Guilty Working Mom

Options
245

Replies

  • sunshinealways
    sunshinealways Posts: 15 Member
    Options
    Do you have kids?
    I have 4 children. It took me a long time to realize that having children and finding a balance is what is important. You as a woman and as a mother to your children are both equally important. Putting yourslef and your needs and wants aside will not help anyone. Balance.... Work, children, time for yourself, and everything in between. Your children grow and look to you as an example. Your dedication to yourself, how you carry yourself, etc, they see that. Make them proud. You give 110% to your children, taking an hour out of the day for yourself makes you a better mom. It clears your head, gives you more energy for your children, makes you feel better about yourself. It's a win win. Don't feel guilty. Sometimes I still question myself. But in the end they do and will understand and respect you for it. You have to find a time that is best for your situation and work it from there.
  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
    Options
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.
  • happysherri
    happysherri Posts: 1,360 Member
    Options
    many psychologist and therapists would differ
  • Harrisonsauntie
    Harrisonsauntie Posts: 119
    Options

    Well I don't agree that "you should come first"

    Your kids should. How much time you spend with them is a personal thing. If you're at work when she wakes and at the gym when she sleeps & only see her at weekends then its up to you to decide if that's enough. Maybe you could try going to the gym once at the weekend so you have an evening with her

    "you should come first' means you need to take care of your own needs before taking responsibility for others. Why not save time by not eating? Because you need to feed yourself. It sounds like she's already putting her son to bed before she goes, why on earth wouldn't she go to the gym if she feels like it? Martyr moms who don't take care of themselves burn themselves out and invite a host of stress-related health problems.

    Jesus, where did I put she shouldn't eat?!

    I read it as she was away from her child all day and doesn't seem him until the weekends. She didn't explain it clearly.

    But yes your kids come first end of.

    I am not saying you told her not to eat. I'm saying that, even if it detracts from time with your kids, you have to spend some time on yourself to maintain your own health. You have to *balance* your needs along with those of your kids. Otherwise, you can use your kids to justify any behavior.

    Can I ask how old your children are? Before kids I probably would have thought kids first, no matter what, but it is much more nuanced than that. I know now that you can't take care of your kids unless you are taking care of yourself. Put your oxygen mask on before helping others, and all that.

    8/4/20months
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Options
    I work 9-5 and do things that take me away from my child a few nights a week (second job/friends). I don't feel bad about it. My daughter is better off knowing that I love her and doing things with her, but that I have a life outside her.
  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
    Options
    many psychologist and therapists would differ

    ???
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
    Options
    Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.

    Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?

    That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?

    I agree with this! Also an hour and a half seems like kind of a lot if it's every day... maybe cut back to just 45 mins or an hour... or try to go one less day a week?
  • happysherri
    happysherri Posts: 1,360 Member
    Options
    I work 9-5 and do things that take me away from my child a few nights a week (second job/friends). I don't feel bad about it. My daughter is better off knowing that I love her and doing things with her, but that I have a life outside her.

    Aw, I love this!
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    Options
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )
  • Greytfish
    Greytfish Posts: 810
    Options
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )

    I would nip that problem in the bud now. Don't let your guilt start feeding bad habits. It will make you feel worse and him unable to cope when he undoubtedly encounters things not to his liking.

    It's not about how much time you spend, but the quality of that time.

    Put him to bed and then go to the gym. But, perhaps change the intensity of your workout. 90 minutes is long unless half of that is endurance running. Spend 90 minutes if you like, I just know you can probably get the same results in shorter time.
  • Harrisonsauntie
    Harrisonsauntie Posts: 119
    Options
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )

    So you go to work at 8:45 - until 5, where he is at the babysitters.
    You have him with you from 5 until 7:00 where he then naps? or goes to bed?
    Then you go the gym while he is asleep - he then wakes in the morning an your there?

    Whats wrong with that?
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Options
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )

    Enjoy the mamas boy. Mine discovered girls and that was the end of Mama's Boy. They grow up sooooo fast. Although now he is try to get me to start jogging so I can go running with him.
  • Love4fitnesslove4food2
    Love4fitnesslove4food2 Posts: 711 Member
    Options
    I'd say you should wake up earlier and go in the morning so that at least your after-work time is devoted to your child. I don't think it's okay to be gone basically during all of your child's waking hours but that's just my personal opinion.
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    Options
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )

    So you go to work at 8:45 - until 5, where he is at the babysitters.
    You have him with you from 5 until 7:00 where he then naps? or goes to bed?
    Then you go the gym while he is asleep - he then wakes in the morning an your there?

    Whats wrong with that?

    True, I need to stop overreacting huh:smile:
  • Harrisonsauntie
    Harrisonsauntie Posts: 119
    Options
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )

    So you go to work at 8:45 - until 5, where he is at the babysitters.
    You have him with you from 5 until 7:00 where he then naps? or goes to bed?
    Then you go the gym while he is asleep - he then wakes in the morning an your there?

    Whats wrong with that?

    True, I need to stop overreacting huh:smile:

    Lol maybe just a little ;)
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    Options
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )

    Enjoy the mamas boy. Mine discovered girls and that was the end of Mama's Boy. They grow up sooooo fast. Although now he is try to get me to start jogging so I can go running with him.

    Yes i enjoy is so much i feel guilty for leaving him to go to the gym, but i have to think possible and think of the good things to come out of it!:smile:
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Options
    I'd say you should wake up earlier and go in the morning so that at least your after-work time is devoted to your child. I don't think it's okay to be gone basically during all of your child's waking hours but that's just my personal opinion.

    :huh: She goes after she's put him to bed.
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
    Options
    Yeah I'm not getting it. He takes a nap at 7pm at night? Then wakes up a half an hour later? Confused...so when is his actual bed time?

    As a mother of a 3 year old and a 7 month old I can relate. I work full time and get home at 5pm. I start putting the baby to bed at 7pm, then my 3 year old at 7:30pm. I usually don't start working out until 8:30 or 9pm. There are sacrifices we have to make as mothers and making time to be with your children should be your #1 priority. You can fit your workout in later at night or early in the morning. But never sacrifice the time you have with your kids - they are only young for a little while so take advantage of it.
  • Love4fitnesslove4food2
    Love4fitnesslove4food2 Posts: 711 Member
    Options
    Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.

    Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?

    That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?

    I try and go at least 4 times a week. And most of the times put him to sleep right before i leave..i still feel bad tho :/

    Wait, you feel guilty for going to the gym AFTER your child is asleep? Why?!

    Because i know that i am leaving him, even tho he is sleeping (maybe a 30 min nap) when he wakes up to find mama i am not there, that is why i feel bad.

    I still don't see why you couldn't wake up and workout at 5 or 6am so that you wouldn't have this problem. You could even workout at home so that you don't have to spend the travel time going to/from the gym.
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
    Options
    Maybe try changing up the times. If its an option, go later at night when your child is sleeping. Perhaps your gym has a kids club and you can go early before work. This is tough and I feel for you, mom. You are NOT a bad mom. You just want the most time with your child that you can get. You'd be weird if you didn't feel the way you do. But know that you aren't doing anything wrong. Maybe just try to find a different time.

Categories