Commenting on a persons weight loss.

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Replies

  • Stripeness
    Stripeness Posts: 511 Member
    Recent thread on awkward comments re: weight, and here's what I said:

    Complimented an old HS buddy on looking terrific. He'd lost a lot of weight & was looking (even in retrospect) healthy and happy. We missed catching up (non-romantically), and three months later, he was dead. The weight loss was due to brain cancer treatments.

    On that thread alone, there were 2 other people who had similar experiences. So, no. I'm not really inclined to gush about someone's weight loss, and it's not because I haven't noticed or don't care. On MFP however, I feel quite confident complimenting complete strangers on their success, because I know what their goal was.

    Additionally, I find it both sad and disturbing that so many people seem to immediately reach for ugly/negative motives. "Won't take the time" "don't care enough" "jealous" "haters" "trying to sabotage."

    Lose weight for YOU. Be genuinely positive. If you do those two things, then you'll find positive energy in the people around you. Because someone who really *doesn't* care or is jealous? Won't stick around a genuinely happy person.

    Congratulations on your weightloss success.
  • albayin
    albayin Posts: 2,524 Member
    Not everyone has the same priority and focus as ourselves. Weight loss might be important for us, but not to everybody else. Get over with it and move on, unless someone actually insults you.:drinker:
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
    You know the more I think about it, these people never have said a nice thing about anyone except maybe their husband or parents.

    If that is true...why would you expect them to change just for you?

    I guess it just comes down to me not understanding how anyone could live their life so miserably and being such a you know what.

    WHO FREAKIN CARES???? Good grief man. Get a grip. Just about every single person in this thread has told you the same thing and you refuse to listen. It's their life to live as they choose. There is not one darn thing you can say to them to make them change so quit worrying about everyone else and whether or not they blow sunshine and rainbows and unicorn snot up your poop chute. Either (A) they didn't notice (B) they didn't care or (C) they don't like you. I know which one of those options I'm voting for.

    I "C" what you did there, lol

    :wink:
  • jodiefrancis1234
    jodiefrancis1234 Posts: 1
    You have to be careful with this.

    My mother suffers with bulimia. She is simply encouraged by people that tell her she looks good. Shes spent her life in and out of hospital and although she is pretty much recovered she now goes to the gym every day for 3 hours straight instead. She also drinks heavily to stop herself from eating to much.

    this started when she was younger when people would tell her she looked great for losing weight. so yeah if someone is obese and gets down to a decent weight or if they look healthy still go for it tell them they look good but keep an eye on your friends to make sure they arnt losing too much.
  • brdnw
    brdnw Posts: 565 Member
    You know the more I think about it, these people never have said a nice thing about anyone except maybe their husband or parents.

    If that is true...why would you expect them to change just for you?

    I guess it just comes down to me not understanding how anyone could live their life so miserably and being such a you know what.

    not caring about you doesn't mean they're living their life miserably.

    You sound like your success demands compliments from people. That's not a good mentality about it.
  • twixlepennie
    twixlepennie Posts: 1,074 Member
    some people don't impress easily, maybe X pounds lost to someone isn't that noteworthy.

    You lost 93 pounds. If someone that knew you didn't comment, what would your reaction be? Do you understand how great 93 pounds is? That is amazing.

    I have lost almost 60lbs and have gone from size 14 jeans to wearing size 2s. I have a friend who's only comment about my weight loss has been that I'm now too skinny. That's on her and doesn't affect me at all because I lost the weight to be healthy for myself and my family. I saw several relatives at Christmas that I see once a year. NONE of them said anything about my weight loss (they did keep staring at me the whole night though lol), and that was fine by me. I know I look good, I know I'm healthy and I know my husband can't keep his hands off of me :wink: Really, that's what matters to me. Everyone else out there, whatever.
  • cingle87
    cingle87 Posts: 717 Member
    Op if your entire self worth is based on the fact that 1 person didnt comment on you instead of focusing on the people that 9 that did, you are not going to get very far in the world.
  • klyn7788
    klyn7788 Posts: 52 Member
    I don't think it is ever appropriate to comment on an individual's weight loss unless they have shared details of their "journey" with you. (Wow ... that word is a cliche.) Unless someone has made it public knowledge that they are working hard and trying to better their lives by losing weight, I would never make a comment. Unfortunately, I learned this lesson the hard way after complimenting someone (that had once been a friend, though I hadn't touched base with her in a few years) that later died from the illness that caused her weight loss.

    l am the first to compliment anyone that has expressed, either personally or in some type of public forum (usually facebook), that they are working really hard and are proud of their accomplishments. They've indicated that they want to make their struggles and accomplishments either my business, or the business of everyone around them.

    If someone I knew from my past commented on my weight loss, I would be embarrassed because it would mean that they had noticed the twenty pounds I've gained in the last few years (and am subsequently working on losing) that I tried so hard to hide.
  • ashleyisgreat
    ashleyisgreat Posts: 586 Member
    some people don't impress easily, maybe X pounds lost to someone isn't that noteworthy.

    You lost 93 pounds. If someone that knew you didn't comment, what would your reaction be? Do you understand how great 93 pounds is? That is amazing.

    I have lost almost 60lbs and have gone from size 14 jeans to wearing size 2s. I have a friend (overweight), who's only comment about my weight loss has been that I'm now too skinny. That's on her and does'nt affect me at all because I lost the weight to be healthy for myself and my family. I saw several relatives at Christmas that I see once a year. NONE of them said anything about my weight loss and that was fine by me. I know I look good, I know I'm healthy and I know my husband can't keep his hands off of me. Really, that's what matters to me. Everyone else out there, whatever.

    :drinker:
  • albayin
    albayin Posts: 2,524 Member
    You know the more I think about it, these people never have said a nice thing about anyone except maybe their husband or parents.

    If that is true...why would you expect them to change just for you?

    I guess it just comes down to me not understanding how anyone could live their life so miserably and being such a you know what.

    Sounds like your comments are targeting very specifically at someone you know, whom we don't...
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    You have to be careful with this.

    My mother suffers with bulimia. She is simply encouraged by people that tell her she looks good. Shes spent her life in and out of hospital and although she is pretty much recovered she now goes to the gym every day for 3 hours straight instead. She also drinks heavily to stop herself from eating to much.

    this started when she was younger when people would tell her she looked great for losing weight. so yeah if someone is obese and gets down to a decent weight or if they look healthy still go for it tell them they look good but keep an eye on your friends to make sure they arnt losing too much.

    That's horrible. I'm sorry to hear that. That is a different situation.

    It is not a stranger's (or evil coworkers he's known his whole life who are his friends, but not his friends and are clearly jealous of his success') responsibility to babysit someone else's ego.
  • Annie_01
    Annie_01 Posts: 3,096 Member
    You know the more I think about it, these people never have said a nice thing about anyone except maybe their husband or parents.

    If that is true...why would you expect them to change just for you?

    I guess it just comes down to me not understanding how anyone could live their life so miserably and being such a you know what.

    At what age did you start gaining weight and when did it start to interfere with your social interaction?

    I might be wrong...I often am...but it sounds like that when you started gaining weight you also have gained something else...anger. Anger at being rejected...cruel remarks made to you...loss of your self-esteem.

    I imagine that after losing the weight you thought that would all go away...that people would accept you...instead of cruel things being said that it would lead to all the "nice" things said that you desperately needed to hear.

    I understand that.

    Life is not always the way that we envision it. Life isn't always "nice". That is just the way it is.

    So you take what life has to offer...you enjoy it...you laugh...you love...and you move forward.

    After having lost the weight...now you need to start working on losing the anger.

    I had 100lbs to lose. I am almost half way there. Along with the last 50lbs I too have more than just weight to lose...I have all those reasons to lose that got me here. If not...I will be stuck WHERE IT ALL BEGAN.

    I wish you luck...I wish you to enjoy the success that you have had...I hope that holding on to that anger doesn't drag you back to where it all began.
  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
    At Michele.........

    You know what is ironic about this whole situation?

    The people that do not give comments are the ones that used your weight against you when they could. The ones that do give compliments are the ones that never did.

    well, thats probably why..sounds like you answered your own question..who cares if 1 out of 10 dont comment..its 1 person...but lets continue on that and forget the 9 that DID comment:noway:
  • turtleball
    turtleball Posts: 217 Member
    Cause its annoying to think about why people would be jealous enough to not comment on someones weight? How old are we here? 10? I'm not better than anyone but this is how I feel.......... Say a person walks in a room and 9 people say "Wow you look great! You lost a lot of weight."

    Then you have that one person who won't even say hi to you. As an adult that behavior comes off as "How dare everyone give him attention and not me!"

    Very childish and immature.


    I would not congratulate you either. Its not because I hate you, or that i'm jealous it is because I am a loner and is socially awkward
    .
  • RobinB0812
    RobinB0812 Posts: 236 Member
    You know the more I think about it, these people never have said a nice thing about anyone except maybe their husband or parents.

    If that is true...why would you expect them to change just for you?

    I guess it just comes down to me not understanding how anyone could live their life so miserably and being such a you know what.

    WHO FREAKIN CARES???? Good grief man. Get a grip. Just about every single person in this thread has told you the same thing and you refuse to listen. It's their life to live as they choose. There is not one darn thing you can say to them to make them change so quit worrying about everyone else and whether or not they blow sunshine and rainbows and unicorn snot up your poop chute. Either (A) they didn't notice (B) they didn't care or (C) they don't like you. I know which one of those options I'm voting for.

    Or (D) the first NINE people complimented you, at this point it's like beating a dead horse! If I was the 10th, the best you'd get out of me at that point is, "Yeah, ditto." Or, "Yeah, what she said." IF anything at all!

    Seriously, you walk into a room of ten people and NINE compliment you, didn't it get just embarassing after like the THIRD compliment???

    Maybe they didn't comment because there is nothing worse (IMO) than indulging someone who if PHISHING for a compliment! Can we say EGO???? Get over yourself!!
  • EricRazorbacks
    EricRazorbacks Posts: 42 Member
    In a work environment, which it sounds like this was, I'm not about to volunteer comments about anyone's weight or looks. If someone specifically brought up their weight loss to me and I could tell it was a positive, I'd probably say something like, "That's great!" But, that specific situation has never happened to me.

    My lack of commenting isn't because I am trying to be mean, but because I see just too many pitfalls.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    In a work environment, which it sounds like this was, I'm not about to volunteer comments about anyone's weight or looks. If someone specifically brought up their weight loss to me and I could tell it was a positive, I'd probably say something like, "That's great!" But, that specific situation has never happened to me.

    My lack of commenting isn't because I am trying to be mean, but because I see just too many pitfalls.

    In our required "gender bias" training we were told that it is never appropriate to comment on how a person of the opposite sex looks in the workplace. Not about weight loss, new hair cut, nice sweater, nothing. Apparently it's okay to hit on people of your same sex though.
  • bridgieNZ
    bridgieNZ Posts: 113 Member
    I haven't read all the posts so this may have been covered but

    Personally I hate when people comment on my weight loss, it's awkward, I know I was and still am fat. I know they are trying to be encouraging but argh all I hear is 'you were so fat!' Lol ( that's so not what they were saying but you know) I usually just mumble something about it being a process...

    It can be nice to hear your looking good today, I love that dress etc I get that from my coworkers and that's nice but in truth it's only my close friends and on here I feel comfortable about it all.

    I think it is unlikely so many people are jealous of another persons success sure a few may wish they we're achieving it but my experience people are truly happy for you.

    Perhaps they are not sure what to say, everyone's so different it's hard to know what will offend someone else and some people are easily offended.

    Don't assume when someone doesn't say anything they are thinking the worst.

    I tend to be quiet and it takes me a while to feel comfortable with someone the number of people who have said to me when I first met you I thought you were cold or a b****

    Anyway If the people who are apart if your daily life, the ones you love and care about support you no body else matters
  • albayin
    albayin Posts: 2,524 Member
    In a work environment, which it sounds like this was, I'm not about to volunteer comments about anyone's weight or looks. If someone specifically brought up their weight loss to me and I could tell it was a positive, I'd probably say something like, "That's great!" But, that specific situation has never happened to me.

    My lack of commenting isn't because I am trying to be mean, but because I see just too many pitfalls.

    In our required "gender bias" training we were told that it is never appropriate to comment on how a person of the opposite sex looks in the workplace. Not about weight loss, new hair cut, nice sweater, nothing. Apparently it's okay to hit on people of your same sex though.

    I always pay compliment to my female co-workers if I like what they wear or how they have their hair done...guess this is OK? not hitting on right? I am a girl. :)
  • albayin
    albayin Posts: 2,524 Member
    I haven't read all the posts so this may have been covered but

    Personally I hate when people comment on my weight loss, it's awkward, I know I was and still am fat. I know they are trying to be encouraging but argh all I hear is 'you were so fat!' Lol ( that's so not what they were saying but you know) I usually just mumble something about it being a process...

    I never know how I truly look but in my head and in the mirror I always see myself as a chubby pear shaped person. So when my friends say something like "ah, you upper body looks good", or "you are fine"...all I hear is "you bottom looks huge" and "you are not thin at all". But that's just me, having issues with self esteem and unhealthy body image. :)

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