How would you feel? :(

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  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
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    He sounds like a keeper! This is probably going to sound archaic but I really don't care - it is okay to want to look good for your significant other! It's so great when we want to take care of our bodies for ourselves and because it would make us feel better. But I'll be the first to admit, I want to give my husband back the woman he married! I would encourage you to also add that your motivation instead of just saying it isn't for him at all. People are always talking about wanting to better themselves for their children. Why not for your significant other?
  • CanGirl40
    CanGirl40 Posts: 379 Member
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    I'm sure he misses the confident girl who was full of energy and determined to be in control...I had a similar conversation with my BFF who has gained her weight back and it really "drags her down"...it's sad when we see those we love go back to bad habits when we have had glimpses of the person's truest potential...

    I think it hurts having someone say it out loud. You know it's true but it's hard to hear...

    He's a total keeper and you can do this!!!
  • amaryllis135
    amaryllis135 Posts: 17
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    Yep well 30 pounds in about 4 months. That's a record for me. I can't say I would love it if he did the same....and I really love all the responses. Like a previous poster said, I think it was that it was embarassing and I didn't know what to do with that. I'm glad I heard him out and didnt get mad though. I know he fell for my confidence and my pride in my looks and I feel like a completely different person lately. So far so good today though, I think I've got this. I wish I had an elliptical though because 4 degrees is a bit too cold for walking. :/
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    Yep well 30 pounds in about 4 months. That's a record for me. I can't say I would love it if he did the same....and I really love all the responses. Like a previous poster said, I think it was that it was embarassing and I didn't know what to do with that. I'm glad I heard him out and didnt get mad though. I know he fell for my confidence and my pride in my looks and I feel like a completely different person lately. So far so good today though, I think I've got this. I wish I had an elliptical though because 4 degrees is a bit too cold for walking. :/
    Oh, right, four months. Yes. And yes, assuming he's a tad taller, imagine if he gained even more than 30LBS in a short time. If my hubs did, I'd be so worried for him.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
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    He did it exactly right. Good for him. You should be happy you have a good man that told you what you needed to hear in a careful and sensitive way. Lesser men would just dump you or cheat. He obviously loves you very much to stick by you- so now its your turn to give back and make him proud by getting your groove back. good luck

    I agree with this.

    And the other posters who said about the same thing. He really does care for you, it sounds, and doesn't just want it for the looks. You were already going to start, so now you know he will support you in it, which is a big bonus (trust me, a lot of gals here complain that their SO is no support at all or tries to sabotage them!)

    Yes, it does sting a little. But sometimes that happens. He did the best he could to not upset you, he cared about how you feel and wasn't trying to shame you into working on it. :flowerforyou:
  • unhappygirl1987
    unhappygirl1987 Posts: 29
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    I think that he did this the absolute best possible way that he ever could. It's hard when a significant other lets themself go and you find yourself not as physically attracted to that person. I have been in his shoes before with a boyfriend whose weight ballooned out of control over the course of our relationship to the point where I just didn't want to be physical with him at all. I actually ended up falling out of love with him due to a number of things but I would be lying if I said that his "letting himself go" wasn't a contributing factor.

    I think you should thank your lucky stars that he said something to you. Imagine how hard it must have been for him to bring that up. I understand that it is an extremely sensitive topic but I think it is extremely admirable that he said something to you about it. He obviously loves you and wants to fix it and make things work. Try not to be caught up in the hurt feelings... usually they hurt the most when something we feared was confirmed for us and we were forced to acknowledge it. Use this as fuel to motivate yourself to work hard and get where you want to be. Imagine how sexy you will feel knowing that you look fantastic again and that he will be more physically attracted to you. Focus on how this will make YOU feel... don't look at it as doing something just for him.

    Hope this helps *hug* I know it's hard, as women we are taught to believe that our phyiscal attractiveness is the measure of our worth but you are the sum of a great many things and your weight doesn't define you xxx
  • Amadbro
    Amadbro Posts: 750 Member
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    You have a good man. It's tough telling someone things you know they arn't going to want to hear. He feels bad about it because he apologized. He just told you something you already knew. He has some real courage doing that. Mad respect for him.
  • amaryllis135
    amaryllis135 Posts: 17
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    "Try not to be caught up in the hurt feelings... usually they hurt the most when something we feared was confirmed for us and we were forced to acknowledge it."

    Nail on the head!

    Thanks again to everybody who responded. I can't wait til he gets home to give him a huge hug and tell him I love him. <3
  • chele1028
    chele1028 Posts: 248 Member
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    I know how you feel, exactly, been there, and it was my husband who said something to me in the most caring way he knew, but it didn't matter, I knew I needed to do something, but hearing it from a loved one hurts, it does. I cried, and then discussed with him how I could make time to go to the gym, and he let me know that I could go whenever I needed to go and he would help with the kids, anything. So I started the very next day, and here I am, doing this for a healthier me, and am 3 lbs away from my 100 lb goal. You CAN do this, and just know how awesome it will be to have his support along the way. :flowerforyou:
  • amaryllis135
    amaryllis135 Posts: 17
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    Chele you are an inspiration! Congrats on your loss :)
  • chele1028
    chele1028 Posts: 248 Member
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    Chele you are an inspiration! Congrats on your loss :)

    You are sweet, thank you!! :happy:
  • unhappygirl1987
    unhappygirl1987 Posts: 29
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    "Try not to be caught up in the hurt feelings... usually they hurt the most when something we feared was confirmed for us and we were forced to acknowledge it."

    Nail on the head!

    Thanks again to everybody who responded. I can't wait til he gets home to give him a huge hug and tell him I love him. <3

    :) yay I am glad everyone's words of wisdom helped you. Good idea posting your question on here to get some unbiased opinions rather than stewiing it over in your head.

    PS: You are gorgeous!! You will hit your goal in no time :)
  • amaryllis135
    amaryllis135 Posts: 17
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    Thank you so much!! you as well!
  • kat2475
    kat2475 Posts: 159 Member
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    Sounds like you have a good guy. It's hard news to take, even if you already know it...and agree with it. He went about it in a nice and caring way and communicated how he felt. That's a sign of a healthy relationship!
  • RobynUnfiltered
    RobynUnfiltered Posts: 62 Member
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    I would be bummed too, but honestly it seems from what you shared that he was pretty sensitive about it. He is brave to bring up weight to a chick LOL!! You are feeling bad because you agree with him on some level. let it go and get to work making yourself feel amazing!!
  • hstoblish
    hstoblish Posts: 234 Member
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    I absolutely understand that this stings. No two ways about it, but you have a supportive boyfriend and he's going to stick by you. This is so much better than dealing with a partner who doesn't want you to lose the weight because he's afraid you'll leave him (I've seen other threads like this).

    Now, you can work out together, eat together and find your health together. What a kick *kitten* partner. And you sound awesome.
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
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    He's a keeper. You are a beautiful woman and you deserve to have the body you want. Looks like you have a guy who cares enough about you that he wants you to be healthy and feel good about yourself.

    Lose the weight for you. But let him keep you motivated.

    Good luck to you!
  • eatmindfully
    eatmindfully Posts: 93 Member
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    As the wife of someone who is overweight I can't tell you how much heartache I experience about my husband's weight gain. And I resent not being able to talk about it honestly you with him because he gets shut down. I don't want him to lose weight so that I would find him more attractive (though I would). I want him to be healthy and stay healthy for the long term. I want him to have healthy eatings habits and a lot of energy because I care about these things and they are important to me. Do I love him less for not taking care of himself? No. Do I resent that he has become diabetic and has that impacted our sex life? yes. Feel bad if you must but don't penalize your partner for being honest. Good luck meeting all your goals! You are so worth it!! and YES of course do this for you! But know that it is also a gift to all who love you to see you healthy, happy, confident, and energetic. Good luck! This is a great site I hope you find what you need here.
  • thursdayswoman
    thursdayswoman Posts: 60 Member
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    I'm going to be the voice of dissent here, I guess. I don't think it's a sign of love or support to tell someone that you are unhappy with them. Especially in the way it sounds like he phrased it...not that he was worried about you or your physical and emotional health, but that he's unhappy with something and wants you to do something about it. It doesn't seem like he wants you to have the body that makes you happy; he wants you to have a body that makes him happy (even if he isn't looking for a trophy wife.)

    This is something that my partner and I have had to deal with ourselves and we had to go to couple's counseling for it. We are both fat, but have very different views about what being fat means and what one should do about it. But ultimately, her body is her body and mine is mine, and the feelings we have about our bodies are our own, too. If and when I'm worried about her lack of confidence or if she's feeling sad, I need to do something to help her with that...not tell her that she's making me feel bad too.

    It's really awesome that you are at a point where YOU want to get your body to a place you want it. Don't let his expectations change that for you or make you feel bad...or even make you feel like you owe a change to him.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    just a P.S. here...I love that he apologized and addressed this issue again this morning, as well as last night.

    Your post is basically the opposite of most people who complain on MFP about their partners. You communicate. He says things with love. You're willing to consider his POV and admit your own sensitivity.

    And then your OWN attitude is basically the best, too! You will reach your goals, I am sure of it :-)

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