Real friends tell you if you are expanding?

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  • lilawolf
    lilawolf Posts: 1,690 Member
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    I'm extremely grateful to my wife, for finally telling me I was getting fat (+40 lbs.).
    Quoting myself here to comment on those who don''t want to be told of their condition.

    I was always slim and trim, until about the age of 56, when my wife made me realize I was moving toward obese.

    Yep.....I had to buy larger clothes that fit.
    Yep.....My stamina at physical exertion was declining.
    Yep.....I saw the muffin top in the mirror.

    I am a competent observer and analyst. Yet, while I saw the changes that indicated I was getting fat, I didn't "realize" that I wass getting fat. It took someone else to make me realize the reality.

    Reality often sucks, especially when it is presented to you and you "objectively" realize the reality of what is presented.

    If my boat is sinking, I want somebody to let me know so I can take corrective action, as I might not know it is sinking yet.
    If my eating behavior is going to impact my health and fitness, I want somebody to let me know that, as I may not know it.

    My feelings are much less important to me than my perception of reality. If I don't yet know what reality is, I might make bad decisions.
    I wonder if (as has been suggested already) the difference lies between those who have always been overweight/obese, and those for whom the weight has crept on over the years after a long time at a healthy weight. Maybe for the latter group, being "fat" isn't something they associate with themselves, isn't something that has become part of their identity, so they don't have such an emotional reaction to it being pointed out. It's not personal.

    For someone who is obese from childhood, that knowledge is part of every day existence, and core self esteem is often intertwined with that identity. It's then potentially far more hurtful to be told something that they not only already know, but use to beat themselves up with every time they step in front of a mirror, see themselves in a photo or catch a glimpse in a window. Dunno, just thinking out loud really...

    So much this! At first I NEEDED to gain weight because I was way underfat, and I did. Then the 15-20lbs that I needed (seriously), turned into 50 which was really NOT necessary. I still saw myself as thin though, and I never realized when I got to the happy medium point and then started to go past it. I would have been seriously upset if someone had pointed it out (not crying into a bowl of ice cream upset, but definitely defensive and angry), but it also probably would have opened my eyes and led me to changing sooner.

    All that being said, I would NEVER tell a friend/family member that he/she was fat unless they asked. I would tentatively answer if asked, depending on the situation.
  • tabitha4511
    tabitha4511 Posts: 7
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    You are so right! Since I gave birth to my 4th child in May 2012 I have lost a good 30lbs. My husband tells me now more then he ever did how sexy I am. I just wish he would've told me before that I was getting fat. Well good luck on your journey!
  • californiabella
    californiabella Posts: 152
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    I think if you already are in the mind set that you need to get your body into shape, there's no problem with friends or family being real and telling you that you put on the extra lbs... at least then you will be inclined to push yourself harder to get fit. I jokingly scolded my husband for not telling me that I gained weight. I would have rather him tell me straight up, "babe you are gaining weight..." instead he didn't want to insult me, kept it to himself, and the fact I could feel his hands trying to grab a part of my waist that wasn't infested with fat was more insulting! (sorry tmi, but goes to show subtlety isn't always great either.)

    But I feel for the others who commented that too much honesty, especially without any tact, can actually be very demotivating.
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    Friend or not, I would absolutely NOT welcome unsolicited opinions.
  • kateanne27
    kateanne27 Posts: 275 Member
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    It obviously varies between person to person, it just seems that most of us had friends/family that were clueless as to how we felt, how we would react or what we needed. :P
  • Fiercely_Me
    Fiercely_Me Posts: 481 Member
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    How can you (not op but in general) not know that you are getting bigger?? There are mirrors and scales and even the fit of your clothes will let you know that you are getting bigger. Friends don't have to tell friends if they are big or getting big. They either know or are in denial.
  • asianmonkie
    asianmonkie Posts: 264
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    How can you (not op but in general) not know that you are getting bigger?? There are mirrors and scales and even the fit of your clothes will let you know that you are getting bigger. Friends don't have to tell friends if they are big or getting big. They either know or are in denial.
    I didn't notice I was getting bigger because I see myself everyday. Every day I look the same. It's very hard to tell that you're expanding even when your clothes are fitting tighter, you just think it's because you're growing or that your clothes are shrinking (as weird as that may sound). It's not that we're in denial but more of unaware or it's just not something that we think about on a daily basis. It is that moment of realization that you finally take a second look in the mirror and you think to yourself, "That's me?! What the hell happened?!" that makes you finally realize that you've let yourself go. At least that's how it was for me.
  • MshelleMar
    MshelleMar Posts: 17 Member
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    Haha I tell you, I was pissed...But she was right..
  • MshelleMar
    MshelleMar Posts: 17 Member
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    Thank you :D
  • MshelleMar
    MshelleMar Posts: 17 Member
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    Story of my life :D

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