Feeling like a failure

PocketNaomi
PocketNaomi Posts: 62
edited September 22 in Motivation and Support
I'm not exercising. I can't exercise. I can't get out of bed. The fibro flare is kicking my tail beyond belief. I can't even get my normal chores done, like picking up my kid from school (my partner did it), or doing my laundry.

I'm still eating consistently under my target calories, even when I really want more. Sometimes, when I feel too sick to want to do anything but sleep, or I'm too busy (it was running around pushing myself too hard that got me into this flare), a LOT under my target calories. Today, I'll end up just about at 1200, where I'm supposed to be.

But the scale says two pounds up, and even though I know that's almost certainly water weight caused by being near my period, I feel totally like a failure. Why can't I exercise? Everyone else can exercise. (Because you've got a severe, crippling illness, idiot, Deal.) Why can't I keep the weight going down? (Because nobody can, idiot. It fluctuates. Deal.) Why can't I convince myself of all the sensible, straightforward things I know about all this, and not feel like I'm doing it all wrong and I'll always be fat forever and ever?

Replies

  • mccorml
    mccorml Posts: 622 Member
    your eating under your calorie goal which is more than i can say for myself so be proud :) chipper up
  • mixmistress508
    mixmistress508 Posts: 29
    You need to eat at your calorie goal, or else your body will think you're starving it and your metabolism will slow down. And don't be so hard on yourself. We all have our battles to deal with. Take it one day at a time. And when you are feeling up to doing stuff, don't push yourself too hard. Because if you do, your fibro will flare up again and you'll be right back where you are. Small steps, that's how it's done. Now, take a deep breath, know that you are a beautiful person and you can do this. You are strong! You will get past this!
  • thom10034
    thom10034 Posts: 11
    You are under your goals, just eat like you did today to be near your goal, stay positive, and do the best you can. Keep your head high, because you are making steps in the right direction.
  • elmct57
    elmct57 Posts: 594 Member
    You have to quit beating yourself up over things you can NOT control and focus on what you CAN do. You have to forgive yourself, stop being angry at your self/health issues. Focus on positive change--one day or even one hour at a time on the bad days. you have plenty of company on this site. Vent anytime, but keep going for it. It comes down to how bad do you want it, how determined and stubborn are you going to be about sticking with it. You are SO WORTH IT! Deep breath, let it go and every day is a new opportunity for change--al you can do is the best you can on any given day with health issues--you know this.

    Good luck & i will be rooting for you!:flowerforyou:
  • Michelle_J
    Michelle_J Posts: 362 Member
    It's ok honey. I broke my leg pretty badly last year and used that as an excuse to sit around the house since then. Now that I've decided I'm sick of the way I look, I can't use that excuse any more. Get up, do a little at a time. Even if it's a 5 minute walk, 5 minutes of cleaning house, 5 minutes of anything, it's better than being inactive. You're not a failure! You're at a point that all of us have been at some point in our overweight lives. You can do it. You can break the cycle. Baby steps.........
  • lesley12345
    lesley12345 Posts: 89 Member
    I am not trying to sound mean when I say this at all, but the first thing you need to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself. Your negative attitude towards yourself isn't giving you any motivation. Only you are in control of your health and fitness goals.
    Do I lose the drive to stop excersing? Yes Do I have feelings of wanting to stay in bed all day and do nothing? Heck Yes! But if I listened to those negative thoughts, I wouldn't have lost the 26 lbs I lost so far. I have been battling post-pardum depression since I had both my 2 yr old and my 9 month old, and there are days I just don't know how I am going to pull myself through the day, but I do it b/c when I get my butt out of bed and have a productive day and take care of myself I feel better. It took me a couple months but once I got myself to workout and stay motiviated I found that getting out of bed in the morning was easier and getting through the day became managable.
    Stop saying you can't and start saying YOU CAN!
    I am sorry you are struggling and in pain, but you can do little things to make yourself feel better, even if it's a 5 mintue walk or a 15 walk you are excersing and getting yourself out of bed.
  • 2bFitNTrim
    2bFitNTrim Posts: 1,209 Member
    Just a couple days ago I wrote how hard it is to have chronic pain and not be able to do all the things I used to enjoy. I used to bike, hike, canoe, walk, etc. freely without thinking about it. Nowadays, it's tougher. It hurts physically AND pyschologically when you can't do what others can do. I think it is normal to get down about it sometimes and to feel frustrated. That said, you really need to try to find the positives in your life. Like one of my friends just posted, focus on what you CAN do, not so much on what you cannot do. You are NOT alone in this situation. Much love your way :flowerforyou:
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member
    you cant help that you have an illness that makes it so you cant get out of bed all of the time? maybe your DR can give you something to help you with the pain? i'm sure you have already talked to him but maybe he can adjust things for you? until then...you do what you can do...stay under but as close as you can to your calorie goals, drink lots of water, and do what you can for physical activity even if it is just arm raises in bed!! keep your head held high...you will get there even if it is a little slower than some :)
  • NatalieWinning
    NatalieWinning Posts: 999 Member
    You are doing fine! Take care of yourself, which is what we are all here trying to do. I get that negative track playing in my head, too. You just need to change the channel and fill up your head with all the good things every time it starts to play negative thoughts. You have the answers already. Keep repeating them. And make up all the good reasons to love this day. Your partner is awesome. You have a kid healthy enough to go to school.
  • dmossett
    dmossett Posts: 24
    I know how you feel. I too have a chronic illness that keeps me on the sidelines at times. When I was first diagnosed I worked out 15 hours per week and was very active. I went from there to being bedridden and lethargic for nearly six months. It was extremely frustrating...I was never one to lay around and to be unable to do normal daily activities. I kept praying for a meteor to just land on me. And on days when I would start to feel better I would overdo it (making up for lost time) only to find myself back in bed the very next day.

    Over time, I have come to finally accept my limitations, and work around them. Now instead of pushing myself to exercise for hours on end I will work out for thirty minutes at a time. If I still feel better after that workout (no matter how simple it is) I will work out for another thirty minutes later in the day. And on days when I am sick, if I can't workout then so be it. I can at least stay within my calorie limits instead of ruining all of my hard work. Sure the scale may go up and down a bit, but I think most of us have that problem. At the end of the day at least I am not back to where I started...or worse.

    Hang in there. As the saying goes, when life hands you lemons make lemonade.
  • PocketNaomi
    PocketNaomi Posts: 62
    Thanks, everyone. The support helps. I think the person who suggested arm raises in bed, or similar exercises -- leg lifts, stomach crunches -- on the days when I literally can't get out of bed (or I will lose weight via throwing up from the pain spike; for those who don't know what severe fibromyalgia is like, that's a sample) has a GREAT idea and I am going to try it tonight. I will do five minutes of in-bed exercises when I finish this post. :)

    Tomorrow is going to be hell day -- five major activities I can't avoid or let anyone do in my stead -- but I'll get through it somehow. And it will at least get me some exercise just from running all over town getting stuff done.
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member
    good luck making it through the day tomorrow!! and i wish you luck on the bed exercises!! let me know how it goes :)
  • ricksgurl
    ricksgurl Posts: 10
    Don't beat yourself up about the exercising-Fibro is something we cannot control. I wanted to apologize to you for not being a very good support person lately-I fell off the "dieting-wagon" this past couple week, so I have not checked in as much as I should. The weather changing is getting to me-rainy, cold ****ty weather gets my Fibro everytime. The thing that works best for me is a long hot shower! I try to do some mild stretching while in the shower and have even used full shampoo bottles as mini-weights. It's not always the amount your doing-but actually doing SOMETHING...even if it's just folding laundry. Even if you have to have someone bring it to you while you sit in a chair. Keep your head held high-you are sticking to your calories and even being under-that's fantastic!! Hope your flare relaxes it's grip on you soon!! ~Rose


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  • Mindful_Trent
    Mindful_Trent Posts: 3,954 Member
    You might benefit from meditating on the common saying/prayer:

    God (or whatever you choose to insert here), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

    Obviously you're battling with something you don't have much control over. However, you DO have control over your diet, which it sounds like you are staying on track with. Hang in there, and don't beat yourself up over the things you cannot change. Take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:
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