This is hard !

Judging from the content of your posts, I think you understand that you are at a good weight and don't need to lose anymore. But I understand your obsession and I believe it's quite common. At least you realize that it is dangerous to continue on this path. You have done a great job losing weight and should be proud of yourself. What you need to prove to yourself now is that you can maintain your weight loss. Here are a few suggestions for doing this:

1. Understand that there may be slight fluctuation in your weight from here on out. The world will not end if you gain a pound. Most people will not even notice if you gain 5 lbs. So set a ceiling for yourself that you will not go beyond. You will probably see that you can eat a lot more than you think and not gain weight. It doesn't happen over night. Understand that YOU ARE IN CONTROL.

2. Now is the time to stop equating exercise with calorie burn. I would recommend calculating you TDEE and forget about even tracking your exercise calories. I know that sounds scary, but trust me, it gives you a completely different focus on exercise and fitness. Set some fitness goals for yourself that are not related to weight loss and this will help you get away from that mind set.

I am currently 102 lbs, down from 123 two years ago (5'0" tall). I have been maintaining between 99-105 for over a year. The above two things helped me tremendously. Feel free to PM or friend me if you want any additional info on what has worked for me.

I can relate--it may have to do partially with being shorter (I am 5'1" and 100 lbs) and the fact that our calorie burns are lower for the same amount of exercise.

After a while, weight loss becomes a habit--reaching a specific number on the scale signifies a level of achievement and we know what goes into achieving it (calorie output exceeding intake). We don't know any other goal, and we get used to that "loss" mentality. Getting out of that mentality was--and probably still is--one of the hardest things about maintenance for me. It's actually something that I also need to work on, and so rather than focusing on the scale I am trying to channel that focus more on strength gains--which is scary because real gains will show on the scale as more weight and I have to be okay with that.

With respect to the cardio--maybe try and listen more to your body cues. If you are feeling burned out, then decrease your mileage. Try something else (e.g., circuit training or HIIT). Actually, I got leaner when I stopped running because my body adapted so quickly to it and did other things. It helped me to hear that you need rest days to allow your muscles to heal, and that you can't improve your physique unless you give your body the opportunity to do so.

If you are 5'2" and 105 and feel like you need to keep losing, that is not healthy. If you feel like you HAVE to exercise 6 days a week or else you've failed, that is not healthy. If you can't up your calories because every time you do you become terrified, that is not healthy.

I'm not trying to sound harsh here, at all. I completely understand where these feelings are coming from and in fact, I think they are fairly common in people who have lost a fair amount of weight, especially using methods like calorie counting. This is actually the one problem I have with MFP: I believe that for many people, calorie counting can lead to an obsession that is very unhealthy, at least mentally, in the end. I'm not trying to scare you at all, but your entire first post sounded a lot like someone slipping into an eating disorder. I would urge you to seek counseling and sort out this mentality sooner rather than later.

That being said, I think you've gotten some good advice on this thread so far. In the end it's just all about changing your mindset and adopting HEALTHY habits that will last you a lifetime. Eating a healthy amount of food and exercising moderately (especially strength training) will not cause you to gain fat again. It will, however, be a sustainable lifestyle that you can enjoy while still maintaining your current weight (which is a perfectly healthy weight for your height). At some point, you have to increase your calories. That's just the way it is. Maybe try upping them little by little? You will find what works for you, it just may take some time and patience. Think of your old lifestyle, when you were over 190 pounds. You probably ate a lot of unhealthy foods and barely exercised. It would take A LOT for you to gain back to that weight now. As long as you live your life in moderation, you will be fine. Eat healthy, but allow yourself a treat now and then. Exercise, but don't overdo it (and if you have an injury, please give yourself a break without feeling the slightest bit guilty!) You will find the balance and be able to maintain your weight.
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Hi

thanks for taking the time out to post a response , I 100% agree with what you have said you see its funny because reading over these replies i see the common sense and it calms me down and i become rational again then somehow somewhere down the line this little crazy person peeps its ugly head and i become irrational again
i always considered myself well grounded and this is why it shocks me im in the place i am now i never imagined myself here
I am a completely different person to that girl i was a year ago and i know this

i just need to overcome this fear i have, its crazy how i can see it so clear sometimes and other times im crying because i cant go for a run because of a sore leg

I finally opened up to my boyfriend needless to say he didnt understand and i cant blame him because i dont understand me either

his the only one apart from this forum ive talked to about this, if anyone else mentions my food or exercise i clam up and get so defensive