my skinny husband just doesnt get it

Your husband doesn't understand because it's probably something he's never had to worry about, like mine. As far as the clean eater, not all of them are this way, but many think it's their way or it doesn't work. You don't have to "clean eat" to lose weight OR to be healthy. All things in moderation. The fact that he's saying TDEE doesn't work is a bit ridiculous though. IF going by the online calculator, yes you might have to adjust it a LITTLE bit as it's a general calculation, but you can find out your own TDEE very easily, and there's no way that THAT is incorrect because it's based on YOU personally. I have lost 30 pounds, and haven't ate clean for probably even a day of it. Feel free to FR me or look at my diary.

Just take advice in, figure out if it helps you or not, and then either use or discard it

I can relate to this problem. My boyfriend and his family are alwasy offering me food- saying "its healthy I made it at home". The intention is to be helpful, but they just dont understand my journey. Honestly they dont have to- I have learned to have thick skin and believe in my cause. Everyone even if they are trying to be supportive or if they are just uninformed, everyone has an opinion. From the sound of it it seems like you are looking for your husband to be supportive in a diffrent way than he knows how. He is obviously interested in what you are doing and most likely was trying to be helpful. In his mind he prob. thinks he is giving you information you need to be successful.

After a while on the boards here on MFP you will notice many people have differing opinions on what works. I can not tell you what will work for you neither can they. They can give you suggestions and help guide you through your path.

As for you and your husband. Try and tell him things you actually need from him to feel supported. Lilke tell him that you need him not to bring salty/sweet snacks into the house in order for you to be successful. Tell him you need to do active things on the weekends instead of dinner and a movie. Tell him you need him to watch the kids while you go to the gym 4 days a week. You get the point. Outline what will help you to be successful.

Good luck on your journey!

My husband is also naturally thin, has been his whole life, but he does understand the science of weight loss being calories in vs. calories out. He has a harder time relating to the emotional aspects of being overweight and losing weight, but because of my struggles he has a much better understanding. I have been on MFP for about 16 months now and lost about 56.4 lbs. During that time he has learned a lot right along with me and, I have to say, has been my biggest cheerleader.

All that being said, most men are "fixers". They see a problem we are dealing with and they are generally wired to help us work through it. It sounds like your hubby is really trying, in his way, to be helpful and supportive. My husband also "helped" by collecting advice and information which he passed on to me from time to time. Some was helpful and some was not. Maybe if you explain to him that you've got this and need to start slow, using methods you can incorporate into your life easily, he will back off a bit.

BTW...I am not a "clean" eater as most people would define it. I generally eat what I want but stay within my calories and macros. I do not eat french fries and fried chicken daily, by any means, but if I have the calories left over for a piece of chocolate I will eat it without guilt. This has worked for me and made me feel comfortable and not deprived. This is the only way I will sustain this lifestyle. Good luck on your journey!!!

I think you need to learn to tune stuff like that out. No matter what you are doing, you will always encounter people who have a 'different' or 'better' way of going about it. They may in fact have a better way that has been successful for THEM. And that's great. for THEM.

The key to losing weight is simple. Eat at a deficit. If you would like to keep the weight off permanently, it needs to become a lifestyle. Meaning you must make healthy eating choices and get regular exercise. For life. I personally know that depriving myself of foods that I enjoy, is a recipe for failure for me. So, I enjoy some not so healthy things once in a while.

The fact that you have made the choice to live a healthier life is all you need to focus on. You made a promise to yourself, now keep it. Let the naysayers have their fun. Smile, tell them "that's great", and go on about your business.

Another word of advise . . . . don't share the details of what you are doing with everyone. Including your husband. Clearly he has a compelling urge to blab your business to others. What is up with that? Sorry, thin or not, 1-2 bags of chips a day is just not a good choice. There are plenty of naturally thin people with health issues related to their diets.

Good luck to you!

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Do your thing! Don't worry about your husband or your husband's coworker. Everyone will have opinions and suggestions for you. Stick to what you want to do, if that's MFP, then use MFP. And remember, there are lots of people here to support you.

ETA: Also, just because your husband's coworker eats clean and such, doesn't mean he's healthy either. Who knows what his insides look like.

Don't Know how old your husband is, but I had the same problem with my husband. guess what? He hit 40 and put on weight now we're trying to lose together.

Just smile and nod and then go and do what's best for you.

Just smile & nod, don't let them get to you. You have the right attitude you can't go straight into clean eating you will just crave all the bad stuff and end up binging. At the start I still had a small bar of chocolate each evening its what kept me going. You will learn alot after a few weeks on this. The calories in some food will make you change to healthier options e,g brown rice/pasta instead of white, more veg to fill you up, steaming/baking chicken instead of frying. I'm 7 months in took the first 4-6 weeks just to get my head around the calories. You will get there. Losing the weight slowly is better than quickly. Its not a race. Good luck xxx

No offense, but you're husband's friend sounds awful haha. Calling people liars just because they say they found success with a different method than he recommends? Sounds like some serious ego problems.

I use TDEE, as do MANY people around here. All you have to do is go to the "success stories" forum and you'll see hundreds of posts by people who lost weight not eating clean. But it sounds like you already know that

You're always going to get lots of advice when you start a weight loss plan, and a lot of it will be bad advice. Just do what works for you and ignore the people who try to tell you that you HAVE to do it a different way. (That being said, don't be one of those people who ignores serious, accurate scientific advice just because it's not what you wanted to hear... but it doesn't seem like your'e one of those people at all )

As long as you maintain YOUR feeling of pride, then you will achieve your goals.

Everyone has advice to offer. Some of it is good, some of it is bad, and most of it falls somewhere in-between. Expressing appreciation for the advice (aka "smile and nod,") researching anything that seems dubious or interesting, and then doing what YOU feel works for you will be what gets you to the place you want to be in your life. You are the one in control of you!

"He eats a whole bag of chips sometimes 2 every night and doesnt put on weight."

This is the biggest lie you can tell yourself. Metabolism never varies to the extent that people scoff mountains of calories and dont put on weight, while the person in the corner has a cup of rice and piles on the pounds.

That's funny, my husband literally can eat all he wants and doesn't gain, until he hit 45 he would have to actively try to gain weight in order to not look sickly.

I realize its not all simple metabolism, he is also the kind of person who never sits still, so his constant movement is part of why his calorie burn is so high... but his metabolism plays a part too... he's always been thin and wiry and likely always will be.
He could eat two bags of chips a night and not gain weight. So why you would assume the OP is lying to herself is beyond me. She didn't say he could eat like that and do nothing and not gain, just that he could eat that much... its very possible he burns off the extra in activity.

"He eats a whole bag of chips sometimes 2 every night and doesnt put on weight."

This is the biggest lie you can tell yourself. Metabolism never varies to the extent that people scoff mountains of calories and dont put on weight, while the person in the corner has a cup of rice and piles on the pounds.

That's funny, my husband literally can eat all he wants and doesn't gain, until he hit 45 he would have to actively try to gain weight in order to not look sickly.

I realize its not all simple metabolism, he is also the kind of person who never sits still, so his constant movement is part of why his calorie burn is so high... but his metabolism plays a part too... he's always been thin and wiry and likely always will be.
He could eat two bags of chips a night and not gain weight. So why you would assume the OP is lying to herself is beyond me. She didn't say he could eat like that and do nothing and not gain, just that he could eat that much... its very possible he burns off the extra in activity.

Agreed. My husband's family are all thin... and let me tell you his parents eat TERRIBLE. The junk outweighs the healthy stuff 4/1. So, he obviously inherited a fast metabolism. But, he also has a very physical job working in a warehouse and I sit in an office all day. That being said, for some time we worked at the same warehouse side by side... he lost weight always and I didn't lose a thing. Metabolism plays a HUGE role.