Guilty Working Mom
mlauraa
Posts: 166 Member
i has a 2 almost 3 years old
I work in a office where i sit down all day, from 8:45am - 5pm
and go to the gym 7pm-8:30pm
Am i bad for going to the gym? i feel horrible
I work in a office where i sit down all day, from 8:45am - 5pm
and go to the gym 7pm-8:30pm
Am i bad for going to the gym? i feel horrible
0
Replies
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Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.
Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?
That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?0 -
No, you're not bad for going to the gym. You're good for taking care of the health of your children's mother. I'm assuming they're being taken care of during this time? I'm also presuming they're in bed when you're at the gym so don't even know you're not there?
That said - is that every day? If you wanted, you could easily cut down on that, you don't need to work out 1.5 hrs every day. I mean, that much isn't necessary for weight loss and general fitness.0 -
"Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?" - THIS!!!
The fact that you are having this concerns already speaks worlds about what a great Mom you are!!! As your kids get older, they'll be able to do more and you can get your exercise in with them - family bikes rides, hiking, all that good stuff.
The happier and healthier you are, the better you will be to all those loved ones around you. You're doing great!0 -
Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.
Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?
That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?
I try and go at least 4 times a week. And most of the times put him to sleep right before i leave..i still feel bad tho
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Thank you all so much, since i do go to a 24 hour gym, i can just go a little later and spend that extra time with my little man :-)0
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Thank you all so much, since i do go to a 24 hour gym, i can just go a little later and spend that extra time with my little man :-)
That sounds like a win. Sometimes it feels like I've blinked my eyes and all of a sudden my kids are 5 years older. Where did the years go? Get whatever time you can to spend with your son. Those are the best memories. :-)
And kudos for staying committed to fitness!0 -
NOOOO! You should come first! Because if you're not well (mentally and physically), then you won't be able to give much to others around you. I went through years of therapy because I thought any time spent on myself was selfish when my kids were little.
Everyone needs 'me' time!!!0 -
I understand. When my kids were little I would drop them off at 6:30am be at the gym 7am - 8am shower change and get to work by 8:30. I was lucky my mom watched them so I was able to drop them off that early. It was horrible sometimes getting them up and in the car in the morning. You need to do what is necessary to keep you at your best.0
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I wait for the kids to go to bed. I get home from work at 6:30, they go to bed at 8/8:30. After that, I do a workout dvd or hit the gym.
If mama doesn't feel good, no one does. :laugh:0 -
No, not bad, don't feel guilty. :flowerforyou:
You go when he is asleep, and you are talking about leaving a little later to ensure that. Great solutions.0 -
Thank you all so much, since i do go to a 24 hour gym, i can just go a little later and spend that extra time with my little man :-)
I think this is a very smart solution!0 -
NOOOO! You should come first! Because if you're not well (mentally and physically), then you won't be able to give much to others around you. I went through years of therapy because I thought any time spent on myself was selfish when my kids were little.
Everyone needs 'me' time!!!
Well I don't agree that "you should come first"
Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her0 -
Why would you feel bad? He's in bed when you are going. He doesn't care if you're just sitting there waiting for him.
My daughter is 3 as well. I work out five times a week pretty consistently. Sometimes I go during lunch, sometimes on weekends in the morning, sometimes before anyone wakes up, or I put her in the jogging stroller and run with her. My daughter is always imitating our exercise, and I think she'll have a positive association with physical activity growing up. She sees her parents enjoying physical activity daily!0 -
Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.
Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?
That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?
I try and go at least 4 times a week. And most of the times put him to sleep right before i leave..i still feel bad tho
Wait, you feel guilty for going to the gym AFTER your child is asleep? Why?!0 -
Well I don't agree that "you should come first"
Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her
"you should come first' means you need to take care of your own needs before taking responsibility for others. Why not save time by not eating? Because you need to feed yourself. It sounds like she's already putting her son to bed before she goes, why on earth wouldn't she go to the gym if she feels like it? Martyr moms who don't take care of themselves burn themselves out and invite a host of stress-related health problems.0 -
I have a 7 year old and a 2 year old and as a mother i can tell you, I always feel bad about everything. Last night I felt bad because I put the girls to sleep in the bed and didn't lay next to them until they fell asleep (I am trying to break this habit because by the time they fall asleep, I pass out and it's hard to get up and spend time with my husband). I feel bad after they go to sleep and start thinking of all the things I could have done better to be a better mom. Should you feel bad? No. Absolutely not, but you're a mom and mommy guilt exist. Go to the gym and take care of yourself. Your kids need a happy and healthy mom!
I work full time and I go during my lunch break.0 -
Well I don't agree that "you should come first"
Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her
"you should come first' means you need to take care of your own needs before taking responsibility for others. Why not save time by not eating? Because you need to feed yourself. It sounds like she's already putting her son to bed before she goes, why on earth wouldn't she go to the gym if she feels like it? Martyr moms who don't take care of themselves burn themselves out and invite a host of stress-related health problems.
Exactly!0 -
Well I don't agree that "you should come first"
Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her
"you should come first' means you need to take care of your own needs before taking responsibility for others. Why not save time by not eating? Because you need to feed yourself. It sounds like she's already putting her son to bed before she goes, why on earth wouldn't she go to the gym if she feels like it? Martyr moms who don't take care of themselves burn themselves out and invite a host of stress-related health problems.
Jesus, where did I put she shouldn't eat?!
I read it as she was away from her child all day and doesn't seem him until the weekends. She didn't explain it clearly.
But yes your kids come first end of.0 -
Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.
Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?
That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?
I try and go at least 4 times a week. And most of the times put him to sleep right before i leave..i still feel bad tho
Wait, you feel guilty for going to the gym AFTER your child is asleep? Why?!
Because i know that i am leaving him, even tho he is sleeping (maybe a 30 min nap) when he wakes up to find mama i am not there, that is why i feel bad.0 -
Well I don't agree that "you should come first"
Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her
"you should come first' means you need to take care of your own needs before taking responsibility for others. Why not save time by not eating? Because you need to feed yourself. It sounds like she's already putting her son to bed before she goes, why on earth wouldn't she go to the gym if she feels like it? Martyr moms who don't take care of themselves burn themselves out and invite a host of stress-related health problems.
Jesus, where did I put she shouldn't eat?!
I read it as she was away from her child all day and doesn't seem him until the weekends. She didn't explain it clearly.
But yes your kids come first end of.
I am not saying you told her not to eat. I'm saying that, even if it detracts from time with your kids, you have to spend some time on yourself to maintain your own health. You have to *balance* your needs along with those of your kids. Otherwise, you can use your kids to justify any behavior.
Can I ask how old your children are? Before kids I probably would have thought kids first, no matter what, but it is much more nuanced than that. I know now that you can't take care of your kids unless you are taking care of yourself. Put your oxygen mask on before helping others, and all that.0 -
Do you have kids?
I have 4 children. It took me a long time to realize that having children and finding a balance is what is important. You as a woman and as a mother to your children are both equally important. Putting yourslef and your needs and wants aside will not help anyone. Balance.... Work, children, time for yourself, and everything in between. Your children grow and look to you as an example. Your dedication to yourself, how you carry yourself, etc, they see that. Make them proud. You give 110% to your children, taking an hour out of the day for yourself makes you a better mom. It clears your head, gives you more energy for your children, makes you feel better about yourself. It's a win win. Don't feel guilty. Sometimes I still question myself. But in the end they do and will understand and respect you for it. You have to find a time that is best for your situation and work it from there.0 -
Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.0
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many psychologist and therapists would differ0
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Well I don't agree that "you should come first"
Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her
"you should come first' means you need to take care of your own needs before taking responsibility for others. Why not save time by not eating? Because you need to feed yourself. It sounds like she's already putting her son to bed before she goes, why on earth wouldn't she go to the gym if she feels like it? Martyr moms who don't take care of themselves burn themselves out and invite a host of stress-related health problems.
Jesus, where did I put she shouldn't eat?!
I read it as she was away from her child all day and doesn't seem him until the weekends. She didn't explain it clearly.
But yes your kids come first end of.
I am not saying you told her not to eat. I'm saying that, even if it detracts from time with your kids, you have to spend some time on yourself to maintain your own health. You have to *balance* your needs along with those of your kids. Otherwise, you can use your kids to justify any behavior.
Can I ask how old your children are? Before kids I probably would have thought kids first, no matter what, but it is much more nuanced than that. I know now that you can't take care of your kids unless you are taking care of yourself. Put your oxygen mask on before helping others, and all that.
8/4/20months0 -
I work 9-5 and do things that take me away from my child a few nights a week (second job/friends). I don't feel bad about it. My daughter is better off knowing that I love her and doing things with her, but that I have a life outside her.0
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many psychologist and therapists would differ
???0 -
Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.
Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?
That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?
I agree with this! Also an hour and a half seems like kind of a lot if it's every day... maybe cut back to just 45 mins or an hour... or try to go one less day a week?0 -
I work 9-5 and do things that take me away from my child a few nights a week (second job/friends). I don't feel bad about it. My daughter is better off knowing that I love her and doing things with her, but that I have a life outside her.
Aw, I love this!0 -
Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.
Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )0 -
Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.
Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )
I would nip that problem in the bud now. Don't let your guilt start feeding bad habits. It will make you feel worse and him unable to cope when he undoubtedly encounters things not to his liking.
It's not about how much time you spend, but the quality of that time.
Put him to bed and then go to the gym. But, perhaps change the intensity of your workout. 90 minutes is long unless half of that is endurance running. Spend 90 minutes if you like, I just know you can probably get the same results in shorter time.0
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