OT: Question for experienced moms!!

You probably don't want my opinion, but my daughter just graduated high school with honors and already took some college and is of course taking more now. And among other things is an all around great daughter. Just started dating this last year at 17, (18 now) and I know she has a good head on her sholders. And she tells me everything, and I mean everything!
I will tell you how this happened, but you have to be tough. This crap about kids having feelings, they only know what you teach them, and if you let them through a fit, it is your fault.
You need to pop them when they do stuff like that. If they think they are upset at the prospect of getting their nails clipped, once you pop them in the mouth, then the clippers wont be so bad. And if they freak out more, then get even tougher. You are the boss, not the little kid. There is nothing to fear in the clippers, but they need to watch out for you!
And none of this warning crap, don't count to 3. If you do count, pop them right after 1 if they don't stop.
This is for there own good. Do you think a cop later in life is going to say 1,2,3. You need to let them know what life has in store for them. I know he is young, but if you start now it is so much easier later. and you don't have to even really do it much as they get older. They know when they might get popped and stop before they have to.
I don't want to sound mean, I never hurt my daughter, it was more of a surprise. The shock of it was enough to do what your point is. But you know know this whole not spanking kids crap really gets to me. I don't want pay for some other persons kid in the system becasue we are not allowed to pop our kids when they don't behave. My daughter would look at other kids and say to me "that kid needs a spanking" And one time in pre school I was watching through the glass and she told another kid that she was trying to hear the teacher and it wasn't time to talk.
I also have 3 step children (all grown up now) and when they came to visit when they were little, they knew to behave. That it is not a free for all. I was boss. When we would go to the market, we did the duck walk. They all lined up and stayed in a row and not all over the store. And this was for a reason, Didn't want to loose one and they are visiters in the store. They don't own it, and other people shouldn't have to put up with kids pitching a fit in the store. 2 of them even lived with us by their choice at they got a little older.
One time my daughter tried to pictch a fitt in a store when she was about 3, I spanked her right there and she never, EVER did it again.
Just my opinion and it may not be what you want to hear, but it worked for me, and I couldn't be prouder of my daughter today. Never did any of the crap I did as a kid. And I did a lot of crap.
SM

I am a nanny and have a degree in family and child studies, I have also worked in a variety of childcare centers, so though I am not a mom I have lots of experience with kids.

Anyways there is something about the age 18 months -2.5 years where most kids go through this weird phase of being terrieifed of things that were not an issue before. The little girl I nanny for loved spides would pick them up, has spider toys then overnight she is terrified of them, nothing happened she just hit that stage. Her baby brother did the same thing with water. It is really normal, just take it slow and give him time, he will adjust but don't scare him with it because you don't want it to be a perminent fear. Take it slow and give him time.

IT WILL PASS! In the meantime, maybe you could cut your nails first so that he can see it does not do anything bad. You can even let him try to cut yours if you have the courage...lol. Even when you get a haircut, go together and do yours first so that he can see what they are doing and that you are enjoying it. This doesn't always work and you may just have to ride it out.

There is a barber shop two doors down from me and one night I could hear a kid just screaming. I seriously thought it was from across the street and someone was beating him. So I said something to a passerby and she told me it was coming from the barber. So I went over and peaked in and sure enough, they were holding him down and cutting his hair. I have NEVER heard a child scream like that. Anyway, it's a totally normal phase and will eventually pass. Good luck!

Man, it was a rough night. Later in the day, J.T. came down with a fever! One dose of Tylenol was enough and he slept OK and his fever dropped and stayed down. BUT, he kept waking up and crying in horror. I wonder if he was having nightmares about the clippers??? It was weird! Usually, we put him to bed and don't hear a peep until at least 7:30ish. Man! Poor guy!

oh poor baby!!! hugs to my sweet nephew girl!!! and to you to momma, I know how worried we get when our kids are sick...:flowerforyou:

I am gonna quickly chime in w/ the nail/hair thing....and I'll trump you w/ the brushing teeth thing LOL...been through it all!!!:ohwell: Nicholas used to let me cut his nails while he played w/ water in the sink and I had to make a HUGE deal out of it...like WOW!!! that was cool!!! lol...hey whatever works right?! Then he all the sudden was not having it! I usually get him right after he falls asleep it just easier for me, and I pick and choose my battles...ie...brushing teeth...is a must and even though he's better now about it...he used to hate that....I'd chase him all over the house...not as fun as it sounds....lmbo

The hair thing is the same as trish said I think...the vibrations from the buzzers wigged him out...we opted for the scissor cuts instead....still he has his moments when he gets a little nervous...poor kiddo...my guy has a little more issues w/ the noises etc...because of ASD but I think ALL kids, as the panel of very knowledgeable parents have said here....go through some form of this from time to time...just do your best momma, which I know you always do girl.... you'll be fine!!!

hugs and much to you and your sweetie pie!!!
Ali :flowerforyou:

I am twenty-two, graduated from college with honors, will have my master's degree at twenty-three, and I tell my mom everything but she NEVER "popped" me to show me "who was the boss".

This tactic reminds me of something that I do with my dog to assert dominance, except I don't even hit my dog, a loud noise is sufficient.

Honestly, I am just plain shocked at your advice on this, and I suppose to each their own, but as several other people have mentioned this is how phobias begin. If she were to "pop" him every time he was upset about having his nails or hair cut, he would begin to associate being "popped" with having his nails and hair cut and it would only make the situation worse.

Ummm . . . just have to respond to the "pop my kid" comment. For you young moms out there, please do NOT do this! I have 3 boys: polite, respectful, straight A students, follow all rules, volunteer extensively in the community b/c they want to (not b/c I ask them). They have never, ever been spanked or "popped". They have had lots and lots of discussions and conversations. But neither their father nor I has ever used physical means to discipline or teach an example.

I'm not saying I've never lost my temper. I've yelled and said things I've regretted. I'm not perfect nor do I try to be -- I tell the boys I'm human and I make mistakes and they will too and we can always talk about my mistakes and theirs.

My hope for them is that they are in compassionate, caring relationships with significant others and that they are caring, loving fathers to my grandchildren. I just cannot condone physical demonstrations of power when all that does, in my opinion, is teach children that it is either okay to hit or to be hit.

That said, my advice re: the haircut/nail cutting is the same as many others: it will pass. Until it does, demonstrate by cutting your own nails or accompanying your husband (with your son) to a haircut. Use the m & ms and the lollipops and the DVDs as "incentives" -- LOL!

Hair and food and using the potty are all part of the same turf: it is about establishing a sense of self. I guess I think it is healthy and important for kids to be able to assert their own opinions of what they want and how they control their world. That doesn't mean you stop teaching -- it just means you keep encouraging and demonstrating and coaching . . .

You probably don't want my opinion, but my daughter just graduated high school with honors and already took some college and is of course taking more now. And among other things is an all around great daughter. Just started dating this last year at 17, (18 now) and I know she has a good head on her sholders. And she tells me everything, and I mean everything!
I will tell you how this happened, but you have to be tough. This crap about kids having feelings, they only know what you teach them, and if you let them through a fit, it is your fault.
You need to pop them when they do stuff like that. If they think they are upset at the prospect of getting their nails clipped, once you pop them in the mouth, then the clippers wont be so bad. And if they freak out more, then get even tougher. You are the boss, not the little kid. There is nothing to fear in the clippers, but they need to watch out for you!
And none of this warning crap, don't count to 3. If you do count, pop them right after 1 if they don't stop.
This is for there own good. Do you think a cop later in life is going to say 1,2,3. You need to let them know what life has in store for them. I know he is young, but if you start now it is so much easier later. and you don't have to even really do it much as they get older. They know when they might get popped and stop before they have to.
I don't want to sound mean, I never hurt my daughter, it was more of a surprise. The shock of it was enough to do what your point is. But you know know this whole not spanking kids crap really gets to me. I don't want pay for some other persons kid in the system becasue we are not allowed to pop our kids when they don't behave. My daughter would look at other kids and say to me "that kid needs a spanking" And one time in pre school I was watching through the glass and she told another kid that she was trying to hear the teacher and it wasn't time to talk.
I also have 3 step children (all grown up now) and when they came to visit when they were little, they knew to behave. That it is not a free for all. I was boss. When we would go to the market, we did the duck walk. They all lined up and stayed in a row and not all over the store. And this was for a reason, Didn't want to loose one and they are visiters in the store. They don't own it, and other people shouldn't have to put up with kids pitching a fit in the store. 2 of them even lived with us by their choice at they got a little older.
One time my daughter tried to pictch a fitt in a store when she was about 3, I spanked her right there and she never, EVER did it again.
Just my opinion and it may not be what you want to hear, but it worked for me, and I couldn't be prouder of my daughter today. Never did any of the crap I did as a kid. And I did a lot of crap.
SM

Yep Yep Yep!!
My kids will not be one of those people sitting in a jail cell saying "My mama didn't..". No one is going to look at my kids as adults and wonder what in the world did *I* do to mess them up...
It can still be done today..as long as you don't leave marks!!

I used to and sometimes still do cut my boys finger and toe nails right after they have had a bath. It softens the nails and then they hardly notice anything. At 20 months sometimes kids can test you and throw a fit to see if they can get away with it. Only you can be the judge to determine that. You definitely don't want any bad habits to form, however, if he is having a true reaction to clippers and such, you do need to be patient. There has been some great advice given to you already. I am a believer in spanking at the right time for misbehavior, however, this doen't seem to be the time. It usually has to be pretty bad and very much a bad behavior done on purpose for me to do a swat on the behind. I had a pychology professor who once adressed the topic of spanking. He said when his son was 2-3 he started to run out towards a busy street. He did not stop when told to, so the dad ran to grab him and swatted him once-enough to get his attention and know that it wasn't a pleasant thing to have happen, but also to associate this unpleasant spank to disobediance. The child was in danger and it was better to have the unpleasant spank than a trip to hospital or worse. The whole point was to use spanking only when necessary--not for every little misbehavior. Good luck:happy:

I would agree with this. There are times for punishment and then ther are times when the lesson that they need to learn in one that does not require that punishment. Good Luck! I hope he is feeling better:-) Parenting is hard work and every kid is different and requires different things of you. Some kids are compliant and some are strong willed. We learn as we go and do the best that we can with a lot of prayer! To all the parents on here...take a deep breath...because with each day their is a new challenge and a new blessing! And we are very blessed to have our little ones!!:flowerforyou: