Guilty Working Mom

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Replies

  • CB2CS
    CB2CS Posts: 14 Member
    I would feel very guilty and there's no way I could do it. I hope you are able to adjust your child's sleep schedule so you can go to the gym when he's in bed for the whole night. It's hard being a mommy sometimes. Good luck!
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    I would feel very guilty and there's no way I could do it. I hope you are able to adjust your child's sleep schedule so you can go to the gym when he's in bed for the whole night. It's hard being a mommy sometimes. Good luck!

    Yes, it is especially being new young mom (in 20 years old with a 3 year old).
  • jos05
    jos05 Posts: 263 Member
    I am a single working mom... I have 3 "teenagers"... (ok, one is 11, but she might as well be a teenager, she's the youngest)

    I work from 9-6 everyday. I commute 40 mins in the morning and 40-60 mins at night depending on traffic. I started working out over a year and half ago. My children could tell that I was depressed and I needed to do something. So I took a long hard look at my life and I made the tough decisions that mom's have to make! WHEN TO GO!! HOW TO FIT IT IN!! MADE A GAME PLAN!!

    My schedule now begins at 4:30am Monday-Friday!! I am up at 4:30... at the gym by 5am! I work out til 6:30am... I am home by 6:40. My girls get up with their own alarm clocks and start getting ready. I walk through the door after my hour and a half workout and I make everyone breakfast, pack those lunches, and make sure everyone catches the bus on time. YOU CAN DO IT!!! AND WITHOUT GUILT! I never feel guilty about doing my own thing!

    Discipline is doing what is right, even when you don't want to...

    When I started this routine I was a night owl. And now I couldn't dream of skipping my gym time! My body wakes up everyday and I pretty much spring out of bed... some days faster than others, lol!


    But it can be done. Find a time when it works best for your child. If you feel guilty...only you can control that. And sometimes you have to alter your plans to get rid of the guilt. But I will tell you this; not once in my 9 yrs of being a single mom ... have I ever felt guilty for doing something for myself. You're a mom... not God. No one is perfect!!


    Do what works best for you and your family... but never feel guilty about living your life. Just because you're a mom; doesn't mean that you stopped having your own life.
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
    No stay at home and get out of shape so you can't play with your kids in the future.
  • mwitt07
    mwitt07 Posts: 77 Member
    Don't feel guilty. You can't take care of anyone else if you aren't first taking care of yourself. Maybe when the weather is nicer if you are feeling particularly guilty about leaving for the gym, just get outside and play with your child. Play some ball, get a trampoline, etc...It will be a good workout for you and just playtime for your baby. You both win!
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    I am a single working mom... I have 3 "teenagers"... (ok, one is 11, but she might as well be a teenager, she's the youngest)

    I work from 9-6 everyday. I commute 40 mins in the morning and 40-60 mins at night depending on traffic. I started working out over a year and half ago. My children could tell that I was depressed and I needed to do something. So I took a long hard look at my life and I made the tough decisions that mom's have to make! WHEN TO GO!! HOW TO FIT IT IN!! MADE A GAME PLAN!!

    My schedule now begins at 4:30am Monday-Friday!! I am up at 4:30... at the gym by 5am! I work out til 6:30am... I am home by 6:40. My girls get up with their own alarm clocks and start getting ready. I walk through the door after my hour and a half workout and I make everyone breakfast, pack those lunches, and make sure everyone catches the bus on time. YOU CAN DO IT!!! AND WITHOUT GUILT! I never feel guilty about doing my own thing!

    Discipline is doing what is right, even when you don't want to...

    When I started this routine I was a night owl. And now I couldn't dream of skipping my gym time! My body wakes up everyday and I pretty much spring out of bed... some days faster than others, lol!


    But it can be done. Find a time when it works best for your child. If you feel guilty...only you can control that. And sometimes you have to alter your plans to get rid of the guilt. But I will tell you this; not once in my 9 yrs of being a single mom ... have I ever felt guilty for doing something for myself. You're a mom... not God. No one is perfect!!


    Do what works best for you and your family... but never feel guilty about living your life. Just because you're a mom; doesn't mean that you stopped having your own life.

    Thanks, the guilt needs to go:drinker:
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    No stay at home and get out of shape so you can't play with your kids in the future.

    :noway: goshh.. GREAT advice
  • mboromom
    mboromom Posts: 85 Member
    Maybe create a special bed time routine whether its singing songs or reading stories with a nice bath and massage, just mommy and me time and get their little butts in the bed by 7:30-8. Whatever you do, DO NOT let your kids discover that you have Mommy guilt....they will milk it and get their way every time. Him not taking a nap makes it even easier for him to get to bed at a decent hour. Make the time with him count and don't feel guilty about having time to yourself.
  • viglet
    viglet Posts: 299 Member
    Well before anything, I really think you need to start changing his sleeping habits. As others have said, 10 pm is VERY late for a child. Children at that age need around 10 hours of sleep and it is much easier to get him used to sleeping early now before he is in school. (oops edit, sorry I just noticed that like a million people before me said that and you already said you will consider it.... MY BAD)

    Second, I am also a working mom. I leave the house at 6:30 (or earlier) and dont get home till after 5:30 most days. I commute over an hr each way. I workout solely at home after my daughter is in bed because I just find that is what works well for our schedule.

    There is nothing wrong with dedicating time to yourself, but if you are feeling guilty, maybe try working out a couple times a week at home once he is in bed.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    No stay at home and get out of shape so you can't play with your kids in the future.

    Ridiculous. If one wants to stay fit they will find a way no matter where they are. A gym is not required.
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
    Just curious, what time does your son get up in the morning? He will be in school in 2 years correct? I would not wait until then to change his sleep routine. You will want him well rested and healthy for school. You will be kicking yourself when he's in kindergarten and exhausted because he stays up until 10 pm!
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    Just curious, what time does your son get up in the morning? He will be in school in 2 years correct? I would not wait until then to change his sleep routine. You will want him well rested and healthy for school. You will be kicking yourself when he's in kindergarten and exhausted because he stays up until 10 pm!

    I wake him up at 8 in the morning, i get him ready the night before so i wont wake him up while i get ready!
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    One word: NO.

    Over the last couple of years, I've watched as my daughters (who are now 7 and 10) start eating healthier because they see me and my husband eating healthier.

    My 7 year old even said one day on our way out of town that she wanted lunch, but wanted "something healthy!"

    Her favorite healthy snacks are yogurt, applesauce, peanut butter and pretzels. She knows though that there are unhealthy snacks you can have like cookies that she can have from time to time. But more often than not, she likes having healthy snacks, and we encourage it by telling her that she's making smart choices.

    My husband has done P90X before, and when he was, my oldest daughter would participate in some of it with him.

    It really is true that kids do watch what you do, and will start doing what you do. What you're doing is setting a great example in showing your child that being healthy is a conscious decision, and that it's important.

    When he's older, you can take walks with him, ride bikes, play basketball, and do other things with him and you'll be in good enough shape to keep up with him. Meanwhile, you could get one of those strollers you can walk/run with and take him with you.
  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
    By the time I put my son to bed I'm too tired to go to they gym and am ready for bed myself. The only time I ever try to go is early in the morning before he wakes up. But then my husband has to wake up earlier and take son to daycare and I don't even get to see them in the morning.
    I know many of you say that this is ok and not to feel guilty about it but I can't, and that is why I never can get in a routine of going.
    I am causing them to alter their routine and missing precious time with them no matter how I try to work it out.
    I wish I could find a solution that made everyone happy.

    My solution to everything as a busy mom is to just keep waking up earlier! I am back from the gym before everyone else is awake. Or I go on my lunch break. But I don't kill myself over it, sometimes I go when they're awake and it's ok. You can't burn the candle at both ends. This involves going to bed pretty soon after the kids go to bed, though.
  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
    Just curious, what time does your son get up in the morning? He will be in school in 2 years correct? I would not wait until then to change his sleep routine. You will want him well rested and healthy for school. You will be kicking yourself when he's in kindergarten and exhausted because he stays up until 10 pm!

    I wake him up at 8 in the morning, i get him ready the night before so i wont wake him up while i get ready!

    Generally, if you need to wake a kid up in the morning, he didn't get enough sleep (true for adults, too, but getting nine hours every night is just a fantasy right now!). I would keep pulling bedtime back until you don't have to wake him up anymore. (These are things I learned the hard way!)

    It looks like early bedtime is going to solve a lot of problems for you, and your kid will be happy with all that extra sleep he needs. Win win!
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    10pm is late for a 3 yr old. I personally would feel bad as well if I was working all day if I left again if my child was up. I would adjust his schedule to go to bed by 8 and no naps. Then work out either before work or after he's in bed. My 11 and 13 yr olds go to bed earlier than him

    WOW, I honestly didn't know people put their kids to sleep earlier, i know many people who put their children to sleep at 10 pm as well, but i'm glad i know this now :wink:

    Kids need a lot of sleep, a 3 year old needs around 11 hrs.

    My 9 and 8 year old chldren don't even stay up as late as 10pm, they just wouldn't function properly the next day!
  • amoment
    amoment Posts: 40 Member
    My nine year old son is in bed by 8:30 and up by 7am. I have a very odd schedule (I have two 14 hour days and a few days off) so I can exercise while he is at school on a couple of my day offs. However, I do take him with me to the gym for an hour weekly and he visits with my dad for an hour on the weekends so I can get three solid workouts lifting workouts weekly, and an hour run (I'm a single mother).

    The other three days a week I get up at 6am and go for a 30 minute run before he wakes up. I really struggle to get up that early (It's all fallen off in the last couple months).

    I used to feel guilty about every minute I spent away. Then I decided that balance is important (I am also in graduate school which is why I have those long days), but I think a key is trying to fit workouts in such a way that is manageable and doable for the long term (1.5 hour workouts are a lot). I had to readjust my thinking when I started grad school and knew I was going to have days when I wouldn't see him after drop-off at school in the morning. But I had to recognize that the choices I was making were for his benefit in the long run. I need regular exercise to keep my brain from imploding because work+graduate school+parenting = stress.
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
    To all the parent police on this thread: Instead of telling Mom what time she ought to be putting her child to bed or what psychologists would say, let's help her out with her ACTUAL question. My advice: workout at times when your child is sleeping (assuming you have childcare) or bring your child to the kids club at you gym (our daughter loves it). It's normal to feel guilty, just know that you are NOT a bad mom for doing this. It's hard to miss out on those fleeting moments, before you know it you will be sending him off to school. That's why I reccommend late night/early morning workout...and maybe some sugar-free red bull.
  • mlauraa
    mlauraa Posts: 166 Member
    To all the parent police on this thread: Instead of telling Mom what time she ought to be putting her child to bed or what psychologists would say, let's help her out with her ACTUAL question. My advice: workout at times when your child is sleeping (assuming you have childcare) or bring your child to the kids club at you gym (our daughter loves it). It's normal to feel guilty, just know that you are NOT a bad mom for doing this. It's hard to miss out on those fleeting moments, before you know it you will be sending him off to school. That's why I reccommend late night/early morning workout...and maybe some sugar-free red bull.

    Lol i'm glad i wasn't the one to point that out, and yes i'm going to try going a little later at night while my son is sleeping and see how that turns out. Unfortunately my gym doesn't have a kids club.
    Thanks!:drinker:
  • JoyLaine
    JoyLaine Posts: 110 Member
    There are some "lol" comments here! We're moms ~ we're suppose to feel guilty about spending time away from our children. :smile: You'll know when you've found the right balance.
  • Greytfish
    Greytfish Posts: 810
    To all the parent police on this thread: Instead of telling Mom what time she ought to be putting her child to bed or what psychologists would say, let's help her out with her ACTUAL question. My advice: workout at times when your child is sleeping (assuming you have childcare) or bring your child to the kids club at you gym (our daughter loves it). It's normal to feel guilty, just know that you are NOT a bad mom for doing this. It's hard to miss out on those fleeting moments, before you know it you will be sending him off to school. That's why I reccommend late night/early morning workout...and maybe some sugar-free red bull.

    They did answer her question, and provided her with some useful scientce-based tools to do so. When did using science based tools to promote child health become "parent policing" rather than just "good parenting" based on what's healthy for a child? It's just a bonus that it's also better for personal balance, workout schedules, and your marriage/relationship.
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
    Did your read this thread? Like, she feels guilty. Then she's got all this posts telling her she's putting her kid to bed at the wrong time and how she shouldn't be doing this and that. Can someone please tell me how that is supposed to help her with her feelings of guilt - would make me feel worse. If she was seeking scientific data, then she would have asked for it. If she was confused about how to help her child sleep, she would have said so. Her question was simple: should I feel guilty? IMVHO
  • Greytfish
    Greytfish Posts: 810
    I did read this thread. Maybe you think the way to avoid guilt is to pretend you couldn't possibly do anything any differently and therefore there's no need to feel guilty. Other people relieve guilt by modifying actions and behaviors to strike a better balance for them and for their child, and relieve their guilt by knowing they are making the best choices for themselves and their child.

    The question is simple to answer. No, you should not feel guilty. Guilt is a wasted emotion that changes nothing and does not make anyone happier or more productive. But, it's a natural emotion, with which there's more than one way to deal.

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