I need help, but don't know where to start.
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Callamcampbell
Posts: 21 Member
Hello, my names Callam.
I 23yo, 5'10" and around 370lbs.
I have always struggled with my weight as when I was little as my thyroid and pituitary gland crashed. I put on 2 stone in six weeks. Being a premature baby weighting only 3 lbs 2oz I was always small but perfectly proportioned child until this point. The diagnosis came from or spending every weekend form the age of 6 till the age of 14 at great Ormand street children's hospital. They also told me I would be brain dead by the age of 33 and will need to be put in a home.
Years flew by, numerous test, scans and operations went by without any sign of a cure until one day my tests come back normal, I was a normal kid again. Except by the time I was 14 I was 17stone.
Over the years my weight has ballooned. I left school at 12 as I couldn't deal with the bullying I was receiving and my family was worried for my safety with myself. I started at the family company in construction and started working for my father as quick as I could. My weight has risen up and up over the years in a yoyo fashion.
At the age of 14 my best friend got cancer. My mother. We are very close as my father worked away a lot when I was young.
She was given 6 months to live, I took the job of bringing my little sister up, soy parents could focus on getting mother better if there was a chance. That was 9 years ago now. She is still here, but has been left with a condition called fibromyalgia which has her in an awful lot of pain, I gave up any chances to a career to look after her while my father works and still do to this day.
I really don't know where I'm going with this post as my emotions are so up in the air.
I met a lovely girl febuary 2014, nothing could be more perfect. She didn't care about my size, she loved me for who I am. I couldn't wish for a greater partner.
In June 2013 we decided that she would move in with my family so she could be there allot more.
I slowly put more and more weight on, esp when I have up smoking, 3 stone exactly in 6 months.
I was having panic attacks and mood swings. I was having breakdowns daily because of the new weight.
As I got bigger and bigger effections got less and less, and the girl I fell in love with drifted away. All she wanted to do is spend all her time with her friends away from me and I was never invited. I knew they all said that she could do better. At first I knew she would tell them how perfect we was, but towards the end she started to feel it.
I've gotten so big that I couldn't even make love to the woman I'm obsessed with, failure after failure ment she wanted less and less as a can see the disappointing look in her eyes. It would heart break me that I couldn't give her what she wanted. We argued a lot ore she she wanted more and more time apart. My self esteem got less and less, and I depended on her to make me feel nice. I always made an effort every way I could, I devoted my whole life to her. If I wasn't busy cleaning, cooking, washing floors ect I was giving it my all to make her life easier and to put a smile on that gorgeous face.
Months have gone by and I've been hurt over and over again, I could see it had got to the point where she didn't wanna be with me as what I had become and the lack of duties I wasn't upholding as a man. She didn't passionately kiss me with our me asking. And even then I got the reply. Only one, with a brisk break from her phone where she would be constantly talking with all the men from her new job, a slim. Good looking, and all could give her something I couldn't.
I hit rock bottom....
I still am rock bottom, I let my girlfriend move on. Even tho I still am absolutely I love with her as it's the first steps of me getting my life on track and as hard as it is. I can't get hurt anymore as I've already thought about throwing in the towel with life and she is not helping me because she will not help me with my low esteem. Confidence, if I start crying she tells me to stop crying me walks out the room.
I need to do this for myself, I need to get my life back on track. I just don't know where to start. Which direction do I go in.
Everything's so confusing. It's hard to depend on myself now when you put your life in someone ended hands.
The trouble I have is my confidence is so low I can't go out In public to do free cardio without panicking or feeling line I'm gunna faint when someone see's me
And because I look after my mother I get very little money after my bills a month. I have £4 spare if I'm honest.
I can't work for my father anymore as the constant weight on my back over the years have worn at my last 2 discs and I'm in constant pain. I have to go to the chiropractors 2 times a month which my mother pays for as I can't even imagine affording it. She insists I have to go.
No money means I can't get to my gym or even by my own equipment.
I eat healthy as I cook every meal in the house and drinks lots of water
But can't seem to loose and lbs. I've tried so hard since I broke up withy partner but I've put on 7lbs in these last 2 weeks.
Everything I try doesn't seem to work. I've come to a point where I can feel myself giving up, so I need help desperately
Thank you for reading as I get this off my chest.
Callam
I 23yo, 5'10" and around 370lbs.
I have always struggled with my weight as when I was little as my thyroid and pituitary gland crashed. I put on 2 stone in six weeks. Being a premature baby weighting only 3 lbs 2oz I was always small but perfectly proportioned child until this point. The diagnosis came from or spending every weekend form the age of 6 till the age of 14 at great Ormand street children's hospital. They also told me I would be brain dead by the age of 33 and will need to be put in a home.
Years flew by, numerous test, scans and operations went by without any sign of a cure until one day my tests come back normal, I was a normal kid again. Except by the time I was 14 I was 17stone.
Over the years my weight has ballooned. I left school at 12 as I couldn't deal with the bullying I was receiving and my family was worried for my safety with myself. I started at the family company in construction and started working for my father as quick as I could. My weight has risen up and up over the years in a yoyo fashion.
At the age of 14 my best friend got cancer. My mother. We are very close as my father worked away a lot when I was young.
She was given 6 months to live, I took the job of bringing my little sister up, soy parents could focus on getting mother better if there was a chance. That was 9 years ago now. She is still here, but has been left with a condition called fibromyalgia which has her in an awful lot of pain, I gave up any chances to a career to look after her while my father works and still do to this day.
I really don't know where I'm going with this post as my emotions are so up in the air.
I met a lovely girl febuary 2014, nothing could be more perfect. She didn't care about my size, she loved me for who I am. I couldn't wish for a greater partner.
In June 2013 we decided that she would move in with my family so she could be there allot more.
I slowly put more and more weight on, esp when I have up smoking, 3 stone exactly in 6 months.
I was having panic attacks and mood swings. I was having breakdowns daily because of the new weight.
As I got bigger and bigger effections got less and less, and the girl I fell in love with drifted away. All she wanted to do is spend all her time with her friends away from me and I was never invited. I knew they all said that she could do better. At first I knew she would tell them how perfect we was, but towards the end she started to feel it.
I've gotten so big that I couldn't even make love to the woman I'm obsessed with, failure after failure ment she wanted less and less as a can see the disappointing look in her eyes. It would heart break me that I couldn't give her what she wanted. We argued a lot ore she she wanted more and more time apart. My self esteem got less and less, and I depended on her to make me feel nice. I always made an effort every way I could, I devoted my whole life to her. If I wasn't busy cleaning, cooking, washing floors ect I was giving it my all to make her life easier and to put a smile on that gorgeous face.
Months have gone by and I've been hurt over and over again, I could see it had got to the point where she didn't wanna be with me as what I had become and the lack of duties I wasn't upholding as a man. She didn't passionately kiss me with our me asking. And even then I got the reply. Only one, with a brisk break from her phone where she would be constantly talking with all the men from her new job, a slim. Good looking, and all could give her something I couldn't.
I hit rock bottom....
I still am rock bottom, I let my girlfriend move on. Even tho I still am absolutely I love with her as it's the first steps of me getting my life on track and as hard as it is. I can't get hurt anymore as I've already thought about throwing in the towel with life and she is not helping me because she will not help me with my low esteem. Confidence, if I start crying she tells me to stop crying me walks out the room.
I need to do this for myself, I need to get my life back on track. I just don't know where to start. Which direction do I go in.
Everything's so confusing. It's hard to depend on myself now when you put your life in someone ended hands.
The trouble I have is my confidence is so low I can't go out In public to do free cardio without panicking or feeling line I'm gunna faint when someone see's me
And because I look after my mother I get very little money after my bills a month. I have £4 spare if I'm honest.
I can't work for my father anymore as the constant weight on my back over the years have worn at my last 2 discs and I'm in constant pain. I have to go to the chiropractors 2 times a month which my mother pays for as I can't even imagine affording it. She insists I have to go.
No money means I can't get to my gym or even by my own equipment.
I eat healthy as I cook every meal in the house and drinks lots of water
But can't seem to loose and lbs. I've tried so hard since I broke up withy partner but I've put on 7lbs in these last 2 weeks.
Everything I try doesn't seem to work. I've come to a point where I can feel myself giving up, so I need help desperately
Thank you for reading as I get this off my chest.
Callam
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Replies
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An open diary would help, if you've been logging.
If you haven't, now is a good time to start. Go by the calorie recommendations MFP gives you, and keep an eye on your weight... see whether it goes up, stays the same, or goes down. Be consistent and be diligent. Resist the urge to weigh yourself too often. Give a new diet at least 4 weeks to show any real progress, but preferably longer.
Exercise-wise, you can do anything you feel comfortable with. Start with walks if that's all you can do - it doesn't even need to be outside, pace around your home or garden, just get moving.
You could do exercise DVDs or programs in your own home... you don't need much space... just remember to push yourself, but don't overdo it. If you feel like you need to stop, stop.
No situation is helpless, you just have to find the right method for you and employ it consistently.0 -
Thank you very much for you're reply. Just the idea of someone having faith makes me feel better.0
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Hey there, brother. I've read your whole story. While i've never been in the same situation with a woman or with my parents, I feel like I can relate to you a lot in the physical and mental aspect of everything. My highest weight was 354 pounds and I just slowly felt myself losing control of my life as the days went by and I continued to just not give a **** about myself or what I was doing to myself. I was also a MAJOR sufferer of panic attacks. They would hit me and I would be at the complete mercy and cowardice of these things. I eventually tried anti-depressant medication, and it didn't work. Not to mention the side-effects kind of made me hesitant anyways, because you never know how your body is going to react.
After this battle with depression and panic/anxiety attacks, I decided one day I needed to keep my mind focused when I felt one coming on, and I decided to throw in some headphones and go up to my old middle schools track very late at night. Also, one time having that fear of being looked at in public as you also struggle with, this meant ZERO people, just me and the darkness. I started progressing from that very day, and believe it or not, without any helps of medication I have never had a panic attack since that very first day I started going up to the track and walking/jogging/running and that was back in early 2009. I also went on to lose over 100lbs in the span of about 8 months. It wasn't all done by running on the track, but I do know the struggles of being poor and unable to have gym access.
I can tell you are obviously not from the United States, unless im mistaken, but not too sure if they have a planet fitness in your neck of the woods. It's not the best option for a gym, but I do know they have expanded quite a bit here in the states, im just not sure if they across the globe. They usually run a relatively cheap monthly price. Don't let the inability to get a gym membership stop you though. There are plenty things you can do that can do the job until you have the means. Walking is a great start, and building your way up to jogging and eventually even running will do wonders for you.
I will leave you a little more simple advice. Don't overthink it. Weight loss is a very simple process. Make water a primary drink, Eat less junk, exercise more. Those are the big 3 I went by when I lost all my weight before. If not for injuries, i'd likely have the body I want today. It's demoralizing to think about, but it's nothing we can change. We just have to move on and work towards the future day by day.
Best of luck.0 -
It's hard to keep faith when it seems there is nothing that is working for you. Just remember to take each day at a time and mainly try to focus on keeping your stress levels low. Stress and constant stress at that definitely takes play into weight gain or fluctuation. It's not always what you eat or how much you exercise. As for not having money for a gym membership, I would definitely recommend some simple stuff at home. Yoga, aerobics, or just walking around the neighborhood is an easy way to start.
Most importantly, don't worry about getting this all done at once. Overwhelming yourself is the best way to give up and why so many give up so quickly. Once again, take it one day at a time, and remember there are people out there that believe in you! Make a goal for yourself for each day, or even each week, just one, and make sure you accomplish it if possible. If not, don't fret there's always tomorrow but make sure you don't push it off for too long!0 -
An open diary would help, if you've been logging.
If you haven't, now is a good time to start. Go by the calorie recommendations MFP gives you, and keep an eye on your weight... see whether it goes up, stays the same, or goes down. Be consistent and be diligent. Resist the urge to weigh yourself too often. Give a new diet at least 4 weeks to show any real progress, but preferably longer.
Exercise-wise, you can do anything you feel comfortable with. Start with walks if that's all you can do - it doesn't even need to be outside, pace around your home or garden, just get moving.
You could do exercise DVDs or programs in your own home... you don't need much space... just remember to push yourself, but don't overdo it. If you feel like you need to stop, stop.
No situation is helpless, you just have to find the right method for you and employ it consistently.
Exactly what was said here and no you don't need money to exercise and from the sound of it you need to break yourself into it so make it simple - walks if you can only take short ones do one in the morning and one in the evening. Simple stretching to limber your body up and get it moving - when you start to feel more confident you can do more. Sports in a social setting is good.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/12/14/exercises-at-home_n_2287898.html
http://imgur.com/gallery/FkVrO
https://www.acefitness.org/acefit/fitness_programs_core_workout.aspx?workoutid=13
There are a few links to take a look at for easy no equipment workouts at home ... good luck on your journey you can do this :flowerforyou:0 -
Hi, I just read your story and I want to say you are not alone. The health problem is always stressful but then adding the trauma that the weight has done to you emotionally and physically makes it almost unbearable. I have struggled myself with low self esteem and yo yo dieting. The one thing you have to keep in your head is you CAN change. It wont be easy and It wont happen over night , but you can do it! I started my journey with beachbody's insanity. It is a very intense in home system. I couldn't even make it through the warm up when I first started. I screamed and yelled and cried. After 3 weeks it got a lot easier. The best part is it was in home so I had nobody judging me. I'm not saying this is the right program for you but there is something that could help you. I am now a beachbody coach. I would love to try to help you! I just started but I will be running free clean eating groups (healthy eating) that will have a lot of good ideals and meals in. You can join the beachbody website for free at http://www.beachbodycoach.com/brwneyedgal121.
Even as a free member they offer you a place to log your results and a blog so you can start writing about your journey. My facebook page is www.facebook.com/dreamcatchers22.
I really hope to see you around . And like I said previously keep your head up. The diet starts from the inside out. Know that you CAN do this!0 -
Thank you so much everyone. I don't think I've ever felt this much love care and inspiration from anyone, yet along in theory, at the moment. Complete strangers.
I can't thank you enough for all your kind words.
I haven't been able to sleep propperly in 2 weeks as I still adjusting to sleeping alone. So that is what I reckon has cause the resent -8lbs gain.
I'm gunna right down a plan of action, and start eating more cleanly, I cook everything from scratch and do already use low fat protein. I must admit I do lovey protein. But I know I need a more balanced diet.
I've replaced all condiments with a low fat salsa which I've fallen in love with, it's so tasty.
I'm a self trained chef so I can't stand to cook anything from a packet.
I'm passionate about all this, just honestly didn't know where to start until all your kind words in my time of need.
I've done a lean body mass thing and it says I have 204lbs lean body mass. So that's 174lbs I have to loose. 2lbs a week loss, 87 weeks. 1.6 years. But I know it's harder to loose the smaller you get.
Thank you so much !!
Callam0 -
*hugs* (cause, first and foremost is seems you could do with one - albeit a cyber one.)
You can do this.
My story is not word for word like yours, i have thyroid problems & heart problems and at the height of my weight i was (uses internet translator) 326.9lb... I could no longer hold my regular day job without chest pain, fatigue, dizziness. I was insanely paranoid that everyone was looking at me & regularly had panic attacks and asthma attacks.
I would only walk at night, alone, so no one could see me get hot and sweaty and gross and at first... i wouldnt even do that - some days walking to get the mail (20m) had me fatigued... some nights i could struggle for a half hour walk... Hills, even slight inclines were just a NO!
I stopped accepting invitations to outings as i didnt know how far away from venues people would park & didnt want to participate if it meant i would be hot, sweaty and gross by the time i got there... If there was no seating, i wouldnt go as sitting on the grass for long periods (ok, any more than a few minutes) would have me in pain with pins and needles from circulation problems.
I stopped caring.
So exercise, being outside & facing other people aside... You can do this! especially if you are in charge of all the cooking in the house - just start with a deficit - as MFP sets for you & go from there.
Work in small non-scale victories in regards to 'movement & agility' - I know i couldnt make my bed without needing breaks & stopping - So the first time i could do that, it was a HUGE breakthrough - regardless of how hot and sweaty i was at the end! What is something 'everyday' that you can't curently do, or do easily? Make that your goal instead of an 'exercise' one.
Above all, keep in contact with your dr. You have had a metabolic issue in the past - It appears it righted itself - but it is something worth keeping an eye on - as if it isnt 'right' you may need medical help to correct it - and that may make your journey much much easier.
You can do this, but you really really have to want to do this. When you feel so bleak, only you can pull yourself from that hole & chose to fight back - the fact you have joined & posted here says you are at least curious about that fight - hopefully, you are ready to take it head on.
Best of luck with your journey - there is so much knowledge on this site - and you should find so so much support.
Thankyou for sharing your own honest, open vulnerable story.
Edited to add, Due to the huge pshycological side of your journey, maybe finding someone to talk to may be helpful too? A face to face contact to give you some reassurance.0 -
Thank you so much everyone. I don't think I've ever felt this much love care and inspiration from anyone, yet along in theory, at the moment. Complete strangers.
I can't thank you enough for all your kind words.
I haven't been able to sleep propperly in 2 weeks as I still adjusting to sleeping alone. So that is what I reckon has cause the resent -8lbs gain.
I'm gunna right down a plan of action, and start eating more cleanly, I cook everything from scratch and do already use low fat protein. I must admit I do lovey protein. But I know I need a more balanced diet.
I've replaced all condiments with a low fat salsa which I've fallen in love with, it's so tasty.
I'm a self trained chef so I can't stand to cook anything from a packet.
I'm passionate about all this, just honestly didn't know where to start until all your kind words in my time of need.
I've done a lean body mass thing and it says I have 204lbs lean body mass. So that's 174lbs I have to loose. 2lbs a week loss, 87 weeks. 1.6 years. But I know it's harder to loose the smaller you get.
Thank you so much !!
Callam
Well you are starting in the right place and actually protein is good for you - the key is portion control to stay within your calories.0 -
Thank you , it feels so good to be around people that know my struggle. It makes me feel partly normal as I'm not the only one.
I am nearly in tears with all your kind words
Even if there little.i feel I am taking the right steps and already you lot are already making it so much easier
Thank you
Calli0 -
It sounds like you've had obstacle after obstacle put in your way but the important (and impressive) thing, is that you're still standing and not willing to give up. You clearly have a lot of compassion for others (caring for your mother, letting your girl go) and I think you need to apply some of that compassion towards yourself. Your body has been through so much emotionally and physically but it has gotten you through and I think it'd be really healthy for you to take a moment to realize just how much strength you've achieved through those set backs. Never forget that you are amazing just for getting through all that.
Anyone has the power to change their life and I agree with the other posters that any form of exercise you can commit to would be positive. Walking would be excellent but if you don't want to be out and about in public (I know some people are uncomfortable with this) then start with basics like marching in a spot for as long as you can or jumping jacks even. If there are stairs in your house, see how many times you can walk up and down them. It doesn't matter how fast you go as long as you are moving and gradually increase the length of time you exercise for.
In regards to food, logging is essential, it is much too easy to guess the wrong amounts. Also read the packages and see what a serving size is and measure it out, you will be surprised just how small a serving actually is. If you drink soda or fruit juices I would cut these out as drinking calories is a disservice to the progress you would like to make. All of these small changes should make a dent with in a few weeks.
I know that losing your girl must be difficult on an emotional stance (I had a five year relationship end abruptly and understand the pain that goes with it) but you have to let that go. You need to be making these changes for you, not for her. If she comes back, great, if not then clearly there is someone better down the road for you. At 23 you've got lots of time the one meant for you. I know its of little comfort but the pain will pass, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and its pretty nice once you're there.
I hope that helps a little, if you need a friend for support or motivation, feel free to add me.
Good luck, I'm sure you will do amazing when you commit to living a new healthy lifestyle!0 -
I think you need to realise you are a good and caring person. Look what you have done and are doing for your mum at your own expense. You have lost a lot to take up this post you have taken on. I applaud you.
I think now you need to take some time for yourself. Use the tools mfp has given you. Write down everything you eat in your food diary then you can see where you are going wrong. Once you know this you can start weighing your food so that you can meet your calorie goal. That way you WILL lose weight.
Exercise is the next step. Walking is great. Also have a look on youtube. There are loads of exercises on there that you can do for free and with very little space needed. Start with Fitness Blender and look at what might interest you. They do cardio, strength training and anything in between. From there you will find thousands of exercise routines by all sorts of people. There is bound to be something you can do. Leslie Sanson walking at home is another good one.
The next step is to find some friends. I could not have lost the weight I have lost without my pals on MFP. They pull you through when you are feeling down or lazy or discouraged.
Remember also that in 1.6 years you will wish you had started today.
You are a good, kind person who has had some problems but you can pull yourself out of this. You have taken the first step which isthe hardest. Now go on to the next step. You can do it.
Good luck
Edited to say take a look at Scooby workshop on line and work out your TDEE and BMR. Two good places to start.0 -
Thank you for yoir lovely messages. It's really inspirational. I really can't wait to do this
x 0 -
Just to say don't give up, you can do this. Personally I'd advise a visit to the GP to ask advice about exercise and to make sure there's nothing else going on that is hindering you losing the weight. They may have advice about diet too, and/or referals that will help.
Keep posting! xx0 -
Wow, you really have been through allot in your life time. Let me just say that you have made a good first choice by first, realizing that there is a problem and second, you want to do something about it. Hey, there is no need if you cannot afford the gym to go there. Even sitting on the couch, and lifting cans of fruit or veggies with repetition is burning your calories. There are a TON of workout videos on youtube! I would recommend having a general check up with the Dr. though. If you are truly watching what you're eating and have lowered your caloric intake, then there might be something else affecting weight gain. Being addicted to food such as myself sucks, but I'll tell you that losing weight has helped my back, neck, and overall vision of myself. I wish you luck my brother, keep us updated!0
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Im sorry to hear this ... You had it rough focus on you for a little dont stress stress is major in weight loss try veggies water walking everyday for an hour do as much cardio as you can until you reach your goal the gym does make it easier but if you have a smartphone down load apps that help you exercise there are plenty and calorie counting ones loose it is one i have its help me logg everything you eat and the amout salads are great watch the dressing try avocado with limes as dressing no fat in it set a goal of ten lbs or so first then another and ... So on good luck ... And advice no girl or men deserve your stress over them especially when you have a bigger goal in your life for your health you are more important than soneone who walked away ....0
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You can do this. You are obviously at a point where you are ready to make changes and that's the number one thing. Tracking truly does help to keep yoorself accountable for everything you eat. You can do so many things for excercise which do not include gym equipment or running in public. If you love to cook and prepare all of your meals--Try doing some squats while preparing things. Do some lunges while walking from one room to the next. Start small and don't expect an enormous weight drop overnight. ( Not that we all wouldn't love it if this happened:) "You miss 100% of the shots you DON'T TAKE" Take the shot-your worth it!!0
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At 370 lbs, you don't need to "exercise". Just walking to the mailbox would be enough. I promise you, I only weigh 190lbs and walking the dogs is enough to burn some extra calories. Maybe think of getting a cheap pedometer or something? Or count how many steps it is to the pub then walk there (but don't go in!) and come home, once a day, every day. Then go further when you feel like it.
What you do need to do is work out exactly how many calories you need to maintain your current weight, then lob off 10% of them. Then eat that many calories a day. It is possible to overeat when you eat "healthily", so you need to track.
Be brutally honest about every single thing you put in your mouth. For now, you can eat whatever you want, provided you are accountable to yourself. Not until then will you know exactly what you need to do to lose. You might find it an eye opener.
So, keep a religious food diary for one or two weeks. Don't worry about "dieting" or any of that. Just use it as an exercise in logging discipline and honesty. It's too easy to think that a handful of chips can't have THAT many calories or "won't count" or whatever. They do count. Everything counts.
Buy a good set of scales and weigh everything (no cups, they're too inaccurate, though in the UK, that might not be an issue for you).
Only when you know where you're truly starting from, can you hope to go forward.
Good luck (and feel free to add me).
Edit: Also, have you looked into a carers allowance? It sounds like you'd be entitled to one and might bring in a bit more cash for you.0 -
You got this man !! Your here aren't you . I've read your entire story and it seems you have been through an awful lot of for your age , but you can get yourself to a better place . First things first WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING YOU EAT , using mfp will make that a BREEZE , gradually add exercise , walks will do just fine for you , and as you get stronger you will see other options become available ...your biggest hurdle in this journey will be yourself , dont give yourself excuses and don't give up ....you will see results and in return will gain back your confidence and self worth ! I wish you all the best feel free to friend me I will motivate you as best I can ???? and welcome to mfp0
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In addition to all the other good advice given here, I'd suggest looking for gentle yoga videos online or through your library. Just do the breathing exercises, warm-ups, and meditations for now if that's where you are physically. The physical exercises are great, though they don't burn a lot of calories (take it slow! they're more intense than they look!), but more importantly, focusing on your breath and getting centered will be helpful. Won't help you lose weight directly but will help you get back on track mentally and emotionally--and that will help in the long run. YMMV, but there's science behind the suggestion and my personal experiences. If yoga can help people who've faced the horrors of war, it should help the rest of us who are overwhelmed and feeling stuck. http://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2013/05/23/the-promise-of-yoga-based-treatments-to-help-veterans-with-ptsd/
Also, please do talk to your doctor. You have a history of metabolic issues, for one. And if panic and anxiety are affecting your life as much as they seem to be, you may need some medication to ease them and/or to talk to a counselor to help you find coping strategies. We all get stressed and anxious occasionally, but if yours seems worse than "I'm at a low point in my life right now and sometimes it gets to me," remember anxiety disorder is a medical issue that can be treated.
LD hugs and best of luck to you. It's going to be a long journey, but well worth it in the end--and better to start now than in another few years when you've done more damage to your body.0
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