bridal humiliation

yogacat13
yogacat13 Posts: 124 Member
in Motivation and Support
I got engaged a few weeks ago, and am over the moon happy! I was looking at wedding dresses online with my future MIL, sitting on the sofa a few feet away from my fiance. I had heard about this fantastic website where you can hire designer wedding gowns for a fraction of what it would cost to buy one, so we had a look. They were all so very beautiful, and then we saw this really exceptional French couture gown, and I said it was just stunning. I was about to be stunned again. My future MIL said, "Oh, but it's a size 12." To which I pointed out that I'm a size 12 (UK). To my horror, she looks at me and says, "Really?" and pokes me in the midsection, and then repeats it . . . "Really?" (poke) "Really?" (poke). She wasn't done either. When I pointed out that the trousers I was wearing were in fact a size 10, she asked "What, are they elasticated?"

Now, I'm not thin, I'm 5'1" and a size 12 (UK), but honestly, I am aghast at her rudeness. I closed the laptop we were using and said, we're done looking at dresses. And I am done looking at dresses, with HER. At least my own mother will just point out the need for Spanx with a certain dress (yes, she did that).
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Replies

  • Dragonslayer183
    Dragonslayer183 Posts: 70 Member
    Awww, I'm so sorry this happened! If your still losing weight, you'll definitely fit into that dress! Don't let her discourage you, she was probaly in a bad mood, or just joking around and not realizing she was hurting you. Don't worry, and have a great wedding!
  • FeelingLessChubby
    FeelingLessChubby Posts: 152 Member
    Honey, I used to work in the wedding industry. Let me tell you right now - there are five things that nearly every single bride will find hard to deal with, and not of her own fault either! And, guess what, future MIL is one of them...

    For some reason people lose all reason and manners around a bride-to-be - so just remember that you'll deal with a lot of crazy from now on...

    Oh, and those five things are: future in-laws/your own mother/family in general, the guest list, bridesmaids, RSVPs, and budget.

    *big hugs* you can do it :)
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    I can only say this: In one ear, out the other. That woman clearly has her own issues, as nobody at peace with themselves and their surroundings feel the need to put others down like she did. Learn from the experience and pick someone else for more gown shopping - and expect her to blurt more inappropriate things, because if she doesn't it will be a positive suprise, whereas if she does it is "according to plan". Take charge of how you view the situation and don't become a victim in your thoughts.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    So rude! My ex-nearly-MIL was a rude horror like that, and that was very difficult with me usually being one to speak my mind, lol. My ex never wanted me to say a word to her, so I honored his wishes -- for eleven years!

    I hope it's unusual behavior for your MIL-to-be. I should have known what I was in for when I first met mine (literally the very first meeting). If it's not unusual behavior, just do whatever you usually do to cope with her. Maybe she's trying to get a rise out of you, in which case ignoring her is best.

    I'd definitely not invite her to any more dress sessions (I did do that sort of thing, at least). Good for you :)
  • yogacat13
    yogacat13 Posts: 124 Member
    Yep, she's uninvited to any and all future dress-related planning. Thanks, guys! I'll keep a wary eye out for the other four problems . . .
  • Greytfish
    Greytfish Posts: 810
    I'm sorry this happened to you. If she hasn't been liek this before, it can come as quite a shock. She may not have meant to hurt you, or she might not have been thinking at all. PErsonally, I would have a chat with her and explain that she hurt your feelings and if she would like to be involved in the wedding, that should never happen again.

    Since your fiance was there, maybe he can give you some insight. If he just sat there and said nothing, it may very well be she is this way with others.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    If you let people walk all over you, they will.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Don't let it get you down. I've been with my husband since the invention of the wheel, and my MIL still says horrible stuff to me. Just make sure you have a husband who will back you up and support you when she goes all crazy. That's the part that matters.
  • BernadetteChurch
    BernadetteChurch Posts: 2,210 Member
    She's a rude cow. Don't let her upset you.

    But I'm curious as to what your fiancee had to say about it?
  • CJisinShape
    CJisinShape Posts: 1,404 Member
    I can only say this: In one ear, out the other. That woman clearly has her own issues, as nobody at peace with themselves and their surroundings feel the need to put others down like she did. Learn from the experience and pick someone else for more gown shopping - and expect her to blurt more inappropriate things, because if she doesn't it will be a positive suprise, whereas if she does it is "according to plan". Take charge of how you view the situation and don't become a victim in your thoughts.
  • tumblyweed
    tumblyweed Posts: 416 Member
    Ouch...
  • gertudejekyl
    gertudejekyl Posts: 386 Member
    I wish I could see a picture of you. This is a disturbing turn of events....
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    If this is a one time thing, blow it off. She doesn't get opportunity to weigh in on your dress any more. If she or your fiancé ask about it, just say that you need people who can objectively assess styles that look good on you.

    If this is a pattern, then just tell her that you don't appreciate her belittling comments the next time she makes a comment...unless your boyfriend would prefer to handle the situation.
  • somethingnewjc
    somethingnewjc Posts: 27
    sometimes what starts out as playful teasing can go a bit too far... i do not of course know what your mil's intentions were in making those comments, but since your feelings were hurt i might try pointing out to her in some kind of non aggressive way that the comments did hurt your feelings... maybe you can clear the air by doing this and continue to include her in wedding stuff as i imagen she will definitely be hurt if you do decide to exclude her from things and i don't think that would be good since she is obviously going to be a part of your life from now on and i'm thinking your fiance will want you to have a decent relationship with her... anyway whatever you decide to do, don't let others judgments or treatment get you down as you are here and working on getting to were you want to be and that's what matters most--not someone else's comments, whatever the intention... good luck =)
  • Shedding4Wedding2014
    Shedding4Wedding2014 Posts: 92 Member
    Ugh...she sounds awful. I'm so glad my future MIL is nice...
    Ignore her, wear whatever you like and I'm sure you will look beautiful :flowerforyou:
  • xjoseyx
    xjoseyx Posts: 74
    wow what a f*cking *****! i'd have slammed her fingers in the laptop as i was closing it! unless shes a complete moron, i think she'll know that she hurt your feelings and will try to apologise.
  • angel7472
    angel7472 Posts: 317 Member
    I had a MIL that was that rude also. Key word HAD! My current MIL would NEVER say stuff like that to me.

    Not to be rude myself but some head up. I got married 3 years ago and when I went to go get fitted for a dress the women that helped me pointed out to not take it personally but dress sizes run SMALL! Im not talking little small Im talking SUPER SMALL! I walked in and they asked my pant size. At the time I was wearing a US 12. They automatically told me that dresses run small and proceeded to grab size 16! I was horrified when I looked at the tag. I thought I was ok but when I saw that size I again felt obese! Just advanced warning! Congratulations and good luck :smile:
  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
    You'll have to put up with this woman as long as you are married to her son. My MIL was hostile toward me from the day we met. We lived almost 400 miles away and seldom visited. DH was worth it, so I kept him. The stories I could tell. In the end she apologized to me from her deathbed. Your future MIL was unspeakably rude. I suggest you discuss the situation with your future husband and come up with an understanding of how to go forward. Good luck.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Some people have no manners! Sounds like your MIL is going to be one of those. I'd keep her at a distance otherwise she'll continually upset you at this happy time. She'll get the message that you dont want her involved, unless she can behave herself! :flowerforyou:
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    A US 0 is like a UK 2, so sizes should be more consistent for her.
  • scottkjar
    scottkjar Posts: 346 Member
    Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?

    Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.
  • charissh
    charissh Posts: 91 Member
    Sounds like her own insecurities coming out there, I would take her comments with a large pinch of salt!
    You're marrying her son which might be making her nervous about losing her place in his life, and she's probably realising that she's not as young or slim as she once was and is taking it out on you.
    Not an excuse to be rude obviously! But just all the more reason NOT to let her comments bother you.
    Put it straight to the back of your mind and have run dress shopping!
  • charissh
    charissh Posts: 91 Member
    A US 0 is a UK 4 for comparison
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?

    Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.

    No. This is not friendly teasing. It's verbal abuse and intimidation. If my mother said something like that to my fiancee, shed be told that was unacceptable and would be shown the door immediately.

    I do not put up with that, and people who do are just setting themselves up for a lifetime of abuse.
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member
    Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?

    Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.

    I wouldn't be thankful if it were an abusive family, which is apparently what MIL is. To keep banging on and on and on about something that many women are very sensitive about, coupling it with actual physical contact? That is way over the line.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?

    Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.

    No. This is not friendly teasing. It's verbal abuse and intimidation. If my mother said something like that to my fiancee, shed be told that was unacceptable and would be shown the door immediately.

    I do not put up with that, and people who do are just setting themselves up for a lifetime of abuse.
    What an inconsiderate thing to say, poster 1. And what a great comment, poster 2.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
    Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?

    Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.

    No member of MY family would treat me like that, nor would I treat any of them like that. My mother in law would have NEVER said something like that to me either.
  • Shedding4Wedding2014
    Shedding4Wedding2014 Posts: 92 Member
    Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?

    Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.

    :laugh: really?













    :noway:
  • 1234terri
    1234terri Posts: 217 Member
    Go dress shopping next time with your friends, not a MIL. Her actions were hurtful but you're going to know her for a long time, so just get past it and shop with people you love and who respect you!
  • mfp2014mfp
    mfp2014mfp Posts: 689 Member
    I can only say this: In one ear, out the other. That woman clearly has her own issues, as nobody at peace with themselves and their surroundings feel the need to put others down like she did. Learn from the experience and pick someone else for more gown shopping - and expect her to blurt more inappropriate things, because if she doesn't it will be a positive suprise, whereas if she does it is "according to plan". Take charge of how you view the situation and don't become a victim in your thoughts.

    Wonderful advice.

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