Eating Disorder or just crazy...?

I'm not too sure why I'm posting this but I feel I need to put it out there and see what others have to say about it.

I think I may have some kind of eating disorder, but I'm finding it hard to categorise:

I'm 5"7" and over the past year I went from 136lbs in February to 110lbs in June. I went on several holidays over the summer and fluctuated but would always re-lose the weight after I got back from holiday. At my lowest I was 108lbs before a 3-week vacation to france with my family. I can't remember exactly but I think I went up to 117 after the holiday and due to poor tracking I don't remember exactly how much time it took to lose again but I stated a post-holiday diet at the very end of August and by the end of October I was 106lbs.

Now, I am a very conscientious logger and I track everything - if anyone wishes to look back over my diary it's all there and open to the public and it's definitely honest, I eat exactly what I log - in fact I plan it the day (or week before so I can do a grocery shop) and never skip something on the day - I love food too much!

So, all whilst eating up to 1600 calories a day (I know it's still a cut, but I also don't exercise and I was still sort of trying to lose weight) I went down to 100.4lbs at my lowest around 15th Dec last year.

Here is where I bring my concerns. I know I wasn't fat, in fact I was very tjhin and people commented, but I liked it. I wasn't ACTIVELY trying to lose weight, but seeing another lb go was great for me. I will also mention that over the period of November and December I went to parties/events/Xmas do's almost weekly (if not twice weekly) so there will be unlogged daus, but I would always follow up a slurge day (and they were splurges, not binges, but definitely having a good time!) with a couple of low-cal days and then go back up to my 1600cal daily intake.

So I gave myself Xmas off (which turned into the period 22nd Dec - 14th Jan!) and I'm up to 114lbs now. I know this is a healthy weight, I'm not fat - although I can see lots of fat that wasn't there before! But I am fighting the two sides of me - the one that says - "get back to 105lbs, you were happy there and not losing the weight after a gain like this is how the weight creeps on and you're overweight again" and the other half of me that says "you're fine...just enjoy yourself, don't go crazy but stop with this dieting" the problem is I liked being 105lbs, although I know it was underweight, and I haven't been this heavy in so long that it's scaring me an the concept of staying here is almost unomaginable...for the best part of a year I have gone off the wagon, gained and then been very good at getting back on and losing it again but I'm kind of tired of it, although terrified and depressed at the same time.

To be honest, I don't know what I'm asking, or whether I just needed to vent and put this all out there. I don't need people just commenting saying - that's underweight, that's bad etc. I get that, I ned something constructive...I just don't know what.

Also - I don't work out. I hate it. I have tried and tried and tried to like working out but it never gets better and I'd rather just walk. I like in London and do ALOT of walking every day so I just have to say that's enough. I did JM 30DS last July for 50 days and I liked working out no better at the end than when I started. I have tried swimming, running, zumba, yoga, the gym, pilates...so many things and I just hate it. If thats relevant in any way...!!

So as I said, I'm not sure what I'm asking or if I'm asking anything at all but I feel like I just needed to get this out there. Is it an eating disorder when I do normally eat quite a lot? I just don't know what to do...the thought of not going back down to 105lbs where I was is terrifying...isn't that how weight creeps on and BAM, you're overweight again?

Ugh, I'm sorry for anyone that actually managed to read all that!