Single Indian Woman (32) wants to marry.
Replies
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This has been circling the internet like a wildfire.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1sypck/guys_i_am_a_single_indian32f_woman_and_i_feel/
Cliffs:
-Women goes against traditional Indian norms.
-Slept with 18 guys total.
-Now is 32 and wants to settle down (brother and sister settled down early via arranged marriage)
-Comes off as desperate.
Thoughts? I don't know many guys that would be willing to marry her (granted I don't have a picture of her). She definitely doesn't seem like wife material IMHO. I predict cats, lots of cats for this one.
Having read the attached link, I'm somewhat stymied by the Reddit OP. When you are a woman who hails from a strict and conservative culture, where arranged marriages within your social classes is a practiced norm, in this modern age, you know how to cancel yourself out, as a prospective candidate for any "compatible" suitor. She did everything wrong; Her conscious actions were perfectly timed and plotted to nullify her for consideration. She made certain she'd disqualified herself. I doubt very much that at 17 dating her preferred race to the age of 21, that the Reddit OP even considered the possibility of not being wedded by one of her boyfriends. The 360 degrees maneuver is seemingly a desperate one. Now, on the shelf, she respects her Culture? After having been prodded by 18 different men of her preferred race, she now deems an Indian man her perfect marriage mate? Her ~ the sullied woman. The cultural anomaly. The rebel with a cause. Why is she so special?
Anyone who knows High Caste Indian Families or even the Financial Caste within the Indian Financial Strata for marriage (how they qualify themselves to marry a higher caste), knows the preliminary requirements, none of which did the OP on Reddit bother to divulge in her original post. (i) No unedited photos (ii) No mention of her educational background (which schools and achieved at which level ~ Level One preferred) (iii) Height, weight, skin complexion, health status, fertility check (most especially at the age of 32) (iv) Her family's health history (v) Her family gleanings going back 6 generations in both directions (vi) Family financial status (vii) Her financial status debts included (She's American educated therefore student loans have to be considered) (x) And most importantly, her DOWRY No mention of her dowry and she's Indian? A good dowry can cancel out the need for the virgin to marriage bride. A good dowry can cancel out her lack luster beauty. A good dowry can make them forget she's dark skinned. A good dowry can make them forget she'd attended non-Ivy Universities and that the prospective bride graduated at Level Four vs a Level One. A good dowry can make them forget family history, health included. A good dowry can make them pretend they do not really need the line to continue and most importantly a great dowry can make them forget her age, yet this Indian Woman whose siblings were also arranged failed to mention her dowry. Is her mother a non-Indian? Hence the cultural insensitivity? The disrespect. A dowry is collected for every worthy Indian Girl from the day of her birth. On her first birthday gifts are presented to add to her dowry. Her dowry must reflect her 32 years; Minimum from the gifts for her marriage gifted to her on her birthdays, from family, friends and relatives. Upon graduation, high school, college and all her Post Graduate Degrees, gifts gifted her for her marriage during those celebrations should be part of her dowry. Gifts awarded her for securing a job post graduation for her marriage chests, should be there. Gifts in gold, gemstones, stock options,real estate and probably for the modern bride, bitcoins. Her problem is that she does not realise that as an indian woman who desires the coveted indian man for a husband, she needs to qualify herself. She needs to realise that she needs a dowry that'll disqualify her misdeeds.
I find it strange, that a woman who declares herself as one who hails from such a heritage, systematically failed to promote herself. You know how to put your best foot forward, in a cultural light. This woman does not have a mother, an aunt or great aunt to help her? If you are a woman of breeding seeking a culturally beneficial marriage you NEVER arrange for it yourself. You're approached; The men are presented to you and if you're in her position (desperate), she should have found a go between to present her case to the Big Aunts. Much like any culture, the Ladies Corps hold Power. They are the Control. They can choose whether you're in or out. They will determine which of your faux pas' should be deleted. And she has no such contact, but chooses to advertise herself on Reddit? Whilst skimming through posts, at least 4 quality Indian men replied. One can't help but wonder, is her target husband there? She is calculative and manipulative.
I can't help but recall my sister's sharing last week concerning an Oriental woman in her 30s, Ivy educated, works in Wall Street at one of the investment Banking Firm's who could not understand why it is men who earn more than US$1M do not ask her for marriage. The summation is, much like the cow and milk analogy. My sister highlighted that what exotics in the Western World fail to grasp, is that irrespective of the man's race, a woman, most especially if you're considering an arranged marriage, needs to consider your Market Value. If all you bring to the table is your vbox and your beauty with some education, that is NOT enough! How can your prospective husband determine that your marriage will appreciate in value over time? And I'm not taking money only and that is where women like this woman here, the Reddit OP ~ A cunning hunter, plotter, schemer are lost in translation. A deceiver who consciously chose to engage with Western Men in the prime of her life and when she's on a decline, she opts to switch to her own kind? Why ~ because she wants marriage? Wants a man on her arm who could provide for her every whim? If a woman is as successful as she claims to be, her future hubby's wallet and value(earning power) matters not. She is hunting for a benefactor husband of convenience and FAILS to meet the necessary requirements, coming across as an Indian underclass of the USA looking beyond herself for a match up.
In an arranged marriage, both parties entering into the union, gain; Not the couple only, but who they come with, as in their networks also gain. She's all about me, me, I, sounding very much like some of the Oriental American women in the very same position. And what I find strange and offensive about her post is, that outside the Indian ethnicity, she only sees White. It is no small wonder that she is in the rut she finds herself in. My thoughts.
ETA: adjust bold code
Oriental? Seems very Eurocentric and outdated. Where I live (US), we say Asian.
I'm Asian for what it's worth.0 -
The post didnt make her look great, but she was probably having a bad night and thought what the hell lets see what the internet thinks. People might give her more honest answers since everyone is anonymous. In terms of how many men she has slept with i have no idea if she would be considered a slag, i think it varies by area/generation. I dont think i can fully understand her situation since my family is not first generation immigrants so i dont have any culture clashes. Perhaps she should move onto online dating, surely there are men who want the same things as her, but i agree a picture would put this all into more perspective.0
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The biggest problem with this thread is that we don't have a picture of her.
She made poor choices. She said the guys she dated never took her seriously. If she wanted to be taken seriously, she shouldn't have been with guys who did not take her seriously.
I think she's between a rock and a hard place, but she could probably find her way out. She can't be as picky as a younger woman, but she probably could get an older guy (40-50), who is divorced with kids. May or may not be a guy with Indian ancestry.
She should have taken her prime years (20-27) more seriously and parlayed her looks, wit, etc into something she wanted long term. She's right that often times women over 30 who have not married are looked at skeptically by men of a similar age to her.
I agree 100% with this post. She wasted some of the best years of her life on men who wouldn't take her seriously. In order for a man to take a woman seriously, he has to feel that she's on his level. Judging from her post, it sounds she hasn't has this experience.
I hope she's ready for an uphill battle. Most men I know in their 30's don't want to settle down with a woman their own age (especially in Los Angeles). Instead, they want someone in their 20's. If they have a good job, looks, and personality, then they will most likely find it.
If she really wants to be taken seriously, then she needs to have reasonable expectations. At her age, she needs to date an older (mid 40's and up) who is likely divorced w/ kids. Either that or she'll continue to be a "filler" for a guy her own age who will keep her around until the opportunity for a younger woman appears.
Congratulations, you have successfully summed up all men in their 30's, because you most definitely know the billion or so of them around on this planet personally, as well as their expectations.
So your well-established logic: Men in their 30's can settle for younger, hotter females while women in their 30's must resign to a fate of settling for men older and less attractive than their standards. As a twenty something year old (who, mind you, is engaged to a man her age like most other couples I know), I doubt the average older man has a better chance at settling down with a younger woman than the average older female looking for a younger guy.
But, I digress...you clearly have an omniscient comprehension of the male and female workings of love, their priorities, and the way in which they should approach their love life.
This narrow minded-ness and know it all attitude is going to get you quite far in life. Can't wait to see the fruits of your all-encompassing knowledge and understanding of the human race.
This is exactly it... But OP, take yourself as an example. If most young and hip twenty somethings are inclined to date old chaps like you and I, why aren't they chasing us? Well, I have a lovely wife and kids but even if I didn't I doubt I'd be dating in that age. And yes, generally fit and financially established but I promise you, an attractive young lady is going to pick a man her age over a man our age...unless we are millionaires and they have the golddiggin gene. I am a man's man, but you have your gender roles way off key here and telling women they should date older is just ASKING for trouble hahaha0 -
Oriental? Seems very Eurocentric and outdated. Where I live (US), we say Asian.
I'm Asian for what it's worth.
An Indian or Oriental woman, are both Asians. To delineate the two ~ I chose to use Oriental to seemingly distinguish the woman's gleanings without saying which country. Asian, under this thread is too general.
Eurocentric? MFP isn't solely for the US members. I am very Euro influenced. Good catch there.
ETA: Remove my original post0 -
Ah, resident beta. 1/10, would not even accept free drink.
OMG LMAO :flowerforyou:0 -
@ 777Gemma888, in all sincerity, that was absolutely fascinating. Thank you. :flowerforyou:
:flowerforyou: Thank you.0 -
oh dear lord! This, this is exactly what I've been dealing with! Men like this! Unfortunately this is a more common mentality then most of you would like to believe! Guys my age who want younger girls, no one should ever have to settle or reduce their standards! I'm not saying I wouldn't date a guy in his 40's, but it would be because he was a great guy, not because I can't find anyone my own age or I'm settling for him(how romantic)! I think I'm more attractive now then I was in my early to mid twenties and I'm a heck of a lot smarter, but there are so many single guys in there early thirties looking for a 24 year old wifey! Grrrrr I think I need to stop following this postThe biggest problem with this thread is that we don't have a picture of her.
She made poor choices. She said the guys she dated never took her seriously. If she wanted to be taken seriously, she shouldn't have been with guys who did not take her seriously.
I think she's between a rock and a hard place, but she could probably find her way out. She can't be as picky as a younger woman, but she probably could get an older guy (40-50), who is divorced with kids. May or may not be a guy with Indian ancestry.
She should have taken her prime years (20-27) more seriously and parlayed her looks, wit, etc into something she wanted long term. She's right that often times women over 30 who have not married are looked at skeptically by men of a similar age to her.
I agree 100% with this post. She wasted some of the best years of her life on men who wouldn't take her seriously. In order for a man to take a woman seriously, he has to feel that she's on his level. Judging from her post, it sounds she hasn't has this experience.
I hope she's ready for an uphill battle. Most men I know in their 30's don't want to settle down with a woman their own age (especially in Los Angeles). Instead, they want someone in their 20's. If they have a good job, looks, and personality, then they will most likely find it.
If she really wants to be taken seriously, then she needs to have reasonable expectations. At her age, she needs to date an older (mid 40's and up) who is likely divorced w/ kids. Either that or she'll continue to be a "filler" for a guy her own age who will keep her around until the opportunity for a younger woman appears.0 -
QFT!Thoughts? I don't know many guys that would be willing to marry her (granted I don't have a picture of her). She definitely doesn't seem like wife material IMHO. I predict cats, lots of cats for this one.
I think that this remark is consistent with your posting history. I don't think highly of you.0 -
douchetastic0
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This has been circling the internet like a wildfire.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1sypck/guys_i_am_a_single_indian32f_woman_and_i_feel/
Cliffs:
-Women goes against traditional Indian norms.
-Slept with 18 guys total.
-Now is 32 and wants to settle down (brother and sister settled down early via arranged marriage)
-Comes off as desperate.
Thoughts? I don't know many guys that would be willing to marry her (granted I don't have a picture of her). She definitely doesn't seem like wife material IMHO. I predict cats, lots of cats for this one.
Having read the attached link, I'm somewhat stymied by the Reddit OP. When you are a woman who hails from a strict and conservative culture, where arranged marriages within your social classes is a practiced norm, in this modern age, you know how to cancel yourself out, as a prospective candidate for any "compatible" suitor. She did everything wrong; Her conscious actions were perfectly timed and plotted to nullify her for consideration. She made certain she'd disqualified herself. I doubt very much that at 17 dating her preferred race to the age of 21, that the Reddit OP even considered the possibility of not being wedded by one of her boyfriends. The 360 degrees maneuver is seemingly a desperate one. Now, on the shelf, she respects her Culture? After having been prodded by 18 different men of her preferred race, she now deems an Indian man her perfect marriage mate? Her ~ the sullied woman. The cultural anomaly. The rebel with a cause. Why is she so special?
Anyone who knows High Caste Indian Families or even the Financial Caste within the Indian Financial Strata for marriage (how they qualify themselves to marry a higher caste), knows the preliminary requirements, none of which did the OP on Reddit bother to divulge in her original post. (i) No unedited photos (ii) No mention of her educational background (which schools and achieved at which level ~ Level One preferred) (iii) Height, weight, skin complexion, health status, fertility check (most especially at the age of 32) (iv) Her family's health history (v) Her family gleanings going back 6 generations in both directions (vi) Family financial status (vii) Her financial status debts included (She's American educated therefore student loans have to be considered) (x) And most importantly, her DOWRY No mention of her dowry and she's Indian? A good dowry can cancel out the need for the virgin to marriage bride. A good dowry can cancel out her lack luster beauty. A good dowry can make them forget she's dark skinned. A good dowry can make them forget she'd attended non-Ivy Universities and that the prospective bride graduated at Level Four vs a Level One. A good dowry can make them forget family history, health included. A good dowry can make them pretend they do not really need the line to continue and most importantly a great dowry can make them forget her age, yet this Indian Woman whose siblings were also arranged failed to mention her dowry. Is her mother a non-Indian? Hence the cultural insensitivity? The disrespect. A dowry is collected for every worthy Indian Girl from the day of her birth. On her first birthday gifts are presented to add to her dowry. Her dowry must reflect her 32 years; Minimum from the gifts for her marriage gifted to her on her birthdays, from family, friends and relatives. Upon graduation, high school, college and all her Post Graduate Degrees, gifts gifted her for her marriage during those celebrations should be part of her dowry. Gifts awarded her for securing a job post graduation for her marriage chests, should be there. Gifts in gold, gemstones, stock options,real estate and probably for the modern bride, bitcoins. Her problem is that she does not realise that as an indian woman who desires the coveted indian man for a husband, she needs to qualify herself. She needs to realise that she needs a dowry that'll disqualify her misdeeds.
I find it strange, that a woman who declares herself as one who hails from such a heritage, systematically failed to promote herself. You know how to put your best foot forward, in a cultural light. This woman does not have a mother, an aunt or great aunt to help her? If you are a woman of breeding seeking a culturally beneficial marriage you NEVER arrange for it yourself. You're approached; The men are presented to you and if you're in her position (desperate), she should have found a go between to present her case to the Big Aunts. Much like any culture, the Ladies Corps hold Power. They are the Control. They can choose whether you're in or out. They will determine which of your faux pas' should be deleted. And she has no such contact, but chooses to advertise herself on Reddit? Whilst skimming through posts, at least 4 quality Indian men replied. One can't help but wonder, is her target husband there? She is calculative and manipulative.
I can't help but recall my sister's sharing last week concerning an Oriental woman in her 30s, Ivy educated, works in Wall Street at one of the investment Banking Firm's who could not understand why it is men who earn more than US$1M do not ask her for marriage. The summation is, much like the cow and milk analogy. My sister highlighted that what exotics in the Western World fail to grasp, is that irrespective of the man's race, a woman, most especially if you're considering an arranged marriage, needs to consider your Market Value. If all you bring to the table is your vbox and your beauty with some education, that is NOT enough! How can your prospective husband determine that your marriage will appreciate in value over time? And I'm not taking money only and that is where women like this woman here, the Reddit OP ~ A cunning hunter, plotter, schemer are lost in translation. A deceiver who consciously chose to engage with Western Men in the prime of her life and when she's on a decline, she opts to switch to her own kind? Why ~ because she wants marriage? Wants a man on her arm who could provide for her every whim? If a woman is as successful as she claims to be, her future hubby's wallet and value(earning power) matters not. She is hunting for a benefactor husband of convenience and FAILS to meet the necessary requirements, coming across as an Indian underclass of the USA looking beyond herself for a match up.
In an arranged marriage, both parties entering into the union, gain; Not the couple only, but who they come with, as in their networks also gain. She's all about me, me, I, sounding very much like some of the Oriental American women in the very same position. And what I find strange and offensive about her post is, that outside the Indian ethnicity, she only sees White. It is no small wonder that she is in the rut she finds herself in. My thoughts.
ETA: adjust bold code
Yes, seems to have strong marks of a "trolling" person, and now trolling on MFP too :P0 -
Thoughts? I don't know many guys that would be willing to marry her (granted I don't have a picture of her). She definitely doesn't seem like wife material IMHO. I predict cats, lots of cats for this one.
I think that this remark is consistent with your posting history. I don't think highly of you.
0 -
SoLongAndThan Joined Jan 2012 said: Yes, seems to have strong marks of a "trolling" person, and now trolling on MFP too :P
:drinker: A troll post quoting my input@OP's query for thoughts on the issue@32 Yrs Single Indian Woman's Post on Reddit. Tah!:laugh:
0 -
LOL 18 she's practically a virgin
In LA, no less. I think that's like having a negative number of partners elsewhere.0 -
LOL 18 she's practically a virgin
In LA, no less. I think that's like having a negative number of partners elsewhere.
An interesting perspective@ Los Angeles, when one factors in Anderson Cooper's poll, where the women polled in NY averaged dating 6 different men at the same time. The ratio to consider was 1 single man to 4 married men. Eeesh!
ETA: @REDDIT OP ~ Dating in LA and wanting successful and financially secure men .... She should look to 35 and up and not men in their 20s ~ they're trying to establish themselves.0 -
In all honesty, it's her life and if she is happy with it who are we to judge her?
She posted it on Reddit and is looking for feedback. It's her life, but she doesn't seem happy about it.
Did you even read it?
She posted it for feedback. You posted this for????
Not sure she's the only one coming off as......0 -
I don't think 18 is all that many, considering she's 32 and never been married. If she had just become sexually active at 31, sure, 18 would be kinda high. But if she started around 17, that's only a little more than one a year.0
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I love this place.
I just learned that because I was 33 when I got married, I am just a filler for my husband, who was also 33, until a younger and hotter version comes along.
I also learned that I'm a *kitten*.0 -
I love this place.
I just learned that because I was 33 when I got married, I am just a filler for my husband, who was also 33, until a younger and hotter version comes along.
I also learned that I'm a *kitten*.
Isn't it amazing? lmfao:laugh:0 -
I love this place.
I just learned that because I was 33 when I got married, I am just a filler for my husband, who was also 33, until a younger and hotter version comes along.
I also learned that I'm a *kitten*.
i learned that i am only looking for women younger than me and that the only ones i can get are promiscuous ones who can't get a man their own age. :huh:0 -
18 partners in that time span is not a lot. I don't think the number is even relevant.
Prudes.0 -
This has been circling the internet like a wildfire.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1sypck/guys_i_am_a_single_indian32f_woman_and_i_feel/
Cliffs:
-Women goes against traditional Indian norms.
-Slept with 18 guys total.
-Now is 32 and wants to settle down (brother and sister settled down early via arranged marriage)
-Comes off as desperate.
Thoughts? I don't know many guys that would be willing to marry her (granted I don't have a picture of her). She definitely doesn't seem like wife material IMHO. I predict cats, lots of cats for this one.
It's okay for a bloke to sleep around though eh.0 -
What is 'wife material'? Sorry but I find that offensive right away. No way I'd find you 'husband material' with an attitude like that.0
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Awwwww.. I read it and feel sorry for her. I think she was brave to go against the grain. In the end she made it hard for herself because she belongs to neither 'side'.
To be honest, she seems like a great person. She's shown to be at least courageous and stand for what she believes. At 32 it's hard to find a great guy any way (harder than it was when you were younger). I bet she'll be just fine. When the right person comes along, she'll find someone who deserves her and vice versa.
I wouldn't want to marry a guy that marries someone for convenience, looks or religion anyway...0 -
This has been circling the internet like a wildfire.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1sypck/guys_i_am_a_single_indian32f_woman_and_i_feel/
Cliffs:
-Women goes against traditional Indian norms.
-Slept with 18 guys total.
-Now is 32 and wants to settle down (brother and sister settled down early via arranged marriage)
-Comes off as desperate.
Thoughts? I don't know many guys that would be willing to marry her (granted I don't have a picture of her). She definitely doesn't seem like wife material IMHO. I predict cats, lots of cats for this one.
Thoughts...
- Your idea of wildfire is disappointing.
- I hope you don't write crib notes professionally.
- If it had been a bloke who had slept with 18 women, I'm sure you'd have been ^5'ing him.
- I feel the need to apologise to women everywhere on behalf of 'menkind' for the OP's post!0 -
This has been circling the internet like a wildfire.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1sypck/guys_i_am_a_single_indian32f_woman_and_i_feel/
Cliffs:
-Women goes against traditional Indian norms.
-Slept with 18 guys total.
-Now is 32 and wants to settle down (brother and sister settled down early via arranged marriage)
-Comes off as desperate.
Thoughts? I don't know many guys that would be willing to marry her (granted I don't have a picture of her). She definitely doesn't seem like wife material IMHO. I predict cats, lots of cats for this one.
Thoughts...
- Your idea of wildfire is disappointing.
- I hope you don't write crib notes professionally.
- If it had been a bloke who had slept with 18 women, I'm sure you'd have been ^5'ing him.
- I feel the need to apologise to women everywhere on behalf of 'menkind' for the OP's post!
:laugh: Perfect!0 -
This has been circling the internet like a wildfire.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1sypck/guys_i_am_a_single_indian32f_woman_and_i_feel/
Cliffs:
-Women goes against traditional Indian norms.
-Slept with 18 guys total.
-Now is 32 and wants to settle down (brother and sister settled down early via arranged marriage)
-Comes off as desperate.
Thoughts? I don't know many guys that would be willing to marry her (granted I don't have a picture of her). She definitely doesn't seem like wife material IMHO. I predict cats, lots of cats for this one.
Thoughts...
- Your idea of wildfire is disappointing.
- I hope you don't write crib notes professionally.
- If it had been a bloke who had slept with 18 women, I'm sure you'd have been ^5'ing him.
- I feel the need to apologise to women everywhere on behalf of 'menkind' for the OP's post!
This thread is par for the course for this OP. If you look at his posting history, well it's pretty clear what he thinks of women.0 -
- I feel the need to apologise to women everywhere on behalf of 'menkind' for the OP's post!
It's OK. Luckily, most of us know enough men that we know he is not representative of the entire gender.0 -
LOL 18 she's practically a virgin
Haha, that's what I was thinking. 18 at 32 really isn't that many IMO. Not enough to deserve what's she's getting, but cultural differences are at play I suppose.0
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