insecure spouse
Replies
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You forgot to add in the :flowerforyou:You need a marriage counselor, not advice from people on the internet.
Good luck OP.
Thank you. :flowerforyou:0 -
yep, the hotter we get, the more the man feels threatened.
make him feel secure.0 -
Hmm, you know what they say about people that accuse you of being unfaithful0
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Hmm, you know what they say about people that accuse you of being unfaithful
Uh oh. You forgot the :flowerforyou:0 -
Hmm, you know what they say about people that accuse you of being unfaithful
Uh oh. You forgot the :flowerforyou:
Oops. I'll make up for it now
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.
baw ha ha ha ha
ME.
I'm always more important. Marriage can come and go... but you have to do what's best for YOU first.
Why does she have to be the one to make arrangements for him? If he is so injured perhaps he shouldn't go. Or perhaps he could wait in the waiting area (most gyms have some form of semi-lounge area.)0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.
baw ha ha ha ha
ME.
I'm always more important. Marriage can come and go... but you have to do what's best for YOU first.
Why does she have to be the one to make arrangements for him? If he is so injured perhaps he shouldn't go. Or perhaps he could wait in the waiting area (most gyms have some form of semi-lounge area.)
Sorry, married over 10 years here. The gym equipment isn't going to animate to come pay its respects at my funeral. My husband, on the other hand, is there for me and will be there for me. I don't think it's too much to ask to make adjustments in my life when he needs support. He would do, and does, the same for me. It's the people in my life who are important, and they are infinitely more important than a few missed or shorter workouts. If it takes a little longer to reach my goal, so what? I don't believe than I am any more important that he is or that my needs are more important just because they are mine. We work together as a team and make adjustments as necessary. Sometimes it means one of us giving something up to accommodate the other, and we've both been there.
There is clearly something going on with the OP's husband. As someone mentioned, he could be having medical issues causing the change in behavior that may have also contributed to the fall. He could just be depressed. He could be jealous. He could be responding to the behavior of the OP if she is being adamant and argumentative about her gym time, leading him to think there's a reason why she wants to go other than the barbells. We don't know, because we don't have his side of the story.
One thing I do know is that marriage doesn't work if either partner is more concerned with their own needs than that of the other person, which is why I made the suggestion to change things up so they are still able to go through the journey together. I know "screw everyone else" is a popular mantra around here, but if she wants to solve this situation, she needs to work it out with him, and that probably means compromise from both of them.0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.
baw ha ha ha ha
ME.
I'm always more important. Marriage can come and go... but you have to do what's best for YOU first.
Why does she have to be the one to make arrangements for him? If he is so injured perhaps he shouldn't go. Or perhaps he could wait in the waiting area (most gyms have some form of semi-lounge area.)
Sorry, married over 10 years here. The gym equipment isn't going to animate to come pay its respects at my funeral. My husband, on the other hand, is there for me and will be there for me. I don't think it's too much to ask to make adjustments in my life when he needs support. He would do, and does, the same for me. It's the people in my life who are important, and they are infinitely more important than a few missed or shorter workouts. If it takes a little longer to reach my goal, so what? I don't believe than I am any more important that he is or that my needs are more important just because they are mine. We work together as a team and make adjustments as necessary. Sometimes it means one of us giving something up to accommodate the other, and we've both been there.
There is clearly something going on with the OP's husband. As someone mentioned, he could be having medical issues causing the change in behavior that may have also contributed to the fall. He could just be depressed. He could be jealous. He could be responding to the behavior of the OP if she is being adamant and argumentative about her gym time, leading him to think there's a reason why she wants to go other than the barbells. We don't know, because we don't have his side of the story.
One thing I do know is that marriage doesn't work if either partner is more concerned with their own needs than that of the other person, which is why I made the suggestion to change things up so they are still able to go through the journey together. I know "screw everyone else" is a popular mantra around here, but if she wants to solve this situation, she needs to work it out with him, and that probably means compromise from both of them.
First - you're assuming you'll be going first. But second...
This line "really disturbs me" -The gym equipment isn't going to animate to come pay its respects at my funeral.
Well...now I see why people get married. It's to make sure at least one person attends the funeral. Thanks for the insight!!!0 -
Why people post their marital problems on the internet full of strangers, I'll never figure out. Yeah, you'll get great advice you can really make useful.0
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Why people post their marital problems on the internet full of strangers, I'll never figure out. Yeah, you'll get great advice you can really make useful.
You and me both. My advice will be Just Break Up...because seriously, if you have to turn to the internet to help solve marriage issues then it's probably over and you're just putting off the inevitable.0 -
Why people post their marital problems on the internet full of strangers, I'll never figure out. Yeah, you'll get great advice you can really make useful.
cuz we be smrt0 -
Why people post their marital problems on the internet full of strangers, I'll never figure out. Yeah, you'll get great advice you can really make useful.
cuz we be smrt
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Have you had a chat with him and told him how he is making you feel? Some conversations between the two of you could really go a long way to sorting it out.
Hope you both work it out, it really is not a big deal.0 -
I don't think it is actual jealousy. He is miserable that he cannot go so he wants you not to go either. People always go to the relationship answer. I think he is just full of it thinking you would hook up with someone and that is just his excuse to guilt you into staying home.
He is hurting and want you to be at home instead of going out without him. Tell him he will heal up and everything will be back to normal. Like someone else suggested, he can try swimming if the gym has a pool.
I think you should talk to him. If you break up with him just because he got hurt and is just feeling depressed and sorry for himself that seems harsh to me.0 -
Keep doing what you need to do to stay focused on your goals. Be sensitive to your spouses feelings but keep your focus :flowerforyou:0
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Maybe, just maybe, you should have a talk with the man you married instead of taking your issue to the internet. If you have already done this, my apologies. But if not, please, do. Our men are not mind-readers.0
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I just noticed your ticker. Congrats on your amazing weight loss!0
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Why people post their marital problems on the internet full of strangers, I'll never figure out. Yeah, you'll get great advice you can really make useful.
cuz we be smrt
lol i could watch this gif all night LOL!!0 -
this just started happening, really?
sounds like he has always been the jealous type...0 -
send him selfies from the gym.
lets him know that you wish he was there and are holding his spot for him and that its HIM you enjoy sharing all this with, whether he can be there with you right now or not.
every few days, send him a dirty one from the lockerroom nods nods
works wonders
I love this response! Mushy and dirty selfies would definitely help motivate me and reassure me (though I am sure I would be supportive even during my down time anyway). But talking it out is also a good idea.
yea, while you are at it, post them to face book too..0 -
In to find out.Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.
This. Why the lack of trust?
if it's like other threads here, it will be revealed that the OP cheated with his friend/brother/father/cousin, and THAT is where the trust issues some from.
if not...
"he's just a jealous hater! keep up the good work gurl!"
I have asked my husband why the lack of trust and the reply I get is "I don't trust the other guys at the gym (or anywhere else)" He gets very jealous if anyone gives me a second glance. He has always been like this, but I have always been able to keep it under control. We have been married for 22 years and have known each other since we were kids. I know he is very frustrated with his injury since even walking is difficult.0 -
Can you add swimming, water aerobics to your routines? Water workouts are the best and will help with core strength & stability. And take a look at other issues in your relationship that sparks insecurity. Loudly commit to being the best of both of you in your relationship which will boost your happiness together. Good luck!
Unfortunately my gym does not have a pool.0 -
In to find out.Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.
This. Why the lack of trust?
if it's like other threads here, it will be revealed that the OP cheated with his friend/brother/father/cousin, and THAT is where the trust issues some from.
if not...
"he's just a jealous hater! keep up the good work gurl!"
I have asked my husband why the lack of trust and the reply I get is "I don't trust the other guys at the gym (or anywhere else)" He gets very jealous if anyone gives me a second glance. He has always been like this, but I have always been able to keep it under control. We have been married for 22 years and have known each other since we were kids. I know he is very frustrated with his injury since even walking is difficult.
OP, I don't know if you are telling the whole truth or not -- but the above sounds very concerning. It's not your job to keep his jealousy under control and the fact the other men would find you attractive makes him "very jealous" is absurd. It seems like you've known him a long time and maybe normalized this type of behavior.
Only you know if this is an accurate picture of him and your situation -- if it is, I hope you seek out a marriage counselor. It certainly sounds like you and your husband have some "projects" you could work on while he's hurt.0 -
In to find out.Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.
This. Why the lack of trust?
if it's like other threads here, it will be revealed that the OP cheated with his friend/brother/father/cousin, and THAT is where the trust issues some from.
if not...
"he's just a jealous hater! keep up the good work gurl!"
I have asked my husband why the lack of trust and the reply I get is "I don't trust the other guys at the gym (or anywhere else)" He gets very jealous if anyone gives me a second glance. He has always been like this, but I have always been able to keep it under control. We have been married for 22 years and have known each other since we were kids. I know he is very frustrated with his injury since even walking is difficult.
Wow....I would suggest marriage counseling then. He's being irrational. My husband doesn't trust other men either, but he doesn't forbid me to do things because of his insecurities.0 -
Congrats on the weight loss! If you're both that motivated by each other maybe you can invest in a home gym? Treadmill and some weights. Some of these comments are a little drastic I think, and who are we to judge? You can figure something out if you continue to go to the gym. Trust is a cornerstone of a marriage, make sure you reinforce that any way you can.0
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As someone that has gone through this.. Stop him immediately. Do not put up with it.. I put up with
it and changed my routine for my wife and guess what that did not help.. Jealous people always find
a reason to be jealous.. Confront it and end the jealousy.
Above poster is my future wife
Love you baby
good advice0 -
Jealous people always find
a reason to be jealous.. Confront it and end the jealousy.
... are you telling her to kill him ?0 -
I always find this quite insulting. Is he trying to say you are not good enough now to get snatched away, that only once you look better that's when there is a risk? Thank God I have a supportive husband that loves how good I am looking and not only because my body is changing but because he sees how much happier I am with myself.
If he was my husband I would tell him to get over it and that his jealousy is his problem not yours and you are trying to better yourself and he should be happy and supportive of that. Throw in a grow up or 20 -
I agree with the feedback. Don't put up with it. Although it's easier said then done. A supportive partner wouldn't make you feel crappy like and life's too short to suffer unnecessarily.0
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In to find out.Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.
This. Why the lack of trust?
if it's like other threads here, it will be revealed that the OP cheated with his friend/brother/father/cousin, and THAT is where the trust issues some from.
if not...
"he's just a jealous hater! keep up the good work gurl!"
I have asked my husband why the lack of trust and the reply I get is "I don't trust the other guys at the gym (or anywhere else)" He gets very jealous if anyone gives me a second glance. He has always been like this, but I have always been able to keep it under control. We have been married for 22 years and have known each other since we were kids. I know he is very frustrated with his injury since even walking is difficult.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (psychologist) would go a long way. He could identify the ROOT cause of such feelings while learning techniques to manage them.0
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