Depressed and deprived...not feeling so Sexy
kgreenRDLDN
Posts: 248 Member
Hello, So normally I don't like to open up to people I don't know, but I'm having such a hard time with this that I think I need some outside advice. I'm 29, engaged, and a step mom to a 14 year old girl. I'm a registered Dietitian and soon to take my Certified Diabetes Educator exam and get that credential as well. The problem? A few years back I was still in decent Shape. I felt sexy, and felt like I still had an attractive body. Now due to my last job being stressful, being unemployed for several months, having to randomly move & find a home in 2 weeks and working in a new desk job I have gained quite a bit of weight. I have a belly now and I feel like I'm fat and ugly.
I get stressed about finances easily, and am stressed that I have no money for a wedding. I guess Through all of this what Im getting at is that Since I don't think Im sexy, I don't feel sexy I'm too afraid to start anything intimate with my fiancé because If I don't feel sexy, how can he think I am? I don't hold a candle to s many girls that he is friends with. He tells me I am, but he also picks on me (he does it lovingly, but its just sore spots with me-like my big *kitten*--even though he has always told me he has loved my *kitten*)
I guess what Im getting at is I need some help to relax and look at myself in a better light. I know where thoughts of body image lead (I am a Dietitian) and I know my fiancé loves me and I love him. We got the Insanity DVDs to do together, but because of his asthma he is unable to do them without getting to the point of almost throwing up just so he can breath. I'm at a loss, Im depressed, and I don't want my relationship to suffer just because I feel fat and ugly. I am working on taking steps to get back in shape but the more depressed I get the harder it is to do the work outs and stay motivated.
Any words of wisdom for either girls or guys out there?
I get stressed about finances easily, and am stressed that I have no money for a wedding. I guess Through all of this what Im getting at is that Since I don't think Im sexy, I don't feel sexy I'm too afraid to start anything intimate with my fiancé because If I don't feel sexy, how can he think I am? I don't hold a candle to s many girls that he is friends with. He tells me I am, but he also picks on me (he does it lovingly, but its just sore spots with me-like my big *kitten*--even though he has always told me he has loved my *kitten*)
I guess what Im getting at is I need some help to relax and look at myself in a better light. I know where thoughts of body image lead (I am a Dietitian) and I know my fiancé loves me and I love him. We got the Insanity DVDs to do together, but because of his asthma he is unable to do them without getting to the point of almost throwing up just so he can breath. I'm at a loss, Im depressed, and I don't want my relationship to suffer just because I feel fat and ugly. I am working on taking steps to get back in shape but the more depressed I get the harder it is to do the work outs and stay motivated.
Any words of wisdom for either girls or guys out there?
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Replies
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Well to come back with words of encouragement that you gave me! You look great! If you want to do some challenges with me that would be great!!!!
We can do this together... 0 -
Thank you Tweety. My pictures do not show what I see, I know some of what I see is not as bad as I feel it is, but its just hard. I did do my Bowling and my insanity workout last night so that helps a little.0
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Remember to focus on what you can control and not what you cannot.
Stress gets me down too. Too many bills and I can only bring in so much money myself, then other things come up and drag me down. To be honest I don't know how I will survive the next 6 months. I'm going to have to figure it out though and get through.
Every small win is a win nonetheless, so let the losses pass and focus on the wins.
Good luck.0 -
Oh my sweet friend ~ Things WILL work out. They may not be "perfect" but life is not perfect. I too can get stressed about what my wife and I call LOM Disease (Lack Of Money). But it has worked out. The man you love, trust me, sees you with eyes that see you for you. Inside and out. I only see the one photo of you, you are a very beautiful woman. I only know you from what you've posted in this thread. But you have a great job, one that helps and inspires others to evolve to a healthier and happier live. I wish you many, many days of happiness. Remember, we can't always live on the mountain tops. If we didn't have the valleys, the mountain tops would be as sweet.0
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You need to get to the gym ASAP- not because it will make you look better and solve the problem (though that's a bonus) but because it will give you the endorphins and stress relief to start feeling better. Starting today, force yourself to exercise for a minimum of 15 minutes medium intensity EVERY SINGLE DAY- no matter how you feel about it or if you're tired or whatever. If you can't get a real workout, do a 15 minute brisk walk. By the two week mark, things will be looking up, I promise!
PS. Don't overdo it and try to go full throttle every day- that's counter productive, just get moving!0 -
I have suffer with Depression due to a head injure ive just gone thought a really bad time and didn't think i would pull myself out at one point i spent every day in bed could not get motivated and was eating so much i put on 5 stone within 18 months that gave me so many side affect's - and the pest part about my story is that im a personal trainer i get great results for my clients think what im trying to say is that when you go thought the bad times it makes you stronger and more wiser to move forward and you will get to the good times life is to short Happy new year.0
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You need to get to the gym ASAP- not because it will make you look better and solve the problem (though that's a bonus) but because it will give you the endorphins and stress relief to start feeling better. Starting today, force yourself to exercise for a minimum of 15 minutes medium intensity EVERY SINGLE DAY- no matter how you feel about it or if you're tired or whatever. If you can't get a real workout, do a 15 minute brisk walk. By the two week mark, things will be looking up, I promise!
PS. Don't overdo it and try to go full throttle every day- that's counter productive, just get moving!
I'm doing the Insanity work outs at home. I cannot afford a gym membership, plus Im too self conscious to work out in a gym. I am just starting in on the consistency with my workouts though.0 -
Oh my sweet friend ~ Things WILL work out. They may not be "perfect" but life is not perfect. I too can get stressed about what my wife and I call LOM Disease (Lack Of Money). But it has worked out. The man you love, trust me, sees you with eyes that see you for you. Inside and out. I only see the one photo of you, you are a very beautiful woman. I only know you from what you've posted in this thread. But you have a great job, one that helps and inspires others to evolve to a healthier and happier live. I wish you many, many days of happiness. Remember, we can't always live on the mountain tops. If we didn't have the valleys, the mountain tops would be as sweet.
I'm going to start using that: LOM Disease...lol. Thank you for the great words, I know he finds me attractive, I just find it hard to be intimate (starting something with him rather than him always starting it) when I feel fat and gross to myself.0 -
I've been there, to the point where I did everything I could to drive my wife away because I thought she deserved better. What you want is your man to make you feel sexy again. What you need is to realize that you already are. If you don't believe me take off your clothes tonight and tell him what you want and how you want it and watch him snap to it!
I'm not trying to be a pig here, but we really are simple beings (men) we don't always know how your feeling or what it is you want us to do. Having been in your shoes I realize that we really put this stuff into our head so much that we believe it to be the only truth we know. It's all a lie a flat tummy is not sexy, sexy is a million different things to people in love, the way you speak, kiss, breath,etc.
As for the other issues causing stress in your life, they suck and they don't really ever go away which is why we need to celebrate the important stuff and our little victories we achieve along the way.
Keep your head up, be a strong proud beautiful woman....and don't forget to smile and laugh each day0 -
I've been there, to the point where I did everything I could to drive my wife away because I thought she deserved better. What you want is your man to make you feel sexy again. What you need is to realize that you already are. If you don't believe me take off your clothes tonight and tell him what you want and how you want it and watch him snap to it!
I'm not trying to be a pig here, but we really are simple beings (men) we don't always know how your feeling or what it is you want us to do. Having been in your shoes I realize that we really put this stuff into our head so much that we believe it to be the only truth we know. It's all a lie a flat tummy is not sexy, sexy is a million different things to people in love, the way you speak, kiss, breath,etc.
As for the other issues causing stress in your life, they suck and they don't really ever go away which is why we need to celebrate the important stuff and our little victories we achieve along the way.
Keep your head up, be a strong proud beautiful woman....and don't forget to smile and laugh each day
This is BY FAR the best advise ever.
P.S. Ms. KgreenRDLDN - you are a smokin hottie0 -
I've been there, to the point where I did everything I could to drive my wife away because I thought she deserved better. What you want is your man to make you feel sexy again. What you need is to realize that you already are. If you don't believe me take off your clothes tonight and tell him what you want and how you want it and watch him snap to it!
I'm not trying to be a pig here, but we really are simple beings (men) we don't always know how your feeling or what it is you want us to do. Having been in your shoes I realize that we really put this stuff into our head so much that we believe it to be the only truth we know. It's all a lie a flat tummy is not sexy, sexy is a million different things to people in love, the way you speak, kiss, breath,etc.
As for the other issues causing stress in your life, they suck and they don't really ever go away which is why we need to celebrate the important stuff and our little victories we achieve along the way.
Keep your head up, be a strong proud beautiful woman....and don't forget to smile and laugh each day
Thank you so much. I'm gonna try that tonight just because our daughter comes back from vacation Friday and I want to get a little more adult time in before she is home. Not that that really stops us...but you know.0 -
I you do want to workout with him why not try an easier dvd and build up to insanity. Also, you do look amazing!0
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I've been there, to the point where I did everything I could to drive my wife away because I thought she deserved better. What you want is your man to make you feel sexy again. What you need is to realize that you already are. If you don't believe me take off your clothes tonight and tell him what you want and how you want it and watch him snap to it!
I'm not trying to be a pig here, but we really are simple beings (men) we don't always know how your feeling or what it is you want us to do. Having been in your shoes I realize that we really put this stuff into our head so much that we believe it to be the only truth we know. It's all a lie a flat tummy is not sexy, sexy is a million different things to people in love, the way you speak, kiss, breath,etc.
As for the other issues causing stress in your life, they suck and they don't really ever go away which is why we need to celebrate the important stuff and our little victories we achieve along the way.
Keep your head up, be a strong proud beautiful woman....and don't forget to smile and laugh each day
Thank you so much. I'm gonna try that tonight just because our daughter comes back from vacation Friday and I want to get a little more adult time in before she is home. Not that that really stops us...but you know.
Hahaha trust me I know I have 4 little mood killers! Go for it0 -
Mainly because we don't have any easier DVDs and can't afford to purchase any others.0
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I've been there, to the point where I did everything I could to drive my wife away because I thought she deserved better. What you want is your man to make you feel sexy again. What you need is to realize that you already are. If you don't believe me take off your clothes tonight and tell him what you want and how you want it and watch him snap to it!
I'm not trying to be a pig here, but we really are simple beings (men) we don't always know how your feeling or what it is you want us to do. Having been in your shoes I realize that we really put this stuff into our head so much that we believe it to be the only truth we know. It's all a lie a flat tummy is not sexy, sexy is a million different things to people in love, the way you speak, kiss, breath,etc.
As for the other issues causing stress in your life, they suck and they don't really ever go away which is why we need to celebrate the important stuff and our little victories we achieve along the way.
Keep your head up, be a strong proud beautiful woman....and don't forget to smile and laugh each day
Thank you so much. I'm gonna try that tonight just because our daughter comes back from vacation Friday and I want to get a little more adult time in before she is home. Not that that really stops us...but you know.
Hahaha trust me I know I have 4 little mood killers! Go for it
Yea ours is 14...well I guess I should say his. She is my step daughter. I guess that's another part of my stress is that I never have money to do girly things with her. We can't go shopping because I have no money to spend on fun things. I need to find a good way to bond with her, but I'm at a loss. I was raised a lot different than she has been so I come across as a ***** to her, but really its just me trying to make her more self sufficient like I was at her age.0 -
I recommend doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day shred. It's only 20 minutes a day. I much prefer anything JM over Insanity, and she fits it into any schedule and she motivates me to look and feel better. DO IT! Stick with it and I promise you even after 10 days you will feel tighter and start to look at yourself differently.0
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Hi there! Sorry you are feeling this way. Life will always get in the way and bring you down. So much is out of our control that it's so easy to get overwhelmed and feel defeated by it all. Kudos to you and your husband for trying to do Insanity together! He can still try to do it with you and modify even more, if you truly want to keep that up. He can skip every other move, or only do half pace of what Shaun T does, etc. Just move!
What I truly wanted to say to you was that this has been one of the hardest years of my life. Suicidal family member, moves, finances, work, etc. The main thing that got me through it was being able to take control of the one thing that I could do for me--my health. My workouts gave me a release, they gave me a feeling of power over SOMETHING in my life, and they gave me time to focus on only myself. With all that went on this past year, I gained some weight. I started and stopped some programs, didn't watch the diet as I should have, but I KNOW that I maintained my own sanity and sense of self because I kept on trying. And just after day 1 of a new program yesterday, I felt so much better about my body, and it showed with my husband. I was flirty, more playful and just felt good about myself. Because I'm taking that control. That is something that you can try to focus on. Once you have that control, that bit of something JUST FOR YOU, your self confidence will come back!0 -
I have been and still in the same boat. I lost my job after 16 yrs and at my age it is hard to find another. I wasn't exercising like I should. I wasn't gaining any weight but felt like I was. I decided I wasn't going to let my ex boss win at everything. Got up last week and said if I was going to do this I would be the only one that could do it for me. I have been exercising and eating like I should everyday. I started volunteering 3 days a week. It is taking a lot of gas to get there but decided when I run out of gas I will walk the 6 miles there and back. that way I will get my exercise in also.0
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http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=workout+videos+cardio&sm=1
I just typed "workout videos" into the youtube search bar and this is the first page that popped up. The first three to four videos are 50-30 mins long. I post that, not to be a smart *kitten*, but just to point out that several folks mentioned the insanity video as maybe bitting off too much too quick and you commented on not being able to afford another DVD. I used that excuse a million times, then my DVD player broke and that was a great excuse too. Unfortunately for me, those excuses were shattered by folks in this site pointing out that several videos were available free on youtube and if you have a Netflix account there are dozens of them on there as well, streaming and in-the-mail DVD. Not to mention the fact that walking around the block is completely free and probably less dangerous for someone with asthma if you want to include the hubby.
When I'm dealing with depression, I have to remember something an awesome therapist told me. You can't think you way or reason your way out of depression, you have to get up, make your bed, shower, eat, and get outside and start moving. Here's ling to a phenominal (sp) blog article about dealing with situational depressions and getting the motivation to start moving again. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/obesely-speaking/201312/there-are-no-victims-only-volunteers
Exercise not only kicks off endorphens, as several folks already mentioned, but it's also, the only way the body has to release stress hormons. My brain reads stress hormons as a threat to survival and kicks in fight or flight responses. So, when I'm stressed or anxious, and I sit in it, my brain thinks I'm either not getting the message and increases the hormon flood making the stress or anxiety worse, or it thinks I'm trapped and can't fight or flight, which means I'm doomed and most likely getting ready to be eaten by a saber toothed tiger, in which case it really freaks out, which makes the stress/anxiety worse and certainly doesn't help the depression at all.
When I start moving and burning off some energy, my brain thinks I'm doing something about what ever it is that's causing me stress, even if I'm not, and burns off the hormons, because it assumes I got the message and am taking care of the "danger." I live out here in the real world. My brain lives in a chemical soup that was formed by hiding from saber toothed tigers. We like to think we're oh so very advanced and clever as human beings, but the reality is, from the chemcial stand point, we're not so much, we're still pretty primal.
Pop so good upbeat dance tunes into your mp3 player, strap on the sneakers, and walk for 45 minutes. Try that every other day for a week and see how you're feeling at the end of the week. It was shocking and annoying to me to find I did actually feel much better after I tried that. I wanted it to be more complicated than that. So, now I just imagine that saber toothed tiger stalking me while I'm walking and I've managed to not only pick up my pace, but I've even occassionally added and little jog to the walk as well. 0 -
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=workout+videos+cardio&sm=1
I just typed "workout videos" into the youtube search bar and this is the first page that popped up. The first three to four videos are 50-30 mins long. I post that, not to be a smart *kitten*, but just to point out that several folks mentioned the insanity video as maybe bitting off too much too quick and you commented on not being able to afford another DVD. I used that excuse a million times, then my DVD player broke and that was a great excuse too. Unfortunately for me, those excuses were shattered by folks in this site pointing out that several videos were available free on youtube and if you have a Netflix account there are dozens of them on there as well, streaming and in-the-mail DVD. Not to mention the fact that walking around the block is completely free and probably less dangerous for someone with asthma if you want to include the hubby.
When I'm dealing with depression, I have to remember something an awesome therapist told me. You can't think you way or reason your way out of depression, you have to get up, make your bed, shower, eat, and get outside and start moving. Here's ling to a phenominal (sp) blog article about dealing with situational depressions and getting the motivation to start moving again. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/obesely-speaking/201312/there-are-no-victims-only-volunteers
Exercise not only kicks off endorphens, as several folks already mentioned, but it's also, the only way the body has to release stress hormons. My brain reads stress hormons as a threat to survival and kicks in fight or flight responses. So, when I'm stressed or anxious, and I sit in it, my brain thinks I'm either not getting the message and increases the hormon flood making the stress or anxiety worse, or it thinks I'm trapped and can't fight or flight, which means I'm doomed and most likely getting ready to be eaten by a saber toothed tiger, in which case it really freaks out, which makes the stress/anxiety worse and certainly doesn't help the depression at all.
When I start moving and burning off some energy, my brain thinks I'm doing something about what ever it is that's causing me stress, even if I'm not, and burns off the hormons, because it assumes I got the message and am taking care of the "danger." I live out here in the real world. My brain lives in a chemical soup that was formed by hiding from saber toothed tigers. We like to think we're oh so very advanced and clever as human beings, but the reality is, from the chemcial stand point, we're not so much, we're still pretty primal.
Pop so good upbeat dance tunes into your mp3 player, strap on the sneakers, and walk for 45 minutes. Try that every other day for a week and see how you're feeling at the end of the week. It was shocking and annoying to me to find I did actually feel much better after I tried that. I wanted it to be more complicated than that. So, now I just imagine that saber toothed tiger stalking me while I'm walking and I've managed to not only pick up my pace, but I've even occassionally added and little jog to the walk as well.
Thank you for the link, however we have the slowest internet possible at our home because the lines are so old they cannot provide anything faster so Youtube and online videos are out.
I'm not too sure about the safety in our block at this point....we live in the woods and currently have a mama bear and cub wondering around our home. We found the tracks the other day. I will definitely check out the blog link thank you!
I do feel better when I am exercising, I just have to get into the routine. I'm not worried about Insanity being too hard as I'm taking it slow. Its a great work out and I do enjoy it, just haven't exercised in forever! Walking is great exercise, but with my work schedule its just not feasible-plus with the Bear around not too safe either. I like using the work out DVDs just because I can do it without anyone watching.....sometimes.
Thank you for your great advice though, I really do appreciate it0 -
Hi there! Sorry you are feeling this way. Life will always get in the way and bring you down. So much is out of our control that it's so easy to get overwhelmed and feel defeated by it all. Kudos to you and your husband for trying to do Insanity together! He can still try to do it with you and modify even more, if you truly want to keep that up. He can skip every other move, or only do half pace of what Shaun T does, etc. Just move!
What I truly wanted to say to you was that this has been one of the hardest years of my life. Suicidal family member, moves, finances, work, etc. The main thing that got me through it was being able to take control of the one thing that I could do for me--my health. My workouts gave me a release, they gave me a feeling of power over SOMETHING in my life, and they gave me time to focus on only myself. With all that went on this past year, I gained some weight. I started and stopped some programs, didn't watch the diet as I should have, but I KNOW that I maintained my own sanity and sense of self because I kept on trying. And just after day 1 of a new program yesterday, I felt so much better about my body, and it showed with my husband. I was flirty, more playful and just felt good about myself. Because I'm taking that control. That is something that you can try to focus on. Once you have that control, that bit of something JUST FOR YOU, your self confidence will come back!
This past year has seemed to be filled with more issues than good. Had a job I love turn to a job I hated, lost that job unexpectedly, had to find new work, fight for unemployment, then found a new job and had to pack up and move within 2 weeks. Uplift my stepdaughter and move her away from family and friends. Just lots has happened. We are finally settling in, just gotta get back on track, and for some reason I am finding that harder to do this time around.0 -
Try to use your intimate time as a release from stress! Don't worry about what you look like; blindfold him if you like
Seriously, it's not about looks, so get into how you'll make him feel and that's probably what he'd appreciate more anyway. And get into it yourself, silly. It's not like the department store dressing rooms There's a lot more to do... 0 -
Try to use your intimate time as a release from stress! Don't worry about what you look like; blindfold him if you like Seriously, it's not about looks, so get into how you'll make him feel and that's probably what he'd appreciate more anyway. And get into it yourself, silly. It's not like the department store dressing rooms There's a lot more to do...
My problem is I don't like how I look. He doesn't care, and tells me i'm sexy and beautiful. But its my own ideas of myself that I have to get past.0 -
I exercise every day, to deal with stress. It makes me feel optimistic. If your fiance can't exercise with you, you can still do the DVDs. Maybe the two of you can walk together. Knowing that you're taking care of your body could give you more confidence.
P.S. I hope that your sweetie has asthma meds. Best wishes to both of you.0 -
I run when I'm stressed which is a very effective way of losing weight quickly. I just turn my music up loud and forget all about my problems. When I'm done, I feel such a sense of accomplishment that I'm feeling good about myself. Then as I noticed I had dropped sizes, I felt even better. So get started on your workouts, listen to music, get in a zone (stay consistent) and you will be where you want to be in no time!!0
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Do not voice your displeasure with your body to your fiancé anymore. He's said you're fine and you'll only create a self fulfilling prophecy. Take this displeasure with yourself and channel it into eating healthy and exercise. Notice the AND. Since your fiancé was exercising with you he'll eat healthy with you... to a point I've found with husbands. Ask for his help in the food department. You take on the exercise. I found even when I was still a lot over weight exercise made me feel stronger and sexier just by doing it. Gradually the weight came off and now I actually am sexy. ;D OK at least me and my hubby think so.0
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Do not voice your displeasure with your body to your fiancé anymore. He's said you're fine and you'll only create a self fulfilling prophecy. Take this displeasure with yourself and channel it into eating healthy and exercise. Notice the AND. Since your fiancé was exercising with you he'll eat healthy with you... to a point I've found with husbands. Ask for his help in the food department. You take on the exercise. I found even when I was still a lot over weight exercise made me feel stronger and sexier just by doing it. Gradually the weight came off and now I actually am sexy. ;D OK at least me and my hubby think so.
I do most of the cooking though some days he helps out with that. Since I'm an RD I try to cook healthy and in ways that my step-daughter and fiancé will eat. lol thank you for the encouragement.0
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