Saboteurs
Replies
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Oooh hang on, I'm not blaming them, I said TRY... they constantly TRY. I am in control of what I do or don't do, and they're in control of the mood they choose the take my refusal of their "goodies" I was trying to find out if we had others around us that seem unable to accept that you're not eating their junk, even if they did "buy it especially" and had we thought about why they take it so personally. I'm curious about WHY they do it.
Heck yeah, if I really fancy something, and I decide it's worth that extra burn in the gym then damnit I shall have it, but not to make them feel better... my food choices isn't a personal attack on them.
Do you really think these people wake up everyday just to think of ways to sabotage your diet?0 -
but, in my experience one leads to two , two leads to three and so on. Best to just not get started
really? hmmm
See in my experience if you want it (it being weight loss) bad enough it doesn't matter if you have 1...you don't go get another...end of discussion.
It's not like it's crack and you go into withdrawal without it I mean...come on....
I would agree. It's ultimately a matter of which you want more, the second serving, or to lose weight. You make the choice yourself.0 -
Good answer Chopper Pilot. I am going to try to remember this when my husband tries to put food in my mouth. He actually pouts if I don't join him in overeating or eating junk food!0
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Oooh hang on, I'm not blaming them, I said TRY... they constantly TRY. I am in control of what I do or don't do, and they're in control of the mood they choose the take my refusal of their "goodies" I was trying to find out if we had others around us that seem unable to accept that you're not eating their junk, even if they did "buy it especially" and had we thought about why they take it so personally. I'm curious about WHY they do it.
Heck yeah, if I really fancy something, and I decide it's worth that extra burn in the gym then damnit I shall have it, but not to make them feel better... my food choices isn't a personal attack on them.
Do you really think these people wake up everyday just to think of ways to sabotage your diet?
No, in the same way that I don't wake up thinking of ways to sabotage myself. The OP was asking WHY people do these things. My bet is even the saboteur doesn't know why. I don't know why I consistently sabotage myself, either, but I have a good bash at doing it every day.0 -
Oooh hang on, I'm not blaming them, I said TRY... they constantly TRY. I am in control of what I do or don't do, and they're in control of the mood they choose the take my refusal of their "goodies" I was trying to find out if we had others around us that seem unable to accept that you're not eating their junk, even if they did "buy it especially" and had we thought about why they take it so personally. I'm curious about WHY they do it.
Heck yeah, if I really fancy something, and I decide it's worth that extra burn in the gym then damnit I shall have it, but not to make them feel better... my food choices isn't a personal attack on them.
Do you really think these people wake up everyday just to think of ways to sabotage your diet?
No, in the same way that I don't wake up thinking of ways to sabotage myself. The OP was asking WHY people do these things. My bet is even the saboteur doesn't know why. I don't know why I consistently sabotage myself, either, but I have a good bash at doing it every day.
Well then it's not sabotage...sabotage is deliberate.
Why do people offer food, because it's the nice thing to do ....I bake all the time, I make a good hearty stew and thicken the broth to gravy, I make bread to go with it and pie and ask people for dinner who are watching their weight...they don't feel I am sabotaging them they feel I am being nice.
The real question here should be why does everyone around "dieters" have to change themselves to suit this one person???0 -
My job. We don't have a fridge or microwave in the crew room, because in reality when you work in fast food they would rather you buy their food when you are on break. And I work at McDonalds. So, yikes. One EVM would blow my calorie allowance away. And lets face it, that side salad on the dollar menu isn't appetizing at all. Its not my kinda salad, being iceburg, carrot shreds, cabbage and a few cherry tomatoes. I like dark leafy greens and a variety of veggies. I get a shoebox size locker, too. So I often find myself leaving my wallet at home on purpose to resist but sometimes I am just too hungry.
My job does it in more than just that way too. I make minimum wage, and usually only get 15 hours a week, paid every two weeks. As you can guess, I have a tight budget.
My last saboteur is A's grandmother. We share a place with her, out of mutual benefit. We all moved in to this place because she couldn't keep her house but can't afford rent on her own. Sadly, she tries dominating everything. It drives me bonkers. I can't get comfortable, you know? A and I work for our money, and she's on disability, but she expects us to do all the chores, and damned if we can have use of any of the bathroom cabinets our set up our own appliances. Its got both of us ready to pull our hair out. Theres going to be a talk about it soon, because its making me stress eat *yeah, I should break that habit myself and I am trying but emotional disorders and coping mechanisms are often pals*. Another way she is my saboteur is she eats my food, or throws it out because she thinks the fridge is too full when its half empty. I buy A's and my groceries for the most part, but budgets tight so I can only afford so much. I get what healthy food I can. Then she eats or chucks it, or does things I find disrespectful. On days where I have worked off enough calories, I like a bit of pasta. I had a jar that I had opened of vodka cream sauce (not cheap) in the fridge. I was out of town for a couple days and when I came home I found it up in my portion of the kitchen cabinets. It had sat in there while I was gone and soured. This past week, she ate all of my sandwich supplies. Seriously. She went on this wacky no sugar diet (which unless your doctor recommends for a reason, you should not do. Its dangerous) and was eating nothing but romaine, carrots, and cucumber. What happened? She binged a few times. But since all she bought for herself was that (though I bought some other stuff for her too) and everything else she bought herself had sugar, she ate my turkey and cheese. Which I don't mind sharing, but jeez let me know at least if you ate that much because I don't like going to make a nice healthy wrap and finding it one slice left. She's also been raiding my coffee beans. Homemade cappuccinos are one of the few less than healthy things I make room for in my diet, because that little guilty pleasure makes eating healthy easier. A just bought me an espresso machine for christmas, along with lots of supplies and some wonderful dark, dark roast coffee beans that smell like heaven.
So, shes stressing me out and my supplies keep disappearing and my job pays me too little to keep up with any of this crap lol...
At least I don't live with my parents anymore though. My father always crushed all hopes and attempts to get fit.0 -
My heart goes out to you. I wish I could think of a solution to your problems. Have you tried to find a better paying job? I admire how strong you are under the circumstances. Take care and good luck!0
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Oooh hang on, I'm not blaming them, I said TRY... they constantly TRY. I am in control of what I do or don't do, and they're in control of the mood they choose the take my refusal of their "goodies" I was trying to find out if we had others around us that seem unable to accept that you're not eating their junk, even if they did "buy it especially" and had we thought about why they take it so personally. I'm curious about WHY they do it.
Heck yeah, if I really fancy something, and I decide it's worth that extra burn in the gym then damnit I shall have it, but not to make them feel better... my food choices isn't a personal attack on them.
Do you really think these people wake up everyday just to think of ways to sabotage your diet?
No, in the same way that I don't wake up thinking of ways to sabotage myself. The OP was asking WHY people do these things. My bet is even the saboteur doesn't know why. I don't know why I consistently sabotage myself, either, but I have a good bash at doing it every day.
Well then it's not sabotage...sabotage is deliberate.
Why do people offer food, because it's the nice thing to do ....I bake all the time, I make a good hearty stew and thicken the broth to gravy, I make bread to go with it and pie and ask people for dinner who are watching their weight...they don't feel I am sabotaging them they feel I am being nice.
The real question here should be why does everyone around "dieters" have to change themselves to suit this one person???
Yep! Right on! Thank you!
You know, sometimes people just want to be nice. They aren't trying to sabotage anything. It's pretty narcissistic to think that are - and it's pretty obnoxious to assume they THEY are the ones with issues because they give you chocolate as a present.
You're on a diet? Great. Don't expect the whole world to change to suit your dietary needs.
To use a word as extreme as sabotage reflects paranoia or blame.0 -
Part of changing your lifestyle is accepting personal responsibility.
You ever see someone practicing shooting a bow and arrow- i mean when they first learn?
There is always a teacher there standing on their right, watching them aim... breathe.... and just before they let loose... the instructor leans in and blows on their ear or makes a noise or startles them... and they miss their mark on their shot.
And this happens over and over and over until the apprentice can aim shoot and hit their target amid distraction.
Because you don't live in a controlled environment, whether at war or on a diet. There will be distractions always. You have to learn how to aim, shoot and hit your mark, no matter who is distracting you.
You have to hone your own skills so that you can still thrive and advance amid distractions.
Because if you concentrate on eliminating all the distractions or blaming all the distractions, instead of learning to work with them... then you'll never run out of enemies.
Stop fighting distraction. Spend that effort perfecting your focus and determination.
Thank you for this. Partly for the lesson, but mostly for the visual of Orlando Bloom as Legolas blowing in my ear while he teaches me to fire arrows :-D
That IS nice imagery. OP, I don't think a positive attitude will magically make weight melt off, but I do believe it's a strong asset in everything you do. When you focus on "struggle," you're only hurting yourself in the long run. Do an experiment, and for 1 month, when you are offered something, focus on being grateful for the thought/kind intent. And yes, DO assume there is positive intent.
Since you already know what some of these situations are, sit down & frame them for yourself now. "That is really thoughtful of them to include me" "That's really admirable that eyeballing portions & having occasional treats works so well for him. I'll get there with all this measuring practice I'm doing!" - or whatever. Write 'em down & keep 'em with you.
It might sound dorky, but I really do believe we can be happier and more successful when we approach things with a genuinely positive attitude. Not that you're being super-negative, but you really might find benefit in trying another angle.
Wishing you all success :flowerforyou:0 -
Sobatage doesn't seem like the right word for my example. My family and fiance are always saying " you're beautiful the way you are, now eat some pizza with us."
By doing it that way it makes me feel like I'm being rude and not accepting the compliment by not eating the pizza. They're trying to be nice, but its super unhelpful lol.
I just have to keep my goal in mind!0 -
I know that I'm the one who puts the wrong foods into my mouth. I know that I'm the one who chooses not to get on the treadmill or exercise bike. The things that get me out of the right frame of mind are usually the people closest to me. They mean well. Nothing is malicious, but after constantly hearing things like: 'just one cookie won't hurt you.' or 'you're getting too thin' or 'you have to eat more than that.' , it is easy to give in.
That's what happened to me. We vacationed in the summer and when we returned, I just didn't pay attention to what I was eating. Then the holidays were upon us and 14 pounds later, here I am, struggling to get in the right frame of mind and getting this weight off again. I was so close to my goal before. Hopefully this time I'll succeed.0 -
Sobatage doesn't seem like the right word for my example. My family and fiance are always saying " you're beautiful the way you are, now eat some pizza with us."
By doing it that way it makes me feel like I'm being rude and not accepting the compliment by not eating the pizza. They're trying to be nice, but its super unhelpful lol.
I just have to keep my goal in mind!
Okay but my question then becomes why not eat some pizza? If you are within your goals the pizza is yummy...and filling and good for you...you don't have to live on chicken and rice and salad...0 -
No one is sabotaging you. You're making bad choices. What your friends or coworkers are doing is tempting you, challenging you.
You're still making your own choices in the end.0 -
right, have one piece or two pieces of pizza. Losing weight should not mean giving up all the foods you enjoy eating; that's why people give up on it. It's not sustainable. Most of those who are successful will tell you they still eat things they like, they just eat less of them.Sobatage doesn't seem like the right word for my example. My family and fiance are always saying " you're beautiful the way you are, now eat some pizza with us."
By doing it that way it makes me feel like I'm being rude and not accepting the compliment by not eating the pizza. They're trying to be nice, but its super unhelpful lol.
I just have to keep my goal in mind!
Okay but my question then becomes why not eat some pizza? If you are within your goals the pizza is yummy...and filling and good for you...you don't have to live on chicken and rice and salad...0 -
There's a line in one of my favorite books by Diana Gabaldon that says something like (from memory) "I've seen many a drunk, but I've yet to see a bottle leap up and pour itself down someone's throat."
This is how I'm feeling about food at the moment. Food sits on my table or in my pantry, but until it can leap up and shove itself in my face, I'm totally responsible for controlling myself around it.
That means I am the only one that can sabotage myself and my choices are my own.0 -
but, in my experience one leads to two , two leads to three and so on. Best to just not get started
really? hmmm
See in my experience if you want it (it being weight loss) bad enough it doesn't matter if you have 1...you don't go get another...end of discussion.
It's not like it's crack and you go into withdrawal without it I mean...come on....
I would agree. It's ultimately a matter of which you want more, the second serving, or to lose weight. You make the choice yourself.0 -
but, in my experience one leads to two , two leads to three and so on. Best to just not get started
really? hmmm
See in my experience if you want it (it being weight loss) bad enough it doesn't matter if you have 1...you don't go get another...end of discussion.
It's not like it's crack and you go into withdrawal without it I mean...come on....
I would agree. It's ultimately a matter of which you want more, the second serving, or to lose weight. You make the choice yourself.0 -
I think I,m figuring it out now, my reply was actually about the guy who was talking about not drinking beer. one leads to two blah, blah. For those of us who have addictive tendencies it is best to just not have the first one ( beer, sweet, chip or whatever). Remember all of us are not as strong willed as most of you. I have to be very careful because I can talk my self right into eating a whole bag of chips, or a whole large pizza just because its there. I hope this posted right this timebut, in my experience one leads to two , two leads to three and so on. Best to just not get started
really? hmmm
See in my experience if you want it (it being weight loss) bad enough it doesn't matter if you have 1...you don't go get another...end of discussion.
It's not like it's crack and you go into withdrawal without it I mean...come on....
I would agree. It's ultimately a matter of which you want more, the second serving, or to lose weight. You make the choice yourself.0 -
sorry I don't know how to do this yet0
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Part of changing your lifestyle is accepting personal responsibility.
You ever see someone practicing shooting a bow and arrow- i mean when they first learn?
There is always a teacher there standing on their right, watching them aim... breathe.... and just before they let loose... the instructor leans in and blows on their ear or makes a noise or startles them... and they miss their mark on their shot.
And this happens over and over and over until the apprentice can aim shoot and hit their target amid distraction.
Because you don't live in a controlled environment, whether at war or on a diet. There will be distractions always. You have to learn how to aim, shoot and hit your mark, no matter who is distracting you.
You have to hone your own skills so that you can still thrive and advance amid distractions.
Because if you concentrate on eliminating all the distractions or blaming all the distractions, instead of learning to work with them... then you'll never run out of enemies.
Stop fighting distraction. Spend that effort perfecting your focus and determination.
Thank you for this. Partly for the lesson, but mostly for the visual of Orlando Bloom as Legolas blowing in my ear while he teaches me to fire arrows :-D
IN
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I soo understand this!! You gotta stay focused and keep it moving. Set boundaries with these people. Appreciate them thinking about you for your birthday but stress that you would rather have non food gifts.0
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I definitely have a Saboteur in my life :smokin:0
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me too but his fabulous *kitten* must be shared among us all. :smokin:0
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No one can sabatoge you unless you let them! My extended family is really good at trying to do this to me. They all don't eat very well and they drink a lot of things with calories and they are always pushing things on me (just have one more _______, it is a special occasion!). The problem is, is that everytime I see them seems to be a special occasion and it isn't like I see them once a year!
The other thing they like to say is that I am already too skinny. I do realize that I have a good BMI but I am working on building muscle and looking better and shedding the fat that I gained during my pregnancy. At this point, I just ignore them and do what I want. I have tried arguing, explaining, and giving in (none of which worked - I would get tired and get nowhere or feel gross and mad at myself the next day). Just have willpower and remember what you are working toward! Have what you want, but don't be intimidated to do more than you planned to do! Make sure you feel good about your decisions the next day! 0 -
honestly, people often "sabotage" those around them, especially dieters. When someone fatter than you becomes skinnier than you, it can be overwhelming and make you feel bad about yourself. Then, whether consciously or not, you might start trying to ruin their diet. Whether by making fun of their diet, or by trying to tempt them with food, or other mind games. I know this has to have happened to people around here. People don't like change, and they can start to feel inferior when they see positive improvement in those around them.
Seriously, my mom lost weight a few months ago, to the point where she and I basically weighed the same, and I felt all these weird feelings. I was glad that she was getting healthier, but it made ME feel fat. I know it's not the most chivalrous thing to feel, but it's true. Luckily I didn't try to sabotage her or anything.0 -
It's still not their problem, it's the one trying to succeed that is responsible for coping.0
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honestly, people often "sabotage" those around them, especially dieters. When someone fatter than you becomes skinnier than you, it can be overwhelming and make you feel bad about yourself. Then, whether consciously or not, you might start trying to ruin their diet. Whether by making fun of their diet, or by trying to tempt them with food, or other mind games. I know this has to have happened to people around here. People don't like change, and they can start to feel inferior when they see positive improvement in those around them.
Seriously, my mom lost weight a few months ago, to the point where she and I basically weighed the same, and I felt all these weird feelings. I was glad that she was getting healthier, but it made ME feel fat. I know it's not the most chivalrous thing to feel, but it's true. Luckily I didn't try to sabotage her or anything.
really? wow...
I can honestly say I have never felt that way, if someone is making changes in their life it motivates me to follow suit.
And the changes I made have caused others to follow suit...
I can't imagie being around people would feel that way about me and my body and the changes I am making...0 -
I don't have any saboteurs, because the world doesn't revolve around my weight loss.0
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My beloved is both my biggest supporter and biggest saboteur! He is totally on board with getting healthy and losing weight and eating and liking (at least not complaining) all the healthy things I fill the fridge with. He is also totally on board if I say I "let's eat an entire pizza, Italian hoagie, and a 12 pack!0
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You are your biggest saboteur.
No one is going to force you to eat junk even if they offer it to you. You make the choice to eat it or not to eat it. You make the choice not them. If you are trying to eat healthy, and you choose to eat a brownie for whatever reason, the person offering you the brownie is not at fault. You are.
There is an M&M dispenser on my co-workers desk.. that is always full. He has a drawer FULL of twizzlers and chocolate and other goodies.. he's always bringing in cookies and brownies and pastries for the break room. I don't blame him if I eat one (or twenty *sigh*). I blame me.
Even if someone is intentionally giving you goodies.. you have the choice to decline them, throw them out, give them to someone else or eat them. In the end it's your choices that dictate what you eat.
PS my family also says i'm too skinny . (HA!) and my son is terrified that i'm not eating enough so he's always asking about what i ate and trying to get me to eat just one more thing.. It's all out of love and concern in my case.. but my choice is to not give in and to keep doing what I am doing, because I am eating enough, I am eating right and I am going to achieve my goal.0
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