bridal humiliation

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  • Linnaea27
    Linnaea27 Posts: 639 Member
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    First, congatulationa on your engagement! I got engaged within the last few months also, and am finding that some things about it are wonderful, and others (like family issues and budgets) are not.

    If you are a 12 in UK sizes, well then, you're an 8 in US sizes. Therefore you are pretty much the same size as me-- I'm also 5'1" and presently somewhere around that size. And I think your FMIL simply has no filter and is quite rude! Egad! That size is not fat, gosh!!! My own mother will let me know when I am "pudgy," as she puts it (as I am somewhat now; I have a small frame and wasn't able to exercise much last semester so I'm working on building muscle and losing a bit of fluff) and that is annoying but not nearly as annoying as a FMIL doing the same thing!

    I don't blame you for not wanting to share dress-looking with her anymore.

    What does your fiance have to say about that?

    Are you happy with yourself the way you are? Are you working on being fitter/slimmer? Whichever it is, don't take her comments to heart, just continue on whatever path you've chosen for your body and your wedding look. :)
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    Ahem, it's fiancé in her case, not fiancée.

    Samsle sex marriage is legal in many states now!
  • Sreneesa
    Sreneesa Posts: 1,170 Member
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    Ahem, it's fiancé in her case, not fiancée.

    It automatically did that on its own and I hardly read what I write until I post. lol

    Maybe I should more but its really never that serious. lol
  • MyFoodGod
    MyFoodGod Posts: 184 Member
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    You'll have to put up with this woman as long as you are married to her son. My MIL was hostile toward me from the day we met. We lived almost 400 miles away and seldom visited. DH was worth it, so I kept him. The stories I could tell. In the end she apologized to me from her deathbed. Your future MIL was unspeakably rude. I suggest you discuss the situation with your future husband and come up with an understanding of how to go forward. Good luck.
    .

    Mention to your fiancé and see what he says. Listen carefully cause he may defend her to the very end. You might have to get used to it.
  • Project_Jodie
    Project_Jodie Posts: 171
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    That's awful! Some people just have no idea!

    Try not to let it get to you! And I'm guessing because your on MFP you plan to get fit and healthy for your big day and then she'll just have to eat her own words!

    That wedding dress and marrying your favourite person is such good motivation to be the best version of yourself! I have 7 weeks to go till our big day and trust me its HUGE Motivation!

    Good luck with your wedding and your health goals xx
  • MyFoodGod
    MyFoodGod Posts: 184 Member
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    First, congatulationa on your engagement! I got engaged within the last few months also, and am finding that some things about it are wonderful, and others (like family issues and budgets) are not.

    If you are a 12 in UK sizes, well then, you're an 8 in US sizes. Therefore you are pretty much the same size as me-- I'm also 5'1" and presently somewhere around that size. And I think your FMIL simply has no filter and is quite rude! Egad! That size is not fat, gosh!!! My own mother will let me know when I am "pudgy," as she puts it (as I am somewhat now; I have a small frame and wasn't able to exercise much last semester so I'm working on building muscle and losing a bit of fluff) and that is annoying but not nearly as annoying as a FMIL doing the same thing!

    I don't blame you for not wanting to share dress-looking with her anymore.

    What does your fiance have to say about that?

    Are you happy with yourself the way you are? Are you working on being fitter/slimmer? Whichever it is, don't take her comments to heart, just continue on whatever path you've chosen for your body and your wedding look. :)

    It doesn't matter if the bride weighs 500 pounds and is unhappy about it. The lady was rude and a bit cruel.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
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    Ahem, it's fiancé in her case, not fiancée.

    Samsle sex marriage is legal in many states now!
    Yes sure, but she is marrying a he :)
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    Yes, let's all poke our kids and tell them how fat they are. That always goes well ;)

    It goes even better if the recipient of the poke is ticklish and throws elbows......mwahaha!
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    A US 0 is a UK 4 for comparison

    Thank you!
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    At the risk of inflaming passions, is it possible that since she's from the pre-vanity-sizing generation, her questioning of the sizing was honestly intended?
  • yogacat13
    yogacat13 Posts: 124 Member
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    Thanks, everyone (well, except the guy who said to pull up my big girl pants as I'll be wearing sexy lacy undies with my dress instead). My fiance knows exactly how his mother is and for everything like this she has said to me she has been 10x worse to him over the years. She, as several of you have pointed out, has no filter and often says off-colour things, though this has been the most out there. She has (sort of) apologised, as far as she is capable of doing. However, I'll be taking my short, 5'1", 39-29-39 self out dress shopping with my girlfriends, one of whom gave me a fantastic bridesmaid pep talk last night! I can't wait! :)
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    Oh joy. Now you're one of the family! Do you want us to come up with a list of things she's going to tell you when you are pregnant, so you can be prepared?
  • yogacat13
    yogacat13 Posts: 124 Member
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    I'm 44, so if I had the good fortune to become pregnant, nothing she could say would bother me!
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
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    Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?

    Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.

    If this is the way your family treat each other I am glad I am not in it. No member of my family would blatantly be so rude and hurtful and that includes the MIL.
  • fairygirlpie9
    fairygirlpie9 Posts: 288 Member
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    I can only say this: In one ear, out the other. That woman clearly has her own issues, as nobody at peace with themselves and their surroundings feel the need to put others down like she did. Learn from the experience and pick someone else for more gown shopping - and expect her to blurt more inappropriate things, because if she doesn't it will be a positive suprise, whereas if she does it is "according to plan". Take charge of how you view the situation and don't become a victim in your thoughts.

    x3

    This is something I say in my head all the time. Sometimes even as a reminder to myself about mean things I may want to say. Fact is we all do it but know that its a reflection of our own personal insecurities. My own mother said something similar to me a few weeks ago and she's the jealous one now I'm losing pounds and she's gaining. All I can say is just rise to the challenge then she'll have nothing left to say!
  • akoorn1982
    akoorn1982 Posts: 152 Member
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    Is your MIL to be related to my ex and his family? They did that all the time to me as well. I just remembered Eleanor Roosevelt and kicked him to the curb: nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
    Do not give her consent!
  • nutellabrah
    nutellabrah Posts: 543
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    Geez, what a whine fest. Your future MIL obviously considers you a member of the family, and is teasing you the same way she would tease her own kids. And you are *****ing about that?

    Pull up your big girl pants and be thankful that your MIL apparently is willing to treat you like a member of the family.

    I agree with this^

    The OP is completely ignoring the emotions of the MIL (who I assume is older and of a previous generation)

    I think the only reason you should be upset is if you look amazingly fit and she is being crazy.

    It seems like all she did was joke about you being a medium instead of a small medium and that age old joke where all women want to be thinner.

    If you are really real with her you can be real about that. Considering you are 44 and have a cat avi I doubt you are beyond criticism.

    Now here is why its justified to a degree for her to get personal with you: you are marrying her son, her creation. The creature she loves more than anything on the planet. And you are also sharing some of her space now. So even moreso than you want to allow, she feels a certain allotted judgement upon you and the idea of whether or not you are symbolically "fit" for her son so any feelings she has to that degree are permissible in theory of boundary.

    Was I there? No. Was it questionable? Yes, it should have been a positive encouraging vibe. But don't think its all just about you OP, her emotions are running just as high about the dynamic and quite frankly, maybe she just doesn't think you're good enough for her son in the back of her mind and thats where the criticism came from.

    Was she off base to say you are not in perfect shape? Maybe a lil poke/elbow nudge like cmooon are you reallllly a size 12?? wink wink? you can tell me we are women.

    No OP you're right. Cancel the marriage. You are a flawless diamond beyond criticism.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    Sounds like your future MIL is testing boundaries. Nip that in the bud NOW if it bothers you. If you don't say anything it's only going to get worse.

    Also even if this is how she teases her family had nothing to do with where or not you are comfortable with it. Tell her you aren't and if she continues then just let that be your excuse to tease her right back
  • nutellabrah
    nutellabrah Posts: 543
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    yeah but make it known you don't like it in a neutral non-emotional conversational way.

    Have you seen Kill Bill? Thats bridal humiliation.

    This isn't bridal humiliation its a mother in law and her daughter in law interacting with each other and establishing the relationship.
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
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    I would not invite her to the wedding.

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