"Debbie Downer" Moment

amyjo519
amyjo519 Posts: 72 Member
edited September 22 in Motivation and Support
People who are always "Debbie Downers" drive me crazy!!! However that's how I'm feeling today, which is not typical for me. Today is exactly 11 months since my Dad killed himself. It's been a long and trying day for me. I was not anticipating these feelings today. It's been overwhelming! I actually cried while I was trying to clean a patients teeth today...just because he smelled like my Dad, like cigeratte smoke. Normally, I would stuff the feelings away with whatever fast food I could talk my husband into going and getting but I want to change that habit. I'm at a loss though....I don't know what to do. I just want the sadness to go away! (Sorry if this makes anyone else sad, that was not my intention.)

Replies

  • elainegsd
    elainegsd Posts: 459 Member
    Ah Amy! I'm so sorry you lost your Dad. These anniversaries hit us hard, and it isn't always the "1 year" or "2 year" ones, the "11 month ones" tend to blindside us.

    What was the thing you liked best about your Dad?
    What is your first memory of your Dad?
    How would you describe your Dad to your baby?

    I'll bet that he would be incredibly proud of you for making the changes in your life that you have made, and for sticking to the changes during this tough time.
  • kanonxbou47
    kanonxbou47 Posts: 265 Member
    Awww, I'm sorry!

    This must be terrible, and no one would blame you for being down.

    a long run always helps when I'm feeling bad.
    hope you feel better!
  • canieatnomore
    canieatnomore Posts: 26
    I think it's OK to have a "down" day...only then we apreciate the "up" days.
    Anyway you had a great loss and I think you should allow your self to have feelings for it...
    And I 'm really proud of you that you try not to "eat" the sadness away!
  • bambee2013
    bambee2013 Posts: 49 Member
    My step-mom killed herself about 10 yrs ago. You will never get over it, but time does heal the pain. I had to work on the "I should
    have" or "I could have" and pray and meditate a lot. Hobbies like mosaics, instead of eating helped me. I kept myself busy. Support groups help too.
  • chrispoll
    chrispoll Posts: 3 Member
    Sorry to hear about your Dad. It hit me hard about a year after my Dad past away and I did exactly what you want to do. I was so sick and felt horrible afterward. This was several years ago, before I had a goal to loose weight. I didn't have the best relationship with my father but I do try to remember good things about him. When I get sad, I try to remember something good. Think about something he taught you that you use in your everyday life. Keep up the good work though. Food, I found, is not the answer and only makes things worse. Surrounding your self with love and inspiration is. Good luck.
  • AprilVal
    AprilVal Posts: 940 Member
    People who are always "Debbie Downers" drive me crazy!!! However that's how I'm feeling today, which is not typical for me. Today is exactly 11 months since my Dad killed himself. It's been a long and trying day for me. I was not anticipating these feelings today. It's been overwhelming! I actually cried while I was trying to clean a patients teeth today...just because he smelled like my Dad, like cigeratte smoke. Normally, I would stuff the feelings away with whatever fast food I could talk my husband into going and getting but I want to change that habit. I'm at a loss though....I don't know what to do. I just want the sadness to go away! (Sorry if this makes anyone else sad, that was not my intention.)

    I totally feel for you hun. I see my dad in a lot of customers at work all the time. Its hard. I smile at them, and feel blessed to see "him" in them, and go on with my day. I used to cry on the inside and deal with it after work. Not even a year after my dad died there was a guy in walmart that was a spitting image of him. It still breaks my heart and its been over 5 years. You have to allow yourself to grieve. Im sorry your dad took his life hun. Im sure there were reasonings behind it that you may not understand. Smile and make what you learn from his death a lesson. Dont turn to food, and junk for comfort. Reach out to your MFP Tools & Family.. :) Thats what were here for. Chin up hun.. Times will get easier. Im here whenever you need to talk. Write away.. :)<3
  • MISTTIMG
    MISTTIMG Posts: 136
    Hey, I understand what you're saying loud and clear, I lost my Mom May' 09 and not a day goes by that I don't have sad moments and struggle to regain my life to some form of happiness as it was before, I know a lot of people loose their parents but in my case it was more "the way my Mom died" So I think in a situation like you're's and mine, it makes for double grief, All I can say is you're not by yourself. Have your moment's of sadness and then move on.. tomorrow is a New Day.
  • kimberly428
    kimberly428 Posts: 237
    Oh no, HUGS
    My mother passed when I was 13 (wow, 20 years ago! ) and I still go through this with a smell and around the time of year it happened. But I am very proud of you for not indulging with your normal coping mechanisms.
  • Debtappe
    Debtappe Posts: 164 Member
    It is so hard to let go of the people who loved us from the day we were born. I'm so sorry about your dad. I think it's good that you are allowing yourself to experience the feelings rather than stuff them away. I cried off an on for a full year after my dad died and I didn't have the added stress of dealing with the suicide of a loved one. You certainly aren't a Debbie Downer. Your post reminded me about all the good things about my dad and it made me smile and cry a couple of happy tears. You will get there too.
  • Samoa_Moni
    Samoa_Moni Posts: 105 Member
    I hope you feel better=) My dad is still here but he lives 2 states away and I only get to see him like twice a year. But at the gym I go to there is a guy that looks exactly like my dad, he even tucks a towel in his back pocket like my dad does. I find myself following him around with my eyes as i'm on the elliptical, and that's how i get my dad fix=) I hope you get to the point where it doesn't hurt to be reminded of your dad and instead it makes your day=) good luck and keep being strong=)
  • tarabull31
    tarabull31 Posts: 1
    Hi Amy, my name is Tara. I have lost both parents as well. My dad shot himself when I was 17. It is hard for people to understand this pain unless they have been through it. I have and I understand. Go for a long walk and pick your favorite memories and go through them one by one trying to remember the details. It is therapeutic and good exercise too. Good Luck.
  • lilmom1
    lilmom1 Posts: 69
    So very sorry for our loss. You have a right to your feelings sad or not! Think about all the good God has blessed you with! Remember, taking care of you is taking care of your family! Here if you need me!
  • MISTTIMG
    MISTTIMG Posts: 136
    Hey, I understand what you're saying loud and clear, I lost my Mom May' 09 and not a day goes by that I don't have sad moments and struggle to regain my life to some form of happiness as it was before, I know a lot of people loose their parents but in my case it was more "the way my Mom died" So I think in a situation like you're's and mine, it makes for double grief, All I can say is you're not by yourself. Have your moment's of sadness and then move on.. tomorrow is a New Day.
    [/quote

    After posting this I realized it may have left the impression my Mom took her own life, Far from it, she was ill and my siblings Did Not want to be bothered in helping caring for her, so they put her is hospice and pulled all her life saving medical care, and she died. Mom was sick but was totally against this, I fought it until the point I was admitted into the hospital where I stayed in ICU for 6 days--stress almost killed me. Anyway, I wanted to clear that up for my Mom's sake if not for anything else. I don't know how you feel about this, but what happened in your case Was your Dad's choice, I'm not sure if that helps or not.
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
    i understand your pain. my dad died in may from prostate cancer. in three days, it is the 6 month mark and i have been a wreck for the last week. :( hugs hon!
    dawn
  • amyjo519
    amyjo519 Posts: 72 Member
    Thank you to everyone for your support!! I never thought I could actually feel emotions thru a computer but I did and it helped immensly!! After reading everyone's comments, I stopped and thought about what I was doing. I dumped out my second glass of diet coke and vodka and went to bed. I cried myself to sleep and felt 100 times better in the morning. I'm lucky to have a husband who is supportive enough to pick up the slack for the evening so I could have the time to just be sad and cry it out. And these are the skills I need to learn to be able to change my eating habits and be healthy! Thank you again for the encouragement and support everyone!!
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