at others who are struggling with their weight and talk to them (in my head) like I would talk to myself, which isn't always with empathy and understanding--although I'm working on that too.Maybe it has do do with that part of human nature where you hate in other people what you despise most about yourself, even if that thing is in your past.0 -
Good question. Honestly though all I can think of when I see obese people is that I hope they'll find what they need to find in themselves to lose the weight. Am I ashamed of the fact that I was that way? I don't know. It was kinda nice to be able to eat what I wanted without worrying about my weight, even if it sucked to be obese. Heck, if anything I'm kinda glad I got to have some years enjoying myself without having to worry about counting calories and whether it's going to be possible for me to exercise today, or tomorrow, or next week. I've just decided that being healthy and thinner is more important for me now.0
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I don't think overweight or obese people are generally lazy. When I was that weight, I was known for working my butt off in school/work/etc. I was never a lazy person and actually would walk quite often due to living in the city. The entire factor for me and many others is simply FOOD!
I loved and will always love food. I was never taught healthy eating in my life and just let it spin out of control. The reason I was bigger is because I love unhealthy food (pasta, pizza, chocolate, etc).
How I changed was with educating myself and finding the willpower to stick with the changes. I've lost around 90 lbs this year and became healthy. I don't look down on myself or anyone else who had/has this issue.
Well said. My cure-all is/was food. Still working on maintaining healthy habits. I need to find other ways to deal with specific emotions than by stuffing my face full of temporary happiness.0 -
I used to be obese, and now I'm a healthy personal trainer, trying to help other lose weight.
I'm sure I could answer, I just.... what is the question?0 -
You're all missing one point. Maybe all these terrible obese fat people you're all seeing don't want to change.
And guess what? There was a time when previously obese people were looking at YOUR obese selves, thinking "poor them, they should really change. Shall I go and encourage them?" .....
Wow, some people really do need to get off their high horses. You do not have a right to judge anyones life, how they choose to live is upto them.0 -
I'm not ashamed to admit that I gained weight mostly through depression-related binging. Food made me feel better, so I ate loads of it. I'm not ashamed of who I used to be. I'm proud of 370 pound me for deciding to get therapy and for making dietary changes so that I could be where I am today. I was firmly caught in the "depressed because I'm fat (and because brain chemistry), fat because I'm depressed" cycle and breaking it was no easy task.
The process gave me loads of empathy for other people. I have no desire to tell other obese people how great life is now that I've lost weight. Guess what. They ****ing know. They don't need any more people shaming them and bringing their weight up to them in any capacity. That is between them, their doctor, and whoever *they* decide to share with.0 -
You're all missing one point. Maybe all these terrible obese fat people you're all seeing don't want to change.
And guess what? There was a time when previously obese people were looking at YOUR obese selves, thinking "poor them, they should really change. Shall I go and encourage them?" .....
Wow, some people really do need to get off their high horses. You do not have a right to judge anyones life, how they choose to live is upto them.
I agree. One of my biggest weight-related pet peeves is when people lose a load of weight and then talk about how they just want to go tell all of the obese people of the world to do the same because it's just fantastic (especially peeved by people that have had WLS get all fired up to tell obese people how well MAJOR ****ing surgery could change their life. Just, what? Don't tell strangers to have serious surgery). I understand wanting other people to feel as great as you, but you don't know their story or where they've been. Hell, maybe the "poor obese" person you're looking at is on top of the world because they just lost 50 pounds themself and it would crush them to have someone else say, "hey, you're clearly still huge, maybe lose weight."
And, yes, not every obese person even wants to lose weight. I know, shocking. Some people are happy with their size. Again, that is between them and the people they share it with, not nosy strangers/well-wishers.0 -
I know different people have different opinions, and I will acknowledge that some people use food to deal with stress or depression or whatever. But I'm going to be really honest and say that any emotional problem I had that I was using food to mask got solved by relentlessly pursuing better life habits.
That's the reason I don't really care about the "why" part. It's almost a chicken and egg thing. Are you obese because you're depressed, or are you depressed because you're obese? Does it matter? You still have to get your habits under control.0 -
The only thing I've realized is that if you want it, you will make it happen. Excuses are just attempts to patch the self-esteem hole created by wanting another slice of pizza more than you want to be fit.
I used to want another slice of pizza more than I wanted to be fit. When I decided that I wanted to be fit more than I wanted another slice of pizza, I became fit. That's how it works.0 -
Yeah, I don't hide the fact that I was depressed as hell and ate and drank away my feelings. It's in my about me on my profile page. I don't know why anyone would gloss over a serious issue they had when they gained weight, because there needs to be hope out there for people in those situations now. HOWEVER, a lot of times it does come down to simply making excuses. No, the fact that you don't have time to exercise is not a valid reason to be obese. Eat less. No, the fact that you don't make your own meals is not a valid reason either. Get the recipes from who makes them and figure it out yourself.0
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I'm not ashamed to admit that I gained weight mostly through depression-related binging. Food made me feel better, so I ate loads of it. I'm not ashamed of who I used to be. I'm proud of 370 pound me for deciding to get therapy and for making dietary changes so that I could be where I am today. I was firmly caught in the "depressed because I'm fat (and because brain chemistry), fat because I'm depressed" cycle and breaking it was no easy task.
The process gave me loads of empathy for other people. I have no desire to tell other obese people how great life is now that I've lost weight. Guess what. They ****ing know. They don't need any more people shaming them and bringing their weight up to them in any capacity. That is between them, their doctor, and whoever *they* decide to share with.
So now encouraging someone to lose weight to improve their life is "shaming" them?
I have never and would never offer unsolicited advice or commentary on someone else's weight. But if someone asks me, I'm sure as hell not going to lie to them and say that my life isn't a million times more awesome now that I'm not obese.0 -
The only thing I've realized is that if you want it, you will make it happen. Excuses are just attempts to patch the self-esteem hole created by wanting another slice of pizza more than you want to be fit.
I used to want another slice of pizza more than I wanted to be fit. When I decided that I wanted to be fit more than I wanted another slice of pizza, I became fit. That's how it works.
And everyone said...amen.0 -
The only thing I've realized is that if you want it, you will make it happen. Excuses are just attempts to patch the self-esteem hole created by wanting another slice of pizza more than you want to be fit.
I used to want another slice of pizza more than I wanted to be fit. When I decided that I wanted to be fit more than I wanted another slice of pizza, I became fit. That's how it works.
And everyone said...amen.
...AMEN!!! 0 -
You're all missing one point. Maybe all these terrible obese fat people you're all seeing don't want to change.
And guess what? There was a time when previously obese people were looking at YOUR obese selves, thinking "poor them, they should really change. Shall I go and encourage them?" .....
Wow, some people really do need to get off their high horses. You do not have a right to judge anyones life, how they choose to live is upto them.
Do you really think obese people don't want to not be obese anymore? That they like it? I'm not really seeing your point honestly. Personally I just hope they will want to change.
When I was obese, I didn't mind, I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight (well, for 5 years). So it was kinda nice. But I still would have liked to be thinner.0 -
The only thing I've realized is that if you want it, you will make it happen. Excuses are just attempts to patch the self-esteem hole created by wanting another slice of pizza more than you want to be fit.
I used to want another slice of pizza more than I wanted to be fit. When I decided that I wanted to be fit more than I wanted another slice of pizza, I became fit. That's how it works.
And everyone said...amen.
...AMEN!!!
AMEN!!!0 -
You're all missing one point. Maybe all these terrible obese fat people you're all seeing don't want to change.
And guess what? There was a time when previously obese people were looking at YOUR obese selves, thinking "poor them, they should really change. Shall I go and encourage them?" .....
Wow, some people really do need to get off their high horses. You do not have a right to judge anyones life, how they choose to live is upto them.
I agree. One of my biggest weight-related pet peeves is when people lose a load of weight and then talk about how they just want to go tell all of the obese people of the world to do the same because it's just fantastic (especially peeved by people that have had WLS get all fired up to tell obese people how well MAJOR ****ing surgery could change their life. Just, what? Don't tell strangers to have serious surgery). I understand wanting other people to feel as great as you, but you don't know their story or where they've been. Hell, maybe the "poor obese" person you're looking at is on top of the world because they just lost 50 pounds themself and it would crush them to have someone else say, "hey, you're clearly still huge, maybe lose weight."
And, yes, not every obese person even wants to lose weight. I know, shocking. Some people are happy with their size. Again, that is between them and the people they share it with, not nosy strangers/well-wishers.
Let me just be clear, in answering the OP question I am telling him how I feel when I see others (obese) fighting the same struggle. Not in a million years would I suggest to someone "hey I lost weight so should you" if someone I knew asked me for advice I could tell them only what has worked for me. Btw I am this guy " Hell, maybe the "poor obese" person you're looking at is on top of the world because they just lost 50 pounds themself and it would crush them to have someone else say, "hey, you're clearly still huge, maybe lose weight." and it would feel terrible to have that happen.
I doubt anyone who replied is going around door to door trying to inspire fat people while riding their high horse0 -
The only thing I've realized is that if you want it, you will make it happen. Excuses are just attempts to patch the self-esteem hole created by wanting another slice of pizza more than you want to be fit.
I used to want another slice of pizza more than I wanted to be fit. When I decided that I wanted to be fit more than I wanted another slice of pizza, I became fit. That's how it works.
And everyone said...amen.
...AMEN!!!
AMEN!!!
Amen.0 -
I tend to feel bad when I am asked about my weight struggles and weight loss, because I fall into the category of people who had legitimate health related weight gain. I feel like I don't have much to offer for those that are looking for inspiration- I didn't struggle with my weight because of depression, or emotional or compulsive eating, or anything else. I had no demons to conquer. I lost the weight by eating right and exercising, but it would have been practically impossible without my medication. Yes, I put in the work, and hopefully that's inspirational to some, but my struggle is against my own body and not anything really in my mind.0
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In general I feel bad for morbidly obese/obese people even though I am obese still. I feel like I know how they feel and wish I could tell them "hey I been there and I made a change and so can you" because losing weight has changed everything about me. I went from severe depression to optimistic (with the occasional day of misery). I went from being a procrastinator to a doer and my goals keep me going each day. The only time I get angry is when I see the people on tv who claim to drink a case of coke a day and eat fast food daily, then the minute they just stop those things the weight melts off. I never did any of that **** and still managed to get to around 400 lbs.
My overall feeling though is I want to put my arm around them and tell them there is hope, it's hard but not impossible and that they are missing out on life the longer they wait. I have days where I am terribly angry at myself for waiting so long to do this.
I like this post. I feel pretty similarly...especially when it comes to the people on TV (or weight loss success stories in PEOPLE magazine) whose terrible habits led to weight gain and then they stopped and are now 112 lb and ripped. I think that makes a lot of average weight people judge the obese more harshly. It is NOT that simple. I got to 307 lb by drinking 1% milk with 2 cups of cereal instead of the serving size, having hummus and cucumbers for lunch and then grabbing a venti latte at Starbucks on my way home to prepare pasta with cream sauce and loads of cheese...and then have a small portion and skip dessert...IGNORANCE, not gluttony.
I'm still obese at 5'8" and 206 lb but I've come a long way. For me, moderate exercise was the answer to losing about 40 lb that were not "normal" for my body, but even with exercise and eating a bit less (no MFP logging), my body stayed around 260-270 for YEARS. It took MFP and being extremely precise w/ my daily calories, and learning more about nutrition in general, to lose the additional weight I've lost since joining.
So when I see people who remind me of my heavier self, I always wish I could non-offensively suggest MFP. I would never ever do that unsolicited! But part of me's thinking "lady whose belly roll is overflowing the airline seat, I used to be JUST like you and you don't even look horrible but I know you would be much happier and more comfortable if you lost that excess...and it could be as simple as logging your food and learning that you ate 3,300 calories on Wednesday and 950 on Thursday and your body's all out of whack!"
FTR I am not aiming for that People magazine dieter 112 lb model look. I would be ok with 190 or 170. So that makes me a lot different than some people, who will still judge me if I am 170 lb. Whatever :-) It's more important to feel good than to impress.0 -
I'd personally help anyone if they were serious about it and ready to make a change. I don't really worry about other people as I don't force my opinions down someone's throat but I will make an effort to help them. It's up to them what they do with it..0
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Do you really think obese people don't want to not be obese anymore? That they like it? I'm not really seeing your point honestly. Personally I just hope they will want to change.
When I was obese, I didn't mind, I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight (well, for 5 years). So it was kinda nice. But I still would have liked to be thinner.
Erm, well.. yes actually. There are people who are happy being obese, who purposely try to be obese and enjoy being overweight. There are those who even make money from being obese. Not everyone wants to be "thin", you're being narrow minded if you were to think they did. Being thin isn't the be all and end all of everything, and if you think when you reach your goal weight you're going to obtain a perfect life with endless happiness, then you're in for a huge wake up call.0 -
Do you really think obese people don't want to not be obese anymore? That they like it? I'm not really seeing your point honestly. Personally I just hope they will want to change.
When I was obese, I didn't mind, I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight (well, for 5 years). So it was kinda nice. But I still would have liked to be thinner.
Erm, well.. yes actually. There are people who are happy being obese, who purposely try to be obese and enjoy being overweight. There are those who even make money from being obese. Not everyone wants to be "thin", you're being narrow minded if you were to think they did. Being thin isn't the be all and end all of everything, and if you think when you reach your goal weight you're going to obtain a perfect life with endless happiness, then you're in for a huge wake up call.
What does that have to do with anything? Weight related happiness is a totally different topic. I've met a bunch of happy overweight people too, but that didn't mean they were happy to be overweight. They were just happy. Guaranteed that they would have been happy to be thinner though... Being paid for it is another topic entirely as well... It's not uncommon to have to do things we don't like for work.0 -
You'd probably do better if you actually bothered to read what I said.
Previous comments were talking about feeling sorry for overweight people, who I said may actually be happy being overweight.
Happy to be overweight that is, not just general happiness.0 -
The only thing I've realized is that if you want it, you will make it happen. Excuses are just attempts to patch the self-esteem hole created by wanting another slice of pizza more than you want to be fit.
I used to want another slice of pizza more than I wanted to be fit. When I decided that I wanted to be fit more than I wanted another slice of pizza, I became fit. That's how it works.
And everyone said...amen.
...AMEN!!!
AMEN!!!
Amen.
AMEN.0
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