OT - frustrated and depressed

Wow Banks, so sorry to hear you have this huge burden hanging over you........from your wife's perspective I can so understand wanting to walk into a turn key operation....it's less stress, less work, less heartache. But from your perspective I can see it too......you want more house, more land and your willing to get a fixer upper so to speak to be able to get more bang for your buck later down the road.

Hmmmm, do you have children? Would you be able to persuade her that kids need more land? Does even the notion that fixing something up EXACTLY like she wants it appeal to her? What about the financial aspect......less $ for house means more $ in your pocket.

Just some thoughts, sending peaceful thoughts your way:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

(((((banksie)))))

I also know you're just venting out your frustration hon, and I don't have the answers even if you did want them....BUT you know resentment is not good....so ya, you need to talk and try to come to a happy medium honey....

I'd just keep looking til that magic comes along....as much of a pain in the *kitten* it is....was that first house something you both loved? Nothing along that lines now? Maybe something will come available in the near future hon.....anyway sorry not much help...but thinking of you superbanks!

big hugs buddy!
Ali:drinker:

Aww Banks. That's a toughie! While I am perfectly clear on your ideas regarding your house I am trying to analyze your wifes thought process as to why she is adamant about a finished product. Bear with me, but this may help in any future discussions with her. Do you suppose she fears that if you two were to purchase a slight fixer upper that maybe the work to it might not get done? Does she maybe fear the hidden cost behind actually repairing a house? Maybe she just fears the inconvenience of it all.
Maybe, while discussing both ideas, you two can both list the pros and cons of buying a finished product vs. a fixer upper. (I love pro/con lists btw...when it is on paper it seems to make more sense.) How about wiping the slate clean and both of you write down your own ideas of the perfect home. Of course you know that in marriage there needs to be some kind of middle ground, in which, you both can stand and this seems to be a MAJOR purchase you both need to agree on. Write down on your list the qualities that are VERY important to you, SOMEWHAT important to you and NOT AT ALL important to you and vice versa. Then you two have something to compare and talk about.

Just some ideas.

I am a Realtor, and I can tell you that you have not even touched on the most stressing part of buying a home. This is what I usually do with my couples, sit down and separately write down exactly what you are looking for in a house. Then make another list, what you MUST have and what you WANT. Then put your lists together and try to come up with a compromise. Try this first and see if it helps a bit. I am the type that just wants a finished house as well. When you come up with a compromise, have your Realtor preview the homes that he she has selected for you to see before you go. This way you are not running everywhere if it is way off from what you expected. A good Realtor will be willing to do this for. Let me know how it goes!!!

OMGosh!!! I posted at the same time as you and we BOTH have the same idea...LOL

See Banks......we both can't be wrong....:laugh:

I don't know where you live, but the housing market throughout the U.S. is hurting. Home values dropped 15+ % in May. It is a buyers market. You should be able to find something that both of you feel good about in this market and get it at a great price.

Another solution might be to find a low priced house that needs work and contract to have the work done to meet your wife's needs and don't move in until its completed.

And always remember, a house does not make a home. Good luck to you.

Good Girl!!! :laugh:

It seems my wife and I have vastly different ideas of what we want for houses.

I want a house with potential, I'm not too concerned about the current state of the house as long as we can live in it while I work on it. She wants a finished product. This is very frustrating because the finished products out there have small lots, and are selling at close to, or above their assessed value. I don't want a small, postage sized lots house that has little potential for increasing value! I'm at the point now where I just don' t care anymore because I'm so tired of looking, but I know that once it's over, and we end up with something she likes but I don't, it will be a BIG problem down the road. I mean a split us up sized problem. Because I'll resent her for it, and if I tell her and we sell at that point she'll resent me for it.

I'm not looking for a solution, I know I just need to talk to her about it. The problem is, I know my wife, and it's not going to change her mind. What do you do when the biggest monetary decision you will ever make is one you can't agree on, even knowing both sides and understanding them? (that question is rhetorical)

K, I know you aren't looking for someone to give you the answer necessarily. But quite bluntly? You both HAVE to be on the same page. Explain to her that a finished product is, for so many reasons, out of the question and with a little effort and patience you can have something so much better. The house my husband and I bought is a 76 year old demo job. Even the inspector said he saw no potential. Now, only months later we've got it looking like a brand new home and so far only 102k invested with 3 acres of our own land! The home will also be our own style once we're done which we would not have gotten with some cookie cutter home on 1/4 acre. Fortunately for us we knew what we wanted and both wanted the same thing. Lowes offers a 10% moving discount which we each used one and saved 1000$ and home depot does the same... It's be just as efficient if not more so money wise to get a fixer upper or a foreclosure than anything else new on the market which, like you said, are always way over priced. Consider though the option that if ultimately what you want is just to have a hand in things that she can still get her new home but maybe a smaller one and you could work on adding a new room or other addition to the home. And like some others said, TAKE YOUR TIME. The worst mistake we made when house hunting was bidding and contracting on every home we thought we liked while searching. Lucky for us, every one kept backing out and we got a much better deal...

My house is for sale, and it's a "done product" with "potential to increase its value!" HA! Well, I tried....:laugh: Don't worry. Things WILL work out. Keep looking, and be sure to talk about things--don't be afraid to tell her about your needs, and then see if the two of you can compromise! Don't split up over a HOUSE! It's all about the , man, !!!!!

maybe aim for something like bigger lot, nice kitchen, but bedrooms or basement need work? you may be able to find something that's 1/2 remodeled already - like a dropped flip job or something.

no matter what kind of building the house is, it won't be a HOME without the love filling it...


good luck! :flowerforyou: