Relationship question...yeah yeah I know ;)

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  • homerjspartan
    homerjspartan Posts: 1,893 Member
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    Sorry, I had to stop reading at the part where you said we seem like a decent group. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Ok, I'm back. Friendzone. Immediately. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

    I completely disagree with you Sarah. If he is willing to pay $200, you collect that.

    Friends with monetary benefits......
  • Some_Watery_Tart
    Some_Watery_Tart Posts: 2,250 Member
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    Sorry, I had to stop reading at the part where you said we seem like a decent group. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Ok, I'm back. Friendzone. Immediately. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

    I completely disagree with you Sarah. If he is willing to pay $200, you collect that.

    Friends with monetary benefits......
    Excellent point. Proceed to Free Parking.
  • LittleBallofFurr
    LittleBallofFurr Posts: 242 Member
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    Well, we have a dinner date tonight to talk. An honest to goodness get some answers and see where this is (or isnt) going. Communication is going to be the first try, after I get more info, then Ill have a better idea if this was just an honest attempt at being honest....or well, a hint or a red flag. I sincerely appreciate all the imput. :)
  • 360hope360
    360hope360 Posts: 29
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    You need to let him go. He is bound to hurt you more then what he has already. Red flag times a million. He needs to find you the most attractive person on this earth becasue your a beautiful woman. When in love your other half should always find you more prettier then the girls in his past. boot him out the door and dont look back. He is still stuck on his ex and really needs to take time on his own to get over her and move on. dont give him any more chances to make up for this, its time to jump ship and find someone that loves you and lets you know your the most beautiful woman in his life . He can say well matched with my mom but no one else. When a man has another woman on their mind excluding family and lets you know its time to just let go- you need a man with one woman on his mind and that woman is YOU. Your worth all that and more- you need that respect and unconditional love. Hugs
  • kaotik26
    kaotik26 Posts: 590 Member
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    I can see where this could turn into that whole, she comes running back to him and he loses himself and does something bad, ya know?
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
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    Excellent point. Proceed to Free Parking.
    If she's getting paid $200 to stay in the 'relationship', I think it's a "go to jail" card someone gets ;).
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    Well, we have a dinner date tonight to talk. An honest to goodness get some answers and see where this is (or isnt) going. Communication is going to be the first try, after I get more info, then Ill have a better idea if this was just an honest attempt at being honest....or well, a hint or a red flag. I sincerely appreciate all the imput. :)

    I don't think you should dump him or get angry with him. Sit down, talk it out, give it time for both of you to think about it and continue the conversation. If there is a resolution accept that and move forward. There are always going to be misunderstandings in relationships, and ways of being honest that are received better.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    He needs to find you the most attractive person on this earth

    I completely do NOT believe this. There are a lot of people on this earth who are more attractive than me. Being attractive is NOT why my husband loves me and I'm very thankful for that. I assume he'll always be attracted to me in some form or the other but there will always be more attractive people on the planet.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    He needs to find you the most attractive person on this earth

    I completely do NOT believe this. There are a lot of people on this earth who are more attractive than me. Being attractive is NOT why my husband loves me and I'm very thankful for that. I assume he'll always be attracted to me in some form or the other but there will always be more attractive people on the planet.

    I agree with Rae. The first comment in this quote is a bit much to fully expect.
  • JustMeee333
    JustMeee333 Posts: 233
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    He said his ex was trouble...........that is usually code for "she did things in the sack that you won't do"

    If thats true she was one scary chick!
    With that attitude, you won't be single for long anyhow! :laugh:
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
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    I completely do NOT believe this. There are a lot of people on this earth who are more attractive than me. Being attractive is NOT why my husband loves me and I'm very thankful for that. I assume he'll always be attracted to me in some form or the other but there will always be more attractive people on the planet.
    Indeed; my thought was that if blokes had told her she was the most attractive in the world when they were 'dating' it was because they wanted a shag, not because they were telling the truth (I dunno, the poster might ACTUALLY be the most attractive person in the world, to be fair.)
    If you're happy having your relationship based on a lie like that, fair enough.
    That or they are the sort of scary-stalker that most girls runs away from VERY fast!
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    How long were they dating for ?
    Physical attraction vs mental attraction?
    Get used to it.. there will be women in his life that will be more attractive then you.

    They "dated" on and off for around 5 years if I remember correctly. I am used to the fact that other women may be more physically attractive than me. Thats life! No matter who you are, there is always someone better, because its a personal perspective. Thanks for the imput though, all of you!

    I think the "she's stunning" is an easier thing to latch onto then what appears to be really happening here.

    Five years, even on and off, is awhile. If he's being honest with you, and you guys had been dating happily, it's probably much less to do with her appearance versus yours and much more to do with HIS feelings.

    If she's in his head still, it's not because of looks. It could be because of their long history, the proximity of you guys dating to them being together, etc.

    I think you've been given a gem here: someone who's being honest. If he's saying he's still trying to get over the ex, that's your move to either a.) leave or b.) stick it out. If he's really great, he'll give you space, and hopefully look back into you when he feels he can be fair to your relationship. It's also up to you to see if you'd like to branch out and see a guy who IS ready to date.

    It's a little simplistic to boil it down to looks. Men cheat on women "uglier" than their SOs, men leave women for other women who are "uglier" than SOs. Just because the ex might be objectively more attractive than you does not mean he's thinking about her because of looks.

    Edit: Second read through--the lack of clear quotations threw me off. So YOU don't think she's a trophy, he said he thinks that?

    Interesting. Then this might be a little more complicated. It could be a way of him gently trying to say he's not as into you as you are into him (grabbing something to try and push you away with, and/or a mildly insulting way of saying he's just not into you). It could also, again, be his way of verbalizing he's not over his ex. He might still like you a great deal, but hasn't given himself time to get over the ex. Saying, "Oh, it's her looks" is easier for a guy who has trouble with his feelings to say then, "This girl was trouble, I was getting hurt, but I still like her" type deal.

    Ah. Feelings.

    QFT. My ex BF left me for a f'kng DOG! Because she had a house free and clear. OP do you have a house?
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
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    QFT. My ex BF left me for a f'kng DOG! Because she had a house free and clear. OP do you have a house?
    Now THAT does sound like a case of 'dodged a bullet'!
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,654 Member
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    If he is too attracted to her to get her out of his mind then let him leave. Find the guy who is too attracted to you to get you out of his mind.
    QFT. /thread
  • goneforawhile
    goneforawhile Posts: 257 Member
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    I am conflicted in this situation.

    There is this one ex from over 6 years ago that I STILL every once in a while wish it would have worked out...


    But I guess the difference is, I would never tell a woman I was with my feelings or desires of that one that got away.. or the white buffalo ... :noway:

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