Guilty Working Mom

2

Replies

  • Harrisonsauntie
    Harrisonsauntie Posts: 119
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )

    So you go to work at 8:45 - until 5, where he is at the babysitters.
    You have him with you from 5 until 7:00 where he then naps? or goes to bed?
    Then you go the gym while he is asleep - he then wakes in the morning an your there?

    Whats wrong with that?
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )

    Enjoy the mamas boy. Mine discovered girls and that was the end of Mama's Boy. They grow up sooooo fast. Although now he is try to get me to start jogging so I can go running with him.
  • Love4fitnesslove4food2
    Love4fitnesslove4food2 Posts: 711 Member
    I'd say you should wake up earlier and go in the morning so that at least your after-work time is devoted to your child. I don't think it's okay to be gone basically during all of your child's waking hours but that's just my personal opinion.
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )

    So you go to work at 8:45 - until 5, where he is at the babysitters.
    You have him with you from 5 until 7:00 where he then naps? or goes to bed?
    Then you go the gym while he is asleep - he then wakes in the morning an your there?

    Whats wrong with that?

    True, I need to stop overreacting huh:smile:
  • Harrisonsauntie
    Harrisonsauntie Posts: 119
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )

    So you go to work at 8:45 - until 5, where he is at the babysitters.
    You have him with you from 5 until 7:00 where he then naps? or goes to bed?
    Then you go the gym while he is asleep - he then wakes in the morning an your there?

    Whats wrong with that?

    True, I need to stop overreacting huh:smile:

    Lol maybe just a little ;)
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    Why is he taking a nap at 7? Why not just put him to bed for the night at 7:30 or 8 and go then? Most kids at that age are down to one nap in the early afternoon. You can tweak his schedule to make things more manageable for you as well.

    Because he refuses to take naps while he is with his babysitter, and he would wait until he sees me (Yes i have a mama's boy in my hands :blushing: )

    Enjoy the mamas boy. Mine discovered girls and that was the end of Mama's Boy. They grow up sooooo fast. Although now he is try to get me to start jogging so I can go running with him.

    Yes i enjoy is so much i feel guilty for leaving him to go to the gym, but i have to think possible and think of the good things to come out of it!:smile:
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I'd say you should wake up earlier and go in the morning so that at least your after-work time is devoted to your child. I don't think it's okay to be gone basically during all of your child's waking hours but that's just my personal opinion.

    :huh: She goes after she's put him to bed.
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
    Yeah I'm not getting it. He takes a nap at 7pm at night? Then wakes up a half an hour later? Confused...so when is his actual bed time?

    As a mother of a 3 year old and a 7 month old I can relate. I work full time and get home at 5pm. I start putting the baby to bed at 7pm, then my 3 year old at 7:30pm. I usually don't start working out until 8:30 or 9pm. There are sacrifices we have to make as mothers and making time to be with your children should be your #1 priority. You can fit your workout in later at night or early in the morning. But never sacrifice the time you have with your kids - they are only young for a little while so take advantage of it.
  • Love4fitnesslove4food2
    Love4fitnesslove4food2 Posts: 711 Member
    Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.

    Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?

    That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?

    I try and go at least 4 times a week. And most of the times put him to sleep right before i leave..i still feel bad tho :/

    Wait, you feel guilty for going to the gym AFTER your child is asleep? Why?!

    Because i know that i am leaving him, even tho he is sleeping (maybe a 30 min nap) when he wakes up to find mama i am not there, that is why i feel bad.

    I still don't see why you couldn't wake up and workout at 5 or 6am so that you wouldn't have this problem. You could even workout at home so that you don't have to spend the travel time going to/from the gym.
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
    Maybe try changing up the times. If its an option, go later at night when your child is sleeping. Perhaps your gym has a kids club and you can go early before work. This is tough and I feel for you, mom. You are NOT a bad mom. You just want the most time with your child that you can get. You'd be weird if you didn't feel the way you do. But know that you aren't doing anything wrong. Maybe just try to find a different time.
  • laurieagain09
    laurieagain09 Posts: 183 Member
    Great thread. I am a super busy mom as well. It is hard not to feel guilty adding exercise to the to do list. Any of you mamas should friend me- I need more friends in the same boat.
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    Yeah I'm not getting it. He takes a nap at 7pm at night? Then wakes up a half an hour later? Confused...so when is his actual bed time?

    As a mother of a 3 year old and a 7 month old I can relate. I work full time and get home at 5pm. I start putting the baby to bed at 7pm, then my 3 year old at 7:30pm. I usually don't start working out until 8:30 or 9pm. There are sacrifices we have to make as mothers and making time to be with your children should be your #1 priority. You can fit your workout in later at night or early in the morning. But never sacrifice the time you have with your kids - they are only young for a little while so take advantage of it.

    Yes, thanks for the advice i'm thinking just going to the gym later that way i wont feel guilty, also i didn't know many moms put their kids to sleep at 7 pm or 8 pm, it seems a bit too early for me to put my son to sleep. When i was younger bedtime was always 10 pm and i guess i got my son used to that sleeping routine as well. Maybe is time for me to try and get him to sleep a bit earlier and i understand he might want more sleep time :flowerforyou:

    Thanks Again!
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
    Your child will use you as a model for behavior as s/he grows.

    Would you rather your child learn the importance of self-care, or would you rather model that a mother's duty is sacrifice and her needs are not important?

    That said, if your only time with your child is those evening hours, maybe you could switch to going to the gym before work, either all the time or just sometimes?

    I try and go at least 4 times a week. And most of the times put him to sleep right before i leave..i still feel bad tho :/

    Wait, you feel guilty for going to the gym AFTER your child is asleep? Why?!

    Because i know that i am leaving him, even tho he is sleeping (maybe a 30 min nap) when he wakes up to find mama i am not there, that is why i feel bad.

    He naps at 7pm???
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
    I'd say you should wake up earlier and go in the morning so that at least your after-work time is devoted to your child. I don't think it's okay to be gone basically during all of your child's waking hours but that's just my personal opinion.

    :huh: She goes after she's put him to bed.

    She said he takes a 30 min nap at 7pm which seems odd to me.
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
    10pm is late for a 3 yr old. I personally would feel bad as well if I was working all day if I left again if my child was up. I would adjust his schedule to go to bed by 8 and no naps. Then work out either before work or after he's in bed. My 11 and 13 yr olds go to bed earlier than him
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    Guilty Working Moms, Feel friend to add me :flowerforyou:
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    10pm is late for a 3 yr old. I personally would feel bad as well if I was working all day if I left again if my child was up. I would adjust his schedule to go to bed by 8 and no naps. Then work out either before work or after he's in bed. My 11 and 13 yr olds go to bed earlier than him

    WOW, I honestly didn't know people put their kids to sleep earlier, i know many people who put their children to sleep at 10 pm as well, but i'm glad i know this now :wink:
  • rhoule76
    rhoule76 Posts: 217 Member
    I feel this way too. I have a 2 1/2 year old. I work 8am to 5pm. I drop her off at 7:15am, her dad picks her up at 5:15pm. While I don't go to the gym, when I put her down for bed (btwn 7:30pm and 8pm) and she is trying to fall asleep, I go into my bedroom and pop a workout DVD in. I still feel guilty that I'm cutting my time short with her. Feel free to add me.
  • 4daluvof_candice
    4daluvof_candice Posts: 483 Member
    i has a 2 almost 3 years old
    I work in a office where i sit down all day, from 8:45am - 5pm

    and go to the gym 7pm-8:30pm

    Am i bad for going to the gym? i feel horrible

    I understand how you feel. I have 2 kids now 11yrs and 1 and decided a long time ago against the gym thing and found things to do with them. So ifthe weather permits, I walked with my kids or went to the park. I push my daughter in a stroller or ran with her and she thought we were "playing". Now that she is 11 and have a baby brother now, we go as a family, even their dad.
  • Greytfish
    Greytfish Posts: 810
    10pm is late for a 3 yr old. I personally would feel bad as well if I was working all day if I left again if my child was up. I would adjust his schedule to go to bed by 8 and no naps. Then work out either before work or after he's in bed. My 11 and 13 yr olds go to bed earlier than him

    WOW, I honestly didn't know people put their kids to sleep earlier, i know many people who put their children to sleep at 10 pm as well, but i'm glad i know this now :wink:

    Late bedtimes have become the norm, but not because they are healthy or productive.
  • devilwhiterose
    devilwhiterose Posts: 1,157 Member
    10pm is late for a 3 yr old. I personally would feel bad as well if I was working all day if I left again if my child was up. I would adjust his schedule to go to bed by 8 and no naps. Then work out either before work or after he's in bed. My 11 and 13 yr olds go to bed earlier than him

    WOW, I honestly didn't know people put their kids to sleep earlier, i know many people who put their children to sleep at 10 pm as well, but i'm glad i know this now :wink:

    My kids (4 and 2&2) go to bed at 8pm. We get up at 6am for work/daycare. Anything later than 8:30 and they're complete crabasses.
  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
    10pm is late for a 3 yr old. I personally would feel bad as well if I was working all day if I left again if my child was up. I would adjust his schedule to go to bed by 8 and no naps. Then work out either before work or after he's in bed. My 11 and 13 yr olds go to bed earlier than him

    WOW, I honestly didn't know people put their kids to sleep earlier, i know many people who put their children to sleep at 10 pm as well, but i'm glad i know this now :wink:

    It sounds counterintuitive, but he might actually nap better during the day if he goes to bed early. Basically, toddlers' circadian rhythms (natural sleep patterns) are set to go to bed sometime between 7:30 - 8:30. (There is of course some variation, but the vast majorities of 2-3 year olds will naturally sleep at that time). When they go to bed too late, they are kind of jet lagged, and it actually makes it harder to nap until they are so tired that they crash (maybe that is what's happening at 7?))

    . My daughter just turned 3, she goes to bed around 8 or 8:30, gets up around 7:30, and most days takes a nap from 2-4 or so. I have noticed that if she goes to bed too late she still wakes up at the same time, and then sometimes is really crabby and won't nap. Those days are super fun :)

    Mark Weissbluth's book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, has a chapter where he explains the biology of baby sleep. (I"m from a culture where people put their kids to bed super late, so this was all news to me!)
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    10pm is late for a 3 yr old. I personally would feel bad as well if I was working all day if I left again if my child was up. I would adjust his schedule to go to bed by 8 and no naps. Then work out either before work or after he's in bed. My 11 and 13 yr olds go to bed earlier than him

    WOW, I honestly didn't know people put their kids to sleep earlier, i know many people who put their children to sleep at 10 pm as well, but i'm glad i know this now :wink:

    It sounds counterintuitive, but he might actually nap better during the day if he goes to bed early. Basically, toddlers' circadian rhythms (natural sleep patterns) are set to go to bed sometime between 7:30 - 8:30. (There is of course some variation, but the vast majorities of 2-3 year olds will naturally sleep at that time). When they go to bed too late, they are kind of jet lagged, and it actually makes it harder to nap until they are so tired that they crash (maybe that is what's happening at 7?))

    . My daughter just turned 3, she goes to bed around 8 or 8:30, gets up around 7:30, and most days takes a nap from 2-4 or so. I have noticed that if she goes to bed too late she still wakes up at the same time, and then sometimes is really crabby and won't nap. Those days are super fun :)

    Mark Weissbluth's book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, has a chapter where he explains the biology of baby sleep. (I"m from a culture where people put their kids to bed super late, so this was all news to me!)

    This is very eye opening, i will take all of you moms advice and try and create a new sleeping pattern for my little man, maybe start of a little slowly so he can get used to it.

    Thanks!
  • devilwhiterose
    devilwhiterose Posts: 1,157 Member
    10pm is late for a 3 yr old. I personally would feel bad as well if I was working all day if I left again if my child was up. I would adjust his schedule to go to bed by 8 and no naps. Then work out either before work or after he's in bed. My 11 and 13 yr olds go to bed earlier than him

    WOW, I honestly didn't know people put their kids to sleep earlier, i know many people who put their children to sleep at 10 pm as well, but i'm glad i know this now :wink:

    It sounds counterintuitive, but he might actually nap better during the day if he goes to bed early. Basically, toddlers' circadian rhythms (natural sleep patterns) are set to go to bed sometime between 7:30 - 8:30. (There is of course some variation, but the vast majorities of 2-3 year olds will naturally sleep at that time). When they go to bed too late, they are kind of jet lagged, and it actually makes it harder to nap until they are so tired that they crash (maybe that is what's happening at 7?))

    . My daughter just turned 3, she goes to bed around 8 or 8:30, gets up around 7:30, and most days takes a nap from 2-4 or so. I have noticed that if she goes to bed too late she still wakes up at the same time, and then sometimes is really crabby and won't nap. Those days are super fun :)

    Mark Weissbluth's book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, has a chapter where he explains the biology of baby sleep. (I"m from a culture where people put their kids to bed super late, so this was all news to me!)

    This is very eye opening, i will take all of you moms advice and try and create a new sleeping pattern for my little man, maybe start of a little slowly so he can get used to it.

    Thanks!

    The rule of thumb to making sleep adjustments without causing too much chaos is changing the time by 5 minute increments. 1st week, 8:30pm, 2nd week 8:25pm, 3rd week 8:20pm...and so on.
  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
    When changing our daughter's sleep schedule, we just went whole hog. I thinrk in my daughter's case, 5 minutes a week would have extended the overtiredness - if you're trying to move bedtime from 10:00 to 8:00, that's 120 minutes, or 24 5 minute increments. That's six months of a too-late bedtime! I would really recommend Weissbluth, there is a "sweet spot" when kids will fall asleep easily. Even as a baby, if we put my daughter down in her crib awake at 7:00, she'd zonk out in a few minutes. 7:45, and there would be tears galore! \

    So it may be easier than you think to get your kid to accept an earlier bedtime, so I'd just move the bedtime, and wait a week to see what happens. (Or do 15 minutes/ night if you must go in increments). We also vary bedtime depending on whether she took a long nap or a short nap. If no nap, we will put her to bed at 7:15 and she's out like a light. Long nap might get her to 9:00.
  • devilwhiterose
    devilwhiterose Posts: 1,157 Member
    That's true. I didn't think into the 10pm too much. We did 5-minute increments when we were shifting from 8:30 to 8:00. lol
  • PennyM140
    PennyM140 Posts: 423 Member
    By the time I put my son to bed I'm too tired to go to they gym and am ready for bed myself. The only time I ever try to go is early in the morning before he wakes up. But then my husband has to wake up earlier and take son to daycare and I don't even get to see them in the morning.
    I know many of you say that this is ok and not to feel guilty about it but I can't, and that is why I never can get in a routine of going.
    I am causing them to alter their routine and missing precious time with them no matter how I try to work it out.
    I wish I could find a solution that made everyone happy.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    Is that every week day? Why do you spend so long at the gym? 1.5 hours is a long time for one workout, and a lot of time away from your children, especially after being gone all day.

    In all honesty, I'd feel guilty too. So guilty I wouldn't do it. I say this with certainty having been there. I got workouts in whenever I could. On my lunch break. At home after the kids were in bed or before they woke up. Made play with them a workout. I did workouts while they played in the same room or out in the yard. We turned on some music and danced. I worked out while we watched TV. Whenever I could fit it into our day.

    Once they were older, They would ride their bikes or roller blade with me when I ran. I helped with whatever sport they were into. We rode bikes together. I worked out while they did homework. I taught them that exercise was imporant, but it was never something that took me away from our life. It simply was a part of our life.
  • NeIIaBeIIa
    NeIIaBeIIa Posts: 31 Member
    I've found that working out at 5am, before anyone is up, is the only way for a) me to do it, b) not feel guilty about it and c) not interrupt anyone else's routine. It's mummy time!! I do it from home so there is no travel time involved, means more time for me. Jogging, cycling indoors + Netflix or floor workouts. Just means I have to be aware of going to bed on time.

    For the sleeping toddler references: my 4 and 2 year old both go to bed at 7:30pm, wake up about 6:30. By then I've had a shower and am ready for the day :smile: Little one naps 12-3pm (crazy I know)
  • PennyM140
    PennyM140 Posts: 423 Member
    Is that every week day? Why do you spend so long at the gym? 1.5 hours is a long time for one workout, and a lot of time away from your children, especially after being gone all day.

    In all honesty, I'd feel guilty too. So guilty I wouldn't do it. I say this with certainty having been there. I got workouts in whenever I could. On my lunch break. At home after the kids were in bed or before they woke up. Made play with them a workout. I did workouts while they played in the same room or out in the yard. We turned on some music and danced. I worked out while we watched TV. Whenever I could fit it into our day.

    Once they were older, They would ride their bikes or roller blade with me when I ran. I helped with whatever sport they were into. We rode bikes together. I worked out while they did homework. I taught them that exercise was imporant, but it was never something that took me away from our life. It simply was a part of our life.

    I love this! I just bought my three year old a tennis racket. He goes on short walks with me. Can't wait til he starts riding his bike good so I can run with him. But until then I need to be a bit more active that a three year old can keep up with so I do try to sneak in a workout every now and then.

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