Eating Disorder or just crazy...?

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  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
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    Hi Ketamyie

    I think you’ve received some good feedback / advice and as one user said, this is of course not a place for anyone to diagnose.

    The good thing is you seem to be concerned with where you are at – either seeking validation that you are okay or that perhaps someone else who’s in the same boat as you are may be able to guide you.

    Although MFP is a great tool, being able to log every calorie can be a demon in itself. It allows for ultimate control (and pre-planning) and if not managed, can become an obsessive thing.

    Have a read through these links. As the one link says, even though one may not having an eating disorder, you can have disordered eating.

    My advice, stop logging now :)


    Some links for you to read

    http://healthyliving.msn.com/diseases/depression/signs-you-have-an-eating-disorder-and-dont-know-it-1?OCID=MSNNWS&pageart=2

    http://www.self.com/magazine/polls/eating_disorder/disorder
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
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    I have not read all the responses, just a glance. What I can tell you is, if you are concerned about the behaviors surrounding your weight and with food, then talk to someone who can help you sort through them. An internet forum will give you every answer in the book and you are free to pick and choose which you deem useful. In the end, you are right where you started.

    Your thread title "Eating Disorder or just crazy...?" indicates that you know something is amiss. Put your energy into finding out what is wrong and getting help. Best of luck. :flowerforyou:
  • MyFoodGod
    MyFoodGod Posts: 184 Member
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    If you're serious and that concerned about your 'food and diet obsession' you might look into 'overeaters anonymous' it's totally free. Try a few meetings, read the literature and you can decide if in fact you DO have an eating disorder. Good luck and stop making excuses.
    [/quote

    yes! I think you are asking the ? Because you think you have a problem. This could escalate over time without help.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    I'm not too sure why I'm posting this but I feel I need to put it out there and see what others have to say about it.

    I think I may have some kind of eating disorder, but I'm finding it hard to categorise:

    I'm 5"7" and over the past year I went from 136lbs in February to 110lbs in June. I went on several holidays over the summer and fluctuated but would always re-lose the weight after I got back from holiday. At my lowest I was 108lbs before a 3-week vacation to france with my family. I can't remember exactly but I think I went up to 117 after the holiday and due to poor tracking I don't remember exactly how much time it took to lose again but I stated a post-holiday diet at the very end of August and by the end of October I was 106lbs.

    Now, I am a very conscientious logger and I track everything - if anyone wishes to look back over my diary it's all there and open to the public and it's definitely honest, I eat exactly what I log - in fact I plan it the day (or week before so I can do a grocery shop) and never skip something on the day - I love food too much!

    So, all whilst eating up to 1600 calories a day (I know it's still a cut, but I also don't exercise and I was still sort of trying to lose weight) I went down to 100.4lbs at my lowest around 15th Dec last year.

    Here is where I bring my concerns. I know I wasn't fat, in fact I was very tjhin and people commented, but I liked it. I wasn't ACTIVELY trying to lose weight, but seeing another lb go was great for me. I will also mention that over the period of November and December I went to parties/events/Xmas do's almost weekly (if not twice weekly) so there will be unlogged daus, but I would always follow up a slurge day (and they were splurges, not binges, but definitely having a good time!) with a couple of low-cal days and then go back up to my 1600cal daily intake.

    So I gave myself Xmas off (which turned into the period 22nd Dec - 14th Jan!) and I'm up to 114lbs now. I know this is a healthy weight, I'm not fat - although I can see lots of fat that wasn't there before! But I am fighting the two sides of me - the one that says - "get back to 105lbs, you were happy there and not losing the weight after a gain like this is how the weight creeps on and you're overweight again" and the other half of me that says "you're fine...just enjoy yourself, don't go crazy but stop with this dieting" the problem is I liked being 105lbs, although I know it was underweight, and I haven't been this heavy in so long that it's scaring me an the concept of staying here is almost unomaginable...for the best part of a year I have gone off the wagon, gained and then been very good at getting back on and losing it again but I'm kind of tired of it, although terrified and depressed at the same time.

    To be honest, I don't know what I'm asking, or whether I just needed to vent and put this all out there. I don't need people just commenting saying - that's underweight, that's bad etc. I get that, I ned something constructive...I just don't know what.

    Also - I don't work out. I hate it. I have tried and tried and tried to like working out but it never gets better and I'd rather just walk. I like in London and do ALOT of walking every day so I just have to say that's enough. I did JM 30DS last July for 50 days and I liked working out no better at the end than when I started. I have tried swimming, running, zumba, yoga, the gym, pilates...so many things and I just hate it. If thats relevant in any way...!!

    So as I said, I'm not sure what I'm asking or if I'm asking anything at all but I feel like I just needed to get this out there. Is it an eating disorder when I do normally eat quite a lot? I just don't know what to do...the thought of not going back down to 105lbs where I was is terrifying...isn't that how weight creeps on and BAM, you're overweight again?

    Ugh, I'm sorry for anyone that actually managed to read all that!

    Hello OP. Reading your post triggers some things for me. I have OCD and I don't think you necessarily have an eating disorder, but perhaps you have an obsessive personality and the pounds coming off, and maintain a lower range, are rewarding for you. I have had some of the same issues. I did have an eating disorder (bulimia) as a teenager, and the mindset I have now is not the same. Even though I'm in maintenaince mode now, there are days when I come in 400-500 calories below my target and I feel like I accomplished something. Then when I lose another pound, that seems like an accomplishment too. The basic fact is, for me, it's a huge control issue. If I gain weight, I feel like I am not controlling things. If I lose weight, then I am back in control. I started seeing a counselor again a few months ago and we've spent a lot of time discussing how my OCD creates a need in me to be "perfect", whether it's as a wife, a mother, an employee, a boss, or in my physical appearance.
    I really think a good move for you would be to sit down with a counselor and get to the bottom of your need to manage the numbers on the scale. I'm certainly not saying that you have the same OCD issues as I do, but your story resonates with me and I think it would be a good idea for you to have some professional assistance in figuring it out.
  • pinky6767
    pinky6767 Posts: 55
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    Hi, i do feel for you, and it does seem like most of your waking time is spent thinking of your weight. Which makes me think there may be a concern. Second , your the same height as me and i've never seen a chart where it said being less than 119 max was a healthy weight for you. Trust me, i've been at that weight, and it was a lot of work. I was running around a hilly lake everyday rain or shine, putting in 12 kilometres a day. So, i'm going on a limb and saying your underweight and seem to like it, which could become a problem too. Do you have friends or family you can talk to ? but, be honest, if you don't want to put on extra weight , then you won't. I've been in the same situation as you, thats why i'm asking. At the time, i didn't want to gain weight and was getting tons of compliments on my weight loss, so i can understand how confusing that gets too.. Feel free to send me a message if you'd like. I was also eating, but it was all clean food. Only fruits and vegetables, and was clearly burning (or running) it off. heehee
  • EmilyAFraser1
    EmilyAFraser1 Posts: 31 Member
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    Get real and address the fact that you are only logging 800 calories per day. Respond.

    I admit and know that 800 cals a day is too low, but after a very long conversation with a member of the site last night I have made changes and intend to work on maintaing t the moment - you can all tell me I'm still too low but I need to maintain for a while before I can consider gaining...if I tried to gain now I'd lose it in a week or so and go right back to crashing.

    The current logs on my diary are now completely innaccurate as I pre-logged them and have since decided not to log for a while, and just try to eat more intuitively and generally more food to see where I am there.
  • EmilyAFraser1
    EmilyAFraser1 Posts: 31 Member
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    I think you need to speak to someone, essentially youre living on snack food in an attempt to stay under an already VERY low calorie goal and obsessing about being smaller when youre already at a healthy weight. I mean jesus, 40g of pasta as a serving!

    I agree with a lot of what you've said here (well all of it) except for the pasta thing - I've never EVER eaten much pasta and this is pretty much the serving I would have eaten my entire life - eating more would be abnormal for me, not in terms of my dieting, but I just find pasta very VERY filling, and always have...

    But I agree, the quantities and the rest of what I do is often actually only a semi-portion or a snack food to compensate
  • Runner5AbelTownship
    Runner5AbelTownship Posts: 243 Member
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    Get real and address the fact that you are only logging 800 calories per day. Respond.

    I admit and know that 800 cals a day is too low, but after a very long conversation with a member of the site last night I have made changes and intend to work on maintaing t the moment - you can all tell me I'm still too low but I need to maintain for a while before I can consider gaining...if I tried to gain now I'd lose it in a week or so and go right back to crashing.

    The current logs on my diary are now completely innaccurate as I pre-logged them and have since decided not to log for a while, and just try to eat more intuitively and generally more food to see where I am there.

    You need to go see a real live doctor. If you had cancer, would you take online advice from someone regardless of how well meaning? Are you planning on maintaining at 800 calories?

    Edited to add: You do realize that this can kill you, right? At the least lead to long term health issues and leave you with bones that are weak, fertility issues, etc. If you have an ED this is a medical emergency, it's not something to ponder, ruminate or get advice from people on e the web about.
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
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    I agree with a lot of what you've said here (well all of it) except for the pasta thing - I've never EVER eaten much pasta and this is pretty much the serving I would have eaten my entire life - eating more would be abnormal for me, not in terms of my dieting, but I just find pasta very VERY filling, and always have...

    But I agree, the quantities and the rest of what I do is often actually only a semi-portion or a snack food to compensate

    I understand that it sometimes seems easier to do this, I used to do it myself (I lived on tubs of soup because it was easy to factor in the calories). But eating so little in the way of calories in extremely bad for you. You can think about things like medical issues (bone density etc) or the fact that if youre not providing your body with enough nourishment you can say goodbye to lovely hair and nails, clear skin etc. Take care of yourself x
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
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    Get real and address the fact that you are only logging 800 calories per day. Respond.

    I admit and know that 800 cals a day is too low, but after a very long conversation with a member of the site last night I have made changes and intend to work on maintaing t the moment - you can all tell me I'm still too low but I need to maintain for a while before I can consider gaining...if I tried to gain now I'd lose it in a week or so and go right back to crashing.

    The current logs on my diary are now completely innaccurate as I pre-logged them and have since decided not to log for a while, and just try to eat more intuitively and generally more food to see where I am there.


    Most of the people on MFP would LOVE to just eat intuitively. However, that is also the reason most of us are here. We have messed up our ability to correctly feed our bodies. This goes either way. The overweight person that is never "full" and the underweight person that is never "hungry". Please, see a doctor as a gift to yourself. You're so young and this roller coaster will haunt you forever if you don't work on the problem.
  • EmilyAFraser1
    EmilyAFraser1 Posts: 31 Member
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    Get real and address the fact that you are only logging 800 calories per day. Respond.

    I admit and know that 800 cals a day is too low, but after a very long conversation with a member of the site last night I have made changes and intend to work on maintaing t the moment - you can all tell me I'm still too low but I need to maintain for a while before I can consider gaining...if I tried to gain now I'd lose it in a week or so and go right back to crashing.

    The current logs on my diary are now completely innaccurate as I pre-logged them and have since decided not to log for a while, and just try to eat more intuitively and generally more food to see where I am there.

    You need to go see a real live doctor. If you had cancer, would you take online advice from someone regardless of how well meaning? Are you planning on maintaining at 800 calories?

    No, of course not, I know I need to at least double that (well double and more) to maintain - all I was saying is that I've decided to take a break from logging, as of yesterday evening, but I had already pre-logged today and the next few days before I made the decision to change, so although they say 800 cals, it's not the case. I ate toast with marmite and a yogurt for breakfast today and a store bought sandwich and soup for lunch, not the foods that are logged for today.

    I am going to see how I go for a couple weeks on my own, but if I feel myself starting to get obsessive and losing again, then I will have to go to the doctor. I am starting to accept (Just saying something doesn't make is that easy for me to think fully) that I'm not healthy, and I'm hoping that eating more will show me that I can make these positive changes and get healthier by my own will, but if that isn't the case then to the doctor I will have to go.
  • Runner5AbelTownship
    Runner5AbelTownship Posts: 243 Member
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    Get real and address the fact that you are only logging 800 calories per day. Respond.

    I admit and know that 800 cals a day is too low, but after a very long conversation with a member of the site last night I have made changes and intend to work on maintaing t the moment - you can all tell me I'm still too low but I need to maintain for a while before I can consider gaining...if I tried to gain now I'd lose it in a week or so and go right back to crashing.

    The current logs on my diary are now completely innaccurate as I pre-logged them and have since decided not to log for a while, and just try to eat more intuitively and generally more food to see where I am there.

    You need to go see a real live doctor. If you had cancer, would you take online advice from someone regardless of how well meaning? Are you planning on maintaining at 800 calories?

    No, of course not, I know I need to at least double that (well double and more) to maintain - all I was saying is that I've decided to take a break from logging, as of yesterday evening, but I had already pre-logged today and the next few days before I made the decision to change, so although they say 800 cals, it's not the case. I ate toast with marmite and a yogurt for breakfast today and a store bought sandwich and soup for lunch, not the foods that are logged for today.

    I am going to see how I go for a couple weeks on my own, but if I feel myself starting to get obsessive and losing again, then I will have to go to the doctor. I am starting to accept (Just saying something doesn't make is that easy for me to think fully) that I'm not healthy, and I'm hoping that eating more will show me that I can make these positive changes and get healthier by my own will, but if that isn't the case then to the doctor I will have to go.

    How will you know if you are eating enough and what is your calorie goal?
  • Runner5AbelTownship
    Runner5AbelTownship Posts: 243 Member
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    You totally score points for Marmite. it's healthy as all get out much I can't get paste the smell. Ok or texture or taste. Maybe get in small amounts of high calorie foods, like nut butters, that you you don't feel like its SO Much Food.
  • EmilyAFraser1
    EmilyAFraser1 Posts: 31 Member
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    I'm posting as something of an update, rather than go through and reply to every comment.

    All day yesterday and into the evening I had a long and in-depth conversation with another member who has dealt with similar issues. She was incredible useful and I am so grateful.

    I'm not going to go into detail, but I will say that yesterday evening I made the decision to accept that I am already at an unhealthy weight, and to work on my mental attitude to my body.

    Starting today, I have stopped logging (I had pre-logged and planned ahead the next few days before I cam to this decision so my diary says certain things but is wrong and I'm not logging at all at the moment) and I am going to spend the next few weeks working on maintaining and not logging and getting obsessive about the food and weight etc. I am also going to stop weighing for two-three weeks.

    I know I am underweight, but I need to take baby steps here - If I start trying to gain immediately, I know it will end up with me freaking out and I will spiral right back to where I was when I posted this yesterday. I am going to try to get to a healthier mindset before I start working out geinging some weight back.

    Thank you for all of the support and constructive advice, it really has made me see some sense even though at times it may not have seemed like it.

    If I find myself slipping back and after three weeks or so I am getting obsessive and loosing again, then I will get myself right off to the doctor. I may not want to go, but I will if I can't start to fix this myself.
  • Runner5AbelTownship
    Runner5AbelTownship Posts: 243 Member
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    I'm posting as something of an update, rather than go through and reply to every comment.

    All day yesterday and into the evening I had a long and in-depth conversation with another member who has dealt with similar issues. She was incredible useful and I am so grateful.

    I'm not going to go into detail, but I will say that yesterday evening I made the decision to accept that I am already at an unhealthy weight, and to work on my mental attitude to my body.

    Starting today, I have stopped logging (I had pre-logged and planned ahead the next few days before I cam to this decision so my diary says certain things but is wrong and I'm not logging at all at the moment) and I am going to spend the next few weeks working on maintaining and not logging and getting obsessive about the food and weight etc. I am also going to stop weighing for two-three weeks.

    I know I am underweight, but I need to take baby steps here - If I start trying to gain immediately, I know it will end up with me freaking out and I will spiral right back to where I was when I posted this yesterday. I am going to try to get to a healthier mindset before I start working out geinging some weight back.

    Thank you for all of the support and constructive advice, it really has made me see some sense even though at times it may not have seemed like it.

    If I find myself slipping back and after three weeks or so I am getting obsessive and loosing again, then I will get myself right off to the doctor. I may not want to go, but I will if I can't start to fix this myself.

    Sounds like a plan, best of luck!
  • EmilyAFraser1
    EmilyAFraser1 Posts: 31 Member
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    You totally score points for Marmite. it's healthy as all get out much I can't get paste the smell. Ok or texture or taste. Maybe get in small amounts of high calorie foods, like nut butters, that you you don't feel like its SO Much Food.

    As I'm trying not to count calories I haven't set a goal and I'm really trying to not even look at calorie contents on packaging, but probably somewhere around 1800/1900 cals, if thats to low I will adjuct again, but as I said, I'm trying to to count.

    I adore marmite, I could eat it off the spoon. I'm actually saving a slice of chocolate torte that my flatmate brought yesterday for later on, but I can tell you I KNOW that's high in calories!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    You're 20. If you're actually not actively trying to lose and are honestly eating, this may just be how your body is working right now. I had periods in my younger life where weight melted off for no reason at all and people actually thought I had an eating disorder when I very much did not.

    However, you ARE very thin for your height and you are counting calories, even though you "know" you don't need to lose. You may not be there yet, but you may be getting there. I recommend talking to a professional.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    Sounds like an EDNOS. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating_disorder_not_otherwise_specified

    I would recommend you see someone about this. :flowerforyou:
  • Runner5AbelTownship
    Runner5AbelTownship Posts: 243 Member
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    You totally score points for Marmite. it's healthy as all get out much I can't get paste the smell. Ok or texture or taste. Maybe get in small amounts of high calorie foods, like nut butters, that you you don't feel like its SO Much Food.

    As I'm trying not to count calories I haven't set a goal and I'm really trying to not even look at calorie contents on packaging, but probably somewhere around 1800/1900 cals, if thats to low I will adjuct again, but as I said, I'm trying to to count.

    I adore marmite, I could eat it off the spoon. I'm actually saving a slice of chocolate torte that my flatmate brought yesterday for later on, but I can tell you I KNOW that's high in calories!

    i think that if you can simply eat more, over time, that may be what steers you to the healthy part of the crossroads. It's a plan anyway and a plan is a good thing. And you have a back up plan, even better.

    Please, don't put marmite on the torte.
  • EmilyAFraser1
    EmilyAFraser1 Posts: 31 Member
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    i think that if you can simply eat more, over time, that may be what steers you to the healthy part of the crossroads. It's a plan anyway and a plan is a good thing. And you have a back up plan, even better.

    Please, don't put marmite on the torte.

    That's my thinking. I do well with goals and plans etc. So this is my plan and my goal is to not weigh at all for three weeks, and then when I weigh in 3 weeks time, I aim for my weight to be the same (with a little lee-way) If I have been doing well and feel good but there is a loss, then I will up my eating. If there is a gain, I will vow to carry on as before and not let it send me back into losing mode.

    I cannot promise to keep to these goals, but I fully intend to try. if I fail, I will go to the doctor.

    And no, I will not put marmite on the torte!

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