FAT= 0 Boyfriend/Girlfriend

fitnessgirlinthehouse
fitnessgirlinthehouse Posts: 18
in Motivation and Support
I'm 19.
I have a lot of guy friends.
Teasing for me is a normal way of life and sad to say, I got used to it.

I'm just wondering.. Why is it that guys always say..
"You know your really pretty, only if you lost the weight."

Don't they know I already know that!
I just feel like if I stay like this, I would end up being alone.
I'm afraid. I guess my confidence has declined to an ultimate low.

I'm just so tired of dealing with all these.
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Replies

  • Willbenchforcupcakes
    Willbenchforcupcakes Posts: 4,955 Member
    Oh sweety, some guys are just like that! Some of it is your own self-confidence or lack of it. Even at my heaviest (245 lbs), I never lacked a boyfriend when I wanted one. My secret? I knew that while I may not have been everyone's taste, I was still enough people's taste that I could pick and choose who I was with.

    Yes, sometimes someone you like doesn't like you back. It happens, and it sucks. Doesn't matter what the reason behind it is. So get healthy for you, not because you think it's the only way to attract someone. It's not.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    You won't be alone forever, whether or not you lose weight. Promise. It can feel that way though.

    If your friendships are the types where you tell each other things bluntly, you can probably expect your body to factor into that one way or the other. If they truly do care for you, telling them that you don't want to hear their opinions about your body should put a stop to most of it. People may still "slip" but it should be less frequent.You can change how you respond to the situation, change how you behave in the friendships, or change your friends, but you can't change them. if they don't change themselves.

    Don't complain about your body to friends that speak bluntly and honestly if you don't want feedback. If you ask your guy friends for reassurance about how attractive you are or ask them why you don't get asked out, they will tell you their ideas. (This sounds really snarky, but it isn't meant to be.)
  • DownsizingAaron
    DownsizingAaron Posts: 127 Member
    Oh sweety, some guys are just like that! Some of it is your own self-confidence or lack of it. Even at my heaviest (245 lbs), I never lacked a boyfriend when I wanted one. My secret? I knew that while I may not have been everyone's taste, I was still enough people's taste that I could pick and choose who I was with.

    Yes, sometimes someone you like doesn't like you back. It happens, and it sucks. Doesn't matter what the reason behind it is. So get healthy for you, not because you think it's the only way to attract someone. It's not.

    That. There are a lot of shallow guys out there but there are those that see beyond it or are even into a girl like you.
  • w2bab
    w2bab Posts: 353 Member
    Oh sweety, some guys are just like that! Some of it is your own self-confidence or lack of it. Even at my heaviest (245 lbs), I never lacked a boyfriend when I wanted one. My secret? I knew that while I may not have been everyone's taste, I was still enough people's taste that I could pick and choose who I was with.

    Yes, sometimes someone you like doesn't like you back. It happens, and it sucks. Doesn't matter what the reason behind it is. So get healthy for you, not because you think it's the only way to attract someone. It's not.

    Absolutely this! I've been overweight my whole life and once I got into my 20s, there was never a shortage of desirable guys who wanted to go out with me. Take care of you for you, and I promise that the older you get, the more appreciative men you will find.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    You arent even fat. And guys (and girls) your age tend to lack tact, so it will get better as you get older.

    I am fat and a few women find me attractive. so there is hope for you.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,519 Member
    First, you are 19. You are probably dealing with mostly boys, right? Give it a few years, meet some new people, there are plenty of men who like "larger" size women (not all of these men are perverts...my husband is one of them). Boys don't have the confidence to admit that they like plus-sized ladies.

    Also, your male friends are complete a-holes if they have the nerve to tell you that you need to lose weight to get a boyfriend. I would definitely find some new friends, and tell all of my female friends not to date these guys.

    If you want to lose weight and get fit, good for you. The only way it will work is if you do it for yourself.
  • DownsizingAaron
    DownsizingAaron Posts: 127 Member
    First, you are 19. You are probably dealing with mostly boys, right? Give it a few years, meet some new people, there are plenty of men who like "larger" size women (not all of these men are perverts...my husband is one of them). Boys don't have the confidence to admit that they like plus-sized ladies.

    Also, your male friends are complete a-holes if they have the nerve to tell you that you need to lose weight to get a boyfriend. I would definitely find some new friends, and tell all of my female friends not to date these guys.

    If you want to lose weight and get fit, good for you. The only way it will work is if you do it for yourself.

    This too.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    I had a lot of male friends like this so I just learned to give it back to them. I much prefer their directness to passive aggressive behavior and downright cattiness.

    They're being honest in their opinions, even though it may be tactless as it is a sensitive issue for you. My question is, are you asking for their input? Are their comments being provided unprovoked?

    It is true that confidence has a lot to do with attractiveness. If you find that in yourself you may have an easier time finding a relationship. Good luck OP.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
    I have always been heavier and have NEVER had an issue with men finding me unattractive. There is an *kitten* for every chair and even if you were fat (which you are not) you would find somebody, don't you worry. Find someone who loves you for you not for your looks. It will happen believe me.
  • krista2131
    krista2131 Posts: 33 Member
    Don't worry about those "boys", in a few years they will have a totally new attitude. When I was in school mostly all the girls that the guys wanted in high school become polar opposites. Most gained crazy weight and I call that karma. They were the "mean girls", I guess you could call them. Don't worry about what others think, just worry about what you think of yourself. You are still young, you have plenty of time to fall in love. Live your life.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    PPL told me that too, but then they didn't realize I'm NOT 19 and my face was old and filled with fat. Now they don't say anything and i'm all "but you SAID i'd be pretty!"














    bushdrag2.jpg

    where's my delorean?
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    double post
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    PPL told me that too, but then they didn't realize I'm NOT 19 and my face was old and filled with fat. Now they don't say anything and i'm all "but you SAID i'd be pretty!"














    bushdrag2.jpg

    where's my delorean?

    I've had too much wine. I'm mildly turned on by this.

    I have the shame now.
  • Hauntinglyfit
    Hauntinglyfit Posts: 5,537 Member
    I'm not fat.
    Still boyfriendless.
    It's not about how you look.
    Sorry to break the news to you.

    But s'okay. I am a strong woman who don't need no man.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    I'm not fat.
    Still boyfriendless.
    It's not about how you look.
    Sorry to break the news to you.

    But s'okay. I am a strong woman who don't need no man.

    The only bad part is missing peanut butter. :heartbreak:
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I'm not fat.
    Still boyfriendless.
    It's not about how you look.
    Sorry to break the news to you.

    But s'okay. I am a strong woman who don't need no STEADY man.

    FIFY. disposable one's are still okay though right?
  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,153 Member
    Fat does not equal zero boyfriend. Lack of self-confidence might, though. Fortunately that is something you can fake until you develop more of it.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    PPL told me that too, but then they didn't realize I'm NOT 19 and my face was old and filled with fat. Now they don't say anything and i'm all "but you SAID i'd be pretty!"














    bushdrag2.jpg

    where's my delorean?

    I've had too much wine. I'm mildly turned on by this.

    I have the shame now.

    How many minutes drive are you from LA?
  • Hauntinglyfit
    Hauntinglyfit Posts: 5,537 Member
    I'm not fat.
    Still boyfriendless.
    It's not about how you look.
    Sorry to break the news to you.

    But s'okay. I am a strong woman who don't need no STEADY man.

    FIFY. disposable one's are still okay though right?

    Yes ma'am.
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
    I'm 19.
    I have a lot of guy friends.
    Teasing for me is a normal way of life and sad to say, I got used to it.

    I'm just wondering.. Why is it that guys always say..
    "You know your really pretty, only if you lost the weight."

    Don't they know I already know that!
    I just feel like if I stay like this, I would end up being alone.
    I'm afraid. I guess my confidence has declined to an ultimate low.

    I'm just so tired of dealing with all these.
    The biggest reason they say this, is because they are also around 19 years old.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    OP how old are you?
  • PrettyPearl88
    PrettyPearl88 Posts: 368 Member
    I'm not fat.
    Still boyfriendless.
    It's not about how you look.
    Sorry to break the news to you.

    But s'okay. I am a strong woman who don't need no man.

    I can totally relate to this. I lost 50 lbs and went from a size 16 to a size 4. I thought that losing all of that extra weight would solve all of my problems, make my life perfect, and land me a wonderful boyfriend. Then I got a major reality check: all of my other problems are still there needing to be dealt with, my life isn't some perfect dream come true, I still don't have a boyfriend, and men still hurt and reject me.

    Lesson: Losing weight will definitely make your life better, but it's not going to magically solve all of your problems and it's not going to land you boyfriend. Unless you're morbidly obese or something, the reason you don't have a boyfriend is NOT your weight.
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
    I'm 19.
    I have a lot of guy friends.
    Teasing for me is a normal way of life and sad to say, I got used to it.

    I'm just wondering.. Why is it that guys always say..
    "You know your really pretty, only if you lost the weight."

    Don't they know I already know that!
    I just feel like if I stay like this, I would end up being alone.
    I'm afraid. I guess my confidence has declined to an ultimate low.

    I'm just so tired of dealing with all these.

    I am a guys girl meaning all my friends are guys because I am tom boyish so I fit in well. I know a lot of decent guys and they all tell me that if a girl has a beautiful face or an awesome personality then it doesn't matter how much she weighs. I can justify that by the men I date, I have always been overweight till recently but my confidence and personality got me the pick of the liter. Find your confidence and I bet you can do the same :)
  • fitnessgirlinthehouse
    fitnessgirlinthehouse Posts: 18
    Thanks guys!
    People these days (or atleast people I know), aren't just getting the fact that this life is tough..
    They gotta learn to cut me some slack.. LOL

    Anyway.. I was always the "clown" at our school..
    I kinda like being that way but now it seems like its not always as good.
  • edwardkim85
    edwardkim85 Posts: 438 Member
    I'm not fat.
    Still boyfriendless.
    It's not about how you look.
    Sorry to break the news to you.

    But s'okay. I am a strong woman who don't need no man.

    I'm a weak man who need a strong woman... love? <3
  • TigerBite
    TigerBite Posts: 611 Member
    Relationships based solely/mostly on looks, generally don't last long ... The maturity level of most guys your age is very low ... Don't change for anyone but yourself ...

    ETA: Insecurity isn't very attractive ... Just be yourself, live your life the way you, and things will fall into place ... Try online dating like Plenty of Fish or OKCupid ...
  • fitnessgirlinthehouse
    fitnessgirlinthehouse Posts: 18
    Relationships based solely/mostly on looks, generally don't last long ... The maturity level of most guys your age is very low ... Don't change for anyone but yourself ...

    Thaanks :) It's just sorta difficult seeing other girls.. I guess I have some issues.. LOL
  • TigerBite
    TigerBite Posts: 611 Member
    Relationships based solely/mostly on looks, generally don't last long ... The maturity level of most guys your age is very low ... Don't change for anyone but yourself ...

    Thaanks :) It's just sorta difficult seeing other girls.. I guess I have some issues.. LOL

    Confidence will come with age ... :)
  • fitnessgirlinthehouse
    fitnessgirlinthehouse Posts: 18
    Confidence will come with age ... :)
    [/quote]

    I just hope I'll have mine.. I've been to those seminars on boosting confidence.. Never really worked...
  • edwardkim85
    edwardkim85 Posts: 438 Member
    On a more serious note, if you're confident and busy with whatever you're passionate about, let it be working out, your job, or anything else it reflects and rubs off on other people(opposite sex too).

    Don't worry about getting a boyfriend/girlfriend. You're still young. Make sure you do what you're passionate about and love, and you will eventually meet someone who you truly care for and who truly cares for you.

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