Real friends tell you if you are expanding?

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MshelleMar
MshelleMar Posts: 17 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Soo ...I meet a friend I haven't seen in several months. After the hugs and kisses...she comments...'Girl, I have to tell you but you've put tonnes of weight on, You look bloated!' ... I think that's all the motivation I needed. Moral of the story? A 'true' friend will not sugar coat the truth...It stings, but it does the job. :)
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Replies

  • GadgetGuy2
    GadgetGuy2 Posts: 291 Member
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    I'm extremely grateful to my wife, for finally telling me I was getting fat (+40 lbs.).
  • Headingforhealthier
    Headingforhealthier Posts: 85
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    I feel like if someone (insultingly or not) says something that implies I'm fat (not in a mean-girls kind of way, but offhand comments and honest advice sort of things), then I need to take it to heart and absorb the advice.
  • asianmonkie
    asianmonkie Posts: 264
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    I wish someone had done that for me. By the time I found out, I was HUGE!! That's when I knew I had to get off my fat *kitten* and do something about it. Ek!
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I feel completely opposite to most people in this thread so far. I would NOT have ever wanted a friend or family member to say something like that to me. I would have taken it WAY too much to heart and it would have upset me very deeply and probably had the opposite effect! Just NO.

    I recognize that some people are very different though.

    Also, maybe it's because I have always been so big (chubby kid and obese since age 16)? It's like "yep I am fat, what else is new?!" Perhaps my view would be different if I had been a normal weight individual and then let my weight get out of hand. I dunno.
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
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    I feel completely opposite to most people in this thread so far. I would NOT have ever wanted a friend or family member to say something like that to me. I would have taken it WAY too much to heart and it would have upset me very deeply and probably had the opposite effect! Just NO.
    Absolutely the same for me. I always knew I was overweight. Being told about it never made me lose weight, only feel worse. Feeling worse never made me do anything about it. It surprises me that so many people seem not to know they've gained weight unless someone tells them.
  • somerisagirlsname
    somerisagirlsname Posts: 467 Member
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    I feel completely opposite to most people in this thread so far. I would NOT have ever wanted a friend or family member to say something like that to me. I would have taken it WAY too much to heart and it would have upset me very deeply and probably had the opposite effect! Just NO.
    Absolutely the same for me. I always knew I was overweight. Being told about it never made me lose weight, only feel worse. Feeling worse never made me do anything about it. It surprises me that so many people seem not to know they've gained weight unless someone tells them.

    Yep. Same here. Been fat forever. Always had friends that tried to "help" but it only gave me reason to get mad and eat junk food while crying. The change that I have made so far has had to come from within. No external source was going to be enough to make me change my life, especially not a comment like "You have gained a TON of weight."
  • Love4fitnesslove4food2
    Love4fitnesslove4food2 Posts: 711 Member
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    Ehhh...I don't think that's accurate. Maybe if the person asks....I would NEVER tell my friend without her asking that she's gained weight. I'd assume she already knows and wouldn't want to add salt to the wound.
  • SerenaKitty
    SerenaKitty Posts: 142
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    I disagree. Fat people know they are fat. Being shamed into weight loss is not a good thing in my opinion.

    Of course, my opinion shouldn't (and doesn't) matter outside of my personal experience. I know I'm fat...it doesn't help when people call me fat.
  • meganjcallaghan
    meganjcallaghan Posts: 949 Member
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    I feel completely opposite to most people in this thread so far. I would NOT have ever wanted a friend or family member to say something like that to me. I would have taken it WAY too much to heart and it would have upset me very deeply and probably had the opposite effect! Just NO.

    I recognize that some people are very different though.

    Also, maybe it's because I have always been so big (chubby kid and obese since age 16)? It's like "yep I am fat, what else is new?!" Perhaps my view would be different if I had been a normal weight individual and then let my weight get out of hand. I dunno.

    true story. I was fat from when I was born....came out at nearly 12 pounds and it was all downhill from there. I don't see it when I look in a mirror but I think I might actually be smaller now that I was even in highschool since my old (ugly) prom dress seems to be too big now.
  • GadgetGuy2
    GadgetGuy2 Posts: 291 Member
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    I'm extremely grateful to my wife, for finally telling me I was getting fat (+40 lbs.).
    Quoting myself here to comment on those who don''t want to be told of their condition.

    I was always slim and trim, until about the age of 56, when my wife made me realize I was moving toward obese.

    Yep.....I had to buy larger clothes that fit.
    Yep.....My stamina at physical exertion was declining.
    Yep.....I saw the muffin top in the mirror.

    I am a competent observer and analyst. Yet, while I saw the changes that indicated I was getting fat, I didn't "realize" that I wass getting fat. It took someone else to make me realize the reality.

    Reality often sucks, especially when it is presented to you and you "objectively" realize the reality of what is presented.

    If my boat is sinking, I want somebody to let me know so I can take corrective action, as I might not know it is sinking yet.
    If my eating behavior is going to impact my health and fitness, I want somebody to let me know that, as I may not know it.

    My feelings are much less important to me than my perception of reality. If I don't yet know what reality is, I might make bad decisions.
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
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    I'm extremely grateful to my wife, for finally telling me I was getting fat (+40 lbs.).
    Quoting myself here to comment on those who don''t want to be told of their condition.

    I was always slim and trim, until about the age of 56, when my wife made me realize I was moving toward obese.

    Yep.....I had to buy larger clothes that fit.
    Yep.....My stamina at physical exertion was declining.
    Yep.....I saw the muffin top in the mirror.

    I am a competent observer and analyst. Yet, while I saw the changes that indicated I was getting fat, I didn't "realize" that I wass getting fat. It took someone else to make me realize the reality.

    Reality often sucks, especially when it is presented to you and you "objectively" realize the reality of what is presented.

    If my boat is sinking, I want somebody to let me know so I can take corrective action, as I might not know it is sinking yet.
    If my eating behavior is going to impact my health and fitness, I want somebody to let me know that, as I may not know it.

    My feelings are much less important to me than my perception of reality. If I don't yet know what reality is, I might make bad decisions.
    I wonder if (as has been suggested already) the difference lies between those who have always been overweight/obese, and those for whom the weight has crept on over the years after a long time at a healthy weight. Maybe for the latter group, being "fat" isn't something they associate with themselves, isn't something that has become part of their identity, so they don't have such an emotional reaction to it being pointed out. It's not personal.

    For someone who is obese from childhood, that knowledge is part of every day existence, and core self esteem is often intertwined with that identity. It's then potentially far more hurtful to be told something that they not only already know, but use to beat themselves up with every time they step in front of a mirror, see themselves in a photo or catch a glimpse in a window. Dunno, just thinking out loud really...
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    I was under the impression you never told people they gained weight because they knew it already.
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
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    I can't see it going well for most people if they told a good friend that they're fat. Similarly, if you asked a good friend if you're fat, they're gonna tell you that you're not.
  • Rage_Phish
    Rage_Phish Posts: 1,507 Member
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    I wish my friends had done this for me.
  • karinamargarita
    karinamargarita Posts: 5
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    I wouldn't want to be told that, especially from someone i care about. Maybe if i brought it up and was looking for an honest answer then that would be different but i don't think it should be brought up by someone else because it can be a really touchy subject.
  • MrsCurvyFab
    MrsCurvyFab Posts: 46 Member
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    i finally had a talk with my best friend that WE were both gaining weight. she took heed to the conversation and knew that it was love and not hurt that was telling her the truth. but when i told her weeks prior to the conversation that i was gaining... she was like NOOO your just bloated, you cant tell... really you weight that much it doesnt look like it. so i finally told her shut up dont lie dont sugar coat... !!! its hard to have that convo but be very appreciative that someone is there to tell you the truth!!!!
  • jos05
    jos05 Posts: 263 Member
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    I wish someone would've told me back when I was like 280lbs... Hey, you might want to lay off the donuts and start taking a walk here and there. Sometimes you have to be told point blank!

    At first the truth will piss you off; then it will set you free!!
  • kateanne27
    kateanne27 Posts: 275 Member
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    I was under the impression you never told people they gained weight because they knew it already.

    Me too, I was painfully aware of every pound and size gained. It embarrassed me deeply when someone pointed it out, I had health issues that contributed to it and didn't want to explain, and when I did try to explain, I felt like I was apologizing for getting bigger.
    The comments felt like pressure to me, like I wasn't meeting expectations, and fueled my disorder eating, which didn't help my health, so any weight loss was unsustainable.
  • TamaraKat
    TamaraKat Posts: 533 Member
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    AMen to this; I appreciate honesty!
  • GadgetGuy2
    GadgetGuy2 Posts: 291 Member
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    I wonder if (as has been suggested already) the difference lies between those who have always been overweight/obese, and those for whom the weight has crept on over the years after a long time at a healthy weight. Maybe for the latter group, being "fat" isn't something they associate with themselves, isn't something that has become part of their identity, so they don't have such an emotional reaction to it being pointed out. It's not personal.

    For someone who is obese from childhood, that knowledge is part of every day existence, and core self esteem is often intertwined with that identity. It's then potentially far more hurtful to be told something that they not only already know, but use to beat themselves up with every time they step in front of a mirror, see themselves in a photo or catch a glimpse in a window. Dunno, just thinking out loud really...
    Your out load thinking makes sense to me.

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