insecure spouse
dezb64
Posts: 109 Member
My husband and I started the adventure together and we were both doing very well while we worked together. We would go to the gym together at 5am every morning. Recently my husband fell down the stairs resulting in a few injuries (no broken bones). Because of these injuries he has not been able to workout as he had been doing in the past. Because of this he has been trying to keep me from going to the gym and is convinced he is going to loose me. If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done. If I go alone I am accused of meeting someone there. Just about everyone at the gym knows the two of us are together.
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Replies
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awww, he's jealous. it just shows how much he loves you. thats so sweet!0
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As someone that has gone through this.. Stop him immediately. Do not put up with it.. I put up with
it and changed my routine for my wife and guess what that did not help.. Jealous people always find
a reason to be jealous.. Confront it and end the jealousy.0 -
awww, he's jealous. it just shows how much he loves you. thats so sweet!
not sure if srs0 -
Tell him that you are doing this for your mental and physical health. This isn't about any other person, it's for you. If he cannot exercise, can he become more involved in healthy meal prep so you are both still on the journey together? In the end this is your body and life. Ideally he will be supportive. If he is unwilling to do so he will need to finda way to cope with his insecurity without impeding your progress.0
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awww, he's jealous. it just shows how much he loves you. thats so sweet!
not sure if srs
I freaking hope not.0 -
Can you add swimming, water aerobics to your routines? Water workouts are the best and will help with core strength & stability. And take a look at other issues in your relationship that sparks insecurity. Loudly commit to being the best of both of you in your relationship which will boost your happiness together. Good luck!0
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Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.0
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Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.
This. Why the lack of trust?0 -
I see no excuse for that level of jealousy. Unless you pushed him down those stairs....My husband and I started the adventure together and we were both doing very well while we worked together. We would go to the gym together at 5am every morning. Recently my husband fell down the stairs resulting in a few injuries (no broken bones). Because of these injuries he has not been able to workout as he had been doing in the past. Because of this he has been trying to keep me from going to the gym and is convinced he is going to loose me. If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done. If I go alone I am accused of meeting someone there. Just about everyone at the gym knows the two of us are together.
Anyway, you can't control his feelings, and he needs to know that his feelings can't control you. Set the boundary.0 -
First time he's been like this about something? How hard did he smack his face off the steps? Why did he fall?
Plainly tell him you won't tolerate that type of behavior.
If it's a new development in your relationship and if he's suddenly clumsy, I would ask him to get a complete work up. This might sound like a long shot, but my friend's husband suddenly got clumsy and mean/jealous. He had a brain tumor.0 -
Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.
This. Why the lack of trust?
if it's like other threads here, it will be revealed that the OP cheated with his friend/brother/father/cousin, and THAT is where the trust issues some from.
if not...
"he's just a jealouse hater! keep up the good work gurl!"0 -
people who act this way are ridiculous, and have the misconceived notion that they can control anything outside of themselves0
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Does your gym have a swimming pool? If so, he could do water workouts which are less strenuous and great for recovery while you're doing your normal routine. Plus, if there's a hot tub or sauna, the therapeutic aspects may get him on the road to recovery that much sooner!!
You have to be clear that while you love him and don't want to make him feel insecure, you're trying to be the best version of yourself for both you AND him. I started working out and dieting because I was tired of feeling like my husband had a fat wife. I never wanted to be anyone's "fat wife" so I committed to changing that. In the end, I have more energy and enthusiasm for our marriage. Make it clear to your husband that your workouts invigorate you to come home and be the best version of yourself with and for him!!!
Another option is to look into a personal trainer who specializes in rehabilitation for him. That way, he is getting a full workout while you're doing your workout, he's recovering, and you don't have to lose sight of your goals!!
Good luck!!!!0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.0 -
Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.
This. Why the lack of trust?
^This.
Unless you've given him reason to not trust you in the past.0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
I can see your point, but accusing her of meeting someone is out of line and doesn't suggest that he's just annoyed that she's continuing to exercise without him does it?0 -
awww, he's jealous. it just shows how much he loves you. thats so sweet!
not sure if srs
I freaking hope not.
hahaha
sshhh... chill !0 -
What's more important to HIM? His wife's freedom and happiness or making sure she wallows in misery with him? That's a two-way street.What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.0 -
No reason hubby cant continue working out. He can work around his his injuries until he recovers - though I dont think injury is his real problem. Dont let him BS you. There are other issues in play here. Burdening the spouse with one's personal issues is selfish. At the least he should be cheering you on.
BTW - I recently had open heart surgery. Damn painful. My chest was cracked open like I was a turkey, and though I couldnt even bathe myself, I was up and walking the hospital halls within a few days. I still have pain and not allowed to lift my arms above 10:00. Last week I started limited lifting. I do curls and flies with 8lbs. I walk the treadmill for an hour and recumbent stepping for 25 minutes. The difference between your hubby and me? Im motivated.0 -
Hmmm...guess she didn't really need advice after all lol0
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My husband did something like this about a year ago. I started working out, trying to take better care of myself etc. It was also the start of summer and I had a lot of free time on my hands (highschool teacher). His brother and a couple of the other idiots he works with suggested I might be cheating on him. He started acting all pissy with me and finally after about two weeks of him being a moody pain in the .... I confronted him and found out what was going on. I then proceeded to laugh my butt off, literally couldn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes, smack him upside the head (mostly metaphorically), smack his brother upside the head (not so metaphorically), explained to him my exact reasoning for wanting to take better care of myself and laid in to him a bit for not trusting me, and for listening to idiots for two weeks while not talking to me AND treating me like crap for something he never gave me a chance to explain.
Key points: Your husband's behavior, while *somewhat* understandable, is NOT ok. It's codependent, controlling, and not healthy for a relationship. While I agree it's important to find ways to support him, because it does sound like he's having a hard time, he also needs to deal with his issues and stop taking them out on you.
Also, I agree with the poster that said if this behavior etc. is WAY out of normal for him, you need to take him in for a full check up. Sudden changes in personality are generally BIG warning signs.0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.
And perhaps he could have a coffee whilst his wife finishes her workout. It's not just up to her to SAVE HER MARRIAGE.0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.
And perhaps he could have a coffee whilst his wife finishes her workout. It's not just up to her to SAVE HER MARRIAGE.
AMEN!!!!!0 -
just break up0
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In to find out.Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.
This. Why the lack of trust?
if it's like other threads here, it will be revealed that the OP cheated with his friend/brother/father/cousin, and THAT is where the trust issues some from.
if not...
"he's just a jealous hater! keep up the good work gurl!"0 -
He could still go.. and yeah have a coffee... make it something fun... or when he's up to it... just a little walk on the treadmill or a recumbent bike for a little...
Role play he's an injured athlete making a comeback... rawwrrrr...0 -
You need a marriage counselor, not advice from people on the internet.
Good luck OP.0 -
You forgot to add in the :flowerforyou:You need a marriage counselor, not advice from people on the internet.
Good luck OP.0 -
send him selfies from the gym.
lets him know that you wish he was there and are holding his spot for him and that its HIM you enjoy sharing all this with, whether he can be there with you right now or not.
every few days, send him a dirty one from the lockerroom nods nods
works wonders
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send him selfies from the gym.
lets him know that you wish he was there and are holding his spot for him and that its HIM you enjoy sharing all this with, whether he can be there with you right now or not.
every few days, send him a dirty one from the lockerroom nods nods
works wonders
I love this response! Mushy and dirty selfies would definitely help motivate me and reassure me (though I am sure I would be supportive even during my down time anyway). But talking it out is also a good idea.0
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