Spouses

KDar1988
KDar1988 Posts: 650 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi - just had to vent, if you will. Ever since meeting my husband 25 years ago I've been heavy. I've lost, I've gained, I've had 2 children and really gained. So I've been all over the board. When I was in a losing phase he's never been supportive in the way I think a spouse should be, or the way I hear other spouses support their wives.

I had weight loss surgery 7 years ago (lapband), I lost well, he used to tell me that I thought I was hot **** and say mean things to me. I didn't think I was hot ****, I still had a lot of weight to lose. I started having problems with the band and gained weight again. His nasty comments stopped. But then and now any time he sees me struggling to eat, food getting stuck in my throat and eventually regurgitating the food out, he would say that I needed to have it removed and that I'd be happier. Nope, I won't be happy weighing 400 lbs because it could easily happen and something tells me I don't think he'd be proud to have a 400lb wife!

So I've recommitted to my band and am trying to use it again. Really doing well with eating and have lost 13 lbs in a couple months. I don't usually say anything because I get no support, but I decided I would. Guess what the reply was....nothing. No "good job!" no "way to go, keep up the good work". I asked why he wouldn't encourage me and he says...get this..."you never support me" WTF? I said what are you in need of support for? He says "I don't know". OMG.

I love him, but geez, why can't I get a little encouragement? But, on the flip side, I've come to terms that I'm doing this for ME not him and I don't care if he likes me fat because it's not going to happen. I don't want to be fat the rest of my life. I'm doing this for me, with or without his support. That became apparent this weekend.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Replies

  • lorelei68
    lorelei68 Posts: 30 Member
    I feel for you. My ex never offered that kind of support either. (the divorce was for other reasons) Do this for you first and foremost. If it gives you confidence, makes you feel better about yourself and helps you to be the healthiest you possibly can be then you are doing the right thing. Your kids will be proud too!
  • ClassicGirl79
    ClassicGirl79 Posts: 17 Member
    It sounds to me like he's insecure. He sounds like someone who is very afraid that his partner will lose weight and then want someone "better" than him - someone more fit, or someone with more money - whatever it is, it sounds to me as though he's worried you'll be "out of his league." It may sound crazy, but it definitely happens. His comment about wanting you to support him also seems to point to this. I think it's very possible that he just wants to be assured he's not being "left behind" as you make this commitment!

    I know it's hard, but it might be worth trying, just to see - let him know how much you love him, and that he deserves a wife as healthy and happy as you can possibly be. Let him know that you want to be your best possible self not just for you, but because HE deserves it as your partner! See what happens then. My gut feeling is your husband will suddenly see your efforts as a very good thing indeed, and you'll see a lot more support from him!

    Best of luck to you - and congrats on your new lifestyle! You've got this! :-)
  • KDar1988
    KDar1988 Posts: 650 Member
    Thanks ladies :smile: I will have to give your suggestion a try. I even try to include by asking if he'd like to go to the gym with me, but he never wants to go. He doesn't have a weight problem but some exercise for the heart would be good for him.
  • mamma_nee
    mamma_nee Posts: 809 Member
    I wish I could offer some helpful tips but I am kinda in the same boat with my husband. Weird that all of a sudden a month ago whenever we go eat at his favorite Indian restaurant he will then drive 30 minutes to my old time favorite Italian bakery , His purpose is to sabotage me . His words were I am going to show you how easy I can make you fall off your good eating habits . So what do I do ??? I just make sure that i have a very light breakfast, enjoy my Indian lunch and stuff my face with an Italian pastry that I love and count it as my dinner !! He thinks that he has ruined my so called diet ? I am not on a diet ! I am on a New ``way of life `` and if he thinks that pastry ruined my day I am going to have a big surprise for him because as long as I stay within my calories for the week I am just fine :)


    WE CAN DO THIS AND WE WILL DO THIS !! NO MATTER HOW MANY OBSTACLES COME OUR WAY >WHERE THERE IS A WILL THERE IS A WAY :) JUST DO IT FOR YOURSELF .

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