My family eating schedule sucks for me

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Francl27
Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
in Motivation and Support
Situation - I'm a stay at home mom. I typically wake up early (anytime between 5am and 7am) and go to bed early (9-10pm). Typically I'm hungry by 7am so I have an early breakfast, then an early lunch (often 11.30am or earlier, with sometimes a snack in between after my workout)... I pretty much eat most of my calories in the morning.

Unfortunately hubby doesn't get home until 6pm, sometimes even later (he never tells me). And there's just no way most days that I can wait until 6.30pm to have dinner. I'm totally fine if I have dinner at 5pm (and typically, less than 300 calories worth) and usually don't get hungry after (except those days, you know). I don't always have many calories left for a snack in the afternoon either.

So I don't really know what to do. I'd like us all to eat together, but frankly it's tough. The kids are often hungry by 5.30pm too, and hubby is not making any effort to go to work earlier in the morning so he can go home earlier at night (it's flexible, he could totally do it, but he stays up until 1-2am, then sleeps in until 8am, then doesn't leave for work until 10am sometimes).

Should I just go with 'sorry dude, you're on your own'' and forget family time so I don't have to starve? I've been trying to have my lunch later and leave calories for a snack in the afternoon but mostly been failing miserably.
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Replies

  • ladynocturne
    ladynocturne Posts: 865 Member
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    Might sound over simplistic but... If It were my bf I'd say, that if he wants to eat with the family (which I would make sure he understood that is what I would STRONGLY prefer) that he needs to be home by at the latest 5:30, otherwise you'll keep a plate in the fridge for him to heat up when he get home.

    I might also mention why it's important to me and let him know how his sleeping/work schedule, (especially since he has control over it) makes you feel that he doesn't care about your family's needs for a steady dinner time.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
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    Similar problem since my hubby's schedule can fluctuate. As stated before the family meal time should be consistent. If he misses family time he will make provisions to be there. We don't always eat together during the week but always have family dinner on the weekends.
  • AJL437
    AJL437 Posts: 71 Member
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    Is there a way you could move your family meal to the morning? Then you and the kids could eat at 5:30 pm and your husband could eat when he gets home without missing out on that family time. It's a lot easier to control what happens before you go to work then when you get home.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    Since it sounds like he's choosing to be home late instead of coming home earlier when it's a simple change on his part, I'd just eat when you and the kids are hungry. My dad did the same thing when I was a kid.
  • fallenoaks50
    fallenoaks50 Posts: 84
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    Eat dinner when it is convenient for you and the kids. Family time does not have to revolve around the dinner table. You could always do something else as a family when your husband does get home - play games, read bedtime stories....anything really.

    My kids eat around 5:30pm. I eat at 7pm, and my husband eats at 8pm. It doesn't have a negative impact on our relationship. We make it work.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    Is there a way you could move your family meal to the morning? Then you and the kids could eat at 5:30 pm and your husband could eat when he gets home without missing out on that family time. It's a lot easier to control what happens before you go to work then when you get home.

    Haha no. I have to wake him up before I take the kids to school.
  • Chain_Ring
    Chain_Ring Posts: 753 Member
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    Meh. Depends on why he is getting home late. Does he have control of his schedule or is he at somebody else's mercy?
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    These pesky men just don't seem to do what their women tell them to do . . .

    If you can't wait until 6:00 for dinner then there's something just as wrong with you as there is with your husband staying up late. Grow up and learn to discuss your issues with your spouse and find a compromise.
  • just_Jennie1
    just_Jennie1 Posts: 1,233
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    Make dinner and eat when you're hungry. Put his in the fridge and have him heat it up when he gets home. Sit with him at the table (or wherever he eats) when he gets home and talk about his day.
  • SerenaKitty
    SerenaKitty Posts: 142
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    Does dinner have to be your family time? Feed your kids and yourself when you get hungry - just save him a portion. Why does eating need to be family time? Maybe try something else that can be done with you, husband, and kids before their bedtime.
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
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    These pesky men just don't seem to do what their women tell them to do . . .

    If you can't wait until 6:00 for dinner then there's something just as wrong with you as there is with your husband staying up late. Grow up and learn to discuss your issues with your spouse and find a compromise.

    This is overly simplistic. I don't wait until 6:00 for dinner most nights either and there isn't anything wrong with me at all. I agree that OP needs to find a compromise with her spouse.

    However, this: "hubby is not making any effort to go to work earlier in the morning so he can go home earlier at night (it's flexible, he could totally do it, but he stays up until 1-2am, then sleeps in until 8am, then doesn't leave for work until 10am sometimes)" is a load of crap. Either (A) he gets to work earlier or (B) he misses dinner with the family. Quit enabling him.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I like the idea of a family meal in the AM if that is possible.

    Normally...and this will sound so horribly dated and possibly even sexist...I'd say a SAHP should work around the WOHP's schedule if they can.

    I'd also talk to your husband about this.

    I eat at roughly the same times as you do...7 am, 11:30 am, 5:30 pm so I understand how difficult it can be to wait til 6:30 and later for dinner. That would throw me off, too, especially if it was a frequent thing.

    Couples/families sometimes have to work around this stuff. My husband and I were separated Mon-Thurs by circumstances for the past year and he moved in full-time at the beginning of December. I was used to having ALL of my "leftover" calories around 5:15-5:45 pm for dinner. He was used to eating dinner around that time and then having a sizable evening snack. So I tried to go with that, and it was a wreck. I didn't feel satisfied at dinner and the evening snack seemed "off" as well, or like I was eating when I wasn't even hungry. Now I have extra stuff at dinner, a treat or a little more of the entrée or whatever...and don't snack later. Sometimes he does, other times not. You have to do what really works for you, as I see it.
  • sarafischbach9
    sarafischbach9 Posts: 466 Member
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    Meh. Depends on why he is getting home late. Does he have control of his schedule or is he at somebody else's mercy?

    True.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    These pesky men just don't seem to do what their women tell them to do . . .

    If you can't wait until 6:00 for dinner then there's something just as wrong with you as there is with your husband staying up late. Grow up and learn to discuss your issues with your spouse and find a compromise.

    This is overly simplistic. I don't wait until 6:00 for dinner most nights either and there isn't anything wrong with me at all. I agree that OP needs to find a compromise with her spouse.

    However, this: "hubby is not making any effort to go to work earlier in the morning so he can go home earlier at night (it's flexible, he could totally do it, but he stays up until 1-2am, then sleeps in until 8am, then doesn't leave for work until 10am sometimes)" is a load of crap. Either (A) he gets to work earlier or (B) he misses dinner with the family. Quit enabling him.

    I'm pretty damn sure that there are two sides to this story, and 30 minutes isn't exactly a long time. I said "just as wrong" but not sure you got that . . .
  • DeadliftAddict
    DeadliftAddict Posts: 746 Member
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    Have you ever tried intermittent fasting. Not the crazy 24 hour fast either before anyone goes crazy. I myself like having calories at the end of the evening instead of early. I drink water all morning and eat my first meal at noon. I eat all my calories between 12pm-8:30pm. Then I fast till noon the next day. That is a typical 16 hour daily fast. For women it is recommended that they don't fast for more than 14 hours. You could hold off till 10am and have your first meal and go from there. Now you have calories to eat later. Just a thought.
  • Mainebikerchick
    Mainebikerchick Posts: 1,573 Member
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    I think you just need to discuss it with your HUSBAND and not the Internet.

    Good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
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    These pesky men just don't seem to do what their women tell them to do . . .

    If you can't wait until 6:00 for dinner then there's something just as wrong with you as there is with your husband staying up late. Grow up and learn to discuss your issues with your spouse and find a compromise.

    This is overly simplistic. I don't wait until 6:00 for dinner most nights either and there isn't anything wrong with me at all. I agree that OP needs to find a compromise with her spouse.

    However, this: "hubby is not making any effort to go to work earlier in the morning so he can go home earlier at night (it's flexible, he could totally do it, but he stays up until 1-2am, then sleeps in until 8am, then doesn't leave for work until 10am sometimes)" is a load of crap. Either (A) he gets to work earlier or (B) he misses dinner with the family. Quit enabling him.

    I'm pretty damn sure that there are two sides to this story, and 30 minutes isn't exactly a long time. I said "just as wrong" but not sure you got that . . .

    There are two sides to every story. And yeah, I got that. Or did you not read the rest of post where I said her husband's lack of effort is crap? It's ok. Sound out the big words, chief.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    I'm starving in the morning. That's why I eat most of my calories then. Maybe if I was eating at maintenance I could last longer (I used to skip breakfast when I was obese, but obviously I was eating way more), but right now I can't see it happening. I just feel weak and dizzy if I don't eat something, especially as I work out in the morning and I need to eat something before or it doesn't work. Typically I wait until I'm hungry to eat anyway, but it's harder when I'm up too early (which happens a lot when you're in bed by 9.30pm).

    I should probably have mentioned that he couldn't care less if we don't all eat together though. Plus half the time he eats all afternoon and isn't even hungry at 6pm. And it's not just 30 minutes, as I said, I'm usually hungry by 5pm... I could compromise 5.30pm but later and I get hangry.

    So yeah... I'll just make dinner for us I think.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    5 or 5:30 is pretty early for dinner. How about setting a strict 6pm dinner time? If he's not home, his will be cold. Have a snack if you are hungry.
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
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    Just break up.

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