Eating Disorder or just crazy...?

i think that if you can simply eat more, over time, that may be what steers you to the healthy part of the crossroads. It's a plan anyway and a plan is a good thing. And you have a back up plan, even better.

Please, don't put marmite on the torte.

That's my thinking. I do well with goals and plans etc. So this is my plan and my goal is to not weigh at all for three weeks, and then when I weigh in 3 weeks time, I aim for my weight to be the same (with a little lee-way) If I have been doing well and feel good but there is a loss, then I will up my eating. If there is a gain, I will vow to carry on as before and not let it send me back into losing mode.

I cannot promise to keep to these goals, but I fully intend to try. if I fail, I will go to the doctor.

And no, I will not put marmite on the torte!

Just by looking at your plan to "maintain" over the next three weeks tells me you have no intention of trying to eat any more than you already are. Especially since you are expecting there may be a loss. You've already admitted you are underweight, you know you need to gain weight, but you are not willing to start right now by adding calories? Girl, it's time to get yourself to a medical professional. You've been resistant to most of the advice in this thread, ignored some of it, and only responded to the ones that either made you angry or said what you wanted to hear.

Just out of interest, I want to know where you see the intention to lose more weight is in my post?
I am fully intending to add calories, and I know for a fact (without using the calculaor, but by rough adding in my head) that I've eaten well over 1500 calories today. And fine, I know that is still a deficit, but it's much more than I was over the past week or so and I intend to keep raising it - I know myself and if I went massively up and tried to gain immediately I would overload myself and would almost certainly end up on a massive cut again.

This may sound weak minded, but to be honest, I think I'm much more likely to do better if I take it slower and one step at a time. I have no intention of losing more, but I need to go slow - I only factored in room for some loss because I know I am taking it slow - like I said, if there is a loss I will up my eating even more to compensate, but gaining right now isn't going to help. Once I have cleared my head a bit then I can focus on gaining - it's not going to be instant for me, I just wouldn't cope.

As far as responses in the thread - if you read my updated post then you would see that overnight I have made a few major decisions - yesterday I was in a bad place and although I was resistant, I have accepted the information, I cannot respond to every post, but that doesn't mean I'm not reading and taking note.

But I still appreaciate you having taken the time to read and obviously have good intentions, or you wouldn't have gone through it all and bothered to leave a response, so I appreciate that.