Jealous of spouses extra available calories
Replies
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Budgeting calories is like budgeting your checkbook. You either have extra money to burn or you don't. You either have extra calories left for 8pm TV Snack time or you don't.
Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the math. :huh:
I for one would be cheering on my hubby if he was doing what you are doing, OP, cuz that's how we wives support our hubby
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i have no real help...except to say we all work for our end results....she is not working for your end result so she should not have your calorie allowance.
she is working for HER end result.
personally i'm a feeder. I'm glad my partner has the extra calories...because I'm a food pusher at it's worst.0 -
I am making new t-shirt "Snacks, causing divorce since 1820"
LOL0 -
OP:
What I do is make sure he gets slightly more each meal, so it adds up (roughly, since he doesnt use MFP) to what he should be having more than me. That way its just a little there and a little here.
Also, I keep a few calories for late night snacks, cause I know he is gonna be snacking and I *will* have a bite wether I have calories left or not :Ponly in America would a late night snack piss of a spouse…wow #firstworldproblems...
Couldn't agree with this more lol oye
That guy was the only one using the word pissed. I said frustrated.
also not just in murica.. I get jealous as well sometimes :P0 -
Tell her to reframe her thinking. There are advantages to a lower BMR. It's cheaper. It's easier. We survive longer in famine. We can eat less food without feeling as deprived.
You are as hungry at 80% of your TDEE as she is. There is no bonus snack for you.0 -
Well I think that it's sweet that you want to be supportive. Making healthy changes is difficult and feeling like the one left out at the end of the day is no fun! When I first started losing weight, I purposely alotted a certain amount of calories each day to use for an evening snack. I'd make little baggies of Baked Cheetos (I counted them to be sure they were only one serving), then snack on one of those in the evening for a little over 100 calories. Because they were baked, I actually got a good sized serving, and to me they taste the same as normal Cheetos.
You could make measured out baggies of different snacks for her, like goldfish or popcorn or anything else, and suggest that she save a few calories during the day for it. Then you can both have a little snack together! If she has something to nosh on, even if it's different or less than what you're eating, it might be less frustrating for her.
I don't snack as much in the evenings anymore, but I definitely understand missing an evening veg session. It will get better! Kudos to you for being so supportive 0 -
I don't understand why SHE doesn't have the extra calories for a snack? If it's really an issue she needs to manage her calories more closely and allow herself an evening snack. My husband eats evening snacks in front of me all the time, but I have no issue with it because I don't like eating after dinner.0
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What about making a snack you can both enjoy but you just eat more of it. Like if you sit down to watch a movie at the end of the day make a bowl of popcorn and give her a small bowl and you take the rest. Or maybe increase what you eat during the day so you don't have those extras and the two of you can curse thogether how you have no calories left. Sometimes my husband and I split left overs and he gets 2 cups to my 1 cup for lunch. Or he gets an extra piece of fruit, nuts that are higher in calories for a snack. Stuff like that.
I had this problem a lot in the beginning too and it was hard. My husband is a big ice cream fan. Well we both switched to using coffee mugs for ice cream instead of bowls. He would fill his mug and I would have half. It was a decent mental trick.
Are you guys also working out? Maybe she does an extra mile on the treadmill (or whatever) so she can have something.
I think the best thing is that you are looking to be supportive and aren't just telling her to suck it up, congrats to you!0 -
When you eat meals, balance yours so they are proportionately larger than hers. My husband and I eat the same things but his servings are larger because he needs more calories than I do. It balances out in the end. Maybe you two could have a designated cheat day where you splurge on sharing movie popcorn (or whatever floats your boat).0
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Yes, you are right!
I am the spouse who doesn't have any more calories at night and it used to drive me crazy. Now I know that I better plan for a snack at night (and it can be different than his) so I don't feel like I'm dieting.0 -
only in America would a late night snack piss of a spouse…wow #firstworldproblems...
Couldn't agree with this more lol oye
That guy was the only one using the word pissed. I said frustrated.
correction - only in American would a spouse get "frustrated" about a late night snack" ; me thinks that they do not have this problem in say, any country in Africa...0 -
I think jealousy is the wrong response, but I'm not her.
My fiance and I are not very different in height--he's about 5'5" and I'm just under 5'4" but he gets about double calories that I do. I don't mind when he's snacking or eating much bigger portions because I realize he has different needs than I do. I don't want him to avoid eating in front of me or forgo tons of calories. He doesn't show off his snack items in front of me and I basically expect him to always be eating, even if I can't.
Maybe she should save calories so you guys can snack together? Don't forgo 500 calories! There's not much you can do. You don't need to hide in a closet to eat just so she won't be sad. She budgets her calories for the day, not you. She can drink tea when you snack. There's a lot of things she can do--be jealous is not one of those things. Sit down, talk it out, plan the snack in advance so you both have the calories and can enjoy together! 0 -
Normally I would say she needs to get over herself, but I do understand this mindset. It's probably not that she's jealous or even hungry. It's just that she likes to eat, she'd like more food, and she has to sit there and watch YOU eat more, knowing she can't. So she's thinking "Does he really have to do that in front of me?"
Now, since she seems to have such an emotional attachment to food, I would not suggest that she simply burn more calories so she can have a late night snack or that she budget her calories so that she can eat more later. Either way, she's being conditioned to think that nighttime means sitting in front of the TV and eating, and she'll probably do it even on days when she didn't burn enough.
So my suggestion is for you to just not eat in front of her at a time when she can't eat. Still eat all the calories you're allowed, but, if there's another convenient time to eat those 500 calories, do it then. Then your evenings can be less about food and calories and diets and more about just spending quality time together.0 -
Jealous? Is she 12?
No, just hungry.
Maybe she can eat some more filling foods so she doesn't feel hungry later?0 -
only in America would a late night snack piss of a spouse…wow #firstworldproblems...
Couldn't agree with this more lol oye
That guy was the only one using the word pissed. I said frustrated.
hey OP, I suggest this in all honesty...
while I seldom advocate "substitute" food, I suggest that you try this:
Suggest that you will give up the snack in exchange for active sex.
If she says 'yes", surprise her by saying, 'you have extra calories now... have a snack'
or
"no booty for me, cupcake instead'
good luck.0 -
you could always offer her a glass of water...0
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This is just a fact of life. I gained my extra weight when I started eating portion sizes closer to my husband's back when we moved in together. I literally eat half of what he does just for maintenance, somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 for weight loss depending on the meal. He's been losing some weight since I started counting calories, so we're trying to balance having tempting things around the house for him to eat, while still helping me to get healthy.
It's tough sometimes and I used to get jealous about how much he could eat. Then I grew up and realized that different people have different caloric requirements. Now, if I want to match him wing for wing or nacho for nacho, we go for a hike and I carry my daughter to increase my calorie burn.
It sucks. But it's the way it goes. She's going to have to buck up and get over it.
I agree. I had the same experience when my bf and I moved in together- I started eating closer to his portion size. Coupled with a major injury only a few months later that left me sedentary for a couple of months, and I got disturbingly close to his weight (he's 5'11 and quite fit, I'm only 5'4"). Once I learned my lesson about portion control, and figured out my own calories, things got back to normal. I lost the weight I put on post-injury, then the weight I put on after we moved in together, and then I lost the weight that I had been putting on over the last few years!
When I want a snack, I make it fit. I suppose that I'm lucky, because I lose weight at 2,000 calories, but I work out a few times a week and I aim to walk at least 4 1/2 miles a day- and then I get to have dessert DAILY! Well worth it to me And I don't have to feel jealous of his snacks, because I get one too (albeit smaller) 0 -
you could always offer her a glass of water...
"Honey, while I have this bowl of cheetos, enjoy this lovely and refreshing glass of water."
I could see that going over so well :laugh:0 -
If it bothers you that much, have more calories during the day. I assume you don't spend all your time together.
My husband is not on a diet at all, and he's always eating snacks in the evening. I just have to deal.0 -
Make it 500 calories of something she despises. My wife hates beer, therefore....
BEER FOR ME!!!
That is brilliant, and true. I drink around 500 calories worth of beer every night, and believe me my wife doesn't want even a sip. She probably pities me for drinking it.0 -
Increase your calorie intake at each meal. That way you're not under calories and not snacking at night while she can't. Or, she could decrease her calories at each meal so that she has calories left over to share an evening snack with you.
This is probably the best solution. Maybe have a larger breakfast and lunch and just save enough for the evening snack so you can both have the same thing, like airpopped popcorn.
I think you're being a very kind and considerate husband to think of this. Ultimately, she's going to need to just understand you'll have more calories than her. That's just life.0 -
It's tough during the winter months when I'm bulking/gaining weight. I'm trying to consistently get 3,000+ cals a day and my wife is trying to eat half that. Our dinners/main meals are similar but the house is stocked with high cal foods for my additional meals/snacks. She struggles to stay away from the ice cream, etc. I follow IIFYM and she believes low carb is the the way to go for her. I wouldn't want to stare at things in the cupboard that I'm not supposed to eat either, but hey, we each gotta do what we gotta do. Can't feel bad about it.0
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Physically remove all traces of being a dude by having the surgeries to make you a woman, take hormone supplements, and cry a lot. :huh:
Seriously, it's called testosterone. Also why you build muscle faster than we do. Blame physiology, because that's just how we're built. Men ALWAYS have a higher caloric allowance, plus you are likely taller FFS. :noway:
ETA jealous =/= supportive.0 -
Like taxes, calories can be done jointly.0
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First, If you ditch those 500 calories, it might do you more harm than good. Don't forego them because the wife is jealous.
I have the same issue with my husband though. Yeah, it sucks that he gets more than me to eat. It also sucks that chocolate doesn't count the same as broccoli!! It is what it is. You have your journey and she has hers. Unfortunately, she needs to overcome that.
That doesn't mean you guys can't have an agreement though on that evening snack. I've often told my husband - "You can have your evening snack, but would you mind not having it right in front of me? I'm out (of calories) for the day and it's going to be hard for me to watch you eat your snack." And he just grins and goes into the other room.
You could also adjust the portions at meals to help in maybe not "having to have" that snack at night. Or you could add a snack at work so she doesn't have to see you eating it.0 -
My husband is alloted a lot more calories than I am ... and it's hard, really hard. I simply try to stay focused, eat foods that give me the most "bang for my buck," and try to save some for dessert. But, I definitely can understand how she feels. It's hard, but she should work on keeping her eye on the prize!0
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500cals for a night time snack way too much, try use more during the day..and you won't need to snack of a night time. The night the snack is probably tormenting her.
But seriously, she needs to get a grip and you shouldn't reduce your calories because you feel guilty about how she feels.0 -
500cals for a night time snack way too much, try use more during the day..and you won't need to snack of a night time. The night the snack is probably tormenting her.
But seriously, she needs to get a grip and you shouldn't reduce your calories because you feel guilty about how she feels.
500 calories for a night time snack is fine as long as it fits within the OP's calorie goals. I do agree that this is mostly his wife's problem. Again, why isn't she saving some calories for her night time snack?0
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