insecure spouse

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  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Why people post their marital problems on the internet full of strangers, I'll never figure out. Yeah, you'll get great advice you can really make useful.

    cuz we be smrt
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Why people post their marital problems on the internet full of strangers, I'll never figure out. Yeah, you'll get great advice you can really make useful.

    cuz we be smrt

    Because_we're_smart.gif
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
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    Have you had a chat with him and told him how he is making you feel? Some conversations between the two of you could really go a long way to sorting it out.

    Hope you both work it out, it really is not a big deal.
  • mrspinky85
    mrspinky85 Posts: 79 Member
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    I don't think it is actual jealousy. He is miserable that he cannot go so he wants you not to go either. People always go to the relationship answer. I think he is just full of it thinking you would hook up with someone and that is just his excuse to guilt you into staying home.

    He is hurting and want you to be at home instead of going out without him. Tell him he will heal up and everything will be back to normal. Like someone else suggested, he can try swimming if the gym has a pool.

    I think you should talk to him. If you break up with him just because he got hurt and is just feeling depressed and sorry for himself that seems harsh to me.
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
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    Keep doing what you need to do to stay focused on your goals. Be sensitive to your spouses feelings but keep your focus :flowerforyou:
  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
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    Maybe, just maybe, you should have a talk with the man you married instead of taking your issue to the internet. If you have already done this, my apologies. But if not, please, do. Our men are not mind-readers.
  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
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    I just noticed your ticker. Congrats on your amazing weight loss!
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Why people post their marital problems on the internet full of strangers, I'll never figure out. Yeah, you'll get great advice you can really make useful.

    cuz we be smrt

    Because_we're_smart.gif

    lol i could watch this gif all night LOL!!
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    this just started happening, really?

    sounds like he has always been the jealous type...
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    send him selfies from the gym.

    lets him know that you wish he was there and are holding his spot for him and that its HIM you enjoy sharing all this with, whether he can be there with you right now or not.

    every few days, send him a dirty one from the lockerroom nods nods

    works wonders :heart:

    I love this response! Mushy and dirty selfies would definitely help motivate me and reassure me (though I am sure I would be supportive even during my down time anyway). But talking it out is also a good idea.

    yea, while you are at it, post them to face book too..
  • dezb64
    dezb64 Posts: 109 Member
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    Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.

    This. Why the lack of trust?

    if it's like other threads here, it will be revealed that the OP cheated with his friend/brother/father/cousin, and THAT is where the trust issues some from.

    if not...

    "he's just a jealous hater! keep up the good work gurl!"
    In to find out.

    I have asked my husband why the lack of trust and the reply I get is "I don't trust the other guys at the gym (or anywhere else)" He gets very jealous if anyone gives me a second glance. He has always been like this, but I have always been able to keep it under control. We have been married for 22 years and have known each other since we were kids. I know he is very frustrated with his injury since even walking is difficult.
  • dezb64
    dezb64 Posts: 109 Member
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    Can you add swimming, water aerobics to your routines? Water workouts are the best and will help with core strength & stability. And take a look at other issues in your relationship that sparks insecurity. Loudly commit to being the best of both of you in your relationship which will boost your happiness together. Good luck!

    Unfortunately my gym does not have a pool.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.

    This. Why the lack of trust?

    if it's like other threads here, it will be revealed that the OP cheated with his friend/brother/father/cousin, and THAT is where the trust issues some from.

    if not...

    "he's just a jealous hater! keep up the good work gurl!"
    In to find out.

    I have asked my husband why the lack of trust and the reply I get is "I don't trust the other guys at the gym (or anywhere else)" He gets very jealous if anyone gives me a second glance. He has always been like this, but I have always been able to keep it under control. We have been married for 22 years and have known each other since we were kids. I know he is very frustrated with his injury since even walking is difficult.

    OP, I don't know if you are telling the whole truth or not -- but the above sounds very concerning. It's not your job to keep his jealousy under control and the fact the other men would find you attractive makes him "very jealous" is absurd. It seems like you've known him a long time and maybe normalized this type of behavior.

    Only you know if this is an accurate picture of him and your situation -- if it is, I hope you seek out a marriage counselor. It certainly sounds like you and your husband have some "projects" you could work on while he's hurt.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.

    This. Why the lack of trust?

    if it's like other threads here, it will be revealed that the OP cheated with his friend/brother/father/cousin, and THAT is where the trust issues some from.

    if not...

    "he's just a jealous hater! keep up the good work gurl!"
    In to find out.

    I have asked my husband why the lack of trust and the reply I get is "I don't trust the other guys at the gym (or anywhere else)" He gets very jealous if anyone gives me a second glance. He has always been like this, but I have always been able to keep it under control. We have been married for 22 years and have known each other since we were kids. I know he is very frustrated with his injury since even walking is difficult.

    Wow....I would suggest marriage counseling then. He's being irrational. My husband doesn't trust other men either, but he doesn't forbid me to do things because of his insecurities.
  • Wifey7891
    Wifey7891 Posts: 91
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    Congrats on the weight loss! If you're both that motivated by each other maybe you can invest in a home gym? Treadmill and some weights. Some of these comments are a little drastic I think, and who are we to judge? You can figure something out if you continue to go to the gym. Trust is a cornerstone of a marriage, make sure you reinforce that any way you can.
  • Amadbro
    Amadbro Posts: 750 Member
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    As someone that has gone through this.. Stop him immediately. Do not put up with it.. I put up with
    it and changed my routine for my wife and guess what that did not help.. Jealous people always find
    a reason to be jealous.. Confront it and end the jealousy.

    Above poster is my future wife :D Love you baby
    good advice
  • sm1zzle
    sm1zzle Posts: 920 Member
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    Jealous people always find
    a reason to be jealous.. Confront it and end the jealousy.

    ... are you telling her to kill him ?
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
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    I always find this quite insulting. Is he trying to say you are not good enough now to get snatched away, that only once you look better that's when there is a risk? Thank God I have a supportive husband that loves how good I am looking and not only because my body is changing but because he sees how much happier I am with myself.

    If he was my husband I would tell him to get over it and that his jealousy is his problem not yours and you are trying to better yourself and he should be happy and supportive of that. Throw in a grow up or 2
  • theycallyoumister
    theycallyoumister Posts: 222 Member
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    I agree with the feedback. Don't put up with it. Although it's easier said then done. A supportive partner wouldn't make you feel crappy like and life's too short to suffer unnecessarily.
  • Derpes
    Derpes Posts: 2,033 Member
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    Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.

    This. Why the lack of trust?

    if it's like other threads here, it will be revealed that the OP cheated with his friend/brother/father/cousin, and THAT is where the trust issues some from.

    if not...

    "he's just a jealous hater! keep up the good work gurl!"
    In to find out.

    I have asked my husband why the lack of trust and the reply I get is "I don't trust the other guys at the gym (or anywhere else)" He gets very jealous if anyone gives me a second glance. He has always been like this, but I have always been able to keep it under control. We have been married for 22 years and have known each other since we were kids. I know he is very frustrated with his injury since even walking is difficult.

    Cognitive behavioral therapy (psychologist) would go a long way. He could identify the ROOT cause of such feelings while learning techniques to manage them.

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