Being a fat acceptance ally...who still wants to be thin

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  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    I battle with this due to being a Christian. I'm taught that God created me this way and loves me just the way I am but I want to lose weight. How do you explain to other Christians who are comfortable with their Christian curves that I don't like this body and want it to be smaller. How can I believe that God gave me this body but I want it to be smaller. Doesn't that mean I feel like I know better than God?

    For your question, yes I think it is possible to be a fat acceptance ally who still wants to be thin. Just like it's possible to believe that God gave me this body and still wants me to be thin. You are accepting your friends for who they are on the inside, not what they look like. Your want to be thin doesn't (shouldn't) affect them. Your desire doesn't judge them because they lack that same desire. The fat acceptance ally movement isn't really about accepting fat, it's about not judging other women.

    In my case, I believe God gave me this body to teach me self-discipline and obedience. My eating was out of control and "..God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7). I need to channel this to be healthier and happier.
    If God created you myopic would you not get glasses? :flowerforyou:

    Your body is His temple. Over eating is not treating it well.
  • amber_gem
    amber_gem Posts: 23 Member
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    I have no problem with people who have truly accepted their weight at whatever it is and strut it proudly. With the whole fat acceptance thing, I find the trouble comes when you have friends who accept their fat, but when the perceived "thin" friend does something healthy, perceives that the action is a statement against them. Like signing up for a 5k, and asking your no so thin friends to join you. Not to make any statement about their weight, just to have the company, and then getting flack for it. The same people who go on about their womanly curves while eating chilli cheese fries (yummm) but then make remarks at the salad you ordered. I guess I am bothered by the faux fat acceptance.
  • TwoPointZero
    TwoPointZero Posts: 187 Member
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    See, that's what I said too, but then as I was sifting through the FA blogs all these links kept coming up on how it's not really fat itself that's the problem, you can be fat AND healthy, etc. etc...which I do firmly believe. I'll need to do a lengthy PubMed search, heh.

    Who knows, there _might_ be a few people who are fat and healthy (just like there are a few people who can smoke two packs a day for 50 years and not get lung cancer), but they (fat+healthy) are the genetic freaks. For everyone else, being fat will eventually lead to disease . . . The only question is how long it will take.
  • ponycyndi
    ponycyndi Posts: 858 Member
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    I love the people I do because of who they are, and has nothing at all to do with the size and shape of their bodies. Would I love my child more or less if they were heavier/thinner? NO!

    Also, I "dieted" for YEARS, but was never able to lose or maintain until I learned to love my own self, and the body I live in.
  • skysmom26
    skysmom26 Posts: 61 Member
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    My thoughts on this are pretty simple... everyone is human and should be treated that way. I dont care how big or small someone is... and although I love and care for many people their health isnt much of my business but their own.. the healthiest people have health issues as well as those who are not.

    In easier terms.. fat isnt a nice word and neither is boney/skeleton... even curvy can be offensive or a compliment... how about we just embrace people for the people they are and not their appearance.

    There will always be someone thinner,prettier, bigger,lesser attractive that you(or in your opinion at least) so why not just focus on being a good person and keep the weight, health , or anything with appearance personal and enjoy the support(and ignore the negative that will always be)
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    The choices we make about our bodies are our own personal choices and have nothing to do with other people. I am slim and fit. I would have to work very hard at eating tons (I already eat well) and not moving to ever be overweight. I am a dancer, that's my passion. I lift weights for long term health and fitness. I love being active. I love my body the way it is. These are my choices. My choices about my body have nothing to do with anyone else, but myself. My choices about my body are not a statement or judgement about anyone else.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    I started working on getting rid of the extra weight on my body not because I disliked me; I disliked the extra weight I was carrying. I was cool back then and I'm still cool now. *I* haven't changed; I just look better and feel better but I am still me.

    My impression is that several overweight and obese women identify themselves with their extra weight and become very defensive about being rejected as whole people. That's their insecurity. You can't make anyone feel inferior without her/his permission.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    I think you can absolutely be a fat acceptance ally without choosing to be fat yourself. If someone chooses to have a larger body and decides they're happiest that way, that's cool, I can totally respect that. We all have the right to choose how we want to look and what we want to do with our bodies, and we all deserve to love ourselves and be treated with respect regardless of body size.

    If you feel better/happier/more like yourself in a smaller body, that's your choice to make. Ultimately you have to do what makes you happy without worrying too much about what other people are going to think about it. Your personal choices don't have to be a reflection of your thoughts about another person's lifestyle, and I don't think it's anti-anything to want to be what you feel is the best version of yourself. :smile:

    :flowerforyou:

    You really are one of my favorite MFP members. This is a prime example of why.
  • squirrelzzrule22
    squirrelzzrule22 Posts: 640 Member
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    I just posted these articles in another thread where I was accused of "skinny shaming" for saying that I don't consider the term "skinny minnie" to be rude or insulting. I think the Jezebel article in particular deals with the issue well:
    http://jezebel.com/thin-women-ive-got-your-back-could-you-get-mine-1173888442

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/08/23/daily_beast_essay_against_thin_shaming_is_pure_dangerous_bunk.html

    Personally I think it all comes down to empathy. I support fat acceptance the way I support acceptance of anyone, really. I support LGBT acceptance but am not myself gay and would not "choose" to be because of the societal hardships (I don't believe sexuality is a choice, but for purposes of the analogy) and I support racial equality but acknowledge that I was lucky to be born a white middle class American, etc.

    It is completely okay to support body acceptance but want your own individual goals. In a lot of ways, I kind of think that's the whole point: to live and let live.
  • bajoyba
    bajoyba Posts: 1,153 Member
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    I think you can absolutely be a fat acceptance ally without choosing to be fat yourself. If someone chooses to have a larger body and decides they're happiest that way, that's cool, I can totally respect that. We all have the right to choose how we want to look and what we want to do with our bodies, and we all deserve to love ourselves and be treated with respect regardless of body size.

    If you feel better/happier/more like yourself in a smaller body, that's your choice to make. Ultimately you have to do what makes you happy without worrying too much about what other people are going to think about it. Your personal choices don't have to be a reflection of your thoughts about another person's lifestyle, and I don't think it's anti-anything to want to be what you feel is the best version of yourself. :smile:

    :flowerforyou:

    You really are one of my favorite MFP members. This is a prime example of why.

    Aww! I think you're pretty great too! :flowerforyou:
  • AleciaG724
    AleciaG724 Posts: 705 Member
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    I'm 47 years old and have been morbidly obese for most of my adult life. I have 4 children who range in size from very thin (5' 7" 112#) to "husky" (6' 5" 195#). I have stressed to my children the importance of eating "healthy", "everything in moderation", etc. I am a great cook and feed my family very well with delicious, healthy food, but I clearly have not made the best choices myself. I have spent my life over eating and not getting enough exercise. For the longest time I had no desire to lose weight... I thought I still looked good. I wore fashionable clothes, I could do the things I wanted to do, I embraced my obesity for the most part. I have never felt judged by any of my children (two are adults in their late 20's and two are teenagers) for my size. They are all happy and proud of me for the 60+ pounds I've lost (so far) in order to remain healthy (my cholesterol and BP have always been good) and not need medication as I get older. People come in all colors, shapes, and sizes. I have fat friends, skinny friends, and friends in between. White friends, brown friends, yellow friends and black friends. Friends with blonde, black, brown, gray, and turquoise hair (yes, turquoise!). Eyes that are blue, green, brown, black, hazel. It makes no difference... Some friends choose to dye their hair as they get older or just because, some choose to lose weight, others don't. Who cares? Don't judge, just be a friend. Live & let live!
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    bump
  • Crumpet_Girl
    Crumpet_Girl Posts: 276 Member
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    Just wanted to say I enjoyed reading this and that there were some great points raised. Thanks everyone!
  • somerisagirlsname
    somerisagirlsname Posts: 467 Member
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    Okay I think I'm going to be the bad guy here, but know that this is coming from a former "fat-acceptance" advocate and a still currently obese individual. Fat should not be accepted. Bodies should be accepted, people should be treated like people regardless of how skinny, fat, old, young, etc. that they may be, and nobody should be put down or hurt by another person for their bodies, but obesity is not something that should be accepted in my opinion. I am the fabled "healthy" obese person. All of my lab works come up beautifully, so much so that it is puzzling to doctors. This is almost assuredly not to remain the case as I get older, and even though I'm healthy, my joints already creak and pop and moan at me for having to bear this extra weight that I have so long "accepted." The human body was not designed to hold my current weight. But alas, I digress.

    Can you be fat-accepting and desire to lose weight? I don't really think so. It seems that you are not accepting fat on you, and so you're not accepting fat. You are choosing to love your friends and treat them the same regardless, which is what you absolutely should do, but I don't know about continuing to be fat-accepting. However, this is all relative.

    Anywho, OP, I'm done with my little novel. One last bit of advice, when you want to bold or italicize something use brackets [ ] instead of < > :flowerforyou:
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    You are going to have many experiences of existential crises in your 20's. That is when you are finding out who you are and what you think and what you want. And not following the crowd (when you didn't even realize there was a crowd). And taking a step out to do something that you didn't know you would do and that is a good thing. And facing moments of cognitive dissonance that are all part of the growing process.
  • floersh21
    floersh21 Posts: 44
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    Just wanted to say I enjoyed reading this and that there were some great points raised. Thanks everyone!
    Wheeee me too, so glad I asked!
  • grentea
    grentea Posts: 96 Member
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    Do you think maybe you are trying to make this about fat acceptance and other people, when you losing weight is about you. If you want to be healthier, lose weight, get in better shape, that doesn't have anything to do with fat acceptance. You can accept your friends for who they are, but make different choices for yourself. It sounds like you are changing, your friends are noticing and now they are thinking about their own lifestyle. Your choices aren't a judgment of your friends.
  • aakaakaak
    aakaakaak Posts: 1,240 Member
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    On fat acceptance... (read the whole thing before yelling at me please)

    I accept that having some level of fat above normal isn't a horrible thing.

    I accept that the morbidly obese are causing undue stress on their bodies and hurting themselves, but only themselves and their families.

    I accept that the morbidly obese are more likely to teach their children how to be morbidly obese through "leading by example".

    I accept the the morbidly obese are usually slower and harder to get around when you are in a hurry. (Fortunately, most morbidly obese people understand their girth and do what they can to stay out of the way when they can. I like and accept those people.)

    I accept that "big girls need lovin' too", but probably not from me. Too much girth gets in the way of proper love making IMO.

    I accept that you can wear whatever you want to wear, but don't expect me to find you attractive if you look like an overstuffed sausage casing.

    ........................................

    And I accept that you probably want to lose weight but can't seem to get it going.

    I accept that its really, REALLY not easy to try and fail. I've been there and I'm still failing. I'm just succeeding more than I used to when I started. Everybody fails. You just have to keep failing until you succeed.

    I accept that if I were to walk up to you on the street and mention your weight and try to help it would sound like I'm fat shaming you, when I'm only trying to clumsily do what I can to make you happier with yourself.

    I accept that if you ask me how I've been losing weight I'll do my absolute best to help you without embarrassing you, but I get really excited about this stuff, so stop me if I get overzealous.

    ..............

    I accepted that I was fat.

    I accept that I'm still fat, but I'm working towards not being there anymore because it's unhealthy. I also want to look attractive in my underwear.

    I accepted that it was unhealthy, unattractive, in the way, and wore ill fitting clothing.

    I accepted that I needed to do something about it because I was unhappy with myself.

    I accepted that I would fail again and again until I finally got it right, then failed again but kept on going.

    I accepted that I would get progressively better day by day.

    I accepted myself for what I had become, took ownership of what I am and took control of my own body again.

    .............

    Can you accept yourself for what you are, accept that you need to change for yourself and your family and seek the help you need from the people who have already accepted themselves and took control and ownership of their own bodies?

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