Not sure how to feel (LONG STORY)...

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  • Annie_01
    Annie_01 Posts: 3,096 Member
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    I agree with you. It absolutely infuriates me when people have WLS. They tell you they need it and it is not easy.

    I ABSOLUTELY THINK IT IS A COP OUT AND CHEATING. They surgically adjust their stomach to consume less food and calories. The rest of us have to do it on our own and deal with cravings, hunger, calories, getting to the gym. Also I think the WLS procedures are dangerous and cause other health complications. It is also cheating time wise. They lose tons of weight right off and those of us that take charge of our heath have to go it slow and wait for our bodies.

    I do NOT CONDONE or SUPPORT WLS.

    That being said, I have had many friends and family members have it done. They did not change their eating or excersize habits and if they did it was short lived. I cannot tell you one true success story. They also have saggy flabby skin. HOWEVER; I do love and adore these people. I cant judge to hard, neither should you. It is OK to NOT AGREE with their weight loss methods.

    If their habits annoy you just keep on with your healthy habits. Maybe they will see you as an example and follow suit as well? Or maybe they will never change. They ARE FAMILY so just love them for who they are and try to focus on the kind things they do and say. No one is perfect and they will say and do things you hate, but try to remember that you love them and that is the most important thing.

    I just have to laugh at the "cheating" idea. And the bolded part. No, you aren't judging too hard. Noooo.
    \


    I really try not to, I just hate this surgery. My family memebers and friends have had it and have put the weight right bak on. Ihave not seen one success story but a lot of health complications. It is cheating.

    Maybe it is not cheating...maybe it is desperation...maybe they reached a point where they couldn't see any other alternative.

    Cheating??? Did they cheat you out of anything?

    Maybe they tried through diet...failed so many times that they just didn't know what else to do...maybe they felt as if the light had gone out at the end of the tunnel for them.

    Why do you feel as if it is cheating...is it because you chose to go a different route...that your weight loss may be slower?
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    I am a critical person so dont get your panties in a bunch, you cant change me.

    You are overestimating to think you can have any effect on my panties. :flowerforyou:

    I'm not trying to change you, I'm responding to you. Likewise, you don't have to like my opinion of what you said.
  • lolagurlx0x0
    lolagurlx0x0 Posts: 149 Member
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    Oh Forgot one. You could still have loose skin no matter how you lose weight. It is something you will have to live with. Everyone's body is different- but anyone who has more than 100 lbs to lose runs the risk. It is not a side effect of gastric bypass. Some people have the surgery- lose all the weight- have NO loose skin, same with people who lose it other ways. They are skin lottery winners. Just FYI
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    Having read a lot of stories from people who had WLS and even considering some of the info in this thread about the side effects of it, I am not at all convinced that it is the "easy way out."
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    It is cheating.

    Cheating who?

    My life is not a game I'm playing against you.
  • LosingExtraKristy
    LosingExtraKristy Posts: 164 Member
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    It's really tough, but I agree with this answer. :flowerforyou:
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    You know, when I find myself having strong negative feelings about the behavior of those I care about, I always recall the Serenity Prayer. I won't recite it here because many people aren't spiritual, but the principle of it is accepting that we have no control over what others do. We only have control over ourselves. If what they do bothers you, then you are creating unneccesary stress for yourself. Just look past the things that they do that bother you and appreciate them for the people that they are. Find satisfaction in yourself and your own choices. When you set your mind and heart to do these things, you will find it much easier to be happy for them and their successes within the scope of the choices that they have made.
  • lyzmorrison
    lyzmorrison Posts: 172 Member
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    I get it. I would feel the same way. HOWEVER....your dedication to your exercise program and general health makes you want to walk those extra 10 feet in the parking lot. Because his parents aren't doing the work you are doing, they don't have the drive you have.

    So, they may lose the weight...and they may lose it faster than you...but in the end, you will be changing as a person. Your goals and your determination and your "can do" spirit will blossom.
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
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    Didn't read all the responses, but judging others is generally an expression of our own insecurities.

    Secure, authentic, confident people rarely spend a lot of time judging and perseverating over others' choices.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    While I don't know much about weight loss surgery, I do know that it is not as easy as it sounds once you have it done.
    I think you should try to shift the focus of your attention: yes, you work really hard at it, and guess what? Your body will be equally as healthy for it. Even if what you're doing doesn't translate into rapid weight loss, I'm sure your heart and lungs are healthier and so is the rest of your body, which isn't starving for vitamins/etc. Keep up the good work!

    This ^^ And even if your MIL is parking in the closest spot at the gym, at least she is at the gym. Everyone has to follow their own path. If you are sure you have chosen the right path for you, then just focus on that.

    Let others deal with their struggles as best they can.
  • luv_lea
    luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
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    My feelings on this? I think you ARE jealous. Not everyone is going to go about this the same way. Focus on what you are doing and don't use all that energy on what someone else is or isn't doing.

    My thoughts also. Stop judging others and worry about your own feelings/goals/accomplishments.
  • BeckyGee84
    BeckyGee84 Posts: 124 Member
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    When I worked at a buffet 10 years ago, People would come in quite frequently who had the surgery done, wanting a discount because they can't eat as much as a normal adult. They would show me a doctor's card proving they had the surgery. They'd get really mad when I said there is no discount. Uhhh, how is that my fault? Why would they think that they're entitled to a special discount just because they chose to undergo a (probably costly and not entirely necessary) surgery? And yes, I am judging THOSE people for being mad at me for not being able to give them a discount. But I don't judge everyone who had the surgery. If you can afford it, good for you!
  • GreatGreenSea
    GreatGreenSea Posts: 47 Member
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    If people feel that bariatric surgery is their only option, and it's successful for them, I'm not going to poop on their parade. However, I have the same philosophy as you...I gained the weight, I can lose it myself.

    Also, my mother in law had the surgery a few years ago. Initially she lost a lot of weight, but gained it all back in a short amount of time because she didn't change her eating habits. There were complications, and now she has lost weight again due to being incredibly ill, and has to have her parathyroid removed. She will probably die from these complications eventually. I saw her in October and she's a skeleton covered in loose skin, and her hair is falling out at a rapid rate. It's very sad and I feel so bad for her. No one deserves that.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    You're falling into the "I judge myself and therefore I judge others" trap. The less you judge yourself and learn to embrace the capabilities of your body the less you'll care what others are doing, and the more successful you'll be.

    The fact that it bothers you so much indicates to me that you've considered the surgery and have decided to go a different route, but feel uncomfortable about the fact that it was a viable route for you to take.

    I totally considered having the surgery. I never denied that...but I decided for myself, the drawbacks outweighed the benefits. For everyone else, who are getting crazy defensive over my post, I do love these people. I just wish for themselves they had chosen the "right" way to lose their weight. The ones I've known who had the surgery had theirs years ago and are still as emotionally screwed up as they were before and have done nothing to change their eating habits. My best friend has even said that she thinks she's more out of shape now than she was prior to the surgery. And yes I have tried to get her to join the gym with me so that we could spend time together and motivate one another.

    I am proud of my weight loss and have learned so much already so far about calories, serving sizes, exercising, and how my own body reacts. I have learned all this on my own and know in the end, I will be smarter about my health and food choices in the future. Just wanted to vent and get others opinions on how they've felt in similar situations.

    I have to add: people aren't getting defensive. They're offering very well-thought out advice. It is very apparent that this is something negative to eat at you until you vent it out, and even if you vent it, do you feel better? Or do you simmer until the next instance of your bf's parents setting you off? (P.S. There is a blog function on MFP! A free blog TO vent in, anytime you want!).

    In the meantime, spend more time focusing on the second paragraph and less time on the first. Like jaylio said earlier, try working to retrain your thoughts.

    Anytime you feel anger, resentment, or anything negative, instantly supply yourself with a proud, positive thought.

    "Oh, there goes BF's mom bragging about her ten pound lost... oh, but I've lost 40 lbs!"
    "Ugh, BF's mom is using the handicapped spot... wow, I'm so glad I've taken my health into concern, so hopefully I never have to use that spot!"

    In the wise words of Cady Heron: "Calling someone ugly doesn't make you any prettier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter."
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    I also think DRs are surgery pushers. Why not? Everyone wins! THey get paid and the patient gets skinny! It is cheating.

    Did I miss something? Is weight loss a zero-sum game?
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    You're falling into the "I judge myself and therefore I judge others" trap. The less you judge yourself and learn to embrace the capabilities of your body the less you'll care what others are doing, and the more successful you'll be.

    The fact that it bothers you so much indicates to me that you've considered the surgery and have decided to go a different route, but feel uncomfortable about the fact that it was a viable route for you to take.

    I totally considered having the surgery. I never denied that...but I decided for myself, the drawbacks outweighed the benefits. For everyone else, who are getting crazy defensive over my post, I do love these people. I just wish for themselves they had chosen the "right" way to lose their weight. The ones I've known who had the surgery had theirs years ago and are still as emotionally screwed up as they were before and have done nothing to change their eating habits. My best friend has even said that she thinks she's more out of shape now than she was prior to the surgery. And yes I have tried to get her to join the gym with me so that we could spend time together and motivate one another.

    I am proud of my weight loss and have learned so much already so far about calories, serving sizes, exercising, and how my own body reacts. I have learned all this on my own and know in the end, I will be smarter about my health and food choices in the future. Just wanted to vent and get others opinions on how they've felt in similar situations.

    I didn't think I was being crazy defensive, just giving you feedback from my experiences. We tend to get more defensive about the things that color how we define ourselves. You do what you want with my words, but it was my experience that the more comfortable I felt with myself, the more allowed my minds eye to see me differently, the more I redefined how I thought about myself the less I saw those flaws in others.

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