Spanking Children

F00LofaT00K
F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
in Chit-Chat
I would really like it if people could share opinions about this without bashing each other and arguing. Please, please, PLEASE?? Friend A doesn't spank her son. Personally, I agree with her decision for a multitude of reasons. FriendB said to me, "Can you BELIEVE that she never disciplines him? How is he so well-behaved?" I explained to her that there are ways to discipline without spanking and the reason he's well-behaved is because friendA is consistent with the way she chooses to discipline. FriendB can't fathom that there are other ways to discipline a child. I asked her what her reasons for spanking her children are. . . because I was genuinely interested. . . and her response was "Well, I had it a lot worse than spankings, and I turned out alright!"

True. She was severely abused and she's managed to be a wonderful person, one of my very best friends and I love her to no end. But I had to ask her, "But what are your REASONS for choosing that as a method of discipline? You had it worse and turned out fine, sure. But what's the WHY?" And she admitted that she never really put any thought into it and the only way she really knew of for discipline was physical discipline.

SO. I'm curious. . . Are there any actual REASONS why people choose to spank their children, or is it always just "the way things are" or "well I had it worse so they're getting off easy?"

For example: One reason I think discipline should not be physical is because there is no real world application to a spanking. If you keep messing up at work, the boss doesn't throw you over his lap and smack your butt a few times. . .you're told to "clock-out, go home." A time out is more real-world applicable in my opinion. But I don't judge people who choose to spank, to each their own, it just won't be for my children.

I thought about asking my friends on facebook, but it would be obvious who the two friends are and I don't want FriendA to get angry at FriendB.

Replies

  • _John_
    _John_ Posts: 8,646 Member
    We use mild spanking occasionally when multiple timeouts aren't working.

    I got my fanny whipped as a kid and even got paddled in school, and I turned out ok.
  • Crimson_Fire
    Crimson_Fire Posts: 2,504 Member
    and I turned out ok.
    You sure?
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    I was consistent with a three strikes rule. After three strikes, they were definitely getting spanked because if I had to take it to three strikes, my children proved that they were obviously too stubborn to reason with.

    Trust me, we tried it all, but spanking seemed to be the most effective form of cause and effect.

    I spanked my children because I loved them enough to take the time to discipline them.
  • quiltlovinlisa
    quiltlovinlisa Posts: 1,710 Member
    Not spanking does not mean that discipline isn't happening.
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
    what about spanking other people's kids? is that off the table?? ...because some of those brats need a good swat! :angry:

    children-kicking-back-of-seat.jpg
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    The Law in the UK states - Under current law it is illegal for a parent to hit a child if it leaves a bruise. However, a lighter smack or 'reasonable chastisement' is allowed.

    However, I can say many a time I have seen parents SCREAMING at their child. I would also say this classes as a form of abuse. If the child is scared, & crying as a result. So whilst as parent might not spank their child they can still inflict harm.
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    I don't believe in spanking. My husband and I were both spanked/hit as children but we chose not to his our kids.

    Yes, we still disciplined them and gave them consequences for their behavior.

    We have two grown children and one in high school. They are all 3 well-mannered, nice, and generally easy-going people. I can count the issues I've had with each of them as teenagers on the palm of one hand.

    People who spank usually don't know there are other ways to discipline children. They mean well, usually. Some people though, just like to hit children. I have people, when getting into this discussion, to simply try not hitting their child for a month. Most can't even envision not being allowed to strike their child for a WEEK let alone a month. So disturbing.

    There is no reason hit, spank, strike, whatever you want to call it, a child. There is also no reason to scream at or terrorize or in other ways psychologically abuse or intimidate your child.
  • AsparagusFinch
    AsparagusFinch Posts: 167 Member
    Spanking should be a sacred activity - only done between a man and his wife in their marital bed.

    Seriously though, spanking isn't an effective method of parenting.
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
    Spanking should be a sacred activity - only done between a man and his wife in their marital bed.

    lol I like you.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    This is neither chit chat, nor fun, nor games. :angry:
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    why bring this here?

    WHY?
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    michael-jackson-eating-popcorn-o.gif
  • dayone987
    dayone987 Posts: 645 Member
    I don't believe in spanking. My husband and I were both spanked/hit as children but we chose not to his our kids.

    Yes, we still disciplined them and gave them consequences for their behavior.

    We have two grown children and one in high school. They are all 3 well-mannered, nice, and generally easy-going people. I can count the issues I've had with each of them as teenagers on the palm of one hand.

    People who spank usually don't know there are other ways to discipline children. They mean well, usually. Some people though, just like to hit children. I have people, when getting into this discussion, to simply try not hitting their child for a month. Most can't even envision not being allowed to strike their child for a WEEK let alone a month. So disturbing.

    There is no reason hit, spank, strike, whatever you want to call it, a child. There is also no reason to scream at or terrorize or in other ways psychologically abuse or intimidate your child.

    Agree.
    I think that if a adult has to hit a child to control behavior, it means he/she has lost control of the situation.
  • welloiledmachine
    welloiledmachine Posts: 1,147 Member
    It's biblical.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
    I cannot fathom how this conversation actually happened. (srs)
  • dirtbikegirl5
    dirtbikegirl5 Posts: 391 Member
    Children respond differently to different methods of discipline. I have 3 children and did not have to spank. All 3 respond to having something taken away or time out.
  • Codilee87
    Codilee87 Posts: 509 Member
    I will smack a hand if its reaching for a hot stove or something else that is an immediate and serious threat.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    FriendB can't fathom that there are other ways to discipline a child. I asked her what her reasons for spanking her children are. . . because I was genuinely interested. . . and her response was "Well, I had it a lot worse than spankings, and I turned out alright!"

    True. She was severely abused and she's managed to be a wonderful person, one of my very best friends and I love her to no end. But I had to ask her, "But what are your REASONS for choosing that as a method of discipline? You had it worse and turned out fine, sure. But what's the WHY?" And she admitted that she never really put any thought into it and the only way she really knew of for discipline was physical discipline.

    and herein lies the problem of the vicious cycle.

    sure she may have turned out "alright" but she never really learned how to resolve issues besides using force.

    for the most part, corporal punishment is less about teaching your kid right from wrong, ethics etc and more about just making sure the things they do and how they behave are in line with what the parents want.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I would really like it if people could share opinions about this without bashing each other and arguing. Please, please, PLEASE?? Friend A doesn't spank her son. Personally, I agree with her decision for a multitude of reasons. FriendB said to me, "Can you BELIEVE that she never disciplines him? How is he so well-behaved?" I explained to her that there are ways to discipline without spanking and the reason he's well-behaved is because friendA is consistent with the way she chooses to discipline. FriendB can't fathom that there are other ways to discipline a child. I asked her what her reasons for spanking her children are. . . because I was genuinely interested. . . and her response was "Well, I had it a lot worse than spankings, and I turned out alright!"

    True. She was severely abused and she's managed to be a wonderful person, one of my very best friends and I love her to no end. But I had to ask her, "But what are your REASONS for choosing that as a method of discipline? You had it worse and turned out fine, sure. But what's the WHY?" And she admitted that she never really put any thought into it and the only way she really knew of for discipline was physical discipline.

    SO. I'm curious. . . Are there any actual REASONS why people choose to spank their children, or is it always just "the way things are" or "well I had it worse so they're getting off easy?"

    For example: One reason I think discipline should not be physical is because there is no real world application to a spanking. If you keep messing up at work, the boss doesn't throw you over his lap and smack your butt a few times. . .you're told to "clock-out, go home." A time out is more real-world applicable in my opinion. But I don't judge people who choose to spank, to each their own, it just won't be for my children.

    I thought about asking my friends on facebook, but it would be obvious who the two friends are and I don't want FriendA to get angry at FriendB.

    :huh: Really? That wasn't supposed to happen? Uh oh. :embarassed:
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    This is bound to go well.

    edit: Serious answer: I'm not a parent, so it would be easy to wax philosophical but I've got no real life experience to back it up. Carry on.
  • mammamaurer
    mammamaurer Posts: 418 Member
    we spanking_zpsa120cb5c.gif(we dont use a switch though)






    edited to add
    and its a personal pet peeve of mine that for some strange reason there are people who cant discern between a "spanking" and a "beating".... and others that dont realize that we spank as a means of last resort.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I spank...it's not usually the first option unless the offense is pretty egregious...but it's definitely on the table and used when other methods aren't working. Spanking does tend to fix the issue pretty much right then and there and often I just need to mention the possibility these days and all of a sudden everyone is falling right into line.

    Edit: also, this isn't going to end well...
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    8
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    Page 6.
  • SherryTeach
    SherryTeach Posts: 2,836 Member
    I've been a public school teacher for 38 years. My students are are the most disruptive and out of control are the ones who are physically disciplined at home. I raised two daughters without spanking either one of them. I did read and implement and structured time out when they were young and then most of the rest involved a lot of talking. I see no good coming from spanking and haven't seen any psychological research that supports it.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    FriendB can't fathom that there are other ways to discipline a child. I asked her what her reasons for spanking her children are. . . because I was genuinely interested. . . and her response was "Well, I had it a lot worse than spankings, and I turned out alright!"

    True. She was severely abused and she's managed to be a wonderful person, one of my very best friends and I love her to no end. But I had to ask her, "But what are your REASONS for choosing that as a method of discipline? You had it worse and turned out fine, sure. But what's the WHY?" And she admitted that she never really put any thought into it and the only way she really knew of for discipline was physical discipline.

    and herein lies the problem of the vicious cycle.

    sure she may have turned out "alright" but she never really learned how to resolve issues besides using force.

    for the most part, corporal punishment is less about teaching your kid right from wrong, ethics etc and more about just making sure the things they do and how they behave are in line with what the parents want.

    Yeah, I agree.

    My kids are well behaved and I've never hit them. I was abused as a child and I "turned out alright", but I still struggled for a long time from the violence and sometimes still do. So, I responded by wanting to be very prepared and educated as a parent and not to ever resort to violence. And I think it can be a slippery slope when an angry adult uses physical force against their children.

    I don't want my kids to learn that we deal with problems by hitting people.

    I put them on time out, so they can calm down and cool down and have some time to think and reflect. It works very well for us, and they will even put themselves on time out if they realize they are starting to need it. I want to teach them to have self-discipline.

    If I feel so angry that I might want to resort to something like hitting or yelling (this would be because of my own internal issues), then I tell them I am angry and I need a time out and I put myself into time out also. And they learn empathy and know that they want to behave if I feel angry. And they use the skills they have learned to go into their own time outs. I show my kids that I am human.

    I don't think that spanking is child abuse. I don't judge others. But, I don't see it as effective for me as a parent or for my children to be able to grow up learning self discipline. And I've seen how physical discipline can go very wrong. I just would never want to go there.
  • Otterluv
    Otterluv Posts: 9,083 Member
    page 7
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