my skinny husband just doesnt get it

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Replies

  • KnM0107
    KnM0107 Posts: 355 Member
    I tried to explain that his friend is extremely healthly and i obese.. so for me just starting a program is a big step. Counting and weighing everything is step and an eye opener to what i put into my body. So i am proud of myself. I am my own work in progress.


    I love your attitude!!! It sounds like you are on your right path!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Just do your thing and tell your husband to shut it. My fiance used to tell me all I had to do was pushups and situps and I'd lose. This from someone who eats half a gallon if oce cream a day and doesn't gain.
  • _John_
    _John_ Posts: 8,646 Member
    ironic title is ironic...
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 698 Member
    Okay I have some advice for dealing with your husband, because he needs to be your support system in this. Have a frank discussion with him. First, I would suggest saying you need support and encouragement from him, not advice. Mention that any criticism on what you're doing to improve yourself is counterproductive and discouraging. Second, shut that co-worker down, indirectly. Tell your husband that discussing your current endeavor with people you don't know is not acceptable (personally, I would be highly embarrassed if my husband discussed my trying to lose weight with a stranger to me). Finally, follow through with what you say. If your husband tries to criticize/comment/whatever, remind him that that is not what you need and feel free to tell him exactly what you want to hear to help him learn. If he's incapable of all this, then I'd go elsewhere for support (like here!). :) I'd also suggest telling him to refrain from commenting on whatever you eat (I had an ex do that and it's just not cool).

    Anywho, I completely agree with you. You can't go from eating one way to eating 100% healthily overnight and it be maintainable. I would recommend looking into health and nutrition on your own and revise your goals as needed. Getting bloodwork done and talking to your doctor about it is a good idea too. I revised my MFP goals based on these, plus just what makes me feel better. (I discovered MFP had my protein too low, that I feel way better eating more.)

    Don't give up! You can do this. It's VERY important to remember this!
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
    my skinny husband just doesnt get it

    Would he get it if he was fatter and not skinny? Make him some huge meals all the time and they you two can lose weight together.

    Of course you could just keep doing the right things and not worry about they naysayers.
  • lavaughan69
    lavaughan69 Posts: 459 Member
    I think it's important to remember that losing weight is a very individual thing. What works for some doesn't work for others. You need to craft an eating plan that suits your lifestyle and is realistic in the long term. If you try to give up all the things you love then you will really struggle with maintenance as we tend to gravitate back to our bad habits. Instead, find a way to incorporate your favorite things (which probably don't fall under the category of clean eating) but in moderation. Once you've worked out how many calories you can eat in a day in order to lose weight it's just a matter of choices. You can choose to eat chips along side your husband, but if you do so then make sure you've saved room for them and weigh them out. You'll probably find that you want these foods less often because in order to have them you may have to skip a meal and suffer through hunger pains to do it.

    That's the approach I've take for the past 10 months and have been very successful...but as I said...it's very individual. You have to find out what will work for you as a way of life and not just a temporary eating state in order to lose weight.
  • Quieau
    Quieau Posts: 428 Member
    "Clean" eating and chocolate or hamburgers are not mutually exclusive! You can eat chocolate or hamburgers or pizza that are made with fresh wholesome ingredients without a lot of synthetic chemicals added and get all the health benefits while still enjoying your treats! Don't confuse 'clean' with 'low-calorie' ... totally not the same!

    While there are a bazillion definitions out there of what counts and doesn't count, you can still make 'cleaner' choices like eating potato chips that have only potatoes, oil and salt on the ingredient list instead of 30 items you can't pronounce, or eating organic ice cream made with actual dairy products and minimally processed sugar.

    It's really about food quality , rather than having lists of what is or isn't clean. Anything can be clean if prepared from fresh, wholesome ingredients that have been minimally processed.
  • chopper_pilot
    chopper_pilot Posts: 191 Member
    do not fret.

    it is not for him to 'get it'. It's only you that has to 'get it' since it's you that is about to have a personal revolution.

    kk?

    :flowerforyou:
  • danimalkeys
    danimalkeys Posts: 982 Member
    "He eats a whole bag of chips sometimes 2 every night and doesnt put on weight."

    This is the biggest lie you can tell yourself. Metabolism never varies to the extent that people scoff mountains of calories and dont put on weight, while the person in the corner has a cup of rice and piles on the pounds.


    That's funny, my husband literally can eat all he wants and doesn't gain, until he hit 45 he would have to actively try to gain weight in order to not look sickly.

    I realize its not all simple metabolism, he is also the kind of person who never sits still, so his constant movement is part of why his calorie burn is so high... but his metabolism plays a part too... he's always been thin and wiry and likely always will be.
    He could eat two bags of chips a night and not gain weight. So why you would assume the OP is lying to herself is beyond me. She didn't say he could eat like that and do nothing and not gain, just that he could eat that much... its very possible he burns off the extra in activity.
    I have a friend like this, he's 51 and still has no problem staying thin. He eats huge amounts of food. When he was lifting with me he was actively trying to gain weight and could never get past 190lbs at 6'2 tall. I bet he eats well over 3000 calories a day. He's not super active on a daily basis, he does a lot of stretching and bodyweight things like pushups, but he's not walking miles or anything like that. He just has a faster metabolism than I do. People are different, regardless of what those who say we all process foods the same way will say.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    That i shouldnt be using a TDEE at all cause then i wont lose weight.

    For a great many people, possibly a majority, that is sound advice. The problem is too many folks are unrealistic about their activity level. If you're going to do the TDEE method, and have a lot of weight to lose, I suggest setting it to sedentary, or at absolute most "lightly active".
    Just frustrating to hear your doing it all wrong in my first week.

    Is it more frustrating than potentially going down the wrong path for 8 weeks and accomplishing nothing?
  • Joanne_happygramma
    Joanne_happygramma Posts: 207 Member
    Unfortunately he never will, what he needs to wrap his brain around is that you just need support. If MFP is working for you then this is what you need to do. Take it from an old lady whose first husband (naturally skinny) nagged me constantly about my weight and his solution, was "don't eat" -- ya that works. My current husband is not skinny but he only has about 10 extra pounds to lose, his support and my friends here have helped me wrap my brain around MFP and so far after four months I am successful. Each and every week when I weigh in is a loss. This is a commitment and not magic but it works (have I stressed that enough?? :happy: )
    We need to focus on what we can do for the rest of our lives and it can't be unmanageable -- if you look at my profile you will see my 30+ years of battling my weight, I have done fads, good diets, bad diets, nothing worked except the pure physics of eating less than what my body is burning. Clean eating may be a wonderful way to go but sometimes we don't have time or energy and reaching for a small piece of cheese with crackers (total 250 calories) just hits the spot and keeps me going between meals.
    This is about you and it's too bad your husband had to discuss your weight loss with anyone else. I am too old to care about what other people think, and currently outside of a handful of close friends and family no one knows what I am doing and it's none of their business. If someone asks what I am doing I will tell them, but otherwise nada.

    Cheers and I hope to read your success story here one day.
    Joanne
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Ignore. Smile and nod and say "that's interesting". Then stick to your own plan.
  • RobbinRL
    RobbinRL Posts: 76
    People will always throw advice at you. Learn to filter through it and just continue what you doing. I use TDEE method and it works for me. I like to keep things as simple as possible. Eat at a cal deficit to lose weight and exercise to stay healthy ( great stress relief for me). This works for most ppl who are generally healthy.

    Ignore and do what you need to do.

    Exactly what ^^ she said. Do whats right for you and fart out the crap you don't want to inhale! LOL In one ear and out the other is how I do it! YOU find the right vibe for YOU.
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
    I never discussed losing weight with anyone save my partner and my BFF because I did not need nor want advice from anyone.

    But, when it did come up I used to laugh my butt off when people who have never EVER had to deal with being overweight in their lives would tell me how to lose weight. Schmucks, I might be flying blind somewhat, but I clearly have more experience than you and it's none of your freaking business if I eat a potato instead of a handful of almonds.

    Keep doing what you're doing. Someone will always have something to say even after you hit goal. :)
  • bamf82
    bamf82 Posts: 14
    I hear you. I have someone like that at work that tries to tell me what to do, what to eat, how to eat it. I stopped listening to her and just did my own thing. They think they are helping.. But if you didn't ask for advice, then I would politely tell them that you've been successful thus far and you'd like to give this a try before starting something new.

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