Friends not supportive?

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  • jennifer_a00
    jennifer_a00 Posts: 186 Member
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    I think that over time you figure out who you can talk to about losing weight. Some people get jealous, and others will be happy and excited for you. Just don't talk about it with the jealous ones.
  • CaliforniaAJ
    CaliforniaAJ Posts: 196 Member
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    I have a friend who is quite a bit older than me (I am 43, she is 71) and she said I drive her crazy when I talk about paying attention to what I eat and working out. I don't go on about it, but it might come up in conversation.

    There are certainly many things about her that drive me crazy too, but I love her dearly and they are part of her character, so I don't say anything.

    One day her husband mentioned to me that when she was in her 30's she was crazy into yoga and went off to study with some guru etc.

    I brought this up with her and asked her why she was so hard on me, when I was only doing the things she did. Shouldn't I live my life my way, make my own mistakes and successes......

    This really made her think, and now she understands much better who I am and what I am doing.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that my friend didn't have the best time in that phase of her life, and thought that by trying to put me off, she was protecting me.

    Unsupportive friends, in my experience, are that way because they are normally envious of the progress you are making and where you are in your life. It happens at any time there is an inequality in a friendship. (Nicer house, newer car, dishy husband, etc).

    You can explain to her how you feel, or you can ignore it. Just make the judgement whether she is important to you as a friend or not.
  • professormudd1
    professormudd1 Posts: 59
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    I think what it boils down to for those types of people is this:

    They see you doing the right thing with self-discipline and consistency where they were unable to or refused attain that level of self control. As such, they see you succeeding and subconsciously they feel like you are rubbing it in their face that they were wrong/lazy/incompetent/intimidated/etc. They may not be directly offended, but inside, they see you achieving your goals in a way that does not validate their own position, so they try to tear you down. I believe the simplified way of saying this is: "Haters gon' hate".

    This is something I realized about how I percieved others' successes and examined myself very thoroughly to determine the source of my resentment. After I came to terms with it, I was able to be inspired rather than intimidated.
  • a036618
    a036618 Posts: 8 Member
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    She's projecting her own short-comings and insecurities, and sure... jealousy is likely part of it. I doubt that she is even aware of what is motivating her behavior and isn't intending to be mean spirited and is likely afraid of losing your friendship. This happens more often than not in long term relationships where both people are engaged in an unhealthy lifestyle (rather it be obesity, drug/alcohol addiction, etc) and then one person goes and changes and the other is left feeling scared of being alone. This really is your journey and no one elses, much the same as her journey is her own. It's disappointing when the people we care about don't give us the support that we anticipate receiving. I think you should be straight forward with her and tell her that you are excited about the path that you are on, toward a healthier and more fit lifestyle and that you hope that she can be supportive of that because if she chooses to be critical and judgmental that you will need to take a step back from your friendship.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    Nope I don't keep negative people around me. Better for my mental health.

    dat's right gurl.
  • drusilla126
    drusilla126 Posts: 478 Member
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    People are just jealous because you are taking the steps to make your life better while they are still lost in their sad little world of sitting around making excuses for themselves. Trust me. I lost 100 pounds very much on my own and had so many people trying to detract from my success. My relationship with my mother fell apart as I neared my goal weight. Over Christmas she finally admitted what I knew was happening: she was jealous/envious of my success and too scared to make the changes herself.
  • wrenegade64
    wrenegade64 Posts: 410 Member
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    Sounds to me like you need to re-evaluate your "friend" status with this individual. No two people are alike and opinions are like rectums (everyone has one). I would venture to say that this person doesn't really mean you any harm per say, but if her thought process and philosophy is clashing with yours, I thnk you should seriously reconsider your status with this person.

    Weightloss and changing your lifestyle for YOUR health is a process and not one to be taken lightly. There are plenty of negative forces out there anyway and you surely don't need any more complied on top of that, especially in the form of a "friend". Not to pass judgement on your friend, just saying they have their opinion and you have yours and you need to do what you need to do for you. Everything they are doing for themself could be perfectly fine for them but like I said, you wake up every morning in your body, not theirs. This forum is WONDERFUL and you won't be lacking support here, so feel free to me and consider consulting folks who specialize in fitness as opposed to someone who just wants to give you an opinion and make you have doubts :-)
  • p4ulmiller
    p4ulmiller Posts: 588 Member
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    Nope I don't keep negative people around me. Better for my mental health.

    /thread
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
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    She might not be jealous. I'd guess that you make it more difficult for her to justify to herself not working out (since she's supposed to be, but isn't). It's still a bad thing, but it wouldn't be jealousy. She doesn't wish that she was more like you. She wishes that you were more like her. A lot of people are hostile toward motivated people.
  • bentondogs
    bentondogs Posts: 1
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    I call them diet haters!!! I have some of the greatest friends, we do alot together. We eat together alot.One might say its not going to hurt to eat buffet, you need to get off once in a while.NO BUFFET.Its like putting drugs in front of a addict.When we go out I do make better choices.Just tell them this is what i need to do.Ask them to work out with you,I did that one of my friends said,"are you crazy"!Just keep doing what you do,and you will feel better and look great.I will be here to say you go girl!
  • HannahInHawaii
    HannahInHawaii Posts: 173 Member
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    Doesn't sound like a friend to me!

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