Not sure how to feel (LONG STORY)...
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Stop being concerned with what other people do/have done.
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I don't personally know the people you are describing, but I do know others who have had weight loss surgery. Yes, it would be better if they lost weight without surgery, but for many of them, they come to the decision to have surgery after trying unsuccessfully to lose weight without it for years and years.
I also know a person who had surgery, AND went to the gym and worked out daily while the weight was coming off.
As for parking spaces, etc. Yeah, it would make more sense to take the extra steps to the gym door, but what does it matter right now? At least she is AT the gym. Maybe she shouldn't have her placard anymore... but for whatever reason it hasn't been taken away so you can't STOP her from using it, even if you feel she should stop.
Both of them are older than you, they have been overweight longer, their bodies have born the burden of extra weight longer and they probably suffer a lot of pains and joint problems you haven't experienced yet, all of that makes it more difficult for them to lose weight by conventional means (not impossible, just harder).
So basically, I guess I am saying don't judge. You do your thing, set the example of losing weight without surgery... but why not be accepting and supporting of them where they are. Its not like they can go back and un-have the surgery. So support them where they are.0 -
Listen - everyone's journey is different. Your boyfriend's mother may have some conditions that still justify her using the handicap spot even at the gym. It may also be force of habit. For some gastric bypass and other weight loss surgeries are the only way they can lose weight. However they also have to embrace that along with the counseling (usually at least a year's worth) that goes with it and the lifetime follow-ups. I know several people who have had it and some have done well while others look like the walking dead. One person I know actually gained weight and claims "it didn't work." Of course maybe it didn't work because she still eats the wrong foods and way too much of them - such as cookies, cakes, etc. When I asked her if they didn't tell her to stop that she said yes but they just taste too good to give up.
Losing weight and keeping it off is a lifetime commitment/job and we all know that but knowing and doing are two different things. You boyfriend's Dad's comments may seem hurtful but they probably aren't meant to be. He probably views weight loss as a competition and has a need to "win." Let him enjoy himself. Most weight loss surgery people lose a lot of weight at first and then hit a plateau that is worse than what the rest of us hit. Then comes the hard part.
The other thing to remember is that losing weight is a journey that you all are on. You each are taking a different road to achieve the same end goal. You could ask them if you could attend some of their counseling and/or support group meetings with them to encourage their goals. Who knows - you might gain some major insight into them.
Be supportive and in the back of your mind keep remembering the story of The Tortoise and the Hare. In the end they both crossed the finish line - and that really is all that mattered - not who got there first or who worked the hardest.0 -
It's not jealousy...I have no idea what it is that makes me think these things or feel this way. I've been dealing with these types of issues for years, ever since my best friend had the surgery. Is there a way to be happy for these people and their weight loss when I'm actually working really hard and putting in a huge effort to lose mine?
It sounds more like frustration about the behavior of people you genuinely care about . . . I would tell you to be happy that you have the prescience to loose weight the "right" way, and don't worry about other people's crazy schemes.
Cheers.0 -
Just a suggestion on the parking conundrum. Would you feel comfortable issuing a "challenge"? For instance, "Let's get our warmup started early by walking further each day into the gym! First person to walk from the back of the lot to the gym without being winded wins."
It sounds corny even when I type it out, but maybe an offer of a mani/pedi to the winner to sweeten the pot. You could even say, "Could you let me out further to the back of the lot? I think I'll walk to get warmed up." Maybe before you know it, she'll be parking and walking with you. Especially if you highlight how wonderful that brisk walk was in easing your workout!
I sense your frustration and feeling overshadowed. Just remember it's new for them to lose weight and they are just excited about their success to date. There will be a day when all of you will be able to stand around saying, "Remember when I was so much larger?"
Hang in there and keep fighting the good fight. You're doing wonderfully!0 -
What you're feeling is normal…you're working hard and they're not. It doesn't seem fair BUT you will have better and healthier results in the long run so keep your eye on the prize!!! I know people around here who had the surgery, and as others have said, they've ballooned back to their pre surgery weight because they didn't take care of the problem…THEMSELVES. You are taking care of the problem…YOU. My goal is/was to lose 75 pounds in three years (25/25/25). By the end, I'll have learned what will work and what won't, by the end, I'll have learned to maintain my weight at a little higher calorie count that what I'm doing. My food awareness is SO MUCH different that it was 18 months ago and so will yours!
My FREE thoughts:
1) Ignore their comments & activity; it's not your business or responsibility and you CANNOT do anything about it.
2) Slow and steady!!! In the long run, lifestyle change wins every time and you will not have the health complications they will do to themselves and their surgeries.
3) You're goal is to win for yourself, not for others, so comparisons aren't fair.
4) YOU ARE accomplishing something through discipline and hard work; those character qualities will permeate everything else you do in life so welcome it and adapt and learn.
Keep it up!!!0 -
1. Then don't do it.
2. I have had Gastric Bypass- You don't lose 10 lbs in a week doing nothing lmao, even with your insides rearranged. But he's a jack wagon for trying to outshine your accomplishment.
3. I have had no problems with my hair. I take 1 multivitamin, and If I wanted long hair- I would have it- My hair grew 3 freaking inches last month. Things I hate?? Paying 30+ dollars for a hair cut- and having it grow out super fast. Dumb!
4. Ask her why she parks in the handicap spot. If it bothers you- say it jokingly- but say "Why cant you walk?" Or just get over it. You are resenting them not out of jealousy- but because you feel they have it easier than you do.
These are really what I call Non issues. None of them are actually your problem. You obviously are doing great without the surgery, and you obviously don't want it, so why are you posting all this stuff against it? Resentment. Let. It. Go. Resentment is poison.0 -
I understand your irritation, I swear I do but stop giving that much energy to something / someone that make no difference in your life. Time to let it go....they are doing the best they can do for their own life and their own circumstances.
Be happy for others people even if it is not the choice you would make for yourself.
It is not worth the energy.
Good luck
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My doctor told me that I had to have surgery. I told her no. Nothing against others who have done it, but I want the satisfaction of doing it myself. In addition, if you don't solve the problems that got you to the point we are at, we will be there again.
My self esteem is damaged by being obese. It is all about being out of control. To me, surgery is giving up and making someone else responsible for you,
To me, all that surgery does is gets you is a mulligan. If you don't practice, all the mulligans in the world won't help.
Also, the complications and side affects are not minor and should not be taken lightly.0 -
I agree that it's important for you to focus on your journey and let them do it their way. I think most of us here can agree that things that worked for others haven't worked for us. Likewise, if you are able to lose weight the natural way, consider yourself lucky. If your BF's parents need surgery for that, be happy for them that they went through with it. That in itself is also an accomplishment. Don't get me wrong, I totally agree that doing it naturally is the right way. If it makes it any easier (I know this will sound cruel), what they're not telling you is about all the heartburn, vomiting and other issues they're going through. I know several people that have had surgery and I've seen the effects. You definitely don't get that extremely satisfying feeling one gets when controlling their calories and finishing the day under the goal.
Regarding the parking spot, consider it a bad habit that's hard to overcome. Apart from eating bad, being overweight cause many bad habits. Just think of it as one more habit that she will eventually break out of.0 -
I can guarantee you there is nothing easy about weight loss surgery. I had lapband in 2011. I have to work just as hard as everyone else to lose weight. That means staying within calorie limits and incorporating regular exercise. There are ways to get around the band or the sleeve or the bypass.
I'm always amazed at how judegmental people are against those who have had weight loss surgery. It reminds me that people will find any way they can to make themselves feel better or superior over other people.
At the end of the day, you have to live your own life. And I suspect you'll be a lot happier with less stress when you stop focusing on others. Your accomplishments are your accomplishments. What someone else is doing doesn't have anything to do with your success. If you want to lose weight, then do it for yourself. Not everyone is going to pat you on the back every time you lose a pound. And your motiviation to keep losing shouldn't come from potential recognition from others. Your motivation should come from you wanting to change. There will always be someone having a better weightloss week than you whether they had surgery or not. That doesn't diminish the value of your accomplishment. Focus on you.0 -
I would work really hard on yourself, figure out how to get over this. If you marry this guy, this resentment you're building is going to be a major problem.
You can't do anything about other people, you just have to deal with it on your end.0 -
Great Answer! Even though we wouldn't do it and it is irritating, live and let live. You are doing a great job and it is good to read real life success stories, because I am overweight and need to lose almost 100 pounds, like you I am trying to do it the healthiest way for me. I love reading about the success other people are having doing it this way also. Keep up the good work.0
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While I don't agree with your boyfriend's mom parking in handicap parking, I'm glad she is at least going to the gym. My mom had weight loss surgery, and she suggested that I get it too. A lot. She want us to do it together. I hadn't lost any weight, but I also hadn't tried, so I wasn't going to immediately jump to the most extreme solution without attempting it on my own. Plus, I wasn't THAT overweight. At the time, I probably had 70-100lbs to lose. A lot, but possible on my own.
She went ahead with the surgery, but she didn't change her lifestyle. She was forced to eat smaller amounts of foods due to the smaller stomach, but she'd always try for more (and puke a lot). She wouldn't take the right supplements, and she definitely didn't go to the gym. Her hair fell out (granted, that can happen from weight loss anyways, but hers was vitamin deficiency), and she did lose weight. Then she started putting it back on, and her insulin control is as bad as ever (she's now on an insulin pump). She's gained back about 50lbs again, and instead of going to the gym, she's going to have a revision to her surgery to decrease the size of her stomach again.
Surgery is a tool, and it can help some people to learn how to make themselves better. Others treat it as an easy way out, and they get nowhere fast.
Congrats to you for your hard work and all that you have lost so far! 40lbs is a great accomplishment!!!!! And, you are losing it slower, which I think is a better idea. Some people need to lose the weight very quickly due to extreme health risks (this is usually when doctors insist on very low cals or surgery, and usually the person is 400-500lbs or more). However, I think overall, it's easier to maintain the loss when you lose slower. Plus, people who lose quickly seem to have more problems with lose skin. You can never avoid it entirely, especially if you are very large to start with, but losing slower does seem to help somewhat.
Try to not begrudge their bragging; they are ecstatic about their own losses too. And they deserve to be. But don't forget that you are making wonderful progress as well, and you may (or may not) have a better chance of keeping the weight off. Definitely don't let their remarks derail you, and don't try to focus on the negative feelings (which are natural to have; just try to not dwell).0 -
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It's easy to feel frustrated sometimes by those who we consider are taking the easy way out, when it seems we work harder while gaining smaller results.
That being said, we are the only ones who truly know what works for us.
Keep in your mind and heart that you and only you know what will work for and help you in your life's endeavors.
We all have actions to account for. Be able to own yours with pride.0 -
I understand your irritation, I swear I do but stop giving that much energy to something / someone that make no difference in your life. Time to let it go....they are doing the best they can do for their own life and their own circumstances.
Be happy for others people even if it is not the choice you would make for yourself.
It is not worth the energy.
Good luck
This sums up how I feel about it.0 -
Part of my health is how I feel inside. The way I think and feel- the nature of my thoughts. When I catch myself comparing and competing with others in my mind, I know I am in trouble. It makes me miserable and bitter. There is always someone stronger, faster, prettier, more capable... someone cheating, getting over. Being miserable and bitter saps my energy and beauty, half of my goodness is sucked up in the negativity. I cannot control other people. I practice only comparing and competing with myself. In this way, I can maintain my integrity, my focus. If I am depressed, I smoke cannabis sativa- it is a great mood booster and motivator. I then practice self love and hone my personal power... and I am happy. The sun is shining and you are beautiful and strong. Peace~0
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I agree with you. It absolutely infuriates me when people have WLS. They tell you they need it and it is not easy.
I ABSOLUTELY THINK IT IS A COP OUT AND CHEATING. They surgically adjust their stomach to consume less food and calories. The rest of us have to do it on our own and deal with cravings, hunger, calories, getting to the gym. Also I think the WLS procedures are dangerous and cause other health complications. It is also cheating time wise. They lose tons of weight right off and those of us that take charge of our heath have to go it slow and wait for our bodies.
I do NOT CONDONE or SUPPORT WLS.
That being said, I have had many friends and family members have it done. They did not change their eating or excersize habits and if they did it was short lived. I cannot tell you one true success story. They also have saggy flabby skin. HOWEVER; I do love and adore these people. I cant judge to hard, neither should you. It is OK to NOT AGREE with their weight loss methods.
If their habits annoy you just keep on with your healthy habits. Maybe they will see you as an example and follow suit as well? Or maybe they will never change. They ARE FAMILY so just love them for who they are and try to focus on the kind things they do and say. No one is perfect and they will say and do things you hate, but try to remember that you love them and that is the most important thing.
I just have to laugh at the "cheating" idea. And the bolded part. No, you aren't judging too hard. Noooo.0 -
first and foremost, you need to worry about finding happiness for yourself. Once you find your own happiness, you can be happy for other people's success.0
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Haters gon' hate. 0
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You're falling into the "I judge myself and therefore I judge others" trap. The less you judge yourself and learn to embrace the capabilities of your body the less you'll care what others are doing, and the more successful you'll be.
The fact that it bothers you so much indicates to me that you've considered the surgery and have decided to go a different route, but feel uncomfortable about the fact that it was a viable route for you to take.0 -
Congrats to you for losing 40lbs! That is amazing!
Everyone has a story of their own to tell. You can't compare what you have gone threw to what others have. Obviously if they had surgery than it must have been a life or death decision made by not only them but their doctors. They are still going to have to find some way to maintain the weight that they will lose. A co-worker of mine had the surgery about 7 years ago and has admitted that she weighs more now than she did before her procedure. She has not changed her lifestyle and the surgery has failed her.
Just continue to do what you are doing. It's working and you should be proud. Don't let what others are doing effect you.
Keep up the great work!0 -
It is also cheating time wise. They lose tons of weight right off and those of us that take charge of our heath have to go it slow and wait for our bodies.
So it's not fair then?
Other people's weight and health has nothing to do with you. If my doctor and I felt that I would be better off with WLS, whether that's fair to someone else isn't going to enter into the equation.
I'd like anyone and everyone to be able to reach health goals without having to undergo surgery. It's not always possible. If I had someone I loved who continually tried and was unable to lose weight, if the medical professionals deemed the more responsible, more healthy, and less dangerous option to get the surgery over not, who cares about fair? Who cares about the moral victory?
(I know surgeries of any kind have inherent risk and are a toll on the body. That's why it would be nice if people didn't need them. But morbid obesity carries risk, strain on the body, and impairs quality of life, too.)
It's funny to me that people seem more indignant about things like WLS than breast implants and similar procedures (for purely cosmetic and not reconstructive purposes).0 -
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When you're fat people they think you're lazy and have no self control. If you get weight loss surgery they think you're lazy and are just taking the easy way out. If you lose the weight by dieting and exercising they think you're a fitness nut who works out too much and is no fun anymore. People think lots of things I guess.0
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You absolutely are jealous, and you need to face that. Don't ever think weight loss surgery is easy or that a person who has the surgery has no will power. After surgery, you still have to control what you eat, and that does take will power. I have a LapBand, and it's rough. I still have lots of trouble losing weight, mostly because I still have to control what goes in my mouth. When I get stressed, I eat. Weight loss surgery doesn't change that. It's a constant struggle. If you love these people, realize that they've had to deal with being fat for a long time, and they're probably finally happy to be free of that overwhelming anchor around their necks. Try to be happy for them.
I completely disagree with this... I dont think you sound jealous at all. I think you are frustrated for a few valid reasons. first of all, if his mom is healthy and doesnt need the plakard anymore- she shouldnt be using it. now i know there are hidden reasons why some people have the plakard- like asthma, or heart condition- but you would probably know if thats why she had it. second of all, they shouldnt be overshadowing you about your natural weight loss when asking you about it because it will be easier for them to lose weight. i did a lot of research on surgeries before i decided it just wasnt for me and i needed to do it the "right" way for me- which is eating better and sweating my butt off. i know quiet a few people who have had surgeries and i do know that each surgery has different success rates. people getting ther lapband lose weight a lot slower than someone who has gastric bypass. either way- when you are celebrating your weight loss, they should respect that.
Just keep doing what your doing.... all your hard work will pay off and you will be fit, healthy, and happy.0 -
My feelings on this? I think you ARE jealous. Not everyone is going to go about this the same way. Focus on what you are doing and don't use all that energy on what someone else is or isn't doing.0
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Well the fact of the matter is that you have a better story to tell then they do. You shouldn't let what they do bother you because its your story and you are writing it they way you want it to be. Find satisfaction in that.
As for the loose skin, you and I have similar goals. I'm a bit further ahead. Truth is, with as much weight as we were/are looking to lose, loose skin is just a fact of life.
Congratulations on your weight loss thus far. Know that you have worked very hard at it, and have every right to feel proud and satisfied of the way you achieve your goals. Who cares how they did it. Their story isn't yours.0 -
I agree with you. It absolutely infuriates me when people have WLS. They tell you they need it and it is not easy.
I ABSOLUTELY THINK IT IS A COP OUT AND CHEATING. They surgically adjust their stomach to consume less food and calories. The rest of us have to do it on our own and deal with cravings, hunger, calories, getting to the gym. Also I think the WLS procedures are dangerous and cause other health complications. It is also cheating time wise. They lose tons of weight right off and those of us that take charge of our heath have to go it slow and wait for our bodies.
I do NOT CONDONE or SUPPORT WLS.
That being said, I have had many friends and family members have it done. They did not change their eating or excersize habits and if they did it was short lived. I cannot tell you one true success story. They also have saggy flabby skin. HOWEVER; I do love and adore these people. I cant judge to hard, neither should you. It is OK to NOT AGREE with their weight loss methods.
If their habits annoy you just keep on with your healthy habits. Maybe they will see you as an example and follow suit as well? Or maybe they will never change. They ARE FAMILY so just love them for who they are and try to focus on the kind things they do and say. No one is perfect and they will say and do things you hate, but try to remember that you love them and that is the most important thing.
You might want to reread your post...maybe see it from the eyes of another person and then ask yourself...Did you judge these people?0 -
You're falling into the "I judge myself and therefore I judge others" trap. The less you judge yourself and learn to embrace the capabilities of your body the less you'll care what others are doing, and the more successful you'll be.
The fact that it bothers you so much indicates to me that you've considered the surgery and have decided to go a different route, but feel uncomfortable about the fact that it was a viable route for you to take.
I totally considered having the surgery. I never denied that...but I decided for myself, the drawbacks outweighed the benefits. For everyone else, who are getting crazy defensive over my post, I do love these people. I just wish for themselves they had chosen the "right" way to lose their weight. The ones I've known who had the surgery had theirs years ago and are still as emotionally screwed up as they were before and have done nothing to change their eating habits. My best friend has even said that she thinks she's more out of shape now than she was prior to the surgery. And yes I have tried to get her to join the gym with me so that we could spend time together and motivate one another.
I am proud of my weight loss and have learned so much already so far about calories, serving sizes, exercising, and how my own body reacts. I have learned all this on my own and know in the end, I will be smarter about my health and food choices in the future. Just wanted to vent and get others opinions on how they've felt in similar situations.0
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