Being a fat acceptance ally...who still wants to be thin
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floersh21
Posts: 44
Hi everyone! I wasn't sure where exactly this topic should go, but I'm having a bit of a (existential?) crisis right now and could use some opinions--thus, it's found a home on the "Motivation and Support" board.
Many of you have probably heard of the "fat acceptance" movement, or if you haven't, have seen at least one picture posted on Facebook or Instagram boldly proclaiming that "Real women have curves!" Although those sorts of sentiments come across as a bit elitist, at least from my standpoint--obviously, real women both <i>do</i> and <i>don't</i> have curves (aren't all women, you know...<b>real</b> women?)--I can sympathize with the posters' plight. Personally, I cannot imagine what it must be like to be looked upon with disgust or to be treated sub-humanly based on my body size, as many "fat activists" claim to have endured. I fully acknowledge and accept that there is truly nothing "wrong" with being fat (whatever wrong really entails, anyway--this is a feminist-neuroscientist pot-loving Aquarian hippie talking here!). It's an absolutely remarkable thing to create your own self-affirmation and to embrace all dimensions of yourself, literally too; many bloggers who help drive the movement talk of celebrating their bodies. I certainly know that there are things I rather dislike about myself that I have had to embrace, even while trying to change them.
But that last part--the changing. I want to love and support those friends of mine who are overweight "by choice." Far from concerning myself with their health (which is, of course, none of my damn business), fatness in and of itself isn't deadly, and as we all know, it's certainly possible to be thin and unhealthy. But...but...I'm not going to go out of my way to gain weight so I can better empathize with them--in fact, for the last couple of years I've been doing just the opposite, simply because I like the way my body looks better at a smaller size. That doesn't mean that I love my fat-embracing friends any less, or that I would love them more if they were smaller. I suppose my question is this: is it possible to truly be a "fat acceptance" ally while trying to lose weight? Does anyone else have any thoughts or experience with this issue?
Many of you have probably heard of the "fat acceptance" movement, or if you haven't, have seen at least one picture posted on Facebook or Instagram boldly proclaiming that "Real women have curves!" Although those sorts of sentiments come across as a bit elitist, at least from my standpoint--obviously, real women both <i>do</i> and <i>don't</i> have curves (aren't all women, you know...<b>real</b> women?)--I can sympathize with the posters' plight. Personally, I cannot imagine what it must be like to be looked upon with disgust or to be treated sub-humanly based on my body size, as many "fat activists" claim to have endured. I fully acknowledge and accept that there is truly nothing "wrong" with being fat (whatever wrong really entails, anyway--this is a feminist-neuroscientist pot-loving Aquarian hippie talking here!). It's an absolutely remarkable thing to create your own self-affirmation and to embrace all dimensions of yourself, literally too; many bloggers who help drive the movement talk of celebrating their bodies. I certainly know that there are things I rather dislike about myself that I have had to embrace, even while trying to change them.
But that last part--the changing. I want to love and support those friends of mine who are overweight "by choice." Far from concerning myself with their health (which is, of course, none of my damn business), fatness in and of itself isn't deadly, and as we all know, it's certainly possible to be thin and unhealthy. But...but...I'm not going to go out of my way to gain weight so I can better empathize with them--in fact, for the last couple of years I've been doing just the opposite, simply because I like the way my body looks better at a smaller size. That doesn't mean that I love my fat-embracing friends any less, or that I would love them more if they were smaller. I suppose my question is this: is it possible to truly be a "fat acceptance" ally while trying to lose weight? Does anyone else have any thoughts or experience with this issue?
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I've struggled with the same question. In the end, I feel like it ought to be less about fat acceptance, and more about body acceptance, regardless of shape and size. I feel that no one should be made to feel like less of a person because of their appearance. Being obese my entire life, I have certainly had this experience. However, this does not give me the right to degrade thin people, either.
I'm losing weight to avoid health problems in the future, and to feel more energetic now. This does not mean I intend to shame those who are still fat.
You can do both, and I feel like people should.0 -
Let me put it this way
can a man support the feminist movement?
can a white person be for equal rights for all colors?
can an atheist be for freedom of religious practice?
the thing that many fat activists are upset about is being judged as fat lazy stupid ignorant etc based on looks alone
many fat people are active
some will never get diabetes
I have it not just because I am fat I am also over 40 and have a family history of it and Im female being fat is just one marker for possibly developing type 2
yes you can be supportive and not judge fat people and still want to be thin
myself I want to be healthy no matter what size that may be
I do not need to be thin to be pretty or sexy those things are already there no matter what my size0 -
I battle with this due to being a Christian. I'm taught that God created me this way and loves me just the way I am but I want to lose weight. How do you explain to other Christians who are comfortable with their Christian curves that I don't like this body and want it to be smaller. How can I believe that God gave me this body but I want it to be smaller. Doesn't that mean I feel like I know better than God?
For your question, yes I think it is possible to be a fat acceptance ally who still wants to be thin. Just like it's possible to believe that God gave me this body and still wants me to be thin. You are accepting your friends for who they are on the inside, not what they look like. Your want to be thin doesn't (shouldn't) affect them. Your desire doesn't judge them because they lack that same desire. The fat acceptance ally movement isn't really about accepting fat, it's about not judging other women.
In my case, I believe God gave me this body to teach me self-discipline and obedience. My eating was out of control and "..God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7). I need to channel this to be healthier and happier.0 -
"…But I'm not going to go out of my way to gain weight so I can better empathize with them"
Strawman check: Who is asking you to gain weight in order to empathize? Movement activists? Your close friends who don't share your desire to loose weight? That's a practical question that many of us face: what do we do with our old friends/communities when we change?
Or is this really not about what anyone else is asking of you, and is about you? If its really about you, then the question you are asking is "can I accept myself right now at the same time that I want to change myself?" That's not about a movement, but is about you. And its a philosophical question.
Otherwise, the answer is quite simple (but, of course, not easy). People make their own choices. And have their own values. You don't always have to agree to stay around for the ride, but as an ally/activist/ethical person, you accept that they/me/you are no less human and no less deserving of dignity and respect. That's what *all* movements are really about. Getting people to see and accept our common humanity.0 -
If God created you myopic would you not get glasses? :flowerforyou:I battle with this due to being a Christian. I'm taught that God created me this way and loves me just the way I am but I want to lose weight. How do you explain to other Christians who are comfortable with their Christian curves that I don't like this body and want it to be smaller. How can I believe that God gave me this body but I want it to be smaller. Doesn't that mean I feel like I know better than God?
For your question, yes I think it is possible to be a fat acceptance ally who still wants to be thin. Just like it's possible to believe that God gave me this body and still wants me to be thin. You are accepting your friends for who they are on the inside, not what they look like. Your want to be thin doesn't (shouldn't) affect them. Your desire doesn't judge them because they lack that same desire. The fat acceptance ally movement isn't really about accepting fat, it's about not judging other women.
In my case, I believe God gave me this body to teach me self-discipline and obedience. My eating was out of control and "..God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7). I need to channel this to be healthier and happier.0 -
I think it's OK to treat people treat people with respect and humanity and still want them to be as healthy as possible, and as happy as possible. I don't see a conflict of interest between those things.0
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There's quite of bit of scientific data that certainly disagrees with the part of your post I bolded. Obesity is linked to all kinds of fatal diseases.Hi everyone! I wasn't sure where exactly this topic should go, but I'm having a bit of a (existential?) crisis right now and could use some opinions--thus, it's found a home on the "Motivation and Support" board.
Many of you have probably heard of the "fat acceptance" movement, or if you haven't, have seen at least one picture posted on Facebook or Instagram boldly proclaiming that "Real women have curves!" Although those sorts of sentiments come across as a bit elitist, at least from my standpoint--obviously, real women both <i>do</i> and <i>don't</i> have curves (aren't all women, you know...<b>real</b> women?)--I can sympathize with the posters' plight. Personally, I cannot imagine what it must be like to be looked upon with disgust or to be treated sub-humanly based on my body size, as many "fat activists" claim to have endured. I fully acknowledge and accept that there is truly nothing "wrong" with being fat (whatever wrong really entails, anyway--this is a feminist-neuroscientist pot-loving Aquarian hippie talking here!). It's an absolutely remarkable thing to create your own self-affirmation and to embrace all dimensions of yourself, literally too; many bloggers who help drive the movement talk of celebrating their bodies. I certainly know that there are things I rather dislike about myself that I have had to embrace, even while trying to change them.
But that last part--the changing. I want to love and support those friends of mine who are overweight "by choice." Far from concerning myself with their health (which is, of course, none of my damn business), fatness in and of itself isn't deadly, and as we all know, it's certainly possible to be thin and unhealthy. But...but...I'm not going to go out of my way to gain weight so I can better empathize with them--in fact, for the last couple of years I've been doing just the opposite, simply because I like the way my body looks better at a smaller size. That doesn't mean that I love my fat-embracing friends any less, or that I would love them more if they were smaller. I suppose my question is this: is it possible to truly be a "fat acceptance" ally while trying to lose weight? Does anyone else have any thoughts or experience with this issue?0 -
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"…But I'm not going to go out of my way to gain weight so I can better empathize with them"
Strawman check: Who is asking you to gain weight in order to empathize? Movement activists? Your close friends who don't share your desire to loose weight? That's a practical question that many of us face: what do we do with our old friends/communities when we change?
Or is this really not about what anyone else is asking of you, and is about you? If its really about you, then the question you are asking is "can I accept myself right now at the same time that I want to change myself?" That's not about a movement, but is about you. And its a philosophical question.
Otherwise, the answer is quite simple (but, of course, not easy). People make their own choices. And have their own values. You don't always have to agree to stay around for the ride, but as an ally/activist/ethical person, you accept that they/me/you are no less human and no less deserving of dignity and respect. That's what *all* movements are really about. Getting people to see and accept our common humanity.
Honestly, it really is more related to my own perspective on other people. It's a battle between wanting to alter something about myself, and employing the necessary changes in daily life, without making those close to me feel as though they are doing something wrong by sticking with their own habits. As I'm sure everyone on this thread has experienced, it's the trouble with going out to a bar with a friend and turning her down offer of buying a chocolatey dessert cocktail to order a vodka on the rocks--or just a water--only to have her ask, "Is it because it has too many calories? Do you think I'M fat too?"
And you're absolutely right...all movements really ARE about embracing our common humanity. I suppose I'm just trying to see from the fat activist's, rather then the thin ally's, point of view. Like...you want to change your body so you look less like me?0 -
Umm? Live & let live?..0
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See, that's what I said too, but then as I was sifting through the FA blogs all these links kept coming up on how it's not really fat itself that's the problem, you can be fat AND healthy, etc. etc...which I do firmly believe. I'll need to do a lengthy PubMed search, heh.0
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It's more about accepting heavier people. I accept it but I also want them to awaken and understand what carrying extra weight will do to their health. I keep my mouth shut about it though.0
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Well, all I'm going to say that not all overweight or obese women have curves.
I think its ridiculous to take the word "curves" and apply it to all overweight women.
Now there are some that do have curves, but some who just are straight bodied and overweight. Sorry.
That irks me when that word curves is thrown around like that.0 -
Umm? Live & let live?..
Easy enough. I guess I'm thinking too much into it.0 -
I am very much into heath at every size. I still lost 50 pounds and wouldn't want to go back. I feel no moral conflict about it. I am not a better person, but I am happier.
For me, being overweight had a lot to do with not properly caring for myself. I never felt ugly because I was fat. I loved my big azz and bewbs, but I had those things because I was living a life that stressed me out so bad I ate and slept to cope. When I stopped living a crazy life I was unhappy with, I lost weight. Physically, I love the "new" me (which I have been for 10 years) as much as I loved the "old" me. I am more at peace with myself though now, because I know I am doing everything I possibly can to be healthy. I am still 17 pounds overweight --- I don't have a crap if I ever lose those pounds because I feel fantastic, I look fantastic, and I am happy.0 -
Here's the thing...
Every time someone posts about how they have gained confidence and composure after losing a whack of weight...
A fat-acceptance fairy loses its wings.
I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade, but we can't have it both ways.0 -
Umm? Live & let live?..
Wasn't that a James Bond movie?0 -
I think you can definitely be a fat acceptance ally and still want to lose weight! I hate those stupid "real women have curves" things - like you said, skinny women are real too! But overall, I consider myself a fat acceptance ally and a body-positive person all around. if someone is comfortable in their body, and they happen to be fat, who cares? No one has the right to put them down or treat them as lesser for that.
However, I am NOT comfortable in my body when I'm overweight. I feel slow and icky. I love the feeling I get when I eat right and work out - and I love the confidence I gain when I feel good about my body size. I don't see anything wrong with me, personally, wanting to lose weight - I'm not trying to say there's anything "wrong" with being fat, just that I don't feel comfortable with it FOR ME.
Basically, I'm a big fan of self-love. I know a lot of fat people who love themselves just as they are, and that's absolutely wonderful. I would NEVER say they should change just to make other people more comfortable. For myself, I find it easiest to love myself and be confident when I have a body that I adore, which is generally when I'm at a healthy weight. Everyone is different! Acknowledging that, and accepting it, means you can be an ally of fat acceptance while still having your own weight loss goals. That's my opinion at least!0 -
I think most of us that have been/are heavy know what impact it's having on our bodies. Constantly telling someone about it ends up adding to a cycle of shame that can lock them into becoming unable to ask for help, and consequently ending up gaining even more weight.
Live and let live, exactly
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