orthorexia/anorexia self-recovery help

Firstly, has your Dr given you any nutritional advice?

I don't think that people recovering from ED's like anorexia should be counting calories. It is an unnecessary stress.

I think you just need some routine. What I would be doing (if your Dr allows) is to just do up a typical days worth of food. Take your typical "clean" foods like meat, veggies fruit and nuts that you enjoy. Plonk them into MFP and see where the cals/macros are at. I don't know exactly what sort of targets you should aim for as I've never dealt with a recovering anorexic sorry but obviously a calorie surplus is required to gain some weight. You don't need to be eating 3000+ per day at your weight though. I'd estimate somewhere between 1500-2000. So get a regular meal plan to stick to so you don't have to think too much about it.

I hope that helps.

I would say the binging is more healthy than anything. You are allowing yourself to eat food - and of course, with your body starving for so long, I would say that it is your bodies way of just trying to survive and refuel. It is hard to trust your intuitive eating cues since they are probably fairly messed up from ignoring them for so long.

I know one thing about the ortho, you can try making a list of forbidden foods. Every day, try 1 of those foods on the list. Even if its just a bite, allow yourself to try it.

Remember, there is no "bad foods". It is just food. It really is battling the voices in your head. Perhaps you can start a journal, document the triggers, and your thoughts regarding certain foods. Document your experiences when trying new foods and introducing foods back into your diet.

I would strongly suggest that you don't count calories for a while. I had anorexia from the age of 15 and suffered with it chronically for decades, despite seeming to be recovered.
It is important to take the focus of your life away from food and weight and all the things that trigger the "need for control" signals that cause the voice in your head to start obsessing.

I would strongly recommend getting professional help. Talk to your doctor about seeing a specialist/psychiatrist/whatever to help you deal with the psychological and emotional issues you are dealing with.
For the food, don't track and don't weigh yourself ... it is possible (although maybe not) that keeping track in part of either of these, is perhaps contributing to your sudden binge episodes.
There are ingrained behaviours to unlearn and this takes time. you need to find a balance where you can enjoy foods in moderation without the guilt feelings or feeling in or out of control.

Please do seek professional help. I recovered without any professional help at the time and I believe this is why it took me so many years to do so.

Make an effort to include lots of vegetables, fruit and lean proteins and healthy fats to make sure you are getting all the vitamins and trace minerals you need.
Perhaps you can get tested for any deficiencies. It's quite common to be deficient in B12 and especially in zinc when anorexic.
Having some of these addressed can help mood, appetite and help you recover.

Wishing you well. You can recover but please do seek help via your doctor.
I'm glad you have spoken to your mum about it. Having her support will make the world of difference.
I doubt I would be here if it were not for my mum and the care and support she gave me.

I've never had an ED so I won't go there but I do have a lot of cravings. I started substituting protein powder for chocolate milk and dark or carob covered almonds. That helps satisfy my chocolate and sweet cravings. I hope that helps a little.

My mom has struggled with bouts of anorexia for over 30 years now. I've seen her try "self-recovery", and I've seen her hospitalized. There really is no substitute for professional help. Please consider finding a doctor who specializes in this type of recovery. It's very delicate--and your health is worth it.

Good luck to you, OP! I sincerely hope you beat this!

Thank you. I'm not going to lie, that post was a little triggering for me and made me feel guilty but yes you're right, a lot of patients go on 3,000 calories. Which is why I'm a little anxious because I've already eaten 3,000 calories and I know I still have dinner tonight. I keep telling myself that I will do better to space out my meals the next day, but for some odd reason I just can't resist anymore.

I'm seeing my doctor later this month so hopefully this time I can come clean to her and tell her what's really on my mind.

Right now you need to focus on nourishment and finding enjoyment in being good to yourself. It is healthy to indulge in things you enjoy within reason. A few days going over won't hurt your body and may help you find a balanced way of eating treats. You feel like you went a bit too far today and you can use that to adjust slightly the next time you eat those foods.

At both ends of the spectrum there is fine tuning adjustments that need to be made slowly to find a healthy balance.

I wish you luck and strength in your recovery.

Don't take advice from anyone except your doctor and/or dietician right now, please.

Thank you for your story and advice. I haven't seen a dietitian at all or anything. Just the doctor who said I need to eat more protein and gain the next time I see her. I lost 2 pounds the next time and then gained one pound back. I have another weigh in later this month, but i'm not sure if I've gained or lost because the doctor scale seems to weigh me different than my home scale haha

I haven't tried any medication either.

I'm not professionally diagnosed and my doctor doesn't know that about my thoughts about food so I will probably tell her next time I visit. I also had blood work done, but all my levels are normal.

Needing to gain weight is just one facet of an eating disorder- weight gain is like a bandaid fix. It doesn't fix the underlying thoughts in your head..... If a doctor was to get every anorexic girl/boy he knew and put them all in a hospital tied to a bed with a feeding tube for weeks/months and get them to a normal weight- he has achieved very little because they are mentally still feeling the same on the inside and will revert back to the behaviours that their mind is telling them to carry out (restriction, purging, excessive exercise- or whatever other behaviours these might be).

I don't like it when professionals approach ED's with a purely mental point of view and I find it strange that your dr hasn't tried to look at the REASONS you weigh so very little. I think referral to someone who knows about eating disorders would help you a lot because there is so much more to fix than weight. A dietician and psychologist/counsellor experienced with eating disorders make the world of difference.

I found a lot of relief with the (free) "No S Diet". No tracking calories, no snacking, no sweets (trigger foods), no seconds. You eat three meals a day. Then on "Yes S Days" (Sat/Sun) you can snack, eat sweets, and take seconds, and those days are super hard, much like what you are going through now. Not having limits, is hard. So check out this diet, it's called a diet, but it's really a normal, healthy eating way of life. I feel so much more normal about food now, I don't obsess anymore, and I only overeat on the weekends, which I'm working on trying not to do.

Personally I think that it has too many rules- and ED's thrive on rules and restrictions....
The main goal in ED recovery is to learn to recognise your hunger cues and eat accordingly. And in the process for example if someone offers you a piece of chocolate and you feel like you are upto it on that day you wouldn't want to be saying to yourself "well I can't have it because today is a "No S Diet"
This diet still seems to follow some degree of disordered eating... if I was to tell my doctor "no I can't eat that today because it is Tuesday" I know right now that the first thing a counsellor would try to get me to do is challenge that rule...

Personally I think that it has too many rules- and ED's thrive on rules and restrictions....
The main goal in ED recovery is to learn to recognise your hunger cues and eat accordingly. And in the process for example if someone offers you a piece of chocolate and you feel like you are upto it on that day you wouldn't want to be saying to yourself "well I can't have it because today is a "No S Diet"
This diet still seems to follow some degree of disordered eating... if I was to tell my doctor "no I can't eat that today because it is Tuesday" I know right now that the first thing a counsellor would try to get me to do is challenge that rule...

I completely agree. The challenge for someone recovering from an ED is to learn how to listen to hunger cues from your body and eat according to those cues, not any outside set of rules or restrictions. Swapping one set of diet rules for another won't help change the way you think about food.

Since you're dealing with some orthorexia, I'd suggest trying to expand your definition of "safe" foods. In the long term, you'll need to move away from thinking about good vs. bad foods, but in the short term you need to get more calories in without triggering the disease. (The danger for me has always been that it will come roaring back in a few days and cause me to further restrict what I can eat, but that may not be the case for you).

My first thought was to try adding fat to your meals, since you're craving peanut butter/ice cream. What about adding some olive oil when you cook your meat, or adding avocado or yogurt to your veggies? Milk would be a good idea too.

I myself do not have any form of eating disorder, but:
I have read that a.nervosa is a mental disorder. Please do not take this offensively, it is not meant to be mean or hurtful, but maybe seek out a psychiatrist to discuss these thoughts you're having. I suffered from anxiety and depression when I was about 14 or 15, and I thought going to a psych meant I was freak. It actually really really helped me to let it out and discuss with someone. The root of most eating disorders is mental; trust me on this, talking to a psychatrist will definitely help.




Good luck, babe! You can beat this

Recovery is a slow process. I was bulimic for 13 years. Take it one day at a time.