If you have children...do you use the F or S words?

chelsea801
chelsea801 Posts: 14
in Motivation and Support
I was originally going to ask in reference if you have daughters, but I guess gender shouldn't matter. I have 3 young children and as they get older I'm obviously more concerned about their own perceived body image, confidence and self worth not related to appearance etc. To that end, we don't use the words fat or skinny in our house. Interestingly, I have noticed skinny being used more by guests at our house. My daughter (5) is starting to associate pretty = best but not necessarily "skinny" (yet). I blame Disney but oh how she loves princess's! I try to say "Isn't that princess thoughtful" or "how hard she works", LOL, but all she sees are the dresses :)

Just wondering, do you use these kind of buzz words in your house, or are they just words that we give meaning and weight to? How do you enforce and instill confidence, self-worth etc?


BTW, I didn't know where to post this, but I settled on this board because my kids are my motivation. Hopefully that's not too far of a stretch :)

Replies

  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    Was thinking other words. We don't consciously avoid fat or skinny.
  • kat2475
    kat2475 Posts: 159 Member
    I have 2 young girls (4 and 6) and I try to not emphasize body size. When we talk about our "dieting" we try to convey to them that we want to be healthy.
  • xcharbzx
    xcharbzx Posts: 5
    I don't have children but if/when I do this is exactly the type of thing I will try to enforce. I'm a psychology student and there's so many studies on the negative effect of parenting on body image, kids carry that through with them for so long. So yeah, well done you!
  • ponycyndi
    ponycyndi Posts: 858 Member
    I tried to never use those words when my boys were little. Boy was that wrong. Now that they are school age, the oldest is teased for being a "skeleton" and the younger is teased for being fat.

    Now I tell them that fat and skinny are just words. Like tall or short, dark or fair. It doesn't define who you are. And it isn't nice to point out when people are different- whether they are brown or in a wheelchair, it isn't nice!
  • amcozy
    amcozy Posts: 70 Member
    My mother weighed more than 400lbs until she began a miraculous transformation 2 years ago (she weighs 235lbs now - Go mom!). Growing up, I was SO conscious of people calling my mom fat - I don't allow that word in my house as a result. My older sister is morbidly obese, my mother WAS, my Dad is overweight - hell, I'm overweight too!

    I don't want my kids defining people by their weight so we don't call people fat and we don't glorify "skinny" people. BUT - I also understand they're kids and their friends use those words, so it's not like I punish them if it slips out. It's just policy in our house to avoid it. I don't know if it will leave an impression on them or not, but it's how we roll ;)
  • chelsea801
    chelsea801 Posts: 14
    I tried to never use those words when my boys were little. Boy was that wrong. Now that they are school age, the oldest is teased for being a "skeleton" and the younger is teased for being fat.

    Curious, I don't understand the correlation. Do you mean because you never said those words, in return, they weren't aware of nutrition and fitness and therefore not healthy? Did you ever talk about body image, well-being, living healthily etc or just avoid these subjects all together?

    @ amcozy, awesome for your mom!! Yeah, I tend to see other families avoiding using these words too when there is a tendency, somewhere, of someone being heavy.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Ok I wasn't thinking about those F and S words LOL.

    I don't use them when they are here really. I think they're too young to care anyway (they'll be 6 next month). I do use the other two F and S words occasionally though...
  • tropicaltiger
    tropicaltiger Posts: 254
    I have 2 small daughters and I do not use the word fat around them-I still can have a bad body image but I work on not putting it on them-I try to make them feel good about their selves-so for me I have 6-8 year ols girls-I try to encourage healthy eating -
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Ok I wasn't thinking about those F and S words LOL.

    This. *giggle*
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
    Ok I wasn't thinking about those F and S words LOL.

    This. *giggle*

    Me too (oops had caps lock on)

    And you know what, they will pick it up regardless on if you say it or not. My daughter says it because my sister says it around my niece all the time who then says it around my daughter. I try not to use the words but it won't matter as she gets older as it will be all around her. From tv, books, news, kids.
  • SpitfireStacey
    SpitfireStacey Posts: 158 Member
    I try to use Strong and Fit instead. And yeah, the (real) F and S words are used a LOT around here.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,990 Member
    Lol, I'm more "PC" and use overweight and underweight since I'm in the business.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • liesevanlingen
    liesevanlingen Posts: 508 Member
    I have one daughter and three sons, all of whom are especially tall for their age, and on the lean side. But ever since my daughter was a baby, my husband and I have called her "a beautiful big strong girl". Now, at age 10, she equates beauty with being strong and healthy, not emaciated and gaunt. We knew she was never going to be tiny (my husband is 6 ft 5in and 250 pounds, and the "runt" of his family) so we wanted to make sure she would be proud of her big strong body. And she is.
  • Briargrey
    Briargrey Posts: 498 Member
    So I have 4 and I use the real F and S words as appropriate to the situation (like a sailor, totally)! As far as the 'fat' and 'skinny' words, they're used, but I have always made a point to be clear that body size isn't reflective of personality, self-worth, etc. and I taught them to love themselves and the body they are given. I focus on them being healthy and suggest they not get hung up on weight but that they should take care of themselves and keep healthy. I use myself as an example, and I have always made sure I am honest about me -- I am fat. Period. And it is hard to lose weight. And it is hard to get healthy. And it does suck to be obese. I made sure they knew it wasn't a dirty word and that truth is better than lies. And that obesity didn't mean I wasn't sexy to someone, that my self-worth wasn't dependent on a scale or a societal image.

    So yes, they aren't forbidden words. What I tried to forbid was building angst or issues around something as natural as bodies.
  • CJ_Holmes
    CJ_Holmes Posts: 759 Member
    Full disclosure- I don't have kids, but I have nieces and work with young women.

    I often find that avoiding a painful subject can be damaging, and young women often become more empowered by discussing body image, expectations and media messages. Honest discussion can help take these subjects of of dark/shame spaces and allow girls to come up with ways to combat all of the negative crap coming their way. Adults can help young people navigate all these weighty words and messages.

    Young kids repeat what they hear, and often don't even know what they mean. For example, my 3 year old niece called her other aunt "fat" recently. When we asked her what she meant, she wasn't quite sure what the word meant. She didn't even really have a negative association with the word yet, she only knew it had something to do with clothes being too small and was describing how her aunt's jacket wouldn't button. If I had just said "don't say that word" it would re-inforce the shame and isolation that often goes hand-in-hand with body issues.

    It's so hard to see kids soaking up all of the negativity, and I hope that we can collectively teach them to question rather than internalize these messages, and work to be great examples of strong, confident people.
  • dnamouse
    dnamouse Posts: 612 Member
    I have 2 kids, and I've not really ever put much thought into the words 'fat' and 'skinny'. My boy is thin as a rake and my girl is more solid (like I was as a kid), but neither are overweight nor underweight, and they are more concerned with muscles and being strong than anything else.

    The boy likes to show off his very well defined muscles (he's tall and thin, and not much of him, so his muscles show up easy), and my girl just likes to remind him that she can beat him in an arm wrestle :laugh:

    Both kids are gearing up to be competitive swimmers, so the eldest (DD) has flippin' awesome muscles - you should see her when she does butterfly! She's short and compact, but as her trainer says - a little pocket rocket :bigsmile: Her favourite exercise is push-ups and she will do them with ease just for fun.

    But I know the 'fat' and 'skinny' issue will raise it's head shortly as we are into the tween-age years with DD and it's an awkward age physically as well as emotionally. We just try to make sure that the focus is on health and fitness (and DD eats aaallllll the carbz the night before training and then has bacon LOL).

    I had to readjust some thought processes put in place by their school where there was an unhealthy obsession re sugar and fat being 'bad' from some of the teachers (I was NOT happy), so we googled stuff and read some books about how our bodies need different types of food to do different things, and my kids are okay with it now. DD still has issues with the word 'fat' even in terms of nutritional food, but she's coming around.

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