How badly do we want this??
Gemmz2014
Posts: 220
Okay, I want to drop 50lbs. I've been wanting to drop that amount for the last 4 years. Why haven't I done it? Why haven't I lasted more than 2-3 weeks without throwing in the towel? I see results when I begin and then I just develop an "I don't really care" attitude and give up. But I do care.
Does this happen with anyone else?
Does this happen with anyone else?
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Replies
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It's all in your head. Everyone has a choice to make.0
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I think you should have made the title of this "How badly do I want this". It's not anyone else's journey to lose your weight, just yours.0
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It helped me to break up the goals into smaller ones so I could stay motivated. I also had a fitness goal and enjoyed progressing with running and other exercise. Maybe you could try that instead of just setting an end goal weight and facing months and months without feeling properly rewarded. Some people pay themselves to lose weight, too, so much for whatever pounds, or reward themselves periodically with trips for clothes, a movie, music, anything that isn't food related. So you could try that, too.0
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It's all in your head. Everyone has a choice to make.
^ this. The only person holding you back is yourself. Defeat the voice in your head that tells you to quit and don't look back.0 -
Used to happen to me all the time. About 4 years ago (before I started here), one of my best friends even asked me why I thought I gained the weight back after my last diet was fairly successful. At first I blew it off as a "the past is the past and I don't want to harp on it" thing because I was doing well with my current attempt. But I couldn't get it out of my head so I gave it some thought and realized that a big part of it was being to hard on myself. I'd diet like most of us do - cut out all the supposed bad foods and workout like a fiend - so it was no wonder that a month or two down the road I'd be burned out and miserable and decide that I'd rather be happy eating what I liked and being lazy than being skinny and miserable.
That goodness I figured out that there is a happy medium (and boy do I love living here!)!! You don't have to starve yourself and you don't have to cut out all the foods you love and you don't have to work out 2 hours a day. As long as you have a calorie deficit, you will lose weight. If you're also looking to improve health and fitness, eat a well balanced diet, including the occassional treat and get some regular activity in. That's somewhat of an oversimplification but generally true for us all.
Set small reasonable goals. Don't be so hard on yourself. Be patient and as consistent as you can be.0 -
Your methods might be in for an examination.
Generally if you want it bad enough you will make it happen. But if your methods are unsound you're setting yourself up for inevitable failure. Now might be a good time to take a good, hard, critical look at what you're doing and why you're failing.0 -
Okay, I want to drop 50lbs. I've been wanting to drop that amount for the last 4 years. Why haven't I done it? Why haven't I lasted more than 2-3 weeks without throwing in the towel? I see results when I begin and then I just develop an "I don't really care" attitude and give up. But I do care.
Does this happen with anyone else?
No, this doesn't happen with me, But have you thought about trying to loose one to five pounds at a time rather than 50? I know that I would do better thinking of it in a smaller number. Fifty pounds seems like so much, one to five pounds doesn't.
You can make this happen!0 -
I understand how hard it is. I've struggled for years as well. Its a matter of making up your mind and pushing yourself. Sometimes I think posting blogs and asking for help really doesn't help unless your mentally ready to start making changes. Some people may not get "you" and understand that its "really" a struggle. They give you these answers that kind of make you feel like your not trying hard enough. I know for a fact because I think I will fail and so I never get started or I start and say yes I can do it and then start aching and feeling depressed because I have such a long road ahead of me.
I have friends who struggled with the same issue but they started making a difference for themselves and are doing awesome with amazing results and I am still stuck with 75 pounds to lose. Its true that its a mental stagnant.
So, I have made up my mind to quit asking for help on how to get motivated. I am starting to motivate myself. Pray about it and ask for endurance and mental motivation and help to endure the aches that will come along with this change. Keep smiling and stay positive. Take pictures of yourself, watch your eating, even if your don't log it on MFP all the time. Post your pictures in bathroom of where you are and where you want to be. You can do it!
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Your methods might be in for an examination.
Generally if you want it bad enough you will make it happen. But if your methods are unsound you're setting yourself up for inevitable failure. Now might be a good time to take a good, hard, critical look at what you're doing and why you're failing.
After four years, what else can I possibly do to take a harder look?? I'm seriously asking you this.0 -
I understand how hard it is. I've struggled for years as well. Its a matter of making up your mind and pushing yourself. Sometimes I think posting blogs and asking for help really doesn't help unless your mentally ready to start making changes. Some people may not get "you" and understand that its "really" a struggle. They give you these answers that kind of make you feel like your not trying hard enough. I know for a fact because I think I will fail and so I never get started or I start and say yes I can do it and then start aching and feeling depressed because I have such a long road ahead of me.
I have friends who struggled with the same issue but they started making a difference for themselves and are doing awesome with amazing results and I am still stuck with 75 pounds to lose. Its true that its a mental stagnant.
So, I have made up my mind to quit asking for help on how to get motivated. I am starting to motivate myself. Pray about it and ask for endurance and mental motivation and help to endure the aches that will come along with this change. Keep smiling and stay positive. Take pictures of yourself, watch your eating, even if your don't log it on MFP all the time. Post your pictures in bathroom of where you are and where you want to be. You can do it!
Nice post, thank you.0 -
It's not easy. It's not always fun. It's hard, miserable, and uncomfortable at first. But, something interesting happens after a few weeks. You reach a point where you realize what you've done is working and it's not quite as hard as it was when you started. So, you face the decision: stop now, or keep going?
If you don't have something in your mind that can galvanize and motivate you, then you don't have any reason to keep going. It's easier to quit and go back to old habits. But deciding to move forward and continue on is a decision that sometimes needs to be made every day or every hour or even every bite. The end result is you will lose that 50 lbs., you'll be healthier, and you will have succeeded in reaching your goal.
The first day I worked out, I puked afterward. Now, I'm nearly 1/3 of my way to my goal! It was only one decision that got me this far: working out the second day.
Hang in there! You can do it!0 -
Your methods might be in for an examination.
Generally if you want it bad enough you will make it happen. But if your methods are unsound you're setting yourself up for inevitable failure. Now might be a good time to take a good, hard, critical look at what you're doing and why you're failing.
After four years, what else can I possibly do to take a harder look?? I'm seriously asking you this.
A botanist could spend a week examining a car engine and never be able to tell that it won't stay running because of a failing fuel pressure regulator if he doesn't have the mechanical knowledge necessary to diagnose the issue.
In other words, you may not have the knowledge or experience necessary to identify the flaw in your methods.0 -
Start with exercise if you don't do any, that is what honestly changed it for me - helped lower a lot of stress and what has managed to keep me going for a year. It's good to start with something new and something you don't do. Also don't restrict your diet too much and you have to learn to be extremely patient.0
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Okay, I want to drop 50lbs. I've been wanting to drop that amount for the last 4 years. Why haven't I done it? Why haven't I lasted more than 2-3 weeks without throwing in the towel? I see results when I begin and then I just develop an "I don't really care" attitude and give up. But I do care.
Does this happen with anyone else?
Perhaps you are just not yet ready to make a life-long commitment.
Perhaps you are pushing yourself too hard and fast during those 2-3 weeks when you have tried it so you end up feeling tired and hungry and therefore lose motivation.
Perhaps you see this big goal of 50lbs and it seems too overwhelming, rather than breaking it down into 1lb at a time.
Only you can really know why you're not succeeding.0 -
Are you maybe trying too hard? Putting in so much effort to try to see results that what you are doing feels unsustainable. Maybe it isn't so much a case of "I don't care" as "I don't care enough to do this".
If you relaxed your expectations and tried to lose it slowly and with a minimum of struggle, you might find you need less motivation day to day. Try for small improvements, and don't push yourself to be perfect. You might find you are able to stick with it and reach your goal, albeit slowly.0 -
Your methods might be in for an examination.
Generally if you want it bad enough you will make it happen. But if your methods are unsound you're setting yourself up for inevitable failure. Now might be a good time to take a good, hard, critical look at what you're doing and why you're failing.
QFT.
It's mind over matter, but if you're shooting yourself in the foot every day your mind is not going to be right.
Rigger0 -
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Used to happen to me all the time. About 4 years ago (before I started here), one of my best friends even asked me why I thought I gained the weight back after my last diet was fairly successful. At first I blew it off as a "the past is the past and I don't want to harp on it" thing because I was doing well with my current attempt. But I couldn't get it out of my head so I gave it some thought and realized that a big part of it was being to hard on myself. I'd diet like most of us do - cut out all the supposed bad foods and workout like a fiend - so it was no wonder that a month or two down the road I'd be burned out and miserable and decide that I'd rather be happy eating what I liked and being lazy than being skinny and miserable.
That goodness I figured out that there is a happy medium (and boy do I love living here!)!! You don't have to starve yourself and you don't have to cut out all the foods you love and you don't have to work out 2 hours a day. As long as you have a calorie deficit, you will lose weight. If you're also looking to improve health and fitness, eat a well balanced diet, including the occassional treat and get some regular activity in. That's somewhat of an oversimplification but generally true for us all.
Set small reasonable goals. Don't be so hard on yourself. Be patient and as consistent as you can be.
Solid and helpful advice. Consistency and small, reasonable goals are so, so important!0 -
Ok...this absolutely happens with me! I think its just because I didn't want it bad enough. Now instead of focusing on getting skinny, I'm trying to focus on a healthy lifestyle. Its only been a couple of days but I haven't thrown in the towel yet. Feel free to add me...we can stick to this together!0
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Okay, I want to drop 50lbs. I've been wanting to drop that amount for the last 4 years. Why haven't I done it? Why haven't I lasted more than 2-3 weeks without throwing in the towel? I see results when I begin and then I just develop an "I don't really care" attitude and give up. But I do care.
Does this happen with anyone else?
In my personal experience it has to ultimately be about more than just dropping the weight. I started packing on the pounds when i was 30 and packed on a good 50 or so between then and last year when I turned 38. Along the way I made any number of attempts to lose weight but nothing really stuck. For me, the reality was that vanity and just wanting to be leaner was really a piss poor motivator...it really wan't that important...overall I was pretty happy and I actually carried my weight pretty well.
All of that changed for me last year. I went in for some blood work due to my dad informing all of us that at age 60 he was in stage III kidney disease, a type II diabetic with full blown metabolic syndrome, and a number of other issues. My blood work showed that I was heading down this same path...it showed that I had precursors to all of those things my dad was now dealing with. For him, it was too late...he actually had precursors to all of this when he was my age but never did anything about any of it...he just kept on doing what he was doing until it was too late to fix the problems.
Well, it wasn't/isn't too late for me...I suddenly became nutrition and fitness obsessed (not weight obsessed)...it was no longer about my weight...it was about whether or not I was getting proper nutrition...what should I be eating to help combat X, Y, & Z...it became about getting my basic recommended fitness of 150 minutes per week in for general health. The bigger picture of overall health and well being started to come into focus...my weight loss of 40 Lbs thus far was just a nice bi-product of rocking my fitness and nutrition for the past 16 months or so.
I have completely reversed all of my bad blood work and recently took a cardiac stress test which resulted in a score of "excellent"...these are the things that motivate me, not the number on the scale...that number is arbitrary and largely irrelevant. My dad passed on two weeks before Christmas at the ripe old age of 61...I was heading down that same path...I'm now on a different path...one that leads to strength and wellness and one that will hopefully go on for sometime longer than my dad's.
RIP dad...you are my inspiration....0 -
I thing people generally underestimate the challenge and oversimplify the reasons things aren't working. If you only have a handful of 'healthy' meals you know you enjoy and are comfortable preparing, etc, and a plethora of easy crap, you'll get bored with the handful and revert. If you're doing exercise you don't enjoy, you won't stick with it. If you're looking for massive change in 3 days, you'll be disappointed.
You need to take a look at what's going on for you when you throw in the towel, evaluate it, and change it.
Everyone wants these things to happen overnight... and while you can will yourself into a miserable crash diet, those sorts of things don't really create a positive experience or a positive change. You kinda have to be in it for the long haul, mishaps and setbacks and all.0 -
How badly do *you* want it? Not very, apparently.0
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There is DESIRE and there's COMMITMENT. You need number 2 to reach your goal.Okay, I want to drop 50lbs. I've been wanting to drop that amount for the last 4 years. Why haven't I done it? Why haven't I lasted more than 2-3 weeks without throwing in the towel? I see results when I begin and then I just develop an "I don't really care" attitude and give up. But I do care.
Does this happen with anyone else?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I have completely reversed all of my bad blood work and recently took a cardiac stress test which resulted in a score of "excellent"...these are the things that motivate me, not the number on the scale...that number is arbitrary and largely irrelevant. My dad passed on two weeks before Christmas at the ripe old age of 61...I was heading down that same path...I'm now on a different path...one that leads to strength and wellness and one that will hopefully go on for sometime longer than my dad's.
RIP dad...you are my inspiration....
I'm so sorry for your loss
As to the OP: I find being too restrictive and trying too much too soon will burn you out faster than a lit match. A moderate calorie deficit coupled with a good starting exercise (like walking), is what worked for me and kept me logging every single day. Researching caloric needs and nutrition research has also helped greatly. And lastly, listening to all of the so-called "meanies" on MFP has kept me going. For me, obviously I want to lose weight, or I wouldn't be here, but it's no longer how badly I want it, it's how sustainable it's become for me.0 -
I needed to find the approach that would work for me. Portion control and a crap ton of walking are working and though I love the latter, the former peeves me off every 3-4 months.
I've built up habits, so it doesn't bother me much to portion out my food and log it.
I've picked up things from MFP as well, such as it's not that insane to take a food scale to a restaurant, weight fluctuates constantly, and don't spazz out over take-out food.0 -
I wanted this badly for the last good few years, I tried different diets and threw myself in whole heartedly, for a few weeks/couple of months. The fault lied not with how much I wanted it but how I was trying to get there. I have a lot to lose and it wasn't realistic for me to think I could stick to any of the diets I started for a long time simply because they were diets. I adjusted my way of thinking and I don't mind admitting it took a while before I really got my head around losing slowly at a modest calorie deficit. For the first time in years I feel almost free of the angst that came with my eating habits.
Previously I have always been dieting, trying and failing to diet or eating what I want and gaining weight. The emotions that came with this behaviour was worse than the actual weight gain, the elation of losing weight was quickly replaced by the disappointment of not losing enough or reaching a certain amount by a planned date, the guilt when I woke up and realised I had failed another day of trying to start a diet and the horrible feeling of stepping on the scales and seeing I had gained more weight, all these emotions made me feel quiet bad about myself, looking back it wasn't a nice place to be in.
Now as stated I have a modest calorie deficit, I account for everything I eat, even when over my days calorie allowance. I enjoy my food go for meals, have plenty of treats and eat foods I love. If I go over one day I reduce my calories for a few days to cover, I make sure that there is always at least a 3500 calorie weekly deficit, usually theres a little more due to exercise calories as I don't eat them all. As my weight goes down I will reduce my target weight loss when needed.
Basically its not how badly I want this that has changed, its how I've decided to get there.0 -
I agree with the folks who say do it for your health. I'm human, and female, I like to look good. But looks alone is not motivation enough for me.
Seeing friends and relatives my age have heart attacks and strokes, being diagnosed with diabetes or insulin resistance. Seeing my parents and elderly relatives with their little plastic containers of pills that must be taken throughout the day, every day. Seeing all these people just accept that they can't do <whatever> any more.
Knowing that so much of it is preventable just through diet and exercise. THAT motivates me.0 -
Okay, I want to drop 50lbs. I've been wanting to drop that amount for the last 4 years. Why haven't I done it? Why haven't I lasted more than 2-3 weeks without throwing in the towel? I see results when I begin and then I just develop an "I don't really care" attitude and give up. But I do care.
Does this happen with anyone else?
Because it's hard. That's why people give up. Because it's hard to look at your life and admit that you are the reason you're overweight. That you really have been eating more than you should and not exercising as much as you could. That there really isn't any extenuating circumstance that caused it and it really was because you stuffed cookies down your gaping maw. That you really are as big as the scale says. That's why the diet industry is booming. They count on people wanting a quick way out over and over because having to face things, make the change, and maintain it is really freaking hard.
The way to get through it - you have to want it. I started by incorporating exercise, no change to my diet. I had to do it that way because I knew if I made too many changes at once, I would fail. Once the exercise was in place, I started eating less. Then I started logging and eating a deficit. Boom. Weight falling off. It took me 7 weeks before I got to that point, but I'm still here and it's still happening. That's not to say I don't still have bad days and days where I want to eat everything in sight, or days when I don't want to work out. I still have the urge to binge on foods, but since I faced up to the reasons why I want to do that, I can beat it. This isn't going to happen quickly, but it's going to happen.
You gotta want it, and you gotta be willing to work for it.0 -
Yes. We care, but we also want instant results. Somehow, it always seems like the "insignificant" amount of weight we can lose in 2-3 weeks doesn't seem like it's worth the effort. We think, "I just lost a measly 6 pounds over the last 3 weeks!!" I feel like I can put on 6 pounds by looking at food.
It's really hard to remind yourself that if the scale's going in the right direction, then it's worth it. Usually it just takes wanting it bad enough to "endure the pain" of making changes. Like the story I heard about a hound dog bellowing because he was laying on a nail. The owner of the dog was asked why the dog didn't just move....."Because it don't hurt him enough."0
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