Have you ever had this conflict? (Rant)
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SkippyDead
Posts: 20
(there is no real question to this, I just needed to get this off of my chest)
It's not that I lack motivation. I don't. But I do.
My first problem is that I'm... Content with the way I look. I've never been one to want to be a smaller size or been ashamed of how much I weight. That probably has to do where I was raised. In Newark NJ thicker and bigger women are kind of always wanted. I've never heard anyone say "I want that skinny girl" (and yes, I did grow up in the hood.) so, growing up. I felt like my weight was somewhat normal. Despite my BMI saying otherwise.
Then, with my family they'd go from "You need to lose weight" to "You don't need to lose weight you're perfect the way you are."
In the end, I grew up thinking that I was okay.
I grew up content with my body fat. making fun of it, poking at it, joking about it, and I never take offense to it. Even if someone else calls me fat.
I also have tried to lose weight before. But I always go back up on the same pants size. I always end up being a size 13 in pants and I've come to think that no matter what, I'll always jump back up.
So size 13 became normal to me. If I lose weight and go a couple of sizes smaller, I feel like I'm stuffing something into a smaller size that doesn't fit and I feel uncomfortable.
I want to lose weight and I want to be healthy. I understand that I could do it and nothing is really holding me back. I have the motivation but sometimes my mindset just clicks back to being content and finding my weight normal and good.
The struggles. v.v
It's not that I lack motivation. I don't. But I do.
My first problem is that I'm... Content with the way I look. I've never been one to want to be a smaller size or been ashamed of how much I weight. That probably has to do where I was raised. In Newark NJ thicker and bigger women are kind of always wanted. I've never heard anyone say "I want that skinny girl" (and yes, I did grow up in the hood.) so, growing up. I felt like my weight was somewhat normal. Despite my BMI saying otherwise.
Then, with my family they'd go from "You need to lose weight" to "You don't need to lose weight you're perfect the way you are."
In the end, I grew up thinking that I was okay.
I grew up content with my body fat. making fun of it, poking at it, joking about it, and I never take offense to it. Even if someone else calls me fat.
I also have tried to lose weight before. But I always go back up on the same pants size. I always end up being a size 13 in pants and I've come to think that no matter what, I'll always jump back up.
So size 13 became normal to me. If I lose weight and go a couple of sizes smaller, I feel like I'm stuffing something into a smaller size that doesn't fit and I feel uncomfortable.
I want to lose weight and I want to be healthy. I understand that I could do it and nothing is really holding me back. I have the motivation but sometimes my mindset just clicks back to being content and finding my weight normal and good.
The struggles. v.v
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Replies
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I kind of understand that. I am from a different background and I am bigger (size 16)...and have been much, much larger (size 22/24). I live in a smallish city in the Midwest where there is a handful of model thin rich women and everyone else is well, big. It's very "normal" to be a size 18/20 and pig out at football games and eat chain restaurant food and so on. In fact that applies to most women I know. So I think that's a big reason why I never really felt all that motivated to lose weight. I honestly had great energy even up to 270 lb or so, and I never had any trouble getting dates or friends or jobs. Except for a few awful candid photographs, I always thought I looked pretty good and I wasn't miserable with myself like I read a lot of stories about other people on MFP who were nearly suicidal and felt that losing weight was the only thing that could possibly help. I can't relate to that.
I think you just have to get to a place where YOU want to change for yourself. I think a size 13 sounds pretty darn good but I also think something brought you here, BMI or whatever else...so maybe it means that there is something you want to change, whether being more active or eating healthier. I wish you luck in whatever that may be!!0 -
I'm from Morristown, NJ ... so I already like you.
I've been so many sizes and people have needed to say their "2 cents" at whatever weight I was... My goals this last year and this next coming year aren't based off the scale. I have performance goals set and once I hit those I'll think about shedding a few lbs.0 -
This is the problem I have with the fat acceptance movement. I love the fact that you love yourself. That is a huge part of healthy living, but when it goes so far as demotivate people from positive change, it goes too far. I hope you can find the right motivation and the right balance between loving yourself for who you are and giving yourself a swift kick in the pants. Good luck!0
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First of all, props to you for being comfortable in your own skin. That is becoming all too rare these days. Second of all, props to you for realising you could be healthier/in better shape, despite having no issue with the way you look.
The thing with motivation is that it wears out. There are two groups of people that are generally successful in getting fitter or slimmer; those who require no motivation and simply make it a part of their routine as much as brushing their teeth and going to work, and those who feed off seeing results -- which is going to be difficult for you, because you're already happy with the way you look.
If you want to be successful in this, you just need to make it a part of your life and not worry about how quickly you progress. Make gradual changes that will be conductive to losing a bit of weight, getting a bit faster or a bit stronger, but don't try and force it to happen.
Find a form (or several forms) of exercise you enjoy and make them apart of your weekly life. Three or four times a week, set aside an hour to get a good workout in. The rest of the week, just start saying "No, thank you." to the odd treat or whatever when you're not REALLY hungry.
Take it slow.
Learning to love yourself is 90% of the battle for a lot of people here. You're already past that.0 -
I had the same issue - mostly because I discovered the fat acceptance movement. (Not saying that the movement is a bad thing. It's not by any means!)
However, what I found worked for me was to focus on health. If you love yourself how you are, don't worry about dropping pounds or changing how you look - instead, think about increasing your health. Think about how that exercise is positive for you. Remember how much healthy eating is waaaay better for you than tons of processed foods. In particular, I tend to think about decreasing my cancer risk. Regular exercise and watching some of the particular ingredients I put into my body may help decrease my cancer risk in the future, and that's not something I ever want to know that I didn't take all of the reasonable precautions to help prevent. Instead of focusing on the scale, try to focus on making the healthier decision most of the time. If you're anything like me, it'll make you feel better, your body will feel better, and you won't start "hating" yourself because you can't get rid of these 10 pounds like everyone told you that you needed to do.
(FYI: That mindset is usually called "Health at Every Size" if you want to do more research into it. It's a movement that wants everyone/government/etc. to focus on the idea of being healthy and active in the body you're in - instead of the automatic assumption that overweight people are lazy, stupid, or dumb.)0 -
This is the problem I have with the fat acceptance movement. I love the fact that you love yourself. That is a huge part of healthy living, but when it goes so far as demotivate people from positive change, it goes too far. I hope you can find the right motivation and the right balance between loving yourself for who you are and giving yourself a swift kick in the pants. Good luck!
I agree with this ^^
I can relate with your feeling about loving yourself and not knowing how to find the motivation to change because it may take away from the idea that you love yourself. For me- positive change happened through self reflection and mental health took a front seat. I had to think of the actual health aspect. I have had friends who found it through trying to be healthy for their kids (cant relate but it works for them) and others that want to get back to their athletic selves (also cant relate). Whatever is going to work for you you have to find from within you- but you must find a way to make positive changes in your life.0 -
I recently started getting the "are you going to lose more" comments even though I'm still about 5 lbs overweight and I kind of think of it as a compliment. On the other hand, it can be frustrating when people make nasty comments about it. I also realized throughout this process that most of my friends have never seen me at a thin or healthy size either, so the ones that think that I'm getting "too small" just aren't used to it yet. They will be in time.
I agree with BeachIron though. I think this is a systemic problem in our society. Over 60% off Americans are overweight or obese. That number can be much higher in places like the rural southeast and midwest. We have gotten so fat as a society that we no longer understand what a healthy body size looks like since it's uncommon in most of the U.S. It's a sad thing really.0 -
Over 60% off Americans are overweight or obese. That number can be much higher in places like the rural southeast and midwest. We have gotten so fat as a society that we no longer understand what a healthy body size looks like since it's uncommon in most of the U.S. It's a sad thing really.
I definitely agree with this. My boss is not obese, she's around a size 10 and has always been healthy and average. The other day the topic of weight loss came up and she expressed surprise that I want to lose more weight. I am 5'8" and wear size 16. I am still definitely obese at 204 lb! She knew I'd lost weight using MFP but she assumed I was at my goal because my husband and I regularly walk, hike, bike, etc...so to her I am like this health nut/exercise junkie, and to me...I am NOTHING of the sort. It is sad when taking an interest in your health/fitness makes you seem like a "nut" in your community. I know most people in my area are very unhealthy :-/
My husband and I recently took a lengthy road trip and I noticed traveling through rural communities, we got so many weird looks and comments on our orders in local restaurants. When we arrived at our (city) destination, that totally stopped and we were the norm again. It is interesting to me how widely things vary from place to place!0 -
I fight with this too because really, I'm pretty happy where I am, but would probably be happier a little leaner.
You don't have to hate yourself to find motivation to be healthy. If atheistic reasons don't motivate you find different ones. Set a goal to run a 5K, to bench press 100lbs. Know that losing weight and eat healthier will help you accomplish those goals as well. Set a small deficit so you aren't so tempted to stop trying. Maybe you want to see definition in your stomach or your legs more than you care about getting smaller or lighter. And every time you do fall off the wagon, get back on as soon as possible.0 -
Over 60% off Americans are overweight or obese. That number can be much higher in places like the rural southeast and midwest. We have gotten so fat as a society that we no longer understand what a healthy body size looks like since it's uncommon in most of the U.S. It's a sad thing really.
I definitely agree with this. My boss is not obese, she's around a size 10 and has always been healthy and average. The other day the topic of weight loss came up and she expressed surprise that I want to lose more weight. I am 5'8" and wear size 16. I am still definitely obese at 204 lb! She knew I'd lost weight using MFP but she assumed I was at my goal because my husband and I regularly walk, hike, bike, etc...so to her I am like this health nut/exercise junkie, and to me...I am NOTHING of the sort. It is sad when taking an interest in your health/fitness makes you seem like a "nut" in your community. I know most people in my area are very unhealthy :-/
My husband and I recently took a lengthy road trip and I noticed traveling through rural communities, we got so many weird looks and comments on our orders in local restaurants. When we arrived at our (city) destination, that totally stopped and we were the norm again. It is interesting to me how widely things vary from place to place!
This is the other part of the obesity problem. We've completely lost touch with what is a healthy level of activity and what constitutes a reasonable volume of food also.
ETA: Sorry for being off topic. As to your OP, I completely get what you're thinking. I think most of us do who have lost a lot of weight. It's hard to see yourself at your ideal size, even though you know it's where you should be (in your own vision for yourself). My advice is to just give it time and focus on your daily nutritional and fitness goals. Eventually, you'll get used to seeing yourself at the size you are as you progress, and it'll become the new normal for you.0 -
I 100% get what you're saying. I think that's part of what makes weightloss difficult to do, and to sustain. It's the constant mind game we play with ourselves. I think self image has a LOT to do with it. Who do you really see yourself as?0
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She knew I'd lost weight using MFP but she assumed I was at my goal because my husband and I regularly walk, hike, bike, etc...so to her I am like this health nut/exercise junkie, and to me...I am NOTHING of the sort. It is sad when taking an interest in your health/fitness makes you seem like a "nut" in your community. I know most people in my area are very unhealthy :-/
And this is why Colorado has some of the lowest rates of obesity. Hiking and biking frequently is "normal".0 -
I don't want to be stick skinny.
I don't want to be rock hard.
I don't want to run a marathon.
I don't want to be a size 0.
I want to not have a heart attack at age 30.
I want to shop in stores that are not plus size.
I want to be able to run a couple miles and not keel over out of breath.
I want to have a healthy body fat percentage and normal BMI.
You can be happy at whatever size you are. I want to be happy AND healthy.0 -
I want to lose weight and I want to be healthy. I understand that I could do it and nothing is really holding me back. I have the motivation but sometimes my mindset just clicks back to being content and finding my weight normal and good.
The struggles. v.v
Focus on that ... wanting to be healthy. Exercise for the health of it. Choose nutritious food over crap food for the health of it. The rest will follow ...0 -
I read all of the comments and I understand it all. It's kind of sad, but I noticed when I talk about eating healthy and getting in exercise people give me these looks. Sometimes, It makes me embarrased to even say anything about getting healthier. But then, I get called fat.
It makes no sense to me.
but I really don't want to be the person that goes from loving herself to hating herself.
It's almost happened before, where I'm reading success stories and reading on how people hate themselves and the way they look and wanted to kill themselves for being so 'fat' and how they love themselves now for being skinny and I look at the before and after pictures and see that some of them weight around the same as I did and I think to myself, "Is that what I'm supposed to be feeling about myself right now?"
But I don't hate myself and I start feeling as if there is something wrong with me for not being upset with how I look and for not being disgusted with what I see in the mirror when I'm naked.
It's hard, but I did join MFP for a reason. To be in an environment where change is accepted!0 -
She knew I'd lost weight using MFP but she assumed I was at my goal because my husband and I regularly walk, hike, bike, etc...so to her I am like this health nut/exercise junkie, and to me...I am NOTHING of the sort. It is sad when taking an interest in your health/fitness makes you seem like a "nut" in your community. I know most people in my area are very unhealthy :-/
And this is why Colorado has some of the lowest rates of obesity. Hiking and biking frequently is "normal".
We live in southern Missouri, but my husband and I got married in Colorado Springs in October and we definitely noticed this. Especially when we spent some time in Salida. It was awesome!0 -
I think you have a great mindset as far as not being concerned about the # the scale shows, clothing size, etc. The whole reason to do anything here is health. Do you feel healthy & strong? Do you feel well? When you get physicals do your #'s fall in the normal/healthy range? These are the things to be concerned with, they are much more important than whether you can wear a certain size. It certainly seems that you are happy/content with the way you look, which is great. Just focus on being healthy & living a long time.........0
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