How would you feel? :(

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amaryllis135
amaryllis135 Posts: 17
in Motivation and Support
I don't post a lot but I can't get this out of my head. I kind of go through these phases where I binge and gain like crazy, then I hit a point where I can't stand it and I get it off. At the end of aug/early september I was down to 169 and was looking really good. My boyfried who I'm absolutely crazy about has always loved my body. So recently I've gone off the deep end and absolutely disgusted with myself, and when I got weighed yesterday I weigh 199 pounds. That was all the motivation I needed despite having no clothes that fit etc. So today was going to be the day. Last night he asked if he could bring something up without hurting my feelings and I said of course. He brought up my weight. He said he doesn't love me any less but he misses how I used to take care of my body and I've let myself go. He even mentioned not meaning he wants a "trophy wife" but misses the old me. At first I understood and appreciated his honesty, and he even apologized profusely last night and this morning. I told him I am doing this but he needs to understand it is not for him it is for me. But all day today I've been feeling more and more depressed about it. I'm so dejected I just don't even want to try now. Any advice?
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Replies

  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    he told you something you already knew, so what's all the emo'ing about?

    just start to do what you know you need to do.
  • carrieous
    carrieous Posts: 1,024 Member
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    He did it exactly right. Good for him. You should be happy you have a good man that told you what you needed to hear in a careful and sensitive way. Lesser men would just dump you or cheat. He obviously loves you very much to stick by you- so now its your turn to give back and make him proud by getting your groove back. good luck
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    He sounds like he did it quite tactfully and tried to be as considerate of your feeling as possible. Why not use that an enlist him to help you out? I know I am more likely to exercise etc if my other half is along with me.

    You'd already come to the same conclusion, it just hurts to have it confirmed. I know it hurts, and I do get why you feel down about it, but you can turn this into a positive. So many people post about their unsupportive partners, and how they struggle to do it alone. He sounds like he is offering support, so use it!

    It sounds like you guys have a good relationship. That will be one of the biggest tools in your arsenal.
  • amaryllis135
    amaryllis135 Posts: 17
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    Thank you ladies. Thanks for putting it in perspective...I'm so down on myself I didnt want to unfairly take it out on him.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    If you don't want him I'd take him. He handled that well.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
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    I don't post a lot but I can't get this out of my head. But all day today I've been feeling more and more depressed about it. I'm so dejected I just don't even want to try now. Any advice?

    Turn that dejected feeling 180 degrees, lady - you are lucky enough to have a man who is sensitive to your mood and obviously picked up on the fact you have not been feeling great about yourself lately. As you say, he has always loved your body and by the sounds of it, he will be very supportive of whatever will make you happier.

    It is great to be so in synch with someone.
  • FindingMyPerfection
    FindingMyPerfection Posts: 702 Member
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    You want to lose the weight already. All he has told you is that he is in your corner and wants to be your biggest cheerleader! He wants you happy wih you again and was willing to bring up a dangerous topic to let you know he is there for you! He approached you with loving intent don't let it turn into anything other than that.
  • amaryllis135
    amaryllis135 Posts: 17
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    He is very supportive... I'm just super-sensitive at the moment I think. Your comments helped so much :)
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I think he handled that well. I sincerely believe that (based on your story) he's more concerned about YOU really, the happier you, and "I take care of myself" attitude...than the way you look.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,962 Member
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    Sounds like you're mad at yourself, not him.

    Get control of your habits and move on. He loves you.
  • TwelveSticks
    TwelveSticks Posts: 288 Member
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    Look at it this way - imagine that you'd had a hot day and you thought to yourself "wow, my pits are a bit smelly - I'd better get in the shower fast!". Then, before you get there, your BF tactfully tells you "honey, you could do with a shower!", would you get pissed with him and deliberately stay stinky? Of course, you wouldn't...
  • _TastySnoBalls_
    _TastySnoBalls_ Posts: 1,298 Member
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    If you don't want him I'd take him. He handled that well.

    QFT


    Hold on to that guy OP, sounds like he really cares for you. You know what you need to do, what are you waiting for? 30 more lb. gain? Get at it!
  • clarkeje1
    clarkeje1 Posts: 1,627 Member
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    I think he said it the right way, I would appreciate my bf saying that to me if it was true. Just use it as motivation to work it off
  • stonel94
    stonel94 Posts: 550 Member
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    i'm sorry but physical attraction is a big part of every relationship, and he fell in love with a smaller you, and also a you who cared about yourself, he didn't say he wanted you to look better, he said you've "let yourself go" which means the way you're acting about food and exercise and your life. He's saying he still loves you and he's just trying to help you, because everyone will be happier if you are thinner and/or in better shape. 30 pounds is a lot and obviously it effects him because he has to stay attracted to you in all ways, and if your weight is making you less physically attractive that's an issue, not a huge one, but still an issue, but it seems like the bigger issue is that you're not who you were, you are acting differnetly and kind of giving up on it which he doesn't like.


    Yes it sucks, but you knew it was a problem and I think he's just trying to help you and keep you guys both being the best you's you can be, healthy and happy, not skinny or trophy-like. Take it as motivation.
  • GummyHuman
    GummyHuman Posts: 193 Member
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    Thank you ladies. Thanks for putting it in perspective...I'm so down on myself I didnt want to unfairly take it out on him.

    I agree. He sounds pretty great and he still wants you, so you must be pretty great too.

    As for how I would feel, I would feel embarrassed , which might make me want to lash out at the one who made me feel that way. Very understandable but not warranted, since that was far from the intent.
  • glenner
    glenner Posts: 160 Member
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    Could it be that he was sensing your feelings and was trying to help motivate you? It does sound like he is echoing what you were feeling and he said it in a nice way, not a nasty "Lose weight or lose me" way. Hang in there and use this to help you KEEP going to your good place!
  • amaryllis135
    amaryllis135 Posts: 17
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    Ok my emo-fest is officially over. I hadn't thought of it that way, but I am mad at myself and I'm sure it shows and affects him as well. You guys are some smart, awesome folks.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    You gained 30LBS in 3 months? He worries. He loves you. He's a keeper.
  • nikibean123
    nikibean123 Posts: 81 Member
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    He's most probably saying it for your health too. He sounds like he tried to be tactful, I would be really proud of how stable your relationship must be for him to be honest :smile:
  • LVCeltGirl
    LVCeltGirl Posts: 473
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    I'd feel hurt for just a bit and then analyze it, realize that he's being supportive and helpful (the tact and the apologies show that). You've got a good one, and you'd already decided to do what was needed to get back to the "you" both of you like.

    So take that depression and dejected feeling and turn it around by doing what you need to. Get off your butt and move (yes, battling depression for at least 26 years and but only diagnosed with it for the past 16 so I have experience on how exercise helps battle that feeling). Then tonight when you've accomplished what you set out to do, then you get to celebrate that accomplishment, however the two of you decide! (and I'm suggesting more exercise but of the "bedroom" variety :wink: )

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